the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad
occasionally subtle
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tumblr dot com
Jules of Nature
NASA

sheepfilms
styofa doing anything
Stranger Things

⁂

ellievsbear
DEAR READER
$LAYYYTER

hello vonnie

@theartofmadeline

shark vs the universe
Cosimo Galluzzi
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@pandaskywalker
the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

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maybe the single funniest twitter comment I've ever seen
the thing I love most about how tumblr users use tags is that it’s like what if a social media website had a footnotes system
I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with
But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy
Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy
I just started playing Disco elysium, what is wrong with them?
(kim is so cool i love him)

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a 6th grader tried to ragebait me the other day and i didn't even realize because i was in awe of this perfect 31 on my potato and she kept getting pissed at me and calling me a 'number lover' and i was like 'i sure am :)!'
forgot to say that im a teacher. a random 6th grader didnt spawn into my lunch break to mock me, though that is really really funny to think about
ive been rewatching ouran
Me when my asshole itches and I’m on the moon

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Every morning, the queen asked her magic mirror to show her the most beautiful person in the world.
The mirror replied "To whom?"
"The miller who made the flour for my bread," the queen would say, or "Whoever spun the thread my shawl was made of".
The mirror would show her, and she'd be amazed.
The first time, she says "To me," and the mirror dutifully shows her her reflection. And she is pleased.
The second time, she says "To the King," and she is pleased to see herself once more.
The third time, she says "To the Royal Advisor," and is once more satisfied to see herself.
The fourth time, she says "To the scribe who takes the King's letters." She is shown the man's wife. And she seethes, but quiets herself, for it is only right that a man loves his wife.
The fifth time, she says "To the Court Wizard," and is shown the man's departed mother as he remembers her from his youth, radiant and smiling and warm and larger than life.
The tenth time, she says "To the Stable Master," and is shown the fastest horse in the stable, majestic and free as the wind even in captivity
"To the baker," she is shown the man's daughter, young and adorable and full of joy and laughter.
"To the artist who did my portrait," she is shown a painting of a woman done by the man's teacher, who he still looks up to now that he is well established himself.
"To the Royal Knight," she is surprised but not displeased to see the castle's entire guard force in the middle of doing drills.
The one hundredth time she asks the mirror, and it asks her "to whom?" she once again says, "To me." And she does the same the one hundred and second, and again and again and again.
It is a different person each time, and they are all beautiful.
if u think abt it i guess bald ppl are the most aerodynamic. i bet if u shot a bald person out of a cannon they wld fly way further than a haired person
which of course is a huge advantage in day to day life
It lives in the arcade and leaves sticky little footprints on the linoleum. Naming it Gumble
I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing
Connor Storrie | Aporro X Fresh to Death Collection | 2021

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the autism thing of having to learn to preface every question you ask with Holy Shit I'm Just Curious Please Dont Yell At Me because it turns out a lot of questions seem to Mean Something and people will get mad if you ask them
and usually its just asking Why