OreoFrappeWithBlueberry

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so i've been getting myself back into lord of the rings

They leave the Arkenstone unguarded in Thranduil’s tent for approximately five seconds and when they come back, Maglor is sitting on Thranduil’s fancy chair wiht his arms crossed.

Just… imagine the look on the face of Thranduil (a survivor of Doriath) when he walks into his tent and there’s a SON OF FEANOR sitting there with the Arkenstone in front of him. FUCKKKKK.

No one is certain how he got in there. The guards never saw him.

At this point, everyone in Middle Earth had assumed he was dead, because there hadn’t been ANY sign of him since the Sinking of Beleriand.

Gandalf doesn’t know what’s about to happen, but he knows it has the potential to provide great entertainment (or end in tragedy, but either way, he’s looking forward to it). He’s looking forward to telling Elrond and Galadriel, because he’s certain they will have highly emotional (and very different) reactions.

Bilbo doesn’t know why everyone fell silent when they walked into the tent, so he just politely bows to Maglor and introduces himself as “Bilbo Baggins, at your service.”

Maglor gives him a funny look - because he knows that offering your service to a Fëanorian is a really bad idea - but he decides the funny little creature looks too innocent to scold, so he smiles and bows his head. “Well met,” he says. “A star shines on the hour of our meeting.”

Thranduil internally screams at the word “star”

Then Maglor just starts shouting at Thranduil and Gandalf, calling them all fucking stupid. He asks Thranduil if he enjoyed the Kinslaying at Doriath, since he’s about to do the same fucking thing (‘It’s not the same!’ Thranduil argues. “Oh really?” Maglor asks, “You’re not about to go into an underground Kingdom to flush out the native inhabitants, ALL OVER A ROCK”)

Bard and Bilbo are looking at each other like ‘do you know him?’ ‘no, don’t you?’ (Bilbo is highly upset because he’s considered an elf that could be so rude or that there was any such thing as an elf with a ‘hobo aesthetic’)

Thranduil is, of course, offended to be compared to the Feanorians, so he shouts back that those are bold words for someone who came to claim the Silmaril for himself.

Maglor stands up - and he’s taller than all of them - and just picks up the Arkenstone in his bare hand.

Everyone goes silent. Thranduil is waiting for him to start burning. Bilbo is seeing their chance at using the Arkenstone to prevent battle slipping away. Gandalf knows what’s coming, and he’s having a BLAST.

#further highlights include: #just what the end of the hobbit needs: a son of feanor in full ‘why am i the only person in this room with a braincell’ mode #maglor going on this long nigh-incomprehensible rant about terrible dwarvish forging techniques #which ends in him shoving the arkenstone in thranduil’s face screaming DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TREELIGHT TO YOU #he then throws the arkenstone at gandalf’s head when the wizard starts chortling #it rapidly becoming clear that literally the only bit of background information he has about the upcoming rock war #is the dead dragon in the lake he saw on his way in #he refuses to explain how he knew shit was about to go down. seems to think it’s blindingly obvious #bilbo and bard doing some hurried comparative mythology trying to guess who the hell this is #(actually wait he’s the first fuck-you tier calaquende either of them has ever seen isn’t he? certainly the first they’ve seen this mad) #(oh that’s gotta be fun. turn your back and suddenly there’s an inexplicable glowing hellbeast you have to deal with now) #anyway bilbo - the shire is really isolated from… everywhere so he’s basically guessing random mythological beings/boogeymen #bard’s people have more contact with the world in general and the dwarves in particular so he’s able to come to an actual conclusion#he’s the nightsmith!!! … a figure who’s 50% eol 15% curufin 5% feanor and 30% assorted avari who ain’t in the silm #mags refuses to correct them. he’s a murderer not a history teacher #mags generally comes to the conclusion that bilbo is the most responsible person around #and thus ends up delegating a lot to him #bilbo: actually i was. ah. hoping to use the arkenstone to stop the war - #mags: :plonks it into his hands: #when the time comes to talk to the dwarves bilbo is sent to handle negotiations #(maglor’s presence provokes a frantic iglismek argument between the company’s three loremasters) #(the secrecy of which is somewhat undermined by the guy translating for bilbo) #*somehow* mags manages to finesse the situation into everybody fighting the goblins instead of each other #mostly through use of the patented maedhros method of looming ominously at people until they do what you say

Thoughts:

Maglor has a sixth sense for ‘bullshit wars over rocks’

“Does this look like tree light to you” is spoken in Westron, followed up by “Or are you blind and dumb” in perfectly accented Doriathin Sindarin. (The rest of the time, Maglor speaks with a distinct Fëanorian lisp, no matter what language he’s speaking, because it makes Thranduil’s face turn red)

Arkenþone

Bilbo thinks he might be whatever the Hobbit’s interpretation of Orome is, since he’s glowing and probably wearing (at the very least) a fur cloak. (Like, I’d believe he’s prissy enough to trade for normal pants and shirts, but he’s making his own cloak out of some warg he killed himself, thank you very much).

‘He’s a murderer, not a history teacher’ (except he’s literally in the middle of giving Thranduil a history lesson, because he’s also a hypocrite)

By saying he wants to use the Arkenstone to end the war, Bilbo has just been elevated into Maglor’s list of “Five Smartest People I’ve Ever Met” (in no particular order: Nerdanel, Finarfin, Bilbo, Elrond, Fëanor)

Someone finds Maglor actual clothing to wear to negotiations, but he keeps the dramatic cloak.

The guy translating for Bilbo is obvious Bofur, who gives zero shits about anything ever.

They agree to work together 1) because it sounds like a good idea when you put it like that, and 2) that terrifying glowing man who is either a god or a mass murderer depending on who you ask will possibly kill us if we don’t.

Maglor takes one look at Bilbo’s Mithril coat and recognizes that it was originally made for Celebrimbor. He keeps that knowledge to himself because Bilbo seems like the sort of honorable person who would feel obligated to return it to Maglor.

Someone shows Maglor the swords from Gondolin and Maglor takes the opportunity to tell everyone that “the King of Gondolin was my dumbest and most annoying cousin. His death will be forever remembered as completely unnecessary.”

One of the elves cracks a joke about Tauriel’s red hair making her a Fëanorian. She’s not, but Maglor adopts her anyway.

Legolaþ

The dwarves teach Maglor ‘far over misty mountains cold’ and he teaches them Quenya war songs that haven’t been heard in 8000 years.

Gandalf is having the time of his life.

Maglor appoints himself Bilbo’s bodyguard during the battle. Bilbo still gets knocked out almost immediately, because he’s Bilbo, and thats how he rolls. Maglor is utterly terrifying on the battlefield, and a good number of the goblins just decide the treasure isn’t worth it. Maglor doesn’t even have a weapon, he just Sings at anyone who gets too close to the Hobbit and laughs in the face of all the goblins.

Gandalf finesses Maglor’s affection for Bilbo (there’s a fifty percent chance Maglor is trying to add Bilbo to his collection of dubiously acquired children) into getting Maglor to travel back to the Shire with them.

The þhire

Beorn knows Maglor, which surprizes absolutely no one. Apparently he met him several centuries ago while trying to steal honey from one of his hives. As they’re leaving Beorn’s home, he gifts Maglor a jar of honey that Maglor eats with his fingers, much to Bilbo’s horror.

Bilbo doesn’t know why Gandalf told him not to mention Elrond, but he keeps his mouth shut anyway. He wants Maglor to hang around as long as possible, because Maglor tells great stories and is teaching him elvish (yes, Maglor teaches Bilbo to speak with a Fëanorian Lisp. Yes this amuses him greatly)

Maglor doesn’t realize he’s been tricked until they hear the elves singing ‘oh tra-la-la-lally’ and at that point he’s too offended by “what passes for good music these days” to care. Of course, its not until they’re standing in the courtyard that Elrond comes out, and Gandalf smiles and puts his hand on Maglor’s back (and grabs his shirt so he can’t run) and says “I believe you two know each other” with the biggest grin on his face.

Maglor of course, quickly argues that he kidnapped Elrond (while trying to subtly escape Gandalf’s grip), and he’s actually a terrible person, don’t you know? Bilbo, tell them I’m a terrible person.

Bilbo: Kidnap? Did you say kidnap???? Well, uh- his table manners are terrible, I can tell you that, and well, he stopped a war over a magic rock?

maglor starts th-ing on words he normally wouldn’t specifically to wig out thranduil

him and thranduil have a conversation that’s basically ‘as soon as this is over i will drag you into the depths of the woodland realm to answer for your many crimes’ ‘bold of you to assume you can build a prison that could hold me’

bard is the only person on any side who isn’t the slightest bit scared of maglor. his justification is that he’s already killed a dragon this week and the only thing mags has on smaug is being a smaller target

mags is vaguely offended by this

bilbo and maglor, before the battle:

bilbo: so i understand why you dislike thranduil… somewhat, but i’m not quite certain what you have against gandalf?

(flashback to maglor hissing at gandalf in a manner reminiscent of a cornered wolverine)

maglor: never trust a maia, master baggins. their loyalties always lie with their masters, no matter how else it might seem

maglor: and that’s assuming he is actually working for valinor. that’s exactly what the last one said

bilbo, who has never heard the word ‘maia’ before: … i see

bilbo and maglor, after the battle:

bilbo, waking up: ugggghhh how much did i -

bilbo: :sees the desiccated carcass of an orc, its hands clenched around its ears, its face frozen in a death mask of pure terror:

bilbo: :sees the sea of orcish corpses that surround him and it, some sliced open with viciously accurate cuts, some torn to pieces with deep rending gouges, some ripping their own faces apart or clawing out their own eyes in sheer desperation to make it stop makeitstop makeitstop:

bilbo: :sees maglor, covered in black blood, with the dwarvish sword he borrowed and an orcish sword he apparently stole slung over one shoulder, slowly dripping. there is nothing else alive in sight:

maglor: :turns to face bilbo, scars leaking ash, eyes alive with a fell light. he smiles, revealing skin caught between his teeth:

maglor, in a voice that sounds like sheer desolation: pleasant dreams?

mags is in a remarkably better mood after the battle. something about killing just puts a spring in his step

he also found time to heckle the eagles, because of course

he then gets dragged into the growing drunken debate between every dwarf loremaster, lorejourneydwarf, loreapprentice, and interested laydwarf about all the important historical questions his reappearance has provoked

there are about five dwarvish schools of thought with opinions about the fëanorians. all of them are hilariously wrong in completely different ways

he gets asked so, so many questions about life in hollin, or how the noldor forged their children, or the great empire of gabilgathol

They leave the Arkenstone unguarded in Thranduil’s tent for approximately five seconds and when they come back, Maglor is sitting on Thranduil’s fancy chair wiht his arms crossed.

Just… imagine the look on the face of Thranduil (a survivor of Doriath) when he walks into his tent and there’s a SON OF FEANOR sitting there with the Arkenstone in front of him. FUCKKKKK.

No one is certain how he got in there. The guards never saw him.

At this point, everyone in Middle Earth had assumed he was dead, because there hadn’t been ANY sign of him since the Sinking of Beleriand.

Gandalf doesn’t know what’s about to happen, but he knows it has the potential to provide great entertainment (or end in tragedy, but either way, he’s looking forward to it). He’s looking forward to telling Elrond and Galadriel, because he’s certain they will have highly emotional (and very different) reactions.

Bilbo doesn’t know why everyone fell silent when they walked into the tent, so he just politely bows to Maglor and introduces himself as “Bilbo Baggins, at your service.”

Maglor gives him a funny look - because he knows that offering your service to a Fëanorian is a really bad idea - but he decides the funny little creature looks too innocent to scold, so he smiles and bows his head. “Well met,” he says. “A star shines on the hour of our meeting.”

Thranduil internally screams at the word “star”

Then Maglor just starts shouting at Thranduil and Gandalf, calling them all fucking stupid. He asks Thranduil if he enjoyed the Kinslaying at Doriath, since he’s about to do the same fucking thing (‘It’s not the same!’ Thranduil argues. “Oh really?” Maglor asks, “You’re not about to go into an underground Kingdom to flush out the native inhabitants, ALL OVER A ROCK”)

Bard and Bilbo are looking at each other like ‘do you know him?’ ‘no, don’t you?’ (Bilbo is highly upset because he’s considered an elf that could be so rude or that there was any such thing as an elf with a ‘hobo aesthetic’)

Thranduil is, of course, offended to be compared to the Feanorians, so he shouts back that those are bold words for someone who came to claim the Silmaril for himself.

Maglor stands up - and he’s taller than all of them - and just picks up the Arkenstone in his bare hand.

Everyone goes silent. Thranduil is waiting for him to start burning. Bilbo is seeing their chance at using the Arkenstone to prevent battle slipping away. Gandalf knows what’s coming, and he’s having a BLAST.

#further highlights include: #just what the end of the hobbit needs: a son of feanor in full ‘why am i the only person in this room with a braincell’ mode #maglor going on this long nigh-incomprehensible rant about terrible dwarvish forging techniques #which ends in him shoving the arkenstone in thranduil’s face screaming DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TREELIGHT TO YOU #he then throws the arkenstone at gandalf’s head when the wizard starts chortling #it rapidly becoming clear that literally the only bit of background information he has about the upcoming rock war #is the dead dragon in the lake he saw on his way in #he refuses to explain how he knew shit was about to go down. seems to think it’s blindingly obvious #bilbo and bard doing some hurried comparative mythology trying to guess who the hell this is #(actually wait he’s the first fuck-you tier calaquende either of them has ever seen isn’t he? certainly the first they’ve seen this mad) #(oh that’s gotta be fun. turn your back and suddenly there’s an inexplicable glowing hellbeast you have to deal with now) #anyway bilbo - the shire is really isolated from… everywhere so he’s basically guessing random mythological beings/boogeymen #bard’s people have more contact with the world in general and the dwarves in particular so he’s able to come to an actual conclusion#he’s the nightsmith!!! … a figure who’s 50% eol 15% curufin 5% feanor and 30% assorted avari who ain’t in the silm #mags refuses to correct them. he’s a murderer not a history teacher #mags generally comes to the conclusion that bilbo is the most responsible person around #and thus ends up delegating a lot to him #bilbo: actually i was. ah. hoping to use the arkenstone to stop the war - #mags: :plonks it into his hands: #when the time comes to talk to the dwarves bilbo is sent to handle negotiations #(maglor’s presence provokes a frantic iglismek argument between the company’s three loremasters) #(the secrecy of which is somewhat undermined by the guy translating for bilbo) #*somehow* mags manages to finesse the situation into everybody fighting the goblins instead of each other #mostly through use of the patented maedhros method of looming ominously at people until they do what you say

Thoughts:

Maglor has a sixth sense for ‘bullshit wars over rocks’

“Does this look like tree light to you” is spoken in Westron, followed up by “Or are you blind and dumb” in perfectly accented Doriathin Sindarin. (The rest of the time, Maglor speaks with a distinct Fëanorian lisp, no matter what language he’s speaking, because it makes Thranduil’s face turn red)

Arkenþone

Bilbo thinks he might be whatever the Hobbit’s interpretation of Orome is, since he’s glowing and probably wearing (at the very least) a fur cloak. (Like, I’d believe he’s prissy enough to trade for normal pants and shirts, but he’s making his own cloak out of some warg he killed himself, thank you very much).

‘He’s a murderer, not a history teacher’ (except he’s literally in the middle of giving Thranduil a history lesson, because he’s also a hypocrite)

By saying he wants to use the Arkenstone to end the war, Bilbo has just been elevated into Maglor’s list of “Five Smartest People I’ve Ever Met” (in no particular order: Nerdanel, Finarfin, Bilbo, Elrond, Fëanor)

Someone finds Maglor actual clothing to wear to negotiations, but he keeps the dramatic cloak.

The guy translating for Bilbo is obvious Bofur, who gives zero shits about anything ever.

They agree to work together 1) because it sounds like a good idea when you put it like that, and 2) that terrifying glowing man who is either a god or a mass murderer depending on who you ask will possibly kill us if we don’t.

Maglor takes one look at Bilbo’s Mithril coat and recognizes that it was originally made for Celebrimbor. He keeps that knowledge to himself because Bilbo seems like the sort of honorable person who would feel obligated to return it to Maglor.

Someone shows Maglor the swords from Gondolin and Maglor takes the opportunity to tell everyone that “the King of Gondolin was my dumbest and most annoying cousin. His death will be forever remembered as completely unnecessary.”

One of the elves cracks a joke about Tauriel’s red hair making her a Fëanorian. She’s not, but Maglor adopts her anyway.

Legolaþ

The dwarves teach Maglor ‘far over misty mountains cold’ and he teaches them Quenya war songs that haven’t been heard in 8000 years.

Gandalf is having the time of his life.

Maglor appoints himself Bilbo’s bodyguard during the battle. Bilbo still gets knocked out almost immediately, because he’s Bilbo, and thats how he rolls. Maglor is utterly terrifying on the battlefield, and a good number of the goblins just decide the treasure isn’t worth it. Maglor doesn’t even have a weapon, he just Sings at anyone who gets too close to the Hobbit and laughs in the face of all the goblins.

Gandalf finesses Maglor’s affection for Bilbo (there’s a fifty percent chance Maglor is trying to add Bilbo to his collection of dubiously acquired children) into getting Maglor to travel back to the Shire with them.

The þhire

Beorn knows Maglor, which surprizes absolutely no one. Apparently he met him several centuries ago while trying to steal honey from one of his hives. As they’re leaving Beorn’s home, he gifts Maglor a jar of honey that Maglor eats with his fingers, much to Bilbo’s horror.

Bilbo doesn’t know why Gandalf told him not to mention Elrond, but he keeps his mouth shut anyway. He wants Maglor to hang around as long as possible, because Maglor tells great stories and is teaching him elvish (yes, Maglor teaches Bilbo to speak with a Fëanorian Lisp. Yes this amuses him greatly)

Maglor doesn’t realize he’s been tricked until they hear the elves singing ‘oh tra-la-la-lally’ and at that point he’s too offended by “what passes for good music these days” to care. Of course, its not until they’re standing in the courtyard that Elrond comes out, and Gandalf smiles and puts his hand on Maglor’s back (and grabs his shirt so he can’t run) and says “I believe you two know each other” with the biggest grin on his face.

Maglor of course, quickly argues that he kidnapped Elrond (while trying to subtly escape Gandalf’s grip), and he’s actually a terrible person, don’t you know? Bilbo, tell them I’m a terrible person.

Bilbo: Kidnap? Did you say kidnap???? Well, uh- his table manners are terrible, I can tell you that, and well, he stopped a war over a magic rock?

One thing leads to another, and without knowing why, Bilbo decides to show Maglor the magic ring he found in Gollum's cave.

Guillermo Del Toro on AI "art"

I bet those post-canon heavenly meetings are.... interesting.

woodcruor [manga panel redraw]