@feanorianethicsdepartment please know that your tags have SENT ME
#further highlights include: #just what the end of the hobbit needs: a son of feanor in full âwhy am i the only person in this room with a braincellâ mode #maglor going on this long nigh-incomprehensible rant about terrible dwarvish forging techniques #which ends in him shoving the arkenstone in thranduilâs face screaming DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TREELIGHT TO YOU #he then throws the arkenstone at gandalfâs head when the wizard starts chortling #it rapidly becoming clear that literally the only bit of background information he has about the upcoming rock war #is the dead dragon in the lake he saw on his way in #he refuses to explain how he knew shit was about to go down. seems to think itâs blindingly obvious #bilbo and bard doing some hurried comparative mythology trying to guess who the hell this is #(actually wait heâs the first fuck-you tier calaquende either of them has ever seen isnât he? certainly the first theyâve seen this mad) #(oh thatâs gotta be fun. turn your back and suddenly thereâs an inexplicable glowing hellbeast you have to deal with now) #anyway bilbo - the shire is really isolated from⌠everywhere so heâs basically guessing random mythological beings/boogeymen #bardâs people have more contact with the world in general and the dwarves in particular so heâs able to come to an actual conclusion#heâs the nightsmith!!! ⌠a figure whoâs 50% eol 15% curufin 5% feanor and 30% assorted avari who ainât in the silm #mags refuses to correct them. heâs a murderer not a history teacher #mags generally comes to the conclusion that bilbo is the most responsible person around #and thus ends up delegating a lot to him #bilbo: actually i was. ah. hoping to use the arkenstone to stop the war - #mags: :plonks it into his hands: #when the time comes to talk to the dwarves bilbo is sent to handle negotiations #(maglorâs presence provokes a frantic iglismek argument between the companyâs three loremasters) #(the secrecy of which is somewhat undermined by the guy translating for bilbo) #*somehow* mags manages to finesse the situation into everybody fighting the goblins instead of each other #mostly through use of the patented maedhros method of looming ominously at people until they do what you say
Maglor has a sixth sense for âbullshit wars over rocksâ
âDoes this look like tree light to youâ is spoken in Westron, followed up by âOr are you blind and dumbâ in perfectly accented Doriathin Sindarin. (The rest of the time, Maglor speaks with a distinct FĂŤanorian lisp, no matter what language heâs speaking, because it makes Thranduilâs face turn red)
Bilbo thinks he might be whatever the Hobbitâs interpretation of Orome is, since heâs glowing and probably wearing (at the very least) a fur cloak. (Like, Iâd believe heâs prissy enough to trade for normal pants and shirts, but heâs making his own cloak out of some warg he killed himself, thank you very much).
âHeâs a murderer, not a history teacherâ (except heâs literally in the middle of giving Thranduil a history lesson, because heâs also a hypocrite)
By saying he wants to use the Arkenstone to end the war, Bilbo has just been elevated into Maglorâs list of âFive Smartest People Iâve Ever Metâ (in no particular order: Nerdanel, Finarfin, Bilbo, Elrond, FĂŤanor)
Someone finds Maglor actual clothing to wear to negotiations, but he keeps the dramatic cloak.
The guy translating for Bilbo is obvious Bofur, who gives zero shits about anything ever.
They agree to work together 1) because it sounds like a good idea when you put it like that, and 2) that terrifying glowing man who is either a god or a mass murderer depending on who you ask will possibly kill us if we donât.
Maglor takes one look at Bilboâs Mithril coat and recognizes that it was originally made for Celebrimbor. He keeps that knowledge to himself because Bilbo seems like the sort of honorable person who would feel obligated to return it to Maglor.
Someone shows Maglor the swords from Gondolin and Maglor takes the opportunity to tell everyone that âthe King of Gondolin was my dumbest and most annoying cousin. His death will be forever remembered as completely unnecessary.â
One of the elves cracks a joke about Taurielâs red hair making her a FĂŤanorian. Sheâs not, but Maglor adopts her anyway.
The dwarves teach Maglor âfar over misty mountains coldâ and he teaches them Quenya war songs that havenât been heard in 8000 years.
Gandalf is having the time of his life.
Maglor appoints himself Bilboâs bodyguard during the battle. Bilbo still gets knocked out almost immediately, because heâs Bilbo, and thats how he rolls. Maglor is utterly terrifying on the battlefield, and a good number of the goblins just decide the treasure isnât worth it. Maglor doesnât even have a weapon, he just Sings at anyone who gets too close to the Hobbit and laughs in the face of all the goblins.
Gandalf finesses Maglorâs affection for Bilbo (thereâs a fifty percent chance Maglor is trying to add Bilbo to his collection of dubiously acquired children) into getting Maglor to travel back to the Shire with them.
Beorn knows Maglor, which surprizes absolutely no one. Apparently he met him several centuries ago while trying to steal honey from one of his hives. As theyâre leaving Beornâs home, he gifts Maglor a jar of honey that Maglor eats with his fingers, much to Bilboâs horror.
Bilbo doesnât know why Gandalf told him not to mention Elrond, but he keeps his mouth shut anyway. He wants Maglor to hang around as long as possible, because Maglor tells great stories and is teaching him elvish (yes, Maglor teaches Bilbo to speak with a FĂŤanorian Lisp. Yes this amuses him greatly)
Maglor doesnât realize heâs been tricked until they hear the elves singing âoh tra-la-la-lallyâ and at that point heâs too offended by âwhat passes for good music these daysâ to care. Of course, its not until theyâre standing in the courtyard that Elrond comes out, and Gandalf smiles and puts his hand on Maglorâs back (and grabs his shirt so he canât run) and says âI believe you two know each otherâ with the biggest grin on his face.
Maglor of course, quickly argues that he kidnapped Elrond (while trying to subtly escape Gandalfâs grip), and heâs actually a terrible person, donât you know? Bilbo, tell them Iâm a terrible person.
Bilbo: Kidnap? Did you say kidnap???? Well, uh- his table manners are terrible, I can tell you that, and well, he stopped a war over a magic rock?
Elrond canât decide if âMaglor was involved in ANOTHER rock war, although he was trying to prevent itâ is a good thing or a bad thing, so he just opts to hug him instead.