This is a mess

pov: you fell out of a nautiloid

Ah, Highharvestide. What a marvellous time of the year, particularly for those of us who take great pleasure in the preparations required for one of the greatest feasts of the year. When the last of the rippling fields of golden wheat has been harvested, when the last fat pumpkins have been plucked from the vine, when the store houses are fit to overflowing with grains and all manner of fruits and vegetables for pickling and curing in order to last through the long winter...

Picture it now — a roaring fire in the hearth. The smell of innumerable pastries, glazed cherry pie or turkey mince pasties, the perfect size to eat one-handed as you stroll through the market. Pickle eating contests, as the first of last year's stocks are pulled out of the back of the larder, deliciously sweet and sour. If the cold has found us early, we might partake of delicious shipments of snow crabs, shipped in from Luskan, swarming up from the depths of the sea with the early frosts in time for us to enjoy a crab boil with fresh potatoes and corn.

The end of autumn is generally not the time when one considers the humble bell pepper, otherwise known as the capsicum in other parts of the world. With its vibrant, jewel-like colours, the bell pepper is the quintessential summer vegetable, and is delicious eaten crisp and raw on a plate of fresh crudités. It is rare indeed to find it still available in the market so late in the season, and generally comes at great expense, having been grown in some elaborate hot-house or with the aid of druidic-type magics, neither of which come cheap.

But it is entirely thanks to the humble bell pepper that I have the privilege of writing for you today, because my great-grandparents — one Galatea Aganassi, whom you have already had the pleasure of acquaintance through my previous recipes, and Leonidas Dekarios — first met over a bag of bell peppers. Specifically, a very waterlogged, soggy bag of bell peppers, because Leo had very recently been plucked from drowning in Deepwater Harbour in Waterdeep.

Join Gale Dekarios on his new food blog, as he attempts to to feed his ravenous companions with limited produce, unreliable cookware, and a dollop of cheer, intermingled with his own memoirs from his earlier life. A weekly food blog for those who appreciate a little bit of magic on their plate!

Gale, you darling little nerd, you 💕

Childbirth. It fucks up your hips SO FUCKING BAD. The connective tissue of your pelvis literally dissolves in order to allow you to widen your hips to push a small human out and even if it heals properly you're still going to have a lot of 'wear and tear' on the pubis, and striations on your ischial spine. Horror stuff.

Anyway. Our prof said that in those days there were so few women who DIDN'T give birth at some point in their lives that those marks on the pelvis are pretty much the first thing archaeologists look for. Ofc, there's also looking for skull shape, but that's a much less certain method. Even our prof with like a 40 year long and very illustrious career said in about 5% of individuals there is almost no way to tell with any certainty, if their skull is the only thing you have. Pelvis is the one surefire way to tell if it was an AFAB person capable of carrying a child to term.

So if you're MtF or FtM individual who never had a baby, and all that's left of you are bones with no grave goods, there is absolutely a team of archaeologists who will spend three days arguing over your gender.

They can tell how much calcium you got, if you were vegetarian, if you grew up on a mountain or in a valley, if you were a farmer or a noble, sometimes even how many older siblungs you had, just about every disease ever, how often you fucked (specific wear and tear on the head of the femour) very easily with a bit of practice. But sex? You need to consult the oracle in at least a quarter of the cases.

DOG

dog dog dog

dog dog dog

I'm so grateful to all fans who:

do meta analysis and write informative essays to deepen my own understanding of GO

do research and dig up information about Good Omens things (like about the writers of the finale...)

draw, paint, and create fanart to delight my eyes

write and weave words together into fabulous fanfics of all sorts, including human au and s3 fix its! - I've read millions of your works by now and I want more!

read our fanfics and comment and leave kudos

comment and interact here and on other platforms and watch out for one another and take the time to send a hug and check in - I've needed that more than ever this past week.

I've decided to make a list of my favourite s3 fix it fics I've read from my favourite writers. Here are the first ones:

Glory In Tribulations by midnightdragons (who basically came out of GO writing retirement to give us this beautiful alternate ending!) https://archiveofourown.org/works/84930456

A Book of ... Whatever They Liked Best by elf_on_the_shelf https://archiveofourown.org/works/85035041

Again by HKBlack https://archiveofourown.org/works/84962906

Love Without End by HolRose https://archiveofourown.org/works/84869036

The End of the Story by @copperplatebeech https://archiveofourown.org/works/84915756

♥️ as long as we have brilliant, caring fans we will be ok, even through the hard times ♥️ Sending you all so much love!