Star Wars, twi'lek supremacy, BG3, drow supremacy, TTRPGs, Spider-Woman fangirl and secret Sith || Queer Asexual || White Australian on Noongar land || she/they || Old enough to know better
Hello hello! I thought the current pinned post needed freshening up, so here we are. You may call me Defira, I'm a vaguely multi-fandom blog with a strong fixation on BG3 - I've been here since September 2023 and have no plans to leave any time soon
I fancy myself an artist and a writer, with my creative works found on tumblr under the tags #Defira draws and #Defira writes respectively
I have a deep love for crafting multi-OC canons for every fandom I join, so don't be surprised to see me blabbing about multiple names at once - if you can't keep up with who I'm talking about, please feel free to ask!
You can find all of my writing on AO3 and I'm also moderately active on Bluesky. I also have a Dreamwidth as a backup in case of catastrophic platform collapse. I won't post links to every single piece of writing on AO3 because I currently have 120 works uploaded with a total word count of 2.8 million, but I have written for Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Wars: The Old Republic, Baldur's Gate 3, Avengers (Comics), Stardew Valley, and a host of other fandoms where I've written one shots and short fics. I also blog a lot about Elder Scrolls Online, Critical Role, D20, and Rogue Trader, amongst others not already mentioned
I'm also the creator and head mod for @swordcoastsapphics
I have a Durgetash sideblog at @defirasvault and a currently not so active inspo side blog for my Dragon Age girls at @arcanistderangement
BG3 Main Canon
Keep Telling Me To Breathe - Durgetash, E, 213K. The tale of the rise and fall of Kassara Bhaal and Enver Gortash, inexplicably entwined and horrifically doomed. Two people, ostensibly villains, drawn together across the years and despite the forces aligned against them. They'll fight gods and their own sense of self preservation for each other, but will that be enough?
Read if you like tragedy with a happy ending, Durgetash drama, gods struggling with mortality, mortals struggling with gods, and a fat female Dark Urge who is canonically the hottest bitch in the Gate
A Heart As Cold As Ice - GalexTav, E, 238K (unfinished). The tale of the ruin of Gale Dekarios, and Ryme'dra Ulutar, a woman terrified of hope. Rhyme was once nothing more than a common labourer, content to live a small life before fate and gods intervened. Gale was once a wizard of cataclysmic potential, determined to live a life extraordinary before his pride sent him plummeting. She's tired of people dying for the crime of knowing her, and Gale wants nothing more than to know her
Read if you like... tragedy with a happy ending! Oodles of drow world-building, drow religion, drow politics, drow gender politics, and a messy, complicated drow woman with a literal heart of ice
BG3 OC Cast
Kassara Bhaal - The Dark Urge, the daughter of Bhaal, made from the gore of her dead siblings in the Blood Forge by Sarevok. Fat, albino, and sexy as hell, she's really good at getting people to drop their guard because all they see is such a pretty face. Twin sister to Heronus
Ryme'dra Ulutar - drow warlock, currently ensnared by Mephistopheles. Her past is long and complicated, and she served Lolth unwillingly as her Zedriniset (Lesser Chosen) for over a century before Mephistopheles trapped her and turned her body to ice.
Carmela Tavares - half-elf paladin of Torm, a voice for Justice and Truth and Honour above all else. She's a good six and a half foot tall and built like a brick shithouse. She hates all Banites on sight. She's determined to be the hero the world deserves. She accidentally fell in love with a vampire. Oops.
Heronus Bhaal - son of Bhaal, twin brother to Kassara. The emergency backup, in case the planned ritual to resurrect Bhaal using Kassara failed in anyway. Always the extra seat at the table, always forgotten, always left behind. Mute by choice, he communicates almost exclusively by sign language. Unlike his sister, he finds their amnesia to be a fresh start, and an opportunity to make himself into a better man
Violet Brightiron - a golden dwarf, a noble girl, Violet's family are one of the richest families in all of The Vast. She joined the Church of Torm out of a desire to do good in the world, but the horrors faced by the True Blade paladins might be a bit much for her gentle soul
Zhier - a githzerai monk, Zhier and their master were lying in wait to rendezvous with Kithrak Voss as part of the gith underground network of rebels, striving tirelessly to reunite their peoples and overthrow Vlaakith's tyranny. Zhier was instead captured by the nautiloid when the meeting site was ambushed and has to keep their cool around the world's most patriotic githyanki, one Lae'zel
Araja Thruum - a non-Tav OC, Araja is bard born to an orcish mother and a fire genasi father. Her mother is the Jewel of Volothamp, the high priestess of Sune in the city of Volothamp, Calimshan, and her beauty is renowned throughout the lands. Araja was intended for the priesthood as well, but instead took to the road as a bard, finding herself in Elturel only a few weeks prior to the events of Chains of Avernus. She then spent the next several months in Avernus with the rest of the civilians, and when Elturel returned to the Material Plane, she chose to journey with the tieflings who had been cast out of the city
Pendraca Halo - a non-Tav OC, Pendraca is a chaotic neutral bordering on opportunistic evil wizard, Penny is an ex-classmate of Gale's from when they were younger, and finds him truly insufferable. She is an incantatrix, a planeswalker, a dabbler in all things on the borders of magic, and it is to Penny that the party turns after the events of the game when Kassara desires to try and save Orin's soul from eternal torment at Bhaal's hands
SWTOR Main Canon
Love and Light in the Time of Zakuul - Multi, E, 864k words, 5 works
What if Prince Thexan hadn’t died trying to save his brother from self-destructing? What if Valkorion’s plans were meticulous and unending, layered one upon the other and tangled together and impossible to preempt? What if you had the chance to see the slow, crushing march of Zakuul across the galaxy, the alliances forged in their wake and the secrets dragged to light in the aftermath?
What if a conflict that began centuries ago was about to come to a head, and the descendants of Revan and Vitiate gathered to put an end to the greatest threat the galaxy has ever faced?
Book One features the evolving story of Jedi Battlemaster Ona'la, the greatest paradox in the Order- a woman acclaimed as their greatest warrior, who above all else sought to set aside her blade and hope for peace
Book Two features the rise of Zakuul, and the establishment of the underground rebellion that would become known as the Eternal Alliance
Book Three features the complicated story of Doctor Kol'aya Torr, a woman as intelligent as she is guarded, who hides a dark past as she finds herself drawn into the machinations of the Alliance and Zakuul
SWTOR OC Cast
This is not a comprehensive list of all OCs as I genuinely have over 50 active toons in game
Ona'la - a twi'lek Jedi master who survived childhood slavery and went on to become the Jedi Battlemaster, perfecting a number of defensive lightsaber forms and becoming renowned for her insistence on diplomacy before sabers at all costs. Married to Prince Thexan of Zakuul
Tahrin Dara - a genetically engineered sith warrior who was raised in a secretive facility by the Emperor's Hands until she was of an age suitable to attend the Sith Academy. Crafted from the DNA of Darth Revan and Emperor Vitiate, Tahrin is one of potentially dozens of cloned siblings, and upon learning of her heritage, chose to break away from the Empire and forge the Alliance to defeat Zakuul. She has children with Lieutenant Gabriel Pierce but they are not married
Vivaane Dara - Darth Revan. After the events of KOTOR1 and KOTOR2, she was indeed captured by the Emperor after Lord Scourge's betrayal and was eventually murdered after months of torture and experimentation. Her genetic material was preserved, and used to try and clone powerful, brainwashed warriors who possessed her level of Force ability while remaining completely loyal to Vitiate. She manifests as a Force Ghost during the events of SWTOR
Kallathe Jenzuska - the Sith Inquisitor and Darth Nox, pureblood sith. One of three sith apprentices who swore an oath to protect one another in the Academy (along with Bejah Amariha, Darth Occlus, and Kaltix Kallig, Darth Imperius) and ascended together. Kallathe is the Outlander, frozen in carbonite for five years on Zakuul, where Valkorion reveals that she is descended from the family line of his original body Tenebrae through her mother.
Kol'aya Torr - a non-Origin twi'lek OC, Kol technically plays as a Bounty Hunter back when the class structure meant she was specc'd as a medic. A survivor of child sex trafficking, an accomplished doctor and scholar, Kol'aya is singled out by Zakuul for her expertise in cybernetics, trying to abduct her to be Arcann's personal doctor. She is later recruited by the Alliance to help save his life and despite her best efforts, falls in love with him
Aranth'ess'anrokini - a Chiss scientist turned Imperial plant, Thessa joined Imperial Intelligence at the urging of the Ascendancy in order to assist with sharing biological warfare research but was quickly coopted into formal agent training by the Empire. A reluctant spy to begin with, Thessa is thoroughly traumatised by the events of the Agent storyline and despite her ongoing attempts to escape from her duties, slowly is promoted from Agent to Watcher One all the way to Minister for Intelligence
Ysaine Pierce - a happy-go-lucky bounty hunter and trans woman, Ysaine has a no-kill policy for her work and strives above all else to work with folks who need help saving kidnapped family or to go up against slavers and traffickers, even if the pay is non-existent. Her pacifist leanings are often tempted by the love of her life, Ysaine Pierce, the Mandalore
Ellaz Hervoz - former military lawyer before entering the service, Ellaz makes her way to being the leader of Havoc Squad, promoted numerous times in the field before the war with Zakuul. She is held prisoner by Zakuul for several months and the injuries from her torture force her to retire. She promptly resumes her legal career by becoming the Senate Representative for Corellia, and sets her eyes on becoming the Chancellor of the Republic
Asmi Adhi - the Barsenthor. A togruta jedi sage, Asmi and her twin brother were travelling with their master as young padawans during the war, and a freak accident left them stranded on a hostile jungle world after their shuttle was destroyed and their master killed. The months before they were rescued deeply scarred the twins, and Asmi is a quiet, reserved young woman with ongoing chronic health problems that are catastrophically elevated after taking on the weight of Barsenthor's duties. She is formally the Jedi attache to the Senate due to her health problems leaving her unfit for field duties
Kylaena Dawnstar - the Hero of the Rift Alliance. An up and coming darling of the Jedi world, Kylaena was broadly assumed to be the best candidate for Battlemaster before it was surprisingly given to Ona'la instead. Kylaena took over the Consular storyline canon from Act 2 and 3 after Asmi needed to step down. A child of war, Kylaena was born on war-torn Balmorra to a single mother and unknown father, and she still works to aid her mother's rebel network where she can
Other important OCs
Razieka al-Suturah - The Vestige from Elder Scrolls Online. Ex necromancer, secret Meridia project, married to Darien Gautier and Bastian Hallix. Currently trying to live a quiet life with her husbands and children while beating back every fucking Daedric Prince that comes knocking on her door
Elise Shepard - the N7 Commander, a soldier with zero bullshit tolerance. As a Hindu woman, she took very poorly to being resurrected against her will. She's married to Zaeed Massani and Steven Hackett
Yesmin Shepard - the OTHER N7 Commander, incredibly gay for Ashley Williams and incredibly allergic to asari mindmelding with hilarious results.
Elissa Cousland - the main Grey Warden of Origins, a fucking mess of a girl who makes enemies wherever she goes. Reverse engineered the process to give spirits their own physical body years ago with the aid of Rivaini seers and Avernus, ancient Grey Warden blood mage, as well as reverse engineering the process to remove the taint. Freed Justice from Anders and has been in a "don't label it" thing with Justice ever since
Josefina Hawke - prefers to go by Jo, she is a triple threat: asexual, aromantic and agender. Jo is Nevarran on Malcolm's side, and returned to Nevarra after the events of DA2 to hide with her paternal grandmother and the Veiled Brotherhood, the noble order her ancestors established centuries ago to study and defend the Veil and prevent catastrophe from being unleashed on Thedas
Corinne Trevelyan - a disinherited noble woman raised by gardeners on the Trevelyan estate, Corinne is a wild mage, that most dangerous of mages in Thedas. But more than that, she is something extraordinary - the heart of Thedas given human form, the last ditch effort by a planet suffering under the weight of the Blights and the Veil to defend itself.
Beren "Rook" Vestrius - Beren is an elven woman in her late 30s whose family is owned by the prominent Vestrius family in Minrathous. She works as the secretary and personal assistant of Lady Delilah Vestrius, the family head and Magister who heads the Imperial Chancery. Beren uses her connections to aid the Shadow Dragons in removing elven slaves from official records to aid in helping them escape from slavery. She resents that the Dragons are led so prominently by humans rather than elves or slaves.
Agila von Valancius - The Rogue Trader, the successful candidate from amongst four. Agila and her younger half-sister Sarita are from Reth, a pleasure world in the Calixis Sector, and are related to the de Caul ruling family through their father. The family's life was lived on the far side of the planet from the capital, and she grew up heavily sheltered and obscured from society in order to hide Sarita’s status as a Blank. Agila has a severe complex in believing her sister ruined her life, and thinks she finally has the respect and power she has deserved all along
Juana von Valancius - a priest, formerly of Maccabeus Quintus, Juana was the other forerunner for the position of Rogue Trader apart from Agila, and makes it her life’s mission to undermine her cousin at every opportunity. She swings between obsessively pious and wildly heretical from one breath to another. She refuses to wear gold, because the God Emperor’s sarcophagus is gold and that would be sacrilegious, but she dreams of being a saint and being worshipped. Oh, and she’s fucking Marazhai
Mariana von Valancius - formerly Lt. General Mariana Scipio-Grimald, Mariana previously served in the Maccabian Janissaries and was a devout and holy warrior who was privately incredibly disappointed to be reassigned to the Rogue Trader’s retinue, instead of continuing in her holy mission against the enemies of humanity. That lasted all of five minutes, until she met Yrliet, and underwent a soul-shattering crisis of faith when she fell instantly in love with the xenos
Sarita von Valancius - the younger sister of the Rogue Trader, Sarita was the result of an affair by their mother with a Vessorine Janissary who passed on the mutation of the pariah-gene resulting in Sarita being born a Blank, or Psychic Null. The scandal ruined their family, and Agila’s father had their mother killed, and records were forged to say the babe had died in childbirth. When Theodora learned of a potential Blank in the family line that she could command and exploit against Calcazar, she summoned both sisters to her side
If you read through all of that, you have no idea how much I love you
Anything gifted to me is usually tagged as #art for me but I wasn't fastidious about tagging in the early years, I've been trying to go back to correct this
Email and discord are available on request!
And thank you to @cafekitsune for the graphic headers
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Cutest lovebirds for @/HimboT1ts on twitter Anora and Gale! I loved working on them sm, i think yall should commission me couple art way more, i adore it
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I hate how susceptible I can still be to advertising, because 99% of the time I'll shout obscenities at the TV if I can't skip through them but then just now I saw some travel company ad with a family of four and the mother was immensely fat. Not hollywood fat, not fashion line XXL, literally she looked like she would have been 150kg easily and I've NEVER seen a fat person in an ad before that wasn't a "hey fatty you should try this injection/program/diet" and even THOSE people aren't ever fat!! Even in the fatty ads, people aren't fat! And this was a happy family at an airport with two kids and the mum was fat! And I hate that it made me stop and go "huh I should look up this company" BUT LITERALLY!!! I've NEVER seen a fat person in an ad before!
There is a very specific kind of sadness in realizing your parents loved you, and still did not always know how to meet your emotional needs.
Because it is confusing. It would almost feel easier if there was no love there at all. But sometimes there was love. In the way they tried to protect you. In the sacrifices they made. In the ways they worried about you, cared for you, wanted a good life for you.
And at the same time, there were still things missing.
Maybe comfort did not come in the way you needed it to. Maybe your feelings were not always understood, or noticed, or handled gently. Maybe you learned to keep certain parts of yourself quiet because it felt easier than trying to explain them.
That kind of hurt is difficult because it does not always come from cruelty. Sometimes it comes from people who loved you deeply, but did not know how to emotionally connect in the ways you needed. People carrying their own wounds, limitations, fears, or ways of surviving.
And you are allowed to acknowledge both truths at once.
You are allowed to recognize their love and still grieve what you needed but did not receive. Those things do not cancel each other out.
Forgiveness, for a lot of people, is not pretending nothing hurt you. It is slowly accepting that someone can love you and still fall short of understanding you completely.
That does not make your pain dramatic. It does not make them monsters either. Sometimes it just means everyone was trying with the emotional tools they had, and some of those tools were not enough.
And I think many people quietly carry guilt for still feeling hurt by parents they know tried their best. But being loved imperfectly can still leave wounds. It makes sense that it affected you.
At the same time, you do not have to stay trapped only in anger forever either. Sometimes healing looks like understanding that your parents were human before they were parents. People shaped by their own experiences, their own upbringing, their own emotional gaps.
That understanding does not erase your feelings. It just softens the sharp edges around them a little.
You deserved emotional safety. You deserved gentleness. You deserved to feel understood, comforted, and emotionally close to the people raising you.
And if they could not fully give that to you, it is okay to mourn it.
But I hope you also know this: the love you needed is still something you can experience in your life. Through other people. Through chosen family. Through the way you learn to treat yourself now.
The story does not end at what you did or did not receive growing up.
I've been tagged a couple of times by @defira85 recently, but haven't had a chance to really sit down and write something new until today. Or more specifically, I have had the chance but haven't felt the motivation. But finally that has changed, and I have something to share:
The vision this time was both similar and yet vastly different from when he had first met the rest of the group. It had the same frantic, broken-up feeling of multiple half-remembered dreams vying for attention, yet now it was more akin to a nightmare -- blood and gore, flesh ripped and flayed and charred, sharp edges and blunt strikes and teeth and nails, fingers tight around throats, watching the light go out of dozens, no hundreds of pairs of eyes staring up at him in shock, fear, confusion, pleading, crying, desperate--why--stop--no. And all through it, an ever-present urge to do more, to do worse, the utter certainty that there was no purpose to life except to be snuffed out...
He couldn't have said for sure when the visions ended, except that at some point he became aware that he was lying on his back, his head aching. There was some sort of a distant buzzing, and a heavy weight on his chest. Over the course of a moment or two, that buzzing slowly clarified into a familiar voice.
"... Dekarios. Mister Dekarios, speak to me. You have to wake up."
It was Tara, making biscuits on his chest -- though it was more like she was trotting up and down with her front paws, striking him with more force than he would have thought possible.
"I'm... awake, I think," he groaned out. He sat up, and saw Vigil laying on his side, clutching his chest.
Abruptly, Vigil stiffened, as though startling awake, and he looked wildly around. His eyes found Gale's, and... was that relief that Gale saw in his expression?
"You... you carry that around with you?" Vigil asked slowly, not moving.
Things are going to progress a lot more quickly for Gale and Vigil than they do in-game as a result of both their biggest secrets being revealed to each other by a couple of space tadpoles throwing tantrums about the housing they were assigned.
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did you know that when a character has a Trauma and you choose to think about it you may inadvertently think also about your own similar Trauma. this can really happen