3 Raccoons In A Trenchcoat Pretending To Be A Cat

Jason, sympathetic: it’s tough, isn’t it? to go back to Bruce after Dick almost adopts you. i get it, kid. i do.

Damian: …are you saying you’ve been through the same thing?

Jason: oh, yeah. i mean- i mean Bruce wasn’t presumed dead at the time, but Dick did try to adopt me a bunch back when i was Robin, so it’s almost the same.

Damian: i don’t understand. why was he trying to adopt you if Father was around?

Jason: …i dunno. i think i made him laugh once and he just made the decision to steal me after that. kept trying to sneak me to Bludhaven and hide me in his apartment. Bruce had to leave work early a bunch so he could drive up and drag me out by the hood of my sweatshirt.

Damian: *squinting*

Jason: yeah the constant changing was weird… it was like being a child of divorce where your parents are actively fighting over who gets to have you. flattering, sure, but tiring after a while. you have no idea how many times i had to buy a new toothbrush because i left mine in a different city.

Damian: …could you not just choose who to stay with for yourself?

Jason: well, i tried. i got mad at Bruce and chose Dick at one point, but Dick was like, twenty years old. i went up to Bludhaven and found him living in a one-bed apartment with a mattress on the floor instead of a bed and a bench dragged in from the street instead of a couch. he was eating noodles out of a ceramic vase. so when Bruce came to get me again, i just let him win.

Damian:

Damian, baffled: i fear you and i are not experiencing even remotely similar situations.

Jason:

Jason: yeah i dunno why i started talking.

*awkward silence*

Jason: …want a beer?

Damian:

Damian:

Damian: no?

Not that there's really a good day Eddie supposes, in the middle of running for his life, but he does sort of wish things had taken place prior to him having been accused of murder.

Raises the gun he's stolen from Rick's house as he and the younger members of Hellfire flee for their lives, taking aim at the third (fourth!?) enormous pale humanoid-plant-thing that's barreling towards them.

It's got a dog collar on.

Eddie chooses to pretend he didn't see it.

"Not that one!" Henderson shrieks, as the new horror launches itself at the monster behind Eddie, both going down hard with a series of shrill clicks and whistles. "That ones ours!"

Which--what??

"What!?" Eddie shrieks, and knows his face is doing something crazy.

"That's Dart!" Lucas confirms, way less out of breath than anyone else, because of course he is. Fucking bastetball. "It's a long story, but Dustin kind of adopted it when it was small."

"And where Dart is--" Henderson cuts himself off with a whoop and a loud scream of "Steve!" as the motherfucking former king of Hawkins strolls behind Dustin's pet horror, holding a bat with blood soaked nails hammered in it.

He's got a retractable leash in his hands.

Eddie has the worst feeling it goes to the fucking monster's collar.

(Why the hell would Harrington have Dustin's pet monster!??)

"Dart kinda only listens to him and Nancy," Mike answers through shaky breaths, which promptly clues Eddie into the fact he accidentally said that out loud. "And since we don't have a spot for it in the house it lives with Steve."

"Dammit Dart, would you stop toying with them!" Steve himself yells, before making a furious sort of gesture at Henderson as he fucking strolls on past. "And you! You're in deep shit!"

"Yeah I always am." Dustin grumbles back in that signature fucking tone of his and Eddie really, truly, wants to lose his shit, except Harrington is shaking the bat out and holy shit, he's going to play back up hitter for the fucking monster in the world's tightest fucking jeans.

This is hell. Eddie has died, and entered fucking hell.

"This is the worst fucking day of my life." He announces, as Dart slams another monster down in front of Steve, and Steve in turn slams the bat down on it's head.

It shouldn't be hot.

(It's super hot.)

"Worst day of your life, so far." Dustin says, which is the moment that Eddie decides he could in fact, bring himself to hit a child.

"Yeah just wait, it gets worse." Mike adds.

'Two children.' Eddie thinks in return, trying not to gape as Steve works in perfect unison with his abomination. He could hit two children and then himself, because fuck if he ever needed to know Steve was some sort of demonic-creature pet tamer!

'You're kind of a demonic creature. Think he could tame you?' His very unhelpful inner voice prompts and no, the children are definitely wrong--

All the DC couples I love and draw as the photocard way ✨🤲

so many feelings~

and the bonus looked like recognition from the outside

WLW and MLM solidarity

(this was also how i found out what 40 and 60 year old vivi looked like and Oda I just wanna have a conversation. We just need to talk)

batman will provide a list of rules for the JLA any time they need to work in gotham and the JL will just look between the rules and the group of kids hanging out behind batman like. hold on now.

flash: no metas?

batman: yup.

flash: who’s that then?

batman: that’s signal, he can glow and he’s lovely, now take his fucking name out your mouth.

flash: …

~

superman: and you said no guns?

batman: yeah absolutely no guns allowed.

dick: *from upstairs* dAAAAAAD I’M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK HAVE YOU SEEN MY BADGE AND GUN?

batman: *yelling back* I THINK YOU LEFT THEM IN THE OFFICE.

dick: OH YEAH, THANKS.

batman: NO PROBLEM SWEETIE HAVE A GOOD DAY AT WORK!

superman: hm.

batman: he’s different.

superman: how?

batman: i love him.

~

wonder woman: you are against taking human life, are you not?

batman: absolutely and that is non-negotiable. we are not judge jury and executioner.

wonder woman: i see. turn around.

*jason and tim two rooftops over, arguing how best to dispose of the loa assassin corpses they just took down*

batman:

batman: i dont see a problem here. those are my sweet boys.

jason, distantly heard from behind: yeah fuck you we’re his sweet boys.

wonder woman: *sighs*

~

batman: honestly the most important thing is that we serve justice and keep morality intact even when dealing with the toughest cases.

green lantern: damian has a secret prison under the titans tower where he’s been torturing their villains rather than trying to reform them.

batman: he’s so cute and small. my baby.

green lantern: bruce-

Dick: Yesterday you threw a chair at Bruce.

But with one urgently muttered ‘1221’, Shane is rushing into Ilya’s room like someone is chasing him, he’s pouncing on Ilya and dropping to his knees before Ilya could finish his sentence. And Ilya is just as desperate for him, picking him up and throwing him to the bed and demanding ‘on your stomach, on your stomach’.

And by the end of the hookup, they’ve discussed sex toys, arranged their next meetup and that they’re going to fuck, exchanged phone numbers and established their Lily and Shane personas. All with Scott Fucking Hunter next door.

And this is their second time together.

Shane: In some sort of Austen-esque existence where hjs ill-advised flirtation with a notorious rake goes too far. Scandalised by the intimate use of first names he flees, concerned what society and his goodly parents will think, his reputation at stake. He tries to find a proper marriage prospect but alas his heart is lost to the rake! But he finally follows his heart and invites Ilya into his home too (and accepts first name usage!)

so as per various DC social media concepts Clark has a Superman twitter where he posts left-leaning but fairly safe & tame stuff e.g. happy pride from Superman. Clark Kent also has his own twitter account where he posts his actual opinion.

Bruce, who has been tracking criminals at the batcomputer for hours, stares at Dick. "What?"

Dick, only about twelve years old, is looking up at Bruce with ominous sincerity. He makes grabby hands. "Give me. Your Batman brain. Give it."

Bruce raises a brow, but figures this must be a strange thing children do. Perhaps Dick has brain damage from training, who knows. He hesitantly mimes grabbing his brain from the top of his head and putting it in Dick's hand. Dick sets the pretend-brain off to the side, placing a pretend-glass case over it for later.

Dick seems satisfied. "Okay. I threw a block of legos at my classmate Tarence. He was giving our teacher a panic attack and had to be dealt with."

Bruce raises a brow and opens his mouth to speak, but Dick cuts him off. "Wait wait wait, your Batman brain is over there. Now you only have Dad brain. Gimme Dad."

Bruce, unfortunately, cannot argue with that logic, so he pats Dick's head and asks for a step-by-step reenactment of the event so he knows how to best defend his son at the meeting with the principal.

“…so I just thought maybe you guys could understand and maybe you know how to get over a crush on a straight friend?” Will finishes.

“Sorry man, Eddie was like my straight death…”

“Gay awakening.” Eddie clarifies.

Steve continues, “..yea that. I didn’t really like any guys until Eddie and then I told Robin and she told me to shoot my shot with him even if I thought he was straight and he wifed me up that same night.”

“Stop telling people that! I do know what you’re going through baby Byers but unfortunately there is no magic solution. In my experience it will fade naturally or you’ll develop feelings for someone new and move on that way. Unless you’re prepared to have a potentially awkward conversation with him, and that’s always an option and we will support you in whatever way we can.” Eddie adds, a bit more helpfully.

Will looks like he’s considering it for a moment before he shakes his head. “I just really don’t think he’s ever questioned his sexuality. He decided he was in love with El and then never considered anything else.”

“Wait, your secret crush is Mike? Mike Wheeler, the most annoying friend you have?” Steve sounds like he’s in physical pain to consider it.

“I take it back, we can’t support that. He’s objectively terrible.”

“What about Dustin? He’s got such great curls now and he’s so smart. He’s a much better option than Mike.” Steve suggests.

“Oh my god yes! Dustin is the best of your party options. I would absolutely support that.” Eddie agrees.

“Dustin isn’t gay either! Why would you suggest Dustin?” Will asks.

“Neither is Mike!” Eddie points out.

“Yea the criteria now is not about choosing a realistic option, it’s just about not being Mike Wheeler.”