Oranges are good you just now brushed your teeths

If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything

Every time she pulls out a knife around him and gets sooooo close to stabbing I want to just pull out a drum roll but she never commits! Like, girl! This is past Stockholm at this point. This is just you being dumb. Run! Runnnn!!!

A free-range group therapy called "get herded, idiot", where you and everyone in your group is set loose to run around on an open field while a highly trained shepherd dog tries to keep you all in one group. I am not sure what benefit this would have for anyone involved.

This would fix everyone involved including the dog

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

i'd block myself if i could

Tbh I think fandom generally needs to get better at sitting with the uncomfortable fact that a story/fanwork/meme/whatever can hurt one person and help another

This is why I think “tag warning” culture is kinder and more constructive than cancel culture / “no problematic content” culture. One size does not fit all, but if we learn to be more aware of the fact that the same thing can be emotionally validating or cathartic to one person and upsetting to another, and pick up a general mindset of thinking before we post, “what might people need a heads up for in this content?”, we grow more compassionate, more thoughtful, and more understanding of the differences in people’s experiences.

Yuuuuup. Also, “choose not to use archive warnings” IS A WARNING. It’s just a vague one. It’s “there may or may not be any or all of AO3′s Archive Warnings present in this fic”.  If you’re worried about something specific, either ask the author (POLITELY, with the understanding that they don’t owe you an answer), or ask a friend you trust to look over the media in question and report back. Or just... don’t read it. Be responsible for your own mental health to the best of your ability. 

Wrong! Vague warnings are as useful as they’re meant to be. “hey uh there might be some icky stuff here” is a warning. It’s not specific, but it gives you a heads up, and if you don’t wanna chance it, guess what? You don’t have to! You can be like “nope I don’t wanna see any icky stuff today” or “there’s some particular icky stuff I don’t wanna see so if you’re not telling me what the icky stuff is, I’m just gonna go somewhere else”.  Do you realize how stupid it is to act like the world owes you specific, detailed content warnings at all times? Do you realize how utterly entitled and bratty you sound when you say things like that?  Like, yes, content warnings are a good thing to have exist. But you know what else exists and has every right to?  - neurodivergent people who aren’t good at figuring out which warnings to include, or who need to not go on scrupulosity spirals every time they try to tag a fic, so they need a vague warning option that covers the bases without stressing them out unduly - people who like mystery and don’t want to know exactly what kind or degree of icky ooky spooky is coming “problematic content” is indeed a useless tag, I suggest people shouldn’t bother much with that one. Because “problematic” is intensely subjective! Vegans think eating meat is “problematic”, I think being a militant vegan and trying to force your own dietary choices on other people is “problematic”. There’s no standard.  “Some of this content might be triggering” is a very different matter, however. A trigger is subjective, hence the “might”, but the statement implies that the content it’s applied to deals with some heavier topics. Thus, not useless. And “choose not to use archive warnings”, as I said, means “this may contain rape or noncon, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, and/or underage content”. Those being the archive warnings, you can reasonably assume when you see “choose not to use archive warnings” that if you do not want to see those kinds of content, you should not read that fic. It’s very simple. Take responsibility for curating your own experiences, don’t expect everyone else to do it for you. If you’re an adult, it’s your responsibility to decide for yourself what amount of risk you’re willing to take in your fic-reading; if you are a child and struggling with sticking to content that you feel is appropriate for you, then ask an adult who’s actually responsible for you (your parent, for example) to help you.  I’m not your parent. It is not my job to parent you. 

Also as someone with a neurodivergent brother and someone who actually is going into psychology while being fairly certain they have ocd and / or adhd, you can leave you ableist shit to yourself. Having Autism or ADHD or any other mental illness does not give you an excuse to not tag properly. If you can’t tag properly, you shouldn’t be sharing the content. Period.

I love that I share my house with one of the most efficient apex predators millions of years of evolution could produce. I love that two of nature’s most prolific machines met and were like “hmmm. We should lay around and do nothing together”. Now we’re both fat and happy and full of meat. The hedonism of it all

Humans keeping cats and dogs as family members is like three prodigy assassins being introduced in the back of a shady nightclub and 45 minutes later they’re 6 crunchwrap supremes deep passing a blunt in the back of a shag carpeted Volkswagen microbus rating Oreo varietals by fuckability

tumblr users have the unique ability to string together sentences never before seen in all of human history and yet they conjure up such specific visceral imagery that you can’t help but be a little in awe. and i think that’s beautiful

Love and peace on planet earth

don't just suck her off. put your hands under her thighs and lift. fold her in half so shes helpless to stop you from ravishing her. get sloppy with your tongue, make her feel fucking devoured.

I don't think thats the way you're supposed to eat spaghetti, pal.