reblogs only

*dirty talking* you’ve been a very bad boy and im just going to straight up kill you now

happy one year anniversary to the time i was in vermont in a dorm with a carbon monoxide leak and jacked off to this painting

"i just don't like masculine women" literally i'm so sorry for you loss. i hope you get well soon

cats are small, simple, radially symmetrical creatures with no skeleton or brain. they survive off of whatever detritus happens to find its way to them, typically chunks of plastic and a bowl of wet food.

mommy needs her head smashed in with a brick

This email could have been a flayed screaming man

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

being single sucks [remembers that romantic love isnt the gleaming beacon of salvation that will fix the chasm within me] #mychasm #isupportmychasm [remembers not to trivialize my emotions] but it is painful to never have been deemed worthy of that kind of lasting love [remembers how many incels there are] but honestly you should be totally self-sufficient and never want anything ever [remembers that im evil] im evil

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

guy who cares way too much about proper animal husbandry and is annoying to do petplay bdsm scenes with

you've been a bad dog... what? no, i'm not gonna punish you. animals respond better to positive reinforcement. you should know that. i've only talked about it a thousand times.