red wug, blue wug

person who tries to become a serial killer but they've worked in kitchens for so long that when they try to sneak up on someone they say "behind, knife" on reflex, alerting their would-be victim to their presence

same people crying about ups drivers winning $42/hour are the same people who dismiss unions and say they just take your money and don't do anything for you. Bet you'd like $42/hour!!!!!!!

WHO tf keeping pads with no wings in production?? Put it in your draws and by the time you walk out the bathroom it’s down the street buying scratch offs at the corner store. Like girl

Put salt in your baked goods. Put salt in your desserts. Just do it. Please. Salt isn't just for savory, it's literally a flavor enhancer so even a pinch can take a meh recipe to one people can't stop eating. Listen to me. Your cookies and cheesecake bars are bland and uninteresting. I'm taking your hand. I'm guiding you with a gentle touch to the back. We can do this together. Trust me.

They call me millions knives cos that's how many knives it takes me to make a sandwich cos I keep putting them in the fuckin sink

Menstrual products with "For Men" packaging

The wrappers are black or gunmetal and the boxes have like. Bears and shit on them. Manly products for your manhood! For men!

MEN! Does your manhood leak B L O O D every month? Do you spend three to ten days of the month shedding the blood of your defeated enemy? Try our Man-strual products! Pads and tampons for that MANLIEST time of the month! For men!

disco elysium players be like man I better save and make sure i have enough healing items there's a really tough paragraph ahead

Kirk's dreams I guess