emily

reading a good interesting book after a horrible reading slump and suddenly you can feel the sun shining again and the sky is more beautiful than ever and birds are all singing songs to you

I'm just pulling your chain. I mean yanking your leash. I mean jerking you off. uh I mean I'm just messing around with you,

we've been doing this thing called "hitting the nosferatu" where you hunch your shoulders and walk towards things while pointing with a long creepy finger

Cat is a small Heated Object you can put on your Lap for Winter Comfort.

they need to start making clothes out of material that can clean glasses well again

does my wasted potential turn you on

Very stupid that I can't take the muscles out of my neck & upper back & beat them with a meat tenderizer. I think that would fix me

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

Hi I'm the gynecologist and I'll be moving your flaps around

HATE that were calling every recipe Marry Me [Recipe]…. Fucking hate that. How bout Frig My Clit Brownies. Kill Yourself At My Feet Pasta. Shut The Fuck Up And Pay My Grocery Bill Cookies (vegan).

i am NOT interested in the divine feminine. i will jerk off for 3 hours straight and eat 10% of my bodyweight in smoked meats and cheeses.

i cld never shave bush not just bc im morally opposed to it but also bc what would i play with when im lying in bed thinking…a bush is the beard of the modern day philosopher

Why does software need to update just be yourself

i have crazy garlic fingers from peeling and chopping garlic cloves yesterday this phenomenon is always fascinating to me because it reminds me that i, too, am made of meat, and therefore i am also susceptible to being seasoned