welcome to hockey hell

could y’all help me complete my survey and spread it around? i wanna incorporate the results from this survey into my final essay. help save me and my grade, thanks so much! <3

People ask them when the wedding is constantly. 

They’re always like, “guys we just got engaged, let me say “fiance” for a while before I start saying “husband”

They’ve rushed into so many other things, they want to make being engaged last. 

When they finally do decide on a date, it’s pretty lose “sometime in the summer?” is their decided date. That’s Jack’s off season, when else would it be?

Everyone expects Bitty to go crazy planning the wedding planning

“If anyone can plan a wedding, it’s gotta be Bits, right. 

They kind of just leave him alone because they assume he’s got this, it can’t be that hard

He also assumes it won’t be that hard, “I have a pinterest board, I’ll look at it sometime.”

Anyway, it’s a month before the date they picked and Alicia calls him and asks if her invitation got lost in the mail and Bitty’s like “shit fuck god fucking shit damn wedding, fuck, right.”

And he kind of freaks out on the phone but Alicia talks him through it. And she’s like “It’s okay, let me help you.”

Alicia Zimmermann plans the whole wedding with considerable input from Coach (Bitty got some of his absent-mindedness from his mom, his dad’s a planning fiend though. 

Together Alicia and Coach manage to put together a wedding. Bitty had sent out invitations but forgotten to do literally anything else, so they do the literally everything else. 

They have it in Madison in the Bittle family backyard. 

Moomaw complains that her grandson isn’t getting married in a church but she’s quickly placated by the fact that Bad Bob knows Joe Montana and is more than willing to tell old drinking stories. 

Lardo is Jack’s best man. 

Shitty and Tater spent literal months competing for his affection leading up to the wedding. 

“I carried Zimmboni bag off the bus all season!”

“I literally did his taxes! Do you know how hard tax law is for an NHL player!”

“Jack asked if I wanted to be his best man and that sounded sick as hell and I’ve always wanted to plan a bachelor party.”

It’s not that Jack didn’t want Shitty or Tater as his best man, it’s just that he’s always been really close with Lardo for as long as he’s known her and if he has to pick someone to plan his bachelor party, it’s going to be Samwell’s undefeated beer pong champ. 

Tater’s the ring bearer, which means he’s with the flower girls in the wedding party. 

The flower girls turn out to be Bitty’s baby cousins who immediately love Tater and make him a flower crown. 

Shitty almost cries when Bitty asks him to be his best man (it may or may not be an elaborate ploy to get Lardo and Shitty engaged next)

Shitty has an existential gender studies crisis about whether he should get strippers for the bachelor party or not.

They do play hockey but the drunk sweaty kind where you take off your tie at the end of the party after most people have left and someone throws their shoes down at the end of the dance floor and says their goalposts (the shoes are Lardo’s. Fuck heels)

Jack still tries to play defense even though they’re using plastic road hockey sticks from someone’s garage. 

Chowder rips his slacks going down into the butterfly because he got shoved in between the goalposts.

All of SMH comes along with most of the Falcs. 

Jack invites Kent. It was his mother’s idea. 

It’s surprisingly, not a disaster, Kent brings may or may not be the guy who hooks up with a wedding guest (it’s Whiskey, I’ll die on that hill).

Bitty bakes his own wedding cake because “bakeries use too much fondant anyway” 

His mother’s kitchen never recovers from the 36 hours he spent trying to perfect a tiered maple cake.

Jack’s ass looks really good in a tuxedo

Holster will call Jack “Mr. Bitty” until the day they die.

Shitty catches the bouqet, Lardo, half joking and half not joking, takes off one of her earrings and proposes to him. 

Bitty immediately asks Shitty, “so when’s the wedding, y’all.”

Bitty realizes after the wedding that he never did look at his pinterest board, he opens it in front of his friends and it’s just this picture. 

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

Shitty, who is friends with Jack, upon seeing Lardo for the first time: There she is, the love of my life.

2k of date night auctions, shenanigans, and awkward first meetings. A Zimbits AU where Jack never overdosed and Bitty’s gay self is comfortable with being auctioned off for charity.

Rating: Teen, no explicit anything (not this time, lol)

(100% based off an ad I saw in passing for the Chicago Gay Hockey Association’s ‘Hot Jock Contest’.)

Jack rereads the email and fights a tightness in his throat at the image attached.

“Gay men’s hockey club is holding some kind of striptease disguised as a fundraiser. It’s the perfect place for you to spread your bisexual wings. You’ll get to see cocks in jocks, Jack. The kind you can actually look at, and, hopefully, touch.”

“Parse, I don’t know if that’s the kind of image I’m supposed to be cultivating, you know?”

Jack is eight months out of the closet and still horribly, desperately single; a fact made even less palatable by his ex trying to get him laid from a thousand miles away.

“Okay, that excuse worked until you got so backed up it started affecting your game. Look, at some point you have to make yourself happy, right? Coming out is supposed to be liberating and you’ve been wallowing in your freedom because people knowing you like dick doesn’t change the fact you’re still real fucking awkward, bud.”

“Thank you for the pep talk, Kent.”

“No, I mean,” Kent huffs like he’s the one suffering through this conversation. “Go out, have fun, get laid. And take Tater, he’s a good wingman.”

Ultimately, Jack folds like a cheap suit and finds himself in clothing that is far too tight, sipping on a craft beer that is too sweet, in a loud club full of beautiful people doing questionable things.

Jack doesn’t belong here.

“I still don’t think this is –”

“Zimmboni, relax! We find you cute boy tonight, no problem at all. How about that one? Nice legs? Nice face? Look good in your bed, ah?”

“Easy,” Jack throws his teammate a warning look at tries to focus on the parade of scantily clad hockey players looping the stage. “It’s not a meat market.”

Tater snorts. “Is always meat market. Just usually you are meat on ice.”

A beefy defenseman in a blue jock and matching harness stops in Jack’s line of sight and cocks a hip to display his bare backside and the tattoo of puck on his left ass cheek. Tater whistles and earns himself a wink.

“You’re not gay,” Jack chides.

“No, but I appreciate good physique.”

The lighting changes up and so does the music before a voice comes over the speakers announcing ‘special guests in the club tonight’ and Jack barely has time to duck his head before he’s hearing Tater’s name alongside his own.

“Crisse,” Jack curses while Tater stands to accept the resulting applause.

“AM HERE TO FIND ZIMMBONI CUTE BOYFRIEND,” Tater yells gesturing at a red-faced Jack. “HE LIKES BLONDES WITH SOFT HANDS.”

The crowd goes wild, practically drowning out the music.

“Well,” Jack peeks through his fingers and sees the glitter covered announcer staring him down, mic pressed close to his Providence Blue lips. “Lucky you, we have one of those up for auction tonight.”

Blue Harness comes to a stop on the other side of the stage with the other men up for auction and Jack tries not the stare, looking for the aforementioned blonde.

“Did you see him already?” Jack askes Tater, kicking himself for falling prey to his own curiosity.

“No,” Tater whispers loudly, “but always save best for last. You have to bid, or I bid for you.”

The lights go pink and Jack leans back in his chair, forcing himself to enjoy whatever is about to happen.

“Ladies, Gentleman, everything and everyone betwixt and between,” the MC teases. “Our last lot of the evening is a feisty peach from the sunny south who can out-skate, out-bake, and out-class just about any man on the ice.”

Tater wolf-whistles while Jack stares, lost in anticipation – too preoccupied to comment on the fact ‘betwixt’ and ‘between’ are the same thing – as the curtain slides back to reveal a short, adorable blonde with big brown eyes and very little covering his nearly perfect body. The man sees Jack, flashes a bright, teasing smile, and Jack’s breath leaves him.

“Our very own NCAA Champion, Eric ‘Bitty’ Bittle. Bidding starts at $500.”

Jack can’t make his voice work and someone else gets the first bid – in fact, the auction is all the way up to $2000 by the time Jack can choke out “$1500,” but Jack’s voice is drowned out by Tater’s yell of “$3000!”, and Jack nearly gives himself whiplash turning to his teammate.

“What are you doing?”

“Bad taste for you to buy your own boyfriend, so I will buy for you. You will pay me back later – I can be best man at your wedding.”

Someone else ups it another two hundred and there’s a slight commotion on stage. Bittle, ‘Bitty’ Jack silently corrects, has taken the mic and is assessing the crowd with an amused expression amid catcalls and whistles.

“Y’all, I’m very flattered, but you know you’re just buying a date, right? And you should also know I don’t put out on the first date.”

Some of the cheers slide to boos as Bitty hands back the mic before kissing two fingers and pressing them against his bare ass, skin practically glowing against the stark-white jock and thigh-high socks. Jack’s so light headed he’s going to pass out. He’s already dead.

Tater looks like he’s about to bid again when someone sticks a phone in Jack’s face and all hell breaks loose because Tater tries to grab the thing and by the time the dust has settled Jack is being ushered to the door and the auction is the least of their worries.

“All this press and you didn’t even get laid?”

“I knew it was a fucking mistake,” Jack grunts, trying to focus on his quads and fighting the heat in his cheeks as the boys keep chirping. He’s embarrassed for more than a few reasons. The pictures that popped up online, the call to his publicist, the fact he really wanted to win that date and couldn’t handle the attention long enough to pull it together.

It’s a lot of regrets to bring to a late-season home game.

Jack’s still going through his warm-up stretches when he starts hearing a tapping behind him – he doesn’t look, he’s too experienced for that – but eventually, the tapping becomes small voices saying, “Excuse me? Mister Zimmermann?”

Crisse. They’re being polite. He swipes a puck near his skate and stands, ready to plaster on a smile for whatever parent is pimping out their child for a game puck when he sees a familiar tuft of blonde hair through the glass.

Oh.

Bittle waves shyly from behind a whole slew of small children in Falcs gear, face pink with the chill in the arena. He’s bundled up tight, a blue and yellow scarf around his neck, looking embarrassed but determined. He’s as handsome fully clothed as he was barely dressed the night before.

Bitty calls out something over the kids’ chatter, and Jack can barely make it out.

“I can’t hear you,” Jack tries, and Bitty shakes his head apologetically.

He swipes a few more pucks from the ice and shoves them through the camera hole before motioning for Bitty to follow him toward the penalty box, which is more of a task than expected as the seats are half full and cordoned off. Jack moves ahead and raps on the door of the penalty box until the attendant, Marcus, finally lets him in.

“Jack, what’s going on –”

“You see that guy?” Jack points to Bittle, who is trying to negotiate his way past an usher one section over. “Blonde guy they aren’t letting into 109, can you go get him?”

“You know I can’t leave, kid.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jack pulls off his gloves and sidles past Marcus to pull open the side door and step out into the stands, much to the shock of the dozen or so fans sitting in the first few rows.

“Zimmermann! What the hell are you doing?”

Jack sticks two fingers in his mouth and whistles loudly until the usher turns to see what’s going on, and Jack recognizes the staffer almost immediately. Unfortunately, he also attracts the attention of every fan the surrounding three sections.

“Hey, Christine! He’s with me! Let him through!”

She waves apologetically and Bittle, bright red with embarrassment, slides past the other attendees to reach Jack, who is back hiding behind the door as fans pile up behind the glass hoping for a photo. Eventually, Bitty makes it to the penalty box and Jack cracks open the door to let him in, but not before tossing a few bait pucks to the fans in the way.

“I don’t think any of those are going to kids,” Bitty chides with his delightful accent, collecting himself and making Jack’s heart melt even as fans keep slapping the glass hoping for more swag.

“eBay,” Jack mumbles, looking down because Bittle is a solid foot shorter than him in skates. Jack could lift him easily. “Probably. Hi.”

“Hi,” Bittle returns, the red in his cheeks still bright. “Hey, I thought you were going to win the auction.”

“What?”

Marcus coughs and says, “I don’t think you’re allowed to do this.”

There’s a pounding behind Jack and he catches Poots and Snowy making kissy faces at them. He can’t flip them off with kids around but they know he wants to, the look on his face is enough. Thankfully, Bittle laughs and blows a kiss back for good measure.

“I like him!” Poots yells, skating off. “I’m gonna tell Tater!”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Bittle continues. “I thought you were going to win. Then you were just gone. Hurt my ego a bit.”

“Bad timing,” Jack apologizes. “I get skittish around cameras.”

“Mmm,” Bitty hums and turns around to look at the dozen people recording them on their phones. “And this is much more private?”

“Well, you picked the venue,” Jack fights a smile and summons his courage, leaning down to whisper in Bitty’s perfectly shaped ear, “and, you’re wearing clothes this time.”

Someone slams into the boards hard enough to rock the wall and Jack spins, dropping a protective arm around Bittle. It’s Tater, grinning like a damn loon.

“LITTLE B! YOU FIND ZIMMBONI!”

“I did! Thank you again for the tickets, Alexei,” Bitty shouts back, leaning into Jack’s side. “I’m very grateful.”

Tater opens the box door and leans in, “Zimmboni, see, I am best wingman, Kenny tell you this. Also, coach pretty mad, you should come do job, now. Paid to skate, not kiss cute boy. Do that after game.”

Bitty giggles and Jack looks up to see there are only seven minutes left on the clock. “Crisse, I need to go,” he curses, looking back down at Bitty. “Where are you sitting?”

“Section 113, but how am I supposed to –”

“Go back and find Christine, the usher you were talking to, tell her Jack wants you to go to Bob’s Box, she’ll take care of you. I’ll find you after the game.”

“Okay, ‘Bob’s Box’, I can do that,” Bitty seems only slightly overwhelmed by the orders but nods dutifully, stepping aside for Jack to pull open the side door. “Wait, who’s ‘Bob’?”

Marcus snorts and Jack fights a laugh because, of course, this hockey playing angel wouldn’t know. If Jack wasn’t in love before, he sure as hell is now.

“You’ll find out,” Jack teases, leaning down once more to whisper, “and maybe tonight you’ll get a chance to see me wearing nothing but a jock strap. If you want.”

He drops a quick kiss to Bitty’s cheek, heedless of the cameras, and hopes to god he hasn’t ruined everything. 

Evidently, he hasn’t because when he rears back, Bittle is staring at him with wide eyes and a bright smile, almost dazed.

“Oh, honey, I want that very much,” he sighs, reluctantly slipping through the fans and out into the stands, heading toward Christine. “See you soon!”

He’s beautiful. Jack might have a date. Hell, Jack might even have a boyfriend.

“Zimmermann! Close the damn door!”

Based on OMG Check Please! 04.03

Ugh.

How many times would they yell out a question about the locker room?

Did they really think Jack had nothing better to think about when he was getting ready or cleaning up after a hockey game? That his team had nothing better to think about than what Jack was thinking about?

Well, if Jack was thinking about how to solve Holtby, they should be thinking about that.

Jack felt a his lips curl into a small smile and quickly tamed it. He wasn’t going to give them anything until they asked about the topic of the day, which was, duh, hockey.

Then someone asked whom he had been kissing. Like, what, he grabbed the first cute blond in a Falcs sweater (a Zimmermann sweater) he saw?

“Oh … my boyfriend?” Jack said, because really, wasn’t that obvious?

Jack wished he could see Bitty right now, but he knew it was better that Bitty was safely tucked in an office, away from the prying eyes and rude questions. Someone had already mentioned Samwell. If they didn’t know his name yet, it wouldn’t be long.

He felt the presence of Marty and Thirdy, Tater and Snowy beside him, ready to share the load, so he sat down and let them take over.

After, he invited them to come for breakfast, even though that would mean a stop at the grocery store on the way. Bitty could drive straight home with Tater, who really should stay off that knee, and get things going.

Jack and Thirdy brought the eggs and milk and bread to the kitchen, then Jack busied himself refilling coffee for everyone who was feeling the effects of overdoing it the night before.

Bitty was sending out platters and bowls of eggs and toast and potatoes and fruit every few minutes, while the TV played continuing coverage of the game and the press conference. Someone — maybe Shitty? — had muted it before they got home, which was fine with Jack. He’d much rather watch himself kiss Bitty than listen to idiot commentators talk about it.

Bitty was still in the kitchen. Jack wanted to ask him to come join everyone, but stopped himself. Maybe that wasn’t what Bitty wanted? He loved to cook, loved to feed people, and maybe he just wanted to get away from the hubbub. Jack knew what that felt like. It wouldn’t be right to drag him out here just because Jack wanted to feel him close, preferably in his lap (Jack loved having Bitty in his lap) or at least next to him.

Jack craned his neck and saw Dex in the kitchen with Bitty. He wasn’t alone, then. Even if Dex seemed an odd friend for Bitty, Jack knew they were close. That was good.

Maybe all these people would leave soon. Shits and Lardo would have to go to Boston for clean clothes, or at least out to buy some. Jack had to call Maman and Papa … had Bitty talked to his parents? At all?

Shit.

When the TV went to a commercial, Jack turned it off and started collecting plates. That was enough of a message for most everybody to get up, carry their dishes to the kitchen, thank Bitty for the food and get ready to go. Thirdy even dragged Tater out.

Jack loaded the dishwasher — Bitty must have emptied it while he was cooking — and went in search of his phone. While he was at it, he grabbed Bitty’s charger and took it to the kitchen.

“Mama, I’m telling you, he’s pale as the grave, all of his interests are a full generation off, and he hates me. Samwell is practically Hellmouth adjacent; I’m pretty certain the entire Lacross team is comprised of demons, this isn’t a stretch.”

“Sweetheart, I know how much you want your captain to be a vampire, but he’s not. He’s just a jerk. You can handle jerks.”

“And, sadly, I can’t stab jerks,” Eric mutters into the receiver balanced between his ear and his shoulder, whittling away at one of Holster’s broken hockey sticks. “What am I supposed to do about him, then?”

“Keep up your cover, flush out the nest, come home. You still pretending to faint everytime you get checked?”

“Yes! And that’s the problem! Jack wants to do this one on one practices until I’m ‘better’ and there’s no way he’s going to let me get kicked off the team for contact issues. It’s like a personal mission. My plan to drop out mid-season is bust.”

“So…Jack’s not a vampire, he’s just a jerk that cares about you enough to keep you from losing your scholarship?”

Eric blows away a stray shaving and admires his handiwork, holding the stake up to the light.

“Maybe he’s not a complete jerk,” Eric sighs, setting the weapon down beside the others he’s been working on.