it's them

am i like overreacting? recently, my older sister has been going through it and had to be taken to the a&e regarding her mental health and everyone is treating her with so much love, kindness and support, myself included (duh)... for me, i feel it's because i know how isolating it was to be the first person in my family to be diagnosed for mental health problems and i wanted to know she wasn't alone. however, my younger sister randomly decided to sleep next to her so she wouldn't be alone and my mom is talking to her more gently. then recently, my aunt took my older and younger sister out for a meal, i suppose to support her.

all i want to know is, where was all that effort for me? my older sister has a great immediate support system where ppl just love her and treat her well but where was that for me? i went through my depression diagnosis alone, i went to all my hospital visits alone, i kept my diagnosis a secret for a very long time, and i was isolated for so long. why does my sister get to have so much love? why am i deemed unworthy?

also, i've been really sick recently and my mom doesn't really care but my older sister is currently sick and she apparently is so pitiful or whatever so my mom made her some lunch. and i asked her if there was anything for me, she told me to just settle my own food. like...... you're my parent too? you're literally my only parent left, why am i being treated so differently.

why did i have to grow up faster than my actual older sister? i pushed myself to be more independent because i thought because i think growing up, i knew i only really had myself to rely on. but why can't i break down sometimes! why can't i ask for help? why do ppl reject me?

and i can't act up...... bc the ppl in my family don't like me and will just get mad at me and gang up against me bc they have each other's backs.