ranger danger

I think Spock could hang out with Squidward because they're the same type of cultured faggot but Squidward would get petty and mean about something and Spock would be like honestly mr tentacles I find this type of outburst very distasteful. & he would fix him

do they live in capitalist bikini bottom or socialist space future because the answer really affects whether spock fixes squiddy or systemic injustices change who spock is as a person.

I was imagining the enterprise comes to bikini bottom planet of the week style but I'm obsessed with the idea of spock working at the krusty krab & how that would affect him psychologically

steps into a big pot of bubbling oil and sits there like its a hot tub and i snile at you so nicely that you step in after me and youre immediately boiled til theres nothing left

ameircans talking about red note like they have never spoken to anyone from another country ever about anything

A lot of us haven't (or at least don't realize we are when talking to people online if it's not obvious or explicitly stated)

that's embarassing why would you admit that

Speaking as a pediatrician, there is no difference between girl babies and boy babies. Parents will often report that their boy baby is acting differently than their girl did, but there is never actually any difference in behavior. Even little kids, like ages 3-5, don’t really act any differently from each other.

Maybe they're acting differently, but that's probably due to the fact that they have an older sibling (or other factors)

god i love reading about stupid drama in ancient greece. like there was an athlete named theagenes who was so good at every kind of athletic contest that when he died, one of his opponents would go to beat the shit out of a statue of him out of spite, but then one day the statue fell on the guy and killed him so the greeks took the statue to court for murder, convicted it, and threw it into the sea

actually i left out the best part of this story which is that a plague then struck and when people consulted the oracle at delphi she was like "well you've pissed of theagenes" so they had to go dig the statue back up out of the fucking water

god i love reading about stupid drama in ancient greece. like there was an athlete named theagenes who was so good at every kind of athletic contest that when he died, one of his opponents would go to beat the shit out of a statue of him out of spite, but then one day the statue fell on the guy and killed him so the greeks took the statue to court for murder, convicted it, and threw it into the sea

actually i left out the best part of this story which is that a plague then struck and when people consulted the oracle at delphi she was like "well you've pissed of theagenes" so they had to go dig the statue back up out of the fucking water

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

sorry i covered your neck in dark hickeys and clamped down hard on your throat like limp prey while i was giving you a handjob. you whimpered a little too soft and i blacked out and believed myself to be a feral dog in possession of an entire rotisserie chicken

y'all are tagging posts like recipe website commenters

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

Looking out the window and seeing a little bird can honestly be so life changing

can you guys please be for real it's because that number has the most zeroes and you guys associate 0 with holes and therefore fuckable holes. it is not only not absurd (and you guys are obnoxious for thinking it is absurd or unique) but also boring.

yeah you posers will Literally say hear me out and then show a picture of a conventionally attractive six digit verification code

7 is also very clearly sexy. this is an amateurish take "0 is sexy because its like pussy" you know nothing of the depths of erotic numerological symbolism

having viral posts is all fun and games until you have clowns in your mentions being like "well, op, i bet you also didn't know THIS" [haughtily explains something i absolutely would and do know] like add whatever to my posts that you think is informative just don't direct it at ME! i know! i just didn't include it in the post i made in 20 seconds because i didn't think 30,000 of you would see it!