amour - pour toujours - bonheur suprême

I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you all the nonsensical details of my day. I just wanted someone to talk to. I just wanted to have our normal conversation like before. I just wanted to hear you say you love me because nothing makes me feel better whenever I hear it. I just wanted to ask you how your day was or how were you feeling. I just wanted to be part of your day. I just wanted you. And I'm sorry if I come off as annoying. I didn't want to be like that to you. Or maybe that's just me. Clingy and annoying. And I just thought you'd never be fed up of me. Like everyone else has. I'm sorry. I just crave you too much I guess. I never really asked for all of your time. I just wanted to be able to talk to you, my happy place. And I've been able to, for the past year. But now's different. You've been off. And I don't know what to do other than letting you be. I don't.

You are. But you say that I wanted you out of my life, that you don't want to cause me pain, and that I should just break up with you. If you only knew. You're my only strength. You're the only thing I got right in this shitty life that I have. You're the only thing left that keeps me going. And you don't know how painful it is to me for you to say those words. You don't.

Maybe per minute? But seriously tho. This is my life now. I'm still figuring it out whether or not it is awesome. I feel like I'm the verge of giving up but I haven't had lost all my hopes. I still have someone and some things that never fail to hold me back to the hoping zone whenever I am ready to stop all the crap and just give up on everything and everyone. And then there's this one guy, who always remind me that I shouldn't give up, lose hope and stop dreaming for the better future. He said I am the source of his strength and so he is mine. It's amazing how someone could actually say that and would absolutely help you get back up when you actually hit rock bottom. Most of the people will just get cold, don't care or bail out. I am actually lucky enough to have a person who won't leave despite of the fact that I am very difficult to be with and so is my situation. Someone who thinks I'm that worthy and says that I'm the most precious thing that he ever has. It's amazing. I can't thank God enough for this blessing and I wouldn't have been still here, fighting for my hopes to get higher and never stopped dreaming for everything to get better.❤️

This guy. You just know what to do when I feel bad and sad. You know the right things to say. You know the things to do to make me feel better. This day was one of my worsts. And I couldn’t handle it better without you beside me. Funny how you pretend to be sad with me in this photo. I just wouldn’t know what to do without you. And I love you.❤️

Note to self. Whatever bad that happened or happens, I shouldn’t get stuck on that. I shouldn’t think of what could have or would have or should have. I should move on, learn from my and other’s mistakes and do better.

Hopefully and eventually. It’s really messed up now but nothing makes me feel better than thinking of a better future. Someday, I’ll get away of all the pain, the bad things, the messy life, and by then I’ll be saying everything worked out and yes eventually everything is going to be okay, with a big big smile on my face.

Stressed af. Meh. I look extremely tired, stressed and sad? I don't know. I give a smile to everyone quite often that I don't know what I really feel sometimes. It's a good thing though, that I could hide all the sadness with a smile. It's amazing that I can still keep being happy despite of all the bad things. I'm still thankful and hoping. I guess hope's the only thing that keeps me going. And my hope's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going.

Let me. He who makes me happy and puts a smile on my face. His hugs and kisses makes me happy. It takes away all the my pain and problems.

Candid with them friends.❤️ I love how this photo looks like we're out of town. Out somewhere new. Out somewhere away from where we usually are. It's a bit satisfying to even think about escape. From the reality and for a bit of time, I can escape. With the people I love and spend happy memories with them.

Preach.❤️ Can't really be negative these days. It'll just bring me down. It has always been my attitude to see through the good things despite how bad the situation or even the person is. It's probably what I want people do when they see my bad side. It's probably what we should all do to still be happy and still hope for the better.

Someday, somehow. I'd go to the beach and enjoy the warmth of the sun, the waves crashing, the smell of the sand, the saltiness of the ocean water, the breeze and the beautiful view. Nothing else is more calming for me. I have always loved the beach. It has always been my happy place other than coffee shops. Hope to go and spend time in the beach someday, somehow.

Your head may control you but your heart certainly feels what’s right. It may feel right to follow your head but always, always listen to your heart. It may seem hard or wrong but when it feels right, then it’s not wrong.❤️

Meh. My face. I'm pretty happy today, surprisingly. And it's funny how I can now appreciate how I look or how I do things. It's not everyday that I love myself this much. I have a very very low self esteem that o don't even see myself worth it sometimes. You may find this cliché or probably think I say this to get attention but I don't. And it feels kinda good knowing I can see my self's worth now. And someone sees that in me too.

Never ever.😊 Nowadays, it’s difficult to find people who would help you when you’re down and troubled. We can't blame them, we all have our problems. But people who help you to get through all the crap you are in are the people you shouldn’t ever forget. People who are worthy to have your time when they are in need as well.

JCAD.❤️ Sometimes, I can't call our house a home anymore. Because of all the messed up things happening. And when I see him and I get to be with him. I feel safe, I feel comfortable, I feel warmth and it feels like I am home.

Getting fat-ter.💔 I should loose some weight. I really should. I don't wanna go back to the overweight me again and lose all of my self confidence again. I don't wanna be comparing myself to anyone else again. I don't wanna be wanting to be someone else again. And I need to fulfill my goal too. There for I shall do what it takes to be fit.