I just do stuff (but not really. except kinda now)

From time to time, Herm gets bestowed the highest honor of babysitting his 5-year-old niece, Arabella.

Usually, when he's saddled with babysitting duty, he'll call you over to join him. Not just because he appreciates the help, but because he knows that the little one absolutely ADORES you.

The moment his sister opens the door, Arabella's running out the door, yelling, "UNCLE HERM!" as she slams into his stocky legs, wrapping around one of them with both arms and legs.

"H-Hey Bells!" He replies, leaning down to give her a massive hug.

He LOVES putting her on his shoulders. His suit is mostly waterproof, so it's okay. She loves feeling tall like her uncle!

He's not the greatest at food prep, usually getting things soggy, so you help out by making lunch for everyone. Usually, it's nothing too complicated. Just sandwiches, juiceboxes, goldfish crackers. That sorta thing.

He has definitely, at some point, done a homemade slip n' slide in the backyard for her. (Yes, he puked on the slip n' slide, CALIFORNIA IS IN A DROUGHT!)

She's not grossed out by his powers. She's gotten used to seeing them all the time.

Will play with dolls and get way too into character.

One time, he recreated the entirety of the floating door scene from Titanic. Arabella giggled at how dramatic he was taking it, and you just watched, mouth agape at his intensity as he did it almost beat-for-beat.

Has been known to put on a fairy princess dress and do tea parties. Does not appreciate that you have camera footage of said tea parties.

One time, he was called into work for an emergency dispatch, and grandma was out shopping with her care group, so he had to take Bells into the office with him.

She immediately ran to your desk, grabbing a treat from the dish beside your keyboard. You greeted her with a warm hello and a tight hug.

You know you can't keep her entertained while you work, so you take her over to Chase, begging him to keep her there. "She won't bother you, I promise!"

She sits and plays with her dolls and, of course, Beef, for hours.

Everyone is super confused when they see her, asking Chase who's child this is.

Chase just started saying "Waterboy" and stopping there. Everyone would just go slack-jawed. Since when does that wet noodle have a child!?

They ask you about it, and you clarify it's his niece.

You both take her back home after that shift, but she refuses to let you leave because "I didn't get to see Uncle Herm ALL DAY!"

To avoid a tantrum, you agree to at least take her to bed and read her a bedtime story.

You and Herm take turns doing funny voices for the characters as you read.

At a certain point, you glance his way and just watch him interact with the young girl.

Seeing how good he is with Arabella got you to start thinking about what it'll be like for you to have your own little ones someday.

You and Waterboy didn't become distant, as one might expect. Rather, you became more aware of him. You began noticing small habits of his that started to drive you insane.

You noticed how whenever he takes the last bite of his morning donut, he sucks the excess cream from his fingers. You noticed that when he gets up to throw away the soggy paper bag from his donut, he towers way above your sitting form. You noticed how every time he goes to sit back down beside you, he enforces the Riker maneuver, swinging his leg over the back of the chair before squatting down. Dear God, you want this man.

Across the break room, Sonar and Malevola are watching you stare at Waterboy doing the most mundane tasks like he's putting on the dirtiest strip tease.

"I have never been more disappointed to be mostly blind in my life." Sonar squints his eyes as he attempts to watch as you quickly grab a napkin to wipe your chin after watching Waterboy 'adjust himself' subtly, hoping nobody would notice (everyone noticed).

"Trust me, the grass isn't greener over here, pal." Mal scrunches her nose in disgust as she watches Waterboy's alarmed expression at the mess you've made, grabbing a napkin as well to help you wipe your shirt, only making you more wet. God, you guys are hopeless.

"So there's no way they're banging yet, right? Like, I feel like there wouldn't be nearly as much weirdo tension between them if they'd already banged." Sonar leans closer to Mal, whispering his question so you don't clock it. Not that you ever would in the state you're in, helping Waterboy clean up the pile of sopping wet napkins.

"Mmm... No. I don't believe they have. What did you give it? A month before they jumped each other?" Mal contemplates as she watches you both chuckle at the awkward situation you've created.

Sonar does a double take of Mal, not believing how preposterous the notion sounds. "Oh, please. They won't last another week. I mean, look at them!" He gestures animatedly at your silly actions.

"I thought you could hardly see them." Mal retorts, arms crossing.

There's a beat of silence as Sonar ponders her words.

"AH!" Sonar shrieks, quick and sharp, forcing you and Waterboy apart from where you were both leaning closer together. You stand abruptly, and rush out of the room, Waterboy following suit before branching off in the opposite direction as you. Sonar gets a sense of what position you were in before you split.

"Oh yeah. I've got this."

–

Every Friday, you and Herm would get together at one of your places to relax and watch movies together. Getting to spend time alone with him became the highlight of your week. Now you were more nervous and excited than ever before. You hadn't thought about the proximity much in the past, but all of a sudden, you were fully aware that you were about to be pressed against him on his double bed, your head tilting his way before you start licking a bead of sweat gliding down his neck, forcing a deep moan from -

Okay, you gotta stop doing that.

You get to his grandma's house that night, Herm ushering you into the living room, being careful to close the screen door to avoid letting her cats out. You approach the sweet old lady, greeting her cheerily before giving her a tight hug. She's by far the sweetest thing you've ever met.

After some small talk and ushering her to bed, you and Herm retreat to his bedroom. It's small, but oh so cozy and personal. There are old heavy metal and horror movie posters on his walls and some anime figurines on his shelves. There are clothes piled on top of his desk chair and string lights around the perimeter of the room, giving the place a soft, warm glow. You'd never thought about it before, but it is easily one of your most favorite places in the world. Nowhere else has ever felt more comfortable.

"You pick a movie for us?" You ask him as you close his bedroom door, allowing you both some privacy.

"Y-yeah! I was thinking, it's been a while since I've watched S-Scream. It's one of my favorites, but i-if you've already seen it and you don't want to, we can do - watch something else?" He smiles at you, hopeful that you'll agree.

"Oh my god, I love that movie! I haven't seen it in so long, but it's one of my favs, too! Let's do it!" Your enthusiasm is infectious as he bounds over to his bed and reaches to pull back his comforter. Your smile falters slightly as you glance down at his mattress, and you see that navy blue blanket that you gifted him around a week ago. For what felt like forever, memory upon memory of all your depraved thoughts came flooding back to you, envisioning everything that blanket could hypothetically go through.

Herm catches that glazed out look of yours before awkwardly clearing his throat, effectively breaking your trance.

"Huh? OH! Uhh... How is theeee um... how do you like your blanket?" You stammer out, forgetting words as they pass through your mind.

"Oh, the b-blanket. It's uh... it's good. It works. Very well, actually." He shyly rubs the back of his neck, eyes turning from yours as he answers, before catching himself, gesturing to the bed in an 'after you' motion. You smile at him as you sit down on the plush fabric, hand caressing the soft material as you wait for him to follow suit.

He makes himself comfortable beside you, shoulder pressed to yours as you grab your laptop from your bag, trying not to think about how small the bed is and how close he's become in the past few moments.

"So, you've s-seen this movie before?" He asks the question like he's trying to distract himself more than just trying to move the night along.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I've seen it a few times. It's one of my favorites, actually... You know, you always reminded me a bit of Randy?" You chuckle thinking of the parallels, both being adorable lanky nerds with a soft spot for horror.

"You think so?" He grins at your comparison.

"Yeah! You're SO Randy." You say before catching the inuendo. "I mean, you're Randy-esque. Randy-coded. You remind me of Randy!" You finally settle on that before coughing awkwardly as you finally pull up the movie.

Herm chuckles, but you can tell he's pinker and dripping more than usual. Maybe he - no, he can't be nervous for the same reason you are. That's just how Herm is. Right?

You decide to press play, and from there, you both lock in for the opening scene, occasionally throwing in trivia during particular moments. Everything's sort of normal until Billy and Sydney start making out. The camera pans down to Billy's hand as it slowly moves up Sydney's body. The scene is brief and only mildly suggestive, but all of a sudden, these relatively harmless moments start to generate heat for you. You glance over at Herm who's already looking your way, gauging your reaction to the moment before snapping his eyes back to your laptop. Okay, you certainly didn't imagine that one.

In a moment of boldness, you decide to test out the waters a little bit.

"Hey Hermie, I haven't been entirely truthful with you." You address him without looking away from the screen.

"Y- You haven- What are y- what do you mean?" His body is shuffling as you say that, eyes moving away from the screen to fully address you.

"I... may have suspected what the blanket was for when I bought it. I was just too embarrassed to admit it when I was called out. I didn't buy it for that reason, but after the others started teasing us, I just couldn't stop thinking about - about what they were saying. And the idea of you using it... For that purpose." You didn't even know what you were saying anymore. You just knew you needed to get that off your chest. You keep your eyes glued to the screen as he burns a hole into the side of your head, taking in this newfound information.

"Oh." Is all he says. Awkward silence persists between you two for about 10 seconds. You're about to regret your boldness before he responds, "Well, I haven't been entirely honest with y-you. Too."

Your eyes snap to his as he stares at the bottom of the laptop screen, effectively reversing your positions. "I... knew what the blanket was for, too. I wouldn't have thought much of it... if you hadn't been the one to give it to me. I thought about it a lot, actually. I even -" he stops himself from continuing, but your gaze does not falter.

"Go on." You turn your body to face him fully, placing a hand on his arm in encouragement. It's less damp than usual. He must be feeling bold, too. He continues.

"I even... tried it. To see h-how liquid-proof it is." There's a jolt of electricity that hits your skin when you hear his confession.

"You tried it? You mean you..." You make hand gesture that makes him blush as he grabs your hand to lower it.

"D- Don't make me spell it out for you!" He's laughing at your obscenity, and you can't help but join him. It is all a bit silly, isn't it. "But yes, I..." He repeats your hand motion with his free one, the other still holding yours.

"And?" Your grin gets even bigger as he replies.

"Well, I did tell you it works... didn't I?"

"Oh my god Hermie, you dirty boy!" You're chuckling, along with him, hands still entwined. The whole night went from tense to awkward to intimate. You feel content. Comfortable. He is your best friend, after all. The person you've grown to care about more than anyone else in the world. Your laughter winds down as you gaze longingly at each other. You don't know about him, but you're getting pretty sick of the longing. You gaze up at him from hooded lids before confessing:

"I love you, Hermie." You couldn't hold it in any longer. The swelling in your chest was becoming too much, and you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was true. The ball is in his court now. What will he do?

Instead of a reply, Herm leans forward and catches your lips with his, soft and sweet. He pulls away just as quick as he moved in, gauging your reaction. You pull him back in, laptop forgotten, and eventually discarded off the side of the bed. You alternate between giggles and pecks on the lips before you feel his one free hand on your thigh. You grab that hand to halt it before addressing him one more time.

"Hey, are we... on the same page here? I just wanna be sure that - " You know he'd never break your heart, but you also want to know that you're both in the same place.

"I sure hope so... I love you too. And I want - I want you. Every day if you'll have me." He's so clear in his words that you know he means it. This isn't just physical. He loves you too.

"YES, of course you can have me, Hermie! For as long as you'll have me." In your eagerness, you climb onto his lap, grabbing the front of his wet shirt and crashing your lips to his, more fueled than ever before.

From this point, there's nothing holding you back. His long, slender fingers glide along every inch of your body they can reach. Pure instinct is fueling his every movement, his palms getting wetter with each caress. You wonder just how much you can squeeze out of him.

You take the opportunity to try rolling your hips. You can feel him through his soaked sweatpants. You can feel he's a lot, and he's only half-hard. There's a sigh of relief from him as you apply pressure to his cock with your writhing hips. He's building up quickly if his sweaty panting into your ear is anything to go by. His delicious moans are bringing you there, too.

"W-wait, hold on! I- I wanna give - Let me give you more, please." He pulls your face away but keeps his hands on your hips, grinding oh so torturous, gentle, and frankly not enough.

"What do you wan-" before you can finish asking, he's used his super strength to flip you onto the bed, your back splashing into the water accumulated on the face of the waterproof blanket, moisture soaking into your pajamas. It's warmer than you expected.

Herm pushes up your top, exposing your stomach before silently pleading to remove the offending clothing. You nod eagerly, leaning forward to remove it along with your sports bra. That's when it finally clicks that he's seeing you exposed for the first time.

"I- you- you're... wow." You're a little sheepish about having him see you like this, but it's Herm. There's nobody else on Earth you'd wanna be in this position with.

He dives down, kissing all over your chest, right hand caressing upward to meet your left breast. His thumb brushes against your nipple as his mouth latches to your right one. You sigh out your pleasure at his gentil touches.

His mouth and hands glide over your stomach, leaving a trail of wet kisses in their wake. His nose makes contact with your pajama bottoms, and he looks up into your eyes as he leaves kisses at the hem, another silent plea to let him in.

You grin as you nod yet again. He smiles back at you, and your heart swells. He's just so endearing. He hooks his slender fingers under the waistband of your PJ bottoms, and tugs down, unintentionally taking your underwear with them.

"Oh, oops! I didn't- I..." He loses his train of thought as he's met face to face with his new favorite view. You, completely bare, sprawled out over what's turned out to be the second best present he's ever gotten. You've become the greatest gift he's ever received, bar none.

All he wants to do is touch every single inch of your exposed skin, hands gently caressing both your thighs, moving up, then back down to your knees as he glances back into your eyes. You feel shy suddenly, realizing that you're completely bare before him, and he hasn't taken anything off. He must've noticed the look on your face and came to the same realization about his state of dress.

"Oh! Right, uhh..." He grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it over his head in a single move, flipping his head back, his wet hair slapping against his forehead. That may be the single sexiest thing he's ever done, and he doesn't even know it.

For someone so tall and slender, he's decently well built, all lean muscle and lightly toned. You wanted nothing more than to lick all up his dripping body, but he has other plans as he goes back to your legs, kissing from your knee, down to your inner thigh. With his warm breath panting over your core, you can tell it's taking everything in him to keep from completely devouring you that very second.

"Her- Hermie, please!" All you want is for him to make contact, and you know that's all he wants too. Without needing to be told twice, he dives in tongue first, immediately tasting you. His tongue laps at your entrance, licking up every ounce of wetness from you.

Your back arches as his nose perfectly bumps your clit, eating you like a man starved. Your hand moves down to grab his hair, one of his going up to still your girating hips. He licks upward from your entrance to your clit as you feel two of those long, thin fingers begin to probe into you, entering with ease. You feel them curl upward, hitting the sweetest spot imaginable, tongue lapping relentlessly at your clit.

You'd be embarrassed at how quickly you're reaching the edge if he hadn't been such a champ at building you up. It's like he knows your body as well as you do.

"H- Hah- Hermie! Oh god, I'm s-so -" you have to hold that thought as he curls his fingers deeper, and moves his tongue faster, and finally, "OH HERM!" Your entire back lifts off the bed as you clench oh so tightly over his fingers, full body shivering from your orgasm. You think you pulled a muscle in your calf from how much your body tensed. You run your hands through his soaked hair, a silent apology for how hard you must have been pulling.

He lifts his face up, from you, somehow even more soaked than usual. Oh, you didn't merely cum, did you?

"Woah, d- did you..?" Suddenly he's shy again, stuttering out his question like he didn't just completely wreck you.

"I think I squirted on you." You lean your head back in mild embarrassment, arm draping over your eyes. You've never done that before, and of course the first time you ever do it's on your best friend's face.

"H-hey, it's okay! Don't worry, we have the blanket." There's a beat of silence before you both burst out laughing at the ridiculous statement, the blanket surely having absorbed well above the advertised amount of liquid by now.

"Well, how about we see just how much more this thing can take, huh?" Your fingers glide over the dip of his hips before catching on the waistband of his own pants and underwear, dragging them downwards.

You didn't expect to see the sticky white mess coating his semi-hard cock. He came just from eating you out, and he's already stirring back to life.

"Is this all just from cumming once?" The mess wasn't just on his cock, but also his thighs, and dripping from his tip downward, coating his balls.

"I- y- yeah I uh... release a lot at once." He rubs the back of his neck as he admits his condition to you. You lean forward and grab his shoulders, making him look you in the eyes.

"Hey, hey. It's okay... We have the blanket."

"Oh shut up!" He giggles as he gently shoves your face down, your head hitting the pillow before you lean back up on your elbows. You think about your next move, opting to go back to that original position.

"Here, switch places with me. If I don't have you inside of me soon I think I'm gonna go crazy." His cock stirs fully back to life as he wastes no time swinging around, back against the headboard as you straddle him, once again face to face.

You grab what you can of him with your hand, fingers hardly meeting as they wrap around his fat cock. You give him a couple strokes, iliciting a whimper from rubbing the sensitive tip with your thumb before beginning to sink down onto him. His size makes this a challenge, but he's here for you.

"H-hey. You're doing amazing for me. YOU'RE amazing. I love you so much." He whispers to you, thumb wiping away any stray tears that spill from your eyes. "We can stop if it's hurting too mu-"

"No no, I want you so badly, please!"

It takes a while for you to connect your hips to his, Herm whispering sweet nothings as you go along. He places gentle kisses over your face and neck, comforting you every step of the way.

Once you two have fully become one, you sit yourself on his lap, stilling for several minutes, foreheads touching, adjusting to the feeling of him inside you. Once you're comfortable, you start to move. Raising slowly before slamming back down. Herm let's out a groan from deep within his chest, feeling your walls glide against him, soaking his cock in both of your previous releases.

Your thighs and pelvis begin to ache from the movement and sheer size of him, so he lifts you up, not fully unsheithed before laying you down, putting one leg over his shoulder before going back in. From this angle, he can thrust even deeper, your moans getting louder with every slap of his hips to your ass.

You can feel his thrusts growing unsteady as he starts reaching his second climax. The hand not on your leg caresses between your breasts, over your neck, and finally puts three of his fingers on your lips, begging for entry that you gladly allow. After coating his fingers thoroughly, he moves those fingers down over your clit to start rubbing along with his thrusts. You can't take much more as your second orgasm of the night begins to build.

"C- Cum for me. I want you to, p-please!" You don't need to be asked twice you feel your body tip over once again, his following very shortly after. His hips stutter and twitch as he fills you up, cum spilling out the sides of your entrance as he fucks it all back into you.

He drops your sore leg and collapses on top of you, body going completely limp as he turns his head to kiss along your cheek.

"Whe- Where the FUCK did you learn to do all that?" You're panting out all your words as you gently scratch along his scalp, fingers plunging into his hair, ilicinting another drawn-out moan from him.

"Oh y- y'know... porn." You laugh almost mockingly at that answer.

"No shot in HELL porn taught you any of that." You pant out your response, still coming down from that earth-shattering orgasm.

"Well... okay. Not, like, that staged stuff. More like... real couples. Y'know... making love." His answer is so endearing you can't help but coo at how adorable he is.

"You are so precious. I love you so much." You grin. He pulls himself out of you before lying on his back and bringing your naked body flush with his.

"We should... probably throw this blanket in the washer, huh?" Herm glances down at you, your body as soaked as his is every day. You let out a sigh, placing a palm down over the once plush material, now sticky and just about at capacity for how much it can take.

"We should probably throw this blanket in a furnace after that. It probably wouldn't catch fire though." You silently lament the blanket that started it all, quite possibly ruined after your activities.

You both stand, pulling the sopping wet blanket away to reveal a perfectly dry, plastic covered mattress. Wow, this this works even better than advertised.

You both lie back down, more comfortable without the soiled fabric. He pulls you back into him before pulling his comforter over you both. You gaze into eachothers eyes, stealing wet kisses, simply drinking in the silence.

"Hey, uh... would you - maybe wanna... go out on a... a date sometime?" He stares at you with hope in his eyes. You bury your face in his shoulder, laughing hysterically at his question.

"Did you really think after all that you even needed to ask!?"

"HEY! I- IT SEEMED POLITE!"

–

Come Monday morning, the team could sense the change in energy between you two. Maybe it was the way you held yourselves. Maybe it was the way you glanced in eachother's direction. Or maybe it's the fact that Waterboy has his hands wrapped around your waist and he is pullling you in for a deep, passionate kiss just before you both entered the conference room. After this development, all eyes are on you.

"Wo-ho-hoah, what's all this, then?" Punch-up asks, smile growing incrementally at what he's just witnessed.

"Fuck. I guess I'm out." You hear Mal whisper to Sonar.

"Dammit, me too." He replies.

"I- we... we're sorta... together now." Waterboy turns his head to you, eyes filled with nothing but pure love and adoration.

"No no no, we got that. But, like, WHEN did you get together. Like, precisely." Visi leans forward in her chair, eager for your answer. Goddammit, they didn't... Nah, they totally did. Before you can stop Waterboy from giving the team the satisfaction of an answer he responds.

"Friday night." He grins with pride, only to have it lessen at the sounds of angry shouting and complaining from his peers.

"Oh goddammit, you couldn't wait just ONE MORE NIGHT before you banged!? FUCK" Visi throws her hands in the air, a huff of exasperation leaving her while Punch-up mutters a "fuckin' bullshit" under his breath.

"Alright, so who got it?" Prism looks around, waiting for someone to claim their prize.

"I believe the winner is... me." You and Waterboy turn around to see Robert standing at the door way, walking between you and gladly accepting an envelope of cash from Coop, casually flicking through the bills with his thumb. That's a fat wad of cash.

"Holy shit, how much did you guys bet!?" You stare down at the stretched out paper envelope reading "fursuit money" on the front.

"$1078. Small bills only." He doesn't look up from counting as he takes his seat at the head of the table.

"How the fuck did you even guess this Friday!?" Visi asks, clearly still sore from the loss.

"I know their movie nights are Fridays. Figured they'd wanna test out Waterboy's new blanket."

Dear God, you were gonna crack skulls.

"Happy birthday Hermie!"

You throw your arms around his shoulders and pull him in for the tightest, wettest hug. He barely processed you, body still reeling from the utter shock of the situation. All day, nobody at the office seemed to know or care that it was his birthday, not that he was advertising it.

It must've been in his file, though, because that morning began with Robert's tired, monotone voice over the coms wishing everyone a quick good morning before getting some grumbles in return.

"Alright, everyone, first order of business, I'd like to wish our very own Waterboy a happy birthday. So uh... Happy birthday, pal."

"Happy birthday, Waterboy!" You interject from your own com, only a few feet from the former, but wanting everyone to share in your excitement.

"Oh! Grea- Cool- uh... Thank you!"

"Wait, it's Waterbitch's birthday, and nobody said anything?" Invisigal interjected, a slight chuckle in her words. He glances in your direction, you look at him, shrugging your shoulders at the question.

After that, everyone was saying some form of 'it's his birthday?' Or 'who cares?' Or 'can we get back to the important stuff?'

He would've felt more down about it had he not already anticipated the absolute least. It's not that he expects the worst our of his fellow Z-Teamers. It's that he knows he's always going to the black sheep of the group as the only one who isn't a former villain. He's come to accept that, so long as you at least still show care for him.

What he didn't know was that you had convinced everyone to show up at your place after work for a surprise birthday party. You got everyone to pretend they didn't know it was his birthday and that they didn't care. Everyone did care in their own ways, though.

They sure had him fooled. But now they're here offering pats on the back, and words of congratulations. Everyone's decently enthusiastic, but not nearly as much as you've been.

In hindsight, he should've known something was up just based on your behavior. You did seem even more excited to hang out after work than even he did. This must be the reason.

After some drinking, dancing, and the single most decadent cupcake he's ever had (he could tell it was NOT just a box mix) it was time for presents.

Highlights include a lemon scented candle that reminds him of the chemical-y odor of the janitor's closet at work (Prism said it reminded her of him somehow), a pack of temporary tattoos of little dolphins from Flambae (because he wanted to know if they'd work), and a $300 bottle of scotch from Sonar who 'just sorta had it lying around' (he deifninitely forgot to buy a gift. Punch-Up would've gone for whiskey.)

Next is your gift, and you gotta admit, you wish you'd gone after the tattoos and before the expensive bottle of scotch because now your gift seems kinda simple.

"Here, this is from me. I'm sorry, it's kind of... boring." You stammer out, a bit sheepish at the simple present.

"Youuuu don't even! You hosted, a-and made cupcakes! You're wonderful!" Waterboy's pure glee is more than you can handle. His overall enthusiasm is so infectious that you can't help but feel your heart swell at his compliment.

"Oh my god, can you just PLEASE stop with the eye-fucking and get on with it already?" Visi chimes in, head thrown back dramatically. Everyone chuckles as that sheepish feeling remains.

Waterboy tears into the wrapped present, something navy and plush underneath the mass of paper.

"A... blanket?" Waterboy knows that's what it is, he's just more confused why you'd buy something like this.

"A waterproof blanket! It's meant to be hydrophobic or something. Kinda like duck feathers. Thought it might be comfy for you." You stare at him hopefully, just praying he's not upset it isn't something more expensive or fancy or-

"OH MY GOD IT'S A FUCK BLANKET!" Invisigal's head immediately snaps up as she snatches the fabric from Waterboy's hands, clenching the material as she stares at it from every angle.

"Holy shit, like the ones from those freaky-ass Instagram ads?" Malevola chimes in, leaning over to feel the material herself. "Is that how you found it?"

"Geez, seems a bit forward, don't ya think, love?" Punch up says behind a clenched fist held up to his mouth to muffle his chuckling.

You couldn't feel hotter if Flambae decided to light you up from head to toe in flames. You can't imagine Waterboy is fairing any better. That is NOT what you had in mind when you bought that blanket.

"N-No that's not- listen, one time Hermie and I were hanging out, and we were lying on his bed -"

"Hot." Sonar chimed in, very unhelpfully.

"WATCHING A MOVIE ON MY LAPTOP, and I realized that he just sort of sleeps on plastic, so I figured that laying down a waterproof blanket would be more comfortable for him. THAT'S ALL!" You wave your hands rappidly in both directions. Why the hell are you getting so defensive anyway?

"Why'd you go with navy, though? Wouldn't that make cum stains more obvious?" Again, Sonar is not helping.

"No, you idiot, it's WATERPROOF. Cum would bounce right off of it." Goddammit Visi.

"Now now, you said WATERPROOF, not CUMPROOF. We can't be sure." Thanks, Coop.

"Didn't you hear Mal? It's literally for sex! Here, let me pull up those ads real quick." Prism pulls out her phone and starts typing, a small group forming around her.

"If sex is as messy as you imply, then I wonder if it is Golem-Proof too." Phenonmeman ponders a little bit too closely as Golem goes to grab the blanket.

"Okay, okay, that's enough, you guys. Can't you see what you're doing to the kid?" Robert motions to Waterboy who at that point has practically zoned out, face as red as a tomato and a full puddle formed under his scrunched up form sitting on the floor, knees up to his face. Dear God, this whole thing may have broken him.

He isn't just embarrassed by the subject matter being discussed but rather the ideas that his mind has cooked up from realizing what the gift is intended for. You probably just bought it off of Amazon or something, simply reading that it's ideal for 'bedwetters' or whatever, but knowing what it's generally marketed as has sent his mind and his heart racing.

The thought of him underneath you, laptop forgotten as you sit on his lap instead, hips grinding down on top of him, feeling your bodies become absolutely drenched, not just from himself, but from your body as well.

The thought of you moving yourself forward at his insistence, hovering over his face before he grabs both your hips and pulls you down right onto his face.

The thought of you, face down in the puddle of fluids forming over the plush fabric of his navy blue blanket as he absolutely wrecks you, creating even more mess on the bed as his long, fat cock buries deeper and deeper inside of you, water and precum dripping down your thighs as you tremble whine and under him, body feeling just as spent as you look.

"Waterbitch? Hey, are you still with us?" He's brought back to reality by the sound of Flambae's fingers snapping in his face. He looks around the room, a bit confused as a bunch of knowing looks are thrown in his direction.

He then glances your way and catches a look he can't quite place. A sort of glossy-eyed is swiped across your face. You didn't know what he was thinking, did you?

You may have known more than you would've thought because your brain wasn't too far off from his.

"Oh dear lord, they're both broken." Punch-up laments as he waves a hand in your face to snap you out of your own trance.

You're sitting alone at a table in the corner, dressed far more lavishly than anything you'd normally wear in the office. Your peers are scattered all around the hall. Some take advantage of the open bar, some stand by the dessert table laughing and indulging in tasty treats, and others are out on the dance floor. That's where your eyes lingered.

Waterboy's gaze, however, stayed on you across the room. It seems to do that regardless of what room you're in. He knew you wanted to dance. The longing was evident in your expression as you watched Robert dip Blazer before bringing her back up with a light chuckle. Even Malevola and Sonar were swaying like an awkward prom couple to the sounds of soft jazz.

"You can ask them to dance, y'know." Waterboy practically lept a meter off the ground at the sudden voice at his side. He could've sworn Chase was at the bar just a moment ago!

"Wh- Wha? Me? No no n- I couldn't- can't. Umm... Dance, I mean." He's damn near all legs, and yet they loved getting tangled up in one another. As much as he'd love nothing more than to hold your hand in his and sway to the beautiful music, he just can't handle being seen like that. Not to mention, his suit is entirely soaked through. He can't risk getting you wet. Not when you look so breathtaking.

"Do you really think they'll give a damn? Come on, now. They paid for the ticket, got all dolled up, and now it's being wasted because one wet little fella's scared he may step on some toes. If you're not gonna dance, why the hell did you even come tonight?"

Why DID Waterboy come out tonight? It was pretty inconvenient, all things considered. The ticket was a bit pricier than he'd normally like paying, and he had to buy himself a suit blazer since everywhere refused to rent one to him. Even still, he knew precisely why he came out tonight. He knew you'd be here.

"W- well... They happened to brin- mention it. Sounded... fun?" Even he wasn't buying his own answer.

"Well then, stop hiding by the dessert table and get your ass over there!" Chase puts a hand on his wet back before recoiling from the sopping wet sensation.

Waterboy sighs at the reaction and turns back to you, where he's shocked to find you're already staring at him. Normally, he'd break eyecontact swiftly, eyes finding the floor or pretending there was something more interesting in the room, but this time, he couldn't do it. Not when you flash him the most delicate smile. Chase huffs out his frustration.

"Alright, fine. DON'T ask them to dance. Y'all can just... stand here in silence, and give each other googly eyes all night." And just like that, he's walking away, muttering about "how ridiculous you're both acting."

With that, he's confronted with two choices: stay away like the "wet little fella" he is or go up and finally give you the night you deserve...

It wouldn't be too hard to slip out unnoticed, would it? He's just gotta look for an opening and- Oh god, are you coming over? Oh frick oh frick oh frick abort mission abort mission ABORT MISSIO-

"Lovely night, isn't it?" You stand side by side with Waterboy, both staring out at the dancefloor as more people join in the festivities.

"Huh? OH! Uhh... yeah, it's- it's uh... yeah." Suddenly, it's difficult to look in your direction.

"Uh, hey I was wonderin-"

"I can't dance!" Oh god, he blew it. You were gonna walk away thinking he was a weirdo. How could he even assume that's what you were gonna say anyway? Talk about presumptuous. God, he really screwed it up.

"Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to go outside for a bit. Get some air? It's a bit stuffy in here." You want to go outside... Together?

"Oh. OH! Um... Y- yeah, sure. It- you're- IT'S pretty hot. In here!" (Careful, Herm. You ALMOST made a move there.)

You smile and grab his wet hand, stunning him at your lack of recoil, his heart now thumping at twice the speed. You usher him out through the back door where a small courtyard was tucked away. Nothing too spectacular, but the lush greenery and flowers laid out around the small garden were a wonderful backdrop. You stand with your back against the railing of the large stone patio, stairs leading down to the courtyard. Slightly muffled music flowed through the cracked door, stone ground illuminated by hanging string lights.

His heart doesn't get a chance to slow when you grab his other hand, putting it on your waist. At this point, he's not just creating puddles. He IS the puddle.

"Wh- what are you..." He doesn't understand what's happening, but he just can't get himself to pull away, either.

"I had a feeling you weren't gonna be a good dancer." Ouch. "But I also knew that there was nobody else I wanted to dance with tonight. I figured you'd be more likely to agree if we were away from prying eyes." It's embarrassing to admit, but you truly know how to make a grown man swoon.

"B-but, I'm still not- My coordination isn't really..."

"Well, I suppose we can figure that one out together." Your smirk was playful, but it just made him even more nervous. You lean your body forward, dangerously close to pressing your chest against his, faces mere inches from eachother as you whisper:

"Take me wherever you want to go. I'll follow your lead." You pull him towards you, and he stumbles in your direction, chest suddenly pressing against yours. The squelched sound is unmistakable.

"I- I'm so so so sorry! I didn't mean to press into you like that! I- I- I- I ruined your outfit!" Seriously, how could he make things worse at this point?

"Shhh shh shh, hey, Hermie, look at me. It's just clothing. This moment is worth way more than a silly outfit." And you meant it. He could see it in the way you looked at him. You wanted to be here. With him. You took in every single factor and still decided that this is what you wanted out of tonight.

The entire time he'd seen you around the office, every conversation, every look, every donut shared, his eyes had always whispered, "Please adore me," and you had finally heeded that call.

You pulled him back into your chest, uncaring of the moisture being soaked into your fancy attire. You spent the next... who knows how long, teaching him how to slow dance. His legs did get tangled, but when they were tangling with yours, he didn't seem to mind as much.

The moon hung above you, beaming down like a spotlight on your ungraceful union. You look ethereal in the golden moonlight. He has to physically refrain from leaning in, though it seems he may not have to.

You move the hand on his shoulder along his collar, his neck, and finally, his jaw. You can see the bobbing in his throat as he swallows his nerves. He sees your eyes dance between his own and his lips, asking a silent question. Instead of an answer, he plunges forward, lips firmly meeting your own.

The kiss is harsh and clumsy and could not be any more perfect. He pulls away as quickly as he swooped down, only to be met with you chasing after him. The second kiss is more coordinated than the first, learning and adjusting to each other. He never wanted this moment to end.

"Holy hell, is it stuffy in there! Robert, you got a -" just as you were about to let the kiss go deeper, out walk Chase and Robert, bow ties undone, pausing at the backdoor entrance as you and Herm freeze like deer in the headlights.

"Oh shit, our bad you guys! You two, uh... don't mind us, we'll go out the front." Robert tries to awkwardly salvage the moment for you two as he grabs Chase's forearm, muttering out a "come on, old man" as he drags Chase inside. Not before the old man can flash a quick thumbs-up Herman's way.

"Yah, man. Teens get high sometimes. Didn't you?"

The trepidation normally present in Waterboy's speech was completely forgotten, replaced with complete and utter shock through the intercom. Waterboy was tasked with finding the teen daughter and friends of one of their callers daughter's, only to find them blitzed by the shores of Palm Beach.

It almost seems like a no-brainer to Robert that he would've tried some illicit substance in his teens. With Herm's levels of anxiety, it kind of makes perfect sense. That and who didn't experiment in their younger years?

"I- well- y'know, I'm n- I'm not uh... I haven't really ever been high."

Waterboy's trepidation comes back full swing with his response. In highschool, he was always a good kid. Always kept in line and away from trouble. He learned that drugs were evil, addictive, and going to ruin his life. He took the D.A.R.E. program very seriously in middleschool.

Robert would've been shocked had it not immediately made sense after about a half-second. After all, what would grandma think!? Herm's innocent and good nature aside, Robert felt it would do more good for easing his mind than anything.

"I never recommend this to anyone, but I think you specifically should TRY getting high."

Herm takes pause as he considers Robert's words. It's been about 6 years since highschool, and entering the real world has really opened his eyes. Namely joining SDN has introduced him to a whole onslaught of new experiences. Before this job, he'd never gotten drunk, he'd never won in a brawl, and he'd never found someone who made him feel quite as comfortable as you did.

He'd gone to a couple house parties thrown by his fellow Z-Team members, and recalls at one of them, you smoking on the balcony. He thinks back to your blissed out face as you had muffled conversation with Sonar and Mal, passing a joint around amongst yourselves. You'd come inside eventually, sat beside him on the couch, and leaned your head on his shoulder, uncaring of the dampness covering your cheek. He had trouble focusing on anything else as you relaxed into him, but even still, he couldn't help glancing up to see Malevola and Sonar doing... something together outside. They weren't kissing. In fact their faces weren't touching at all. Instead Mal was leaning her head up as Sonar bent down, so close, and blew a breath of smoke into her mouth. She inhaled deeply, gazing into his eyes. The intimate moment was broken when she started coughing, both of them giggling hysterically as Mal grabbed Sonar's shoulder, keeled over, and coughed raucously.

Herm had been mesmerized by the act. It was probably good natured fun between friends – or whatever they were – but it stirred something within him. Something like... desire. He'd wanted to try that. He wanted to feel someone lean their warm body over his, their hot breath on his skin, their smokey air in his lungs. And he wanted it to be you.

—

Ever since that party, the thought hadn't left his mind, and the recent conversation over coms with Robert brought it even moreso to the forefront. Herm couldn't take it anymore. He was thinking about it constantly, wanting that tension, that closeness with another person. With you.

—

The first time Herm ever saw you was shortly after he was hired at SDN as a janitor. Despite the office full of hybrids and monsters, he couldn't help but keep a watchful gaze on you. Always with that megawatt smile and sharing a laugh with everyone who visited your desk. You held yourself in a way he could only dream of. He hadn't expected to get an excuse to talk to you until you ran into him in the break room. Literally. You'd been walking into the break room, open takeout box in hand, just as he was opening the door to walk out. WHAM! You smacked right into a solid wall of superhero strength, noodles splattering all over your blue dispatcher button-up. Despite you being the one covered in lunch, he looked far worse than you did. He was absolutely mortified, ready to be shouted at and insulted for his incompetence. Instead of the sound of you cussing him out, however, you were laughing. Again with that wonderful laugh. Larger than life. After profuse apologies and helping you clean up, you'd quickly become best friends.

Fast forward to current day, and he can't help but stare in your direction. You've got your headset on, wrapping up a solid morning of dispatching. Your lunch break is coming up, Waterboy plans on joining you, as usual. As approaches your desk, his mind continues to wander. Always in that same one direction.

"Hey Herm! Ready for lunch? I was thinking we could try that new-"

"DO YOU WANNA GET HIGH WITH ME?"

Herm immediately smacked both hands over his mouth, looking around the room with panicked eyes. A couple of people fall silent and glance in his direction briefly before going back to their work.

You stare wide-eyed at Herm for a second, caught completely off guard by the exclamation.

"Like... Right now?"

"NO! N-no uh... li- l-later, I mean. At your ap-partment. I'd ra- prefer not at- uh... grandma and the cats and all..."

You haven't heard him stutter this much since you were first getting to know eachother. Sometimes he really seemed to have his own language when he stuttered. Lucky for you, you're fluent.

"Oh! Y-yeah, I'd be down for that! Have you... Gotten high before?" Your body language is calm, but your eyes are alight. You look almost as excited as he feels.

"Umm... N-not rea- at all." He hadn't felt sheepish about that fact until this very moment.

"Oh, well in that case, maybe we should try something more light, like an edible. You can get these mug cake mixes you put in the micr-"

"No! N- Sorry- I'm... I wanna smoke. It. If you don't m-mind."

'It?' God, he's so lame.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure! I can make that work! We can go straight to my place after work if you want. I've already got some of 'it' left over from a couple weeks ago." You end your sentence with a subtle wink.

Dammit, he knew 'it' was lame!

—

Herm is sitting on a plastic covered couch cushion in your living room, more nervous around you than he's been in a while. He's hoping that Robert was right, and this'll calm his nerves, but what he really needs is to calm down right now. Especially if he's gonna ask you for what he really wants.

"Hey, do you thi- suppose I cou- could uh... have a drink? Just to loosen up a bit."

He could hear your single loud 'HA' echo from your bedroom.

"No way in HELL I'm letting you get cross-faded your first time smoking." You emerge from your bedroom, glass pipe in hand and a small bag of- well, I guess that's 'it,' huh?

Well, no turning back now. Not that he really wanted to. You park yourself to the right of him on the couch, grinding a couple chunks of weed before stuffing them into the top of the pipe.

"Wha- umm... wha- why theee pipe? I thought they- you smoke cigar-rettes, no?" The pipe isn't quite like the fantasy in his head.

"Well, I figured I'd spare you from getting a joint all soggy. Moisture and all that."

Dammit, but he wanted an excuse to have you do the thing!

"W-well I was hop- thinking of you doing this- this thing that I saw once."

You tilt your head slightly. A sign for him to proceed.

"Do you remember- the other week. At Robert's a-appartment. You were smoking with Sonar and Mal-levola?"

You give a gentil nod, not entirely certain what he's getting at yet.

"After you came back- back in, they kept go- smoking and Sonar did this... thing. Where he blew- puff- breathed. Umm... into Malevola's mouth..."

Herm breaks eyecontact as he stammers through his explanation, all the while a smile slowly grows across your face.

"Ohhhh, I see. You wanna try shotgunning." Not once does your smile disappear as you turn toward the table, instead pulling out some rolling papers from a nearby junk drawer. If a joint is part of his fantasy, then a joint he shall have.

"Yeah! Y- is that right? Shot- gun..?" He lifts up a hand and starts flexing his index finger like he's pulling a trigger.

"Uh huh. I think I'm starting to understand exactly what it is you're looking for." Just as you finish rolling your joint, you go to lick the paper before stopping yourself. Instead you turn over to Herman and extend the half completed joint over to his parted lips.

"Lick, please." You stare at him expectantly as he looks down at the joint and then back to you, tongue poking lightly from his parted lips as he stares you down with a sharp blue gaze. With unbroken eyecontact, his tongue glides accross the paper. Your breath hitches. Dear Lord.

You finish rolling before finally placing the decently made joint between your lips. The joint he licked. His suit feels tighter all of a sudden. He can't take his eyes off the way you slowly bring your lighter to it, flicking the flame on as you lean back and inhale deeply. He couldn't help inhaling deeply himself.

You put the joint between two fingers and breathe back out slowly, eyes closing for a moment. That blissed out look was back on your face. The one from the party a couple weeks prior. He let out a light whimper. Slight embarrassment immediately swept across his face.

You seemed unbothered, however, a light chuckle exiting your lips as you open your eyes in his direction.

"Can't forget about you, can I? That's what this is all about, right?" In one fell swoop, you're sitting on his lap, your thighs clinging to the tight rubbery spandex of his sopping suit. Instinctively, his hands go directly to your waist. Not an ounce of weed in his system and he's already chilled out significantly. Surely he hasn't gotten a contact high already?

You wiggle your hips slightly, almost innocently, as you settle into your spot on his damp lap. You can feel his excitement as much as you hear it in his voice, this time a deep groan escaping his lips. You ignore it, however, in favor of taking another hit of your joint. Yet another inhale, sucking harshly on the hand rolled cigarette until your lungs are at capacity. You begin to lean forward, hips and torsos pressing against eachother, free hand on his chest brushing up towards his shoulder, and finally settling on his neck. He doesn't need to be told what to do. Eyes half lidded, his gaze into yours, lips parting, faces mere centimeters away from eachother as your mouth opens across from his, gentle huff of smoke entering his slack jaw, intake of breath just as intense as yours before. It was absolutely perfect. You were absolutely perfect. Until he remembered how this moment ended with Malevola and Sonar.

Almost immediately after his inhale, Herman starts coughing, wheezing almost, as he throws his head forward onto your shoulder. Your chuckle stays light as you rub your hand gently across his back, patting it occasionally.

"There you go, baby. It's okay, that's normal for your first time. You're doing really well." Your words aren't helping the tightness in his suit.

"You need help getting comfy?" Herm leans back against the plastic covered cushion, your free hand going for the zipper of his suit, silently asking for permission. He nods enthusiastically, grip on your waist tightening.

"Words, gorgeous. I need to hear you."

"P-please. Don't stop."

You chuckle again, this time a bit darker than before. Slowly you unzip the front of his suit, past his chest, just below his naval. You lean back to take in the newly exposed skin. Pale, wet, glistening in the dimmed lights. You can't help but want to indulge in him. But that's not what this is about. Not yet at least.

You go in for another hit of your joint, this time setting it down on the ashtray on your side table, smoke held in your lungs. You turn back to him, your now free hands slipping along his chest, into each side of his unzipped suit. You gently pull it open, face getting closer to his, as he eagerly opens his mouth again. This time your lips gently meet as you exhale, his breath catching before he can take in too much smoke. That's all it took for him to lean in. Grip tighter, hands traveling down to your hips and he ground you into him. It's your turn to groan as keeps your grinding at a steady pace. The entire front part of your body is completely soaked into at this point, warm wetness seeped fully into your blue top, Herm desperately trying to unbutton the front with his long, slender, and uncoordinated fingers.

"Herm. Hermie. Hey, this is about you, right? Let me take care of you." You clasp both his hands in yours, holding them tenderly against your wet chest.

"Bu- but I wan-"

"And you will! You can have me any way you want after I take care of you first." You kiss the corners of his lips before giving him a proper full-on kiss. Your hands continue their exploration of his body while your tongue continues on his warm wet mouth.

Your hands reaches his zipper once more to finish what you started. The light smattering of hair going down from his naval lead you straight to where you wanted to see most. His cock wasted no time springing upward and slapping against his body. He'd always assumed it was considered decent size, but the look on your face told him it was far more than decent. You couldn't resist wrapping a hand around his cock, stroking gently before going faster, movements facilitated by the wetness spread across his body.

"You're doing so well Hermie. I love those gorgeous sounds you make for me." You continue to ramble in his ear, emphasizing each word of praise with a gentle thumb stroke on his tip.

Herm couldn't help the choked out sobs coming from his mouth, forehead pressed against yours as you gave him your full attention, always staring from his cock all the way back to his face, gauging his reaction with each stroke. You could tell by the way his body was tensing that he wasn't going to last much longer.

"Please, I- c-close!" At this point you could see tears running down his eyes, mingling with the rest of his naturally wet face.

"Let go, Hermie. You can let go for me."

He let out one more guttural moan as he came, white coating your hand and his chest, pants leaving his mouth. Slowly, he comes down from the high of his orgasm. He's also starting to lose the high from the weed.

"Do you think... Could we do another hit, and then I do you?" He's sweaty, panting, and covered in his own cum and all he can think about is you. And weed.

"Let's get cleaned up a bit, and then we can get back to whatever it is you want."

You guys were more than ready for a long night.

—