#dispatch headcanon

I’m bored on lunch break and decided to write more headcanon ideas since I’m obsessed and need to start writing more fics again:

The Z-team arguing in the conference room about if Robert is a Twink or Hunk: Flambae, Prism, and Sonar think he’s a twink. Coupe, Punch up and Malevola think he’s secretly a hunk. And Invisigal states he’s a twunk. Robert is literally standing at the end of the conference table done with everybody.

Malevola and Sonar are like besties to the point they have eachother as backgrounds on their phones and like would have platonic matching bracelets.

Invisigal has the hots for Blonde Blazer/Mandy and thinks she and Robert are together but Robert tells her they’re just friends. (Invisigal punched him afterwards pissed realizing she could’ve shoot her shot with her awhile ago).

Waterboy is an animal lover (especially cats but cats don’t like to get wet 😭) he definitely has TikTok’s of puppies and kittens and wants to have a pet the doesn’t mind his ability.

Golem makes clay figures/mugs for his co workers since he literally can just pull out mud from himself.

Coupe and Prism have both an interesting friendship surrounding their interests surrounding music/dancing. However they have argued which style of music is “better”.

Punch up has a soft side for Waterboy while he doesn’t show it he secretly likes having the kid around and thinks he’s a good kid.

The office is filled with HR violations from: Blonde Blazer dating Invisigal and adding an extra point to her chart to not get voted out (in this headcanon no one got fired because I would never be able to chose), Robert and Phenomaman having they’re “special relationship” and Water boy ended up in a trouple with Prism and Flambae.

Waterboy has witnessed too many HR violations in the office (and cleaned up after them) more than he likes to admit. Rather it’s accidental getting a head concussion from a coffee mug thrown at him by Invisigal (he walked in on her and Blonde Blazer making out in her office), nearly pissing himself walk in on Phenomaman crushing a naked Robert, or walking in on Punch Up and Coupes “training exercises”. Waterboy literally has all the tea about everyone’s relationship and spills it with Prism and Flambae.

Chase literally turned his cubicle into Beef’s little mansion; like bro has photos of Beef like he’s his grandchild, has dog toys, expensive dog treats and a dog bed worth already a week of Robert’s salary.

"th-this? you know exactly while i'm fuckin' you, brat."

he huffed, his words were right next to your ear as his bicep was curled around your waist, and back against his chest. clear bite marks scattered over your shoulders as you let out loud and breathy moans.

"nnh- mm- 'm sorry, hah.. mmfuck—rob!" you cried out in pleasure as you felt your back arch on impulse again, tears fall softly off your cheeks; his mouth right next to your ear as he continue to leave more lovebites all over your collarbone, and very recent ones that were planted on your shoulders too.

his hips roll harshly into yours once more, "sorry, angel, what were you saying? c-can't hear you over the lewd sounds of your pussy." a deep and dark laugh emits from his throat, your back hurts from how much you were arching your back onto his thick shaft.

"f-uuck, s'mean! nnh!" he laughed at your remark; you were teasing him the whole time during his shift, those stupid nudes of in his favorite colored lingerie, trying to sext him and send videos of masturbating, coming to his workplace to 'just' give him lunch.

your office uniform was messy, and his hand was under your shirt, still groping at you in unison with his merciless thrusts. sucking at the sensitive skin. "r-rooobb, p—pleasef- said 'm s-ooorryy a-already, shit!"

your body was aching, not to mention being pushed up against this small janitor closet's wall was not ideal for sex. and especially not when all you were able to smell was each other's sweat—

you could only shudder in cold sweat, it didn't help how strong he was; pinning you to the wall was no feat to him, only continuing to whisper dirty things into your skin.

"m-mhm, not enough to make the cut, baby." you could feel him smirk into your skin as he placed more pecks onto your head of hair. "fucking slut, aren't you? imagine the people who can hear you just taking my dick like a whore in heat."

and suddenly your face paled hearing footsteps right outside, "nghh wait- rob p-please, s-someone's o―outsi-iidee, nnh!" he laughed at your pleas, "say my name one more time, beautiful."

"mmf―! r-robert, ahhn-" you were quickly cut off when his hand removed itself off your chest; placing two fingers in your mouth to gag on. "good slut, now stay quiet―shit i'm close."

his arm moves to your waist pushing against the wall to thrust into your entrance easier, even though it was already sloppy. your eyes water, shutting them close in pleasure while moaning onto his fingers.

you could hear royd outside, asking for robert about something again, you wish you could give some teasing reply like 'he's busy', but you were too dazed to think normal. not when your tummy bulged, and your boyfriend's cock filled you to the brim.

seed spurting right up into your stomach when royd finally walks away, breathing out heavily as your faced screamed 'got fucked in the ass', robert had to bite onto your neck to stay quiet.

"holy shit... nnh, fuck... i think can't move my legs, rob..." you whined as you cracked your back, your uniform still a great mess, although very much so could be said about robert as well.

Flambae + Temperature play 

My bestie came up with this prompt, this is for you bro. Reader is like iceman in this, cuz why not. Enjoy nerds. 

Ngl, just happy with kinktober being over... I’m just really tired gang. I have weekly psychologist meetings now, so I feel worn out. Enjoy the thirst. Love yall. 

Kinktober 2025 masterlist.

Instead, I raise you:

Flat affect, completely monotone even when she feels warmly towards the person she’s speaking to. Honestly smiling looks kinda unnatural on her too lmao.

Speaks plainly, professionally, and matter-of-factly even in mostly casual conversations/settings (like when she talks about her book).

Extremely dedicated to her work, almost to a fault. A complete perfectionist. This isn’t like a bona fide autistic trait or anything but keeping a track record of successful kills as an assassin gives autistic to me.

Often described by people around her as strange and off-putting. “Evil,” even—as Blonde Blazer puts it.

So they don’t bother trying.

After a serious one on one talk with Robert, Courtney accepts that she takes the pervy shit way too far, even compared to the rest of the team. So, she dials it back. A lot. That doesn’t mean she stops leaving little gifts on his desk and denying it when he asks.

No, the gifts aren’t getting more homemade and also extremely personal to what Robert needs at the time, you’re losing it. She would have no way of knowing what exactly he needs at all times.

Bruno is arguably the most tame out of the Z-team. The way he shows care reflects that. He likes poetry, so sometimes he’ll send Robert little poems that remind him of their dispatcher. When he’s feeling slightly more peeved at Robert’s lack of self care, he’ll heat himself up a bit outside and forces Robert to take a nap on his leg.

You’re crazy if you claim that he purposely lets some of his dirt cling on to Robert skin. He would have no reason to other than to ward off any other Constructs, but Bruno ain’t like that.

Victor isn’t affectionate, by any means. The closest he gets is with Malevola, and even then its more so quiet moments between them. His way of caring is… hacking into Robert’s SDN files. Not to change anything, just to know everything he can. He leaves Twinkies on his desk, along with the coffee he brews every day (so what if he only brews that particular coffee at home?). He knows his allergies, the majority of his medical history, the exact time of his birth down to the second- okay maybe he takes it too far.

So what if he sometimes lets Mega-Bat scent a jacket or scarf Robert left on his chair? It’s not like he gets irritated when Robert doesn’t smell like him, no, that’s crazy.

Malevola is loud about her ‘affection’ (patting Roberts back and ruffling his hair), but her care is unnaturally quiet for her. It’s making a portal to Roberts apartment in the dead of night because she wasn’t 100% sure he was safe. It’s touching his shoulder lightly, looking for any pain he’s hiding.

It’s leaning in close, listening to his breathing, watching his chest moving up and down- until Beef barks and she portals away.

Chad disguises his care as him trying to “make sure the competition is rewarding”. Him leaving nutritious and delicious leftovers for Robert and getting personally ofended when he doesn’t eat them? Making good on his promise to spot Robert whenever he’s in the gym? Using his hands as heating pads when the pain flairs up? He just wants him to gain his previous strength back so he can fight a worthy opponent again, because fighting Bobert in the state he’s in would be easy and a pathetic waste of his awesomeness.

That’s why he memorized all of his routes home, to the store, to work. Bob Bob is too weak to defend himself. He NEEDS Flambae to keep watch until his strength is back.

Alice almost screams when she gets a good look at Robert’s closet. He has like two shirts and one pair of slacks outside of his uniform. She is NOT gonna let this slide. Saturday mornings become mandatory shopping trips between the two of them, and Robert is NOT allowed to pay nor complain about the price tag.

Yes, she buys him Prism themed accessories. So? They look good on him, and maybe she relishes the jealous looks from the others.

Colm is slightly more open about his feelings than the other Z-teamers, but only to the point where he can say that he hopes Robert is taking care of himself and will take out a teste if he isn’t. Even with the threat, Punch Up doesn’t trust it, especially when it comes to not overworking himself. So he sticks around Robert more at SDN, conveniently dragging him away when someone tries to ask him to do something, intentions be damned.

It’s only a coincidence that people who make Roberts life harder, purposely or not, come back with bruises in unmentionable places and tight lips on where they came from.

Janelle already offered a free hit to their dispatcher, but that’s no where near the end of it. When she’s not on missions or resting, she’s watching from the shadows. Not just Robert, but any person she has grown fond of. If someone bothers him in any way, the next second a knife is barely missing their head.

Unlike the others, she would openly admit her stalking if Robert asked. But it will never come to that, as her training is far superior than the human eye. There’s always eyes on Robert, she ensures that.

Bonus:

Robert knows all of these things, obviously. Even if they had the mind to be subtle, he would still be able to notice the patterns. But he pretends not too.

A/N: The engagement from the last piece was very motivating. So basically, this is y'alls fault. Enjoy the debauchery! Also, I made a banner. Go me, teehee (ﾉ≧ڡ≦).

I guess this is my first truly detailed smut writing. As always, engagement is appreciated. Reblogs, notes, and likes are great. Check out my other work here. Check out my short Robert Fic too. There's also a pt.2 and pt.3. Requests are open lovelies. Got a fresh ko-fi as well.

Warnings: MDNI. Smut. Female reader. AFAB reader. Cunnilingus. Referring to female genitals as she. Pet names. Filth under the cut.