Quality humor at its lowest

Kid tattled on my kid at the park, told me “your kid called me a bootydog” and it was so fucking hard not to laugh

My case is actually more curious than Benjamin button

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool

If i was a cop i would be drinking in my cruiser all day. #protectandswerve

Pee changing color depending on ur hydration is very intuitive game desigm

this morning i got a spam call that just played clown waiting music for a few seconds and then hung up on me. which really pissed me off a lot

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.