"Life Is Just Pasta With Obstacles" -Wisest Person

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

Green heron (Butorides virescens)

i fucking hate the “this is the good luck post.” Girl stop contributing to a superstitious environment with ur anecdotes there’s a million goddamn notes on it it’s statistically reasonable that a bunch of people remember the good things that happen after they reblog it

this is the statistically reasonable post, reblogging it will have no effect except for putting this post on your blog

guys this post really works! I reblogged it and it really did put the post on my blog! you need to try it!

hold up why is the beatles’ music actually fire

My understanding is that she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes

sticks my finger in the barrel of your gun so it backfires on you looney toons style but the gun moaned and now none of us know what genre we're in.

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

it doesnt make sense that a penis would get bigger if yoiu jerk it off youre literally compressing it. go crumple a can rn and tell me its bigger im not buying this narrative

Okay So .. This is What Casual Misandry Looks Like Everybody

im trying to go pro if anyone has any tips

"chekhov's gun" my ass. he used a phaser.