Preparing for a threesome is a bit like preparing for Thanksgiving dinner. You don’t need to bring more than a bottle of wine, but you have to be ready for whatever happens. What if Uncle Ralph’s new girlfriend is a vegan with a gluten thing? And what if Cousin Tom is not drinking wine this year and is only eating turkeys he’s met in real life?
So I shaved my balls, showered, brushed my teeth, ironed a t-shirt, and made sure not to put aftershave on anywhere someone might lick me. I polished my shoes, made my hair look like I had slept on it, and did twenty-five pushups. By the time I was ready to leave, I had a bag packed with lube, condoms, a riding crop, advanced anal beads, and a bottle of Power’s Irish Whisky. I popped a Viagra, downed a shot of espresso, and headed out the door.
Pete buzzed me in after asking for the password through the intercom. I don’t know who has a password for threesomes, but he said Mara required it. Just to be safe. I walked up the four flights of stairs, making sure not to get out of breath on the way, and I ate an Altoid before I walked in the door. No one wants Viagraspresso breath when they kiss you for the first time. The two of them looked like they were ready for a cocktail party, and so did their apartment. There was an open bottle of wine, another one next to it, and two almost empty glasses on the table. I kissed Mara in greeting, making an effort not to squeeze her ass too soon, and I shook Pete’s hand like a man. Like a big straight man. Like a man not about to get naked with another man. This was going just fine.
“You two look lovely,” I said, as they poured me a glass of wine. I could hear the relief seep into Pete’s voice when he thanked me for coming, and for a moment I wondered what he thought of me. I mean, they did invite me over to have sex with them, you’d think they at least trusted me to some extent. Even if it was the kind of trust you reserve for someone between an Uber driver and a tax accountant; like maybe that barista you see every morning who gets you your venti americano with soy without you even needing to order. Or whatever.
They sat next to each other on the couch while I planted myself across from them on the leather chair, and we sipped our wine like grown-ups. We talked about nothing in particular, and, as Pete begged me not to open another bottle of wine, I tried not to picture Mara on her hands and knees with a gag in her mouth. I tried not to imagine him getting hard in his jeans while I kissed her, and I definitely tried not to imagine both of them on their backs while I stood above them jerking off over their faces like it was the Fourth of July.
“So, um, how do we start?” Mara said after her third glass of wine. Her husband looked at her with an open mouth, and for a moment I wondered how much they had actually talked about this. As for me, I was impressed.
“That’s a great question,” I said, standing up in the middle of the room. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I know why you invited me here, but maybe it would help if Pete told us what he wanted.”
“That’s perfect!” Mara said, clapping her hands even as Peter turned beet red. He looked back and forth between the two of us, but when it was clear neither of us was going to back down, he adjusted himself on the couch and cleared his throat a couple of times. Still, he said nothing.
“Here, let’s do it like this,” I finally offered, helping him up and over to the chair I had been sitting in. I went back to the couch, and sat down next to his wife, taking her hand in mine as we stared at him. She looked at me with a grin, and we crossed our legs at the same time.
“So, husband: what is it you’d like to happen tonight?” she asked.
“Why are you both ganging up on me? This wasn’t just my idea. I mean, Mara, you’ve wanted a threesome for a long time, and you’ve been telling us how much you love group sex for years. I just thought we’d have fun together. I don’t know.”
I cleared my throat, a strange pang of empathy moving through me. I pushed it to one side and looked back and forth between the happy couple. If they didn’t have a clue, then it was probably up to me to figure out what I wanted. They were both hot, sweet, and smart. Did I want to see just how much Pete wanted a cock in his mouth or was I more interested in making Mara the center of attention? It was a tough decision, but I was good at those. Tough Decision was my middle name, and there was only one thing to do. I pulled out my phone, opened my dice throwing app, and took it for a spin. If it landed on odds, we would start with a blowjob, and if we got evens, I’d suggest we both take care of the wife.
“Personally,” I said, putting my phone back in my pocket, “what’s most appealing to me about all of this, is to make Mara feel like a queen. She’s a beautiful woman, and she has two men here who are pretty much willing to do whatever she wants. Isn’t that right? “
Pete nodded, and Mara smiled eagerly without saying a word. I motioned him back to the couch, pulling his wife into the middle with me, leaving a space on her far side. She looked back and forth between the two of us, and the tension in the room was delicious. He took her other hand as I pushed a strand of hair behind one ear.
“Why don’t you just let us make you feel good?” I asked, practically whispering.
“Okay,” she said, her head down, but her eyes wide open. “That sounds good.”
I leaned in and kissed the side of her neck while Pete made for her mouth. They kissed tenderly as I moved to her shoulder, one hand unbuttoning her shirt at the same time. I moved down to her throat, then slowly kissed between her breasts as she struggled to lose the shirt. Her breasts were bare beneath it, and within seconds Pete and I each had a nipple between our lips and she was sliding down into the pillows with a sigh. Our hands roamed her body, our fingers touching skin and our lips and teeth calling out groans with each passing moment. I pulled my shirt off to match, motioning at Pete to do the same, and in less than five minutes the three of us were making out on the couch in just our underwear.
I sat back for a moment to take it all in, and it was a beautiful thing. They had been so nervous moments before, but now they were pawing all over each while I did the same. The first time I kissed Mara on the lips, Pete sat back and sighed as well, and when I slid a hand inside her panties, both of them made sounds that I was pretty sure meant I should keep going. My old friend moved to the floor as I watched, and his teeth and fingers grazed the inside of her thighs in a motion I was sure had happened hundreds of times. He pushed her panties to one side and he buried his mouth in her cunt without any hesitation at all. I watched her face until she opened her eyes, and when I grabbed my package in a suggestive motion, she simply smiled and waved me closer.
Standing on the couch, watching Pete go down on his wife, I pulled my cock out and presented it to her swollen lips. She opened her mouth instantly, her hand circling me as she quickly sucked me into her throat. I steadied myself against the wall as she blew me, and I was proud. They were doing so well, and I didn’t even have to get out the non-beginner-anal beads to scare them into something easier. In fact, I was so caught up in the special moment, that I didn’t realize Pete had stopped going to town on his wife and was now looking up at her gulping my cock down like it was an all you can drink brunch.
“Holy fuck that’s hot,” he mumbled, sitting up on his knees and pulling his own cock out. He was already hard, and he quickly started to jerk off watching us. His lips were wet from his wife’s cunt, and his eyes were nearly glossed over.
“Come here, buddy,” I whispered. “Come help her out.”
He climbed up her body, moving so close I could almost feel his five o’clock shadow against my balls. He watched me move within his wife’s mouth over and over again for a long time before I finally pulled back and grabbed him by the hair.
“Do it, Pete,” Mara groaned, her fingers between her legs. “Suck his cock for me…”
(From the one silly story amongst the miserable and filthy dreck that is The Ortolan Hunters and Other Disturbing Tales, which for some reason didn’t make it into MMF even though it totally should have.)
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