ᔦꙬᔨ

How glad I am to be alive in a time when you are too

In a time where from across the ocean we connect

And watch waves of information pass us by

There was a time I hoped this future would not come

A desire built of fear and uncertainty

And now I am glad it has happened at all

I used to fear what it meant

That hollow feeling, the one that kept hurting my heart

I felt trapped in a fear of my own making

And how I am glad that you are here to see me step out of it

At some point in the past, I wanted nothing more than to sink

Beneath the waves of the known,

To become something less than whole

Little did I know

Diving below the depths

Led me to hundreds of thousands that felt just like me

How glad I am that you were there to catch me when I would fall

Some time ago I thought to myself

"How glad I am that I have the chance to be nothing at all"

But that chance passed me by a hundred thousand times

To be nothing was to blend in with those that wouldn't care about my fall

To be something was to live

To be something was to hope

To be something was to face the sun and know that it will rise again

That it will watch the world move on

That it will always be there, waiting for me at the end of the tunnel

To be something was to be someone

And to be someone was to know I have a place

And how glad I am that you are someone, too

As I look into the sunset

I see a future baked in uncertainty

The slightest movement could inform the largest apocalypse

I am not a seer

I cannot see the future of its certainty

But I am certain I am glad I was here at all

I hope you are proud that you were here at all.

Sometimes when I gaze into the boundless sky

I see not the blue of noon

Or the pink of dusk

Or the darkness of night

Nor do I see the gray of clouds

Or the green of sickness

Or the cloying red of the flames that tear through my home.

Instead I see the future

Another chance at this life that was dropped into my hands

And I am glad I was given a chance at all

I know there will be an end

I see it in the way fires burn down trees

The way the ocean tears across shores

The way animals of prey succumb to those that linger in the shadows

It is eventual

It is certain

It is the future

Perhaps I am a seer

Perhaps you wish it could come sooner

I used to wish that too

That the sands of time would wash over me

Take me to the end of this annoying ride

There were twists and loops that did nothing but make me vomit

I was young

Were you young, too?

When I wished to be a bird chased by a shark, I was hurting

I wanted nothing more than for it to stop

"Everyone else is dealing with this pain", I thought

"I am clearly dealing with it worse than everyone else

"So I am a failure

"And failures do not deserve to continue"

I was wrong

I hope you know you were wrong, too

And I am glad you are here to hear me say that

That you did not stare out at the desert

Thinking yourself as one of the grains

But instead turned towards the sun

And envisioned yourself as one of its rays

That you are here on the other side of a screen

Or are perhaps hearing another person read this out loud

I was young

But I didn't stay young

I turned towards the sky

Towards the sun

I watched the day pass.

Again and again would the day pass

I learned I was not broken

That I am not a shell of a human

That I am someone who has worth

That it is worth living even if just for one more day

I just had to make it through that one day

Again and again

And again

And I am here

And I am glad

That you are here too

How glad I am to share this moment with you

How glad I am to share this feeling with you

How glad I am to share this world with you

I was young

When I first thought I was broken

When my differences made me feel inhuman

When I forgot that everyone breathes

That everyone blinks

That everyone moves though the world at their own pace

I was young

But the world kept me afloat

Even when I denied such

Even when I wanted it to stop

So badly did I want it to stop

I am no longer young

Or at least, no longer as young as I was

To someone, I will always be young

There will always be a younger version of myself

How wonderful I feel

To know I did not give up

How wonderful I feel

To know I have made it so far