The Universe Would Rip in Half

“Who’s the best manager in the world?”

Dani looked up to her manager, Jade, practically floating into the studio where she was recording with her band, the Violent Femmes. They were taking a break after a twenty minute argument about whether their new song needed a thirty second instrumental break. Dani thought the song sounded better without it but her guitarist, Dodie, was insistent, and Sam, their drummer, refused to pick sides.

“Are you gonna tell us the good news, or do you need to be flattered first?” Dani asked, from her spot, hanging upside down on the couch.

“Flattery, please,” Jade requested with a grin, propping herself on the arm of the couch.

“Jade, you are the best manager in the world, we would be singing on the streets for change if you hadn’t found it in your heart to take us under your wing, and we thank the universe every day that we have you.”

“That’ll do. I just got you guys a gig opening for Atomic Kittens,” Jade announced, and Dani nearly fell on the floor.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“They literally have the number one song in the country right now. Do you know how much exposure this could get you?” Jade asked in that way that meant, I know the answer to this question, you don’t, and we’re doing this whether you want to or not.

“This could ruin our reputation! All they sing are girly songs about boys and makeup, or whatever it is straight girls sing about,” Dani said, shifting so she was sitting upright. Atomic Kittens weren’t exactly the best role models for their listeners, who were mostly teenagers. All their music did was enforce the stereotype that girls should base their worth on whether they were being considered attractive by boys, instead of just being able to exist as they were.

It was all this faux sense of empowerment, like it was somehow feminist because they were choosing to do things that made them more appealing. But all it did was isolate girls and gender nonconforming people who didn’t fit into that extremely narrow, extremely heteronormative view of what it meant to be a woman. And teach the girls that did fit into it that they couldn’t be anything more than that. Dani hated all of it, and the last thing she wanted to do was attach their name to people who promoted stuff like that.  

“People have to know who you are for you to have a reputation.”

“Hey!”

“Look, we’ve been over this. The first step in making a change is getting your name out there. You’ll make a much bigger impact once you broaden your audience, and opening for a best selling artist is the way to do that,” Jade told her, and Dani hated it when she was right. It was possible that the audience at an Atomic Kittens show really needed to hear the things she had to say, about loving yourself for you, and not trying to fit into that narrow definition of womanhood. And hopefully doing this would mean expanding their audience, which was the best way to get their message out there. Finally, Dani sighed.

“I’m still not happy about this.”

“Either way, I’ve already agreed, so you’re gonna have to put on your big girl pants and deal with it,” Jade said, and Dani knew there was no fighting this.

And that was how Dani found herself standing face to face with Fiona Lester, one of the biggest pop stars in the world right now. There was no denying Fiona was gorgeous, with her long, straight jet black hair framing her big blue eyes. But Dani had a very strict policy against falling for straight girls, and especially straight girls that made asinine bubblegum pop.

“We’re so excited to work with you! Diane played us some of your stuff and we loved it,” Fiona said excitedly, holding out her hand.

“Hm,” Dani replied dismissively, looking past her. “So when do we get started?”

Admittedly, she was being unnecessarily mean, but she wasn’t going to be yet another person in Fiona’s life falling all over her. Even if she was tall, and beautiful, and exactly the kind of person Dani would’ve fallen for before she learned better.

“Well, we have a week of rehearsal at the Roundhouse, and then we fly to New York for the first show,” Diane, Atomic Kittens’ manager explained.

“Sounds good to everyone?” Jade asked, and they all responded affirmatively. Dani couldn’t believe Jade and Diane were already such a united front. She knew she was being a brat, but honestly; they’d built a whole reputation on being unapologetically queer and underground, and now they were associating themselves with a band like Atomic Kittens, who were the very opposite of everything they stood for. It was all so colossally fucked up.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” Fiona asked a few minutes later, pulling Dani aside while everyone settled in to talk setlists and venues. Dani rolled her eyes, but went willingly.

“Yes?” she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

“Did I do something to you?” Fiona asked, and she looked so confused and hurt, Dani genuinely considered backing down for a second. There was something about someone that pretty looking that sad that always got her. But not this time. She couldn’t back down, not now. Fiona had to know where she stood.

“Look, I know you’re used to everyone around you worshipping the ground you walk on, but that’s not me. I don’t like you, or your music, and I’m not going to pretend I do just to make you feel better,” Dani said coolly, and she didn’t miss the flash of hurt that crossed Fiona’s face, before she steeled her expression into something much more closed off.

“Do you practice being that bitchy or does it just come naturally?” she asked icily.

“It’s a talent,” Dani replied with a sarcastic smile.

“Great. Well, can you at least try to be civil? Like it or not, we’re in each other’s lives now. You don’t have to like me, but you do have to respect me.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

With that Fiona stormed off, and the adrenaline from their confrontation wore off, leaving Dani with nothing but guilt. It wasn’t like her at all to be that catty, but Fiona had walked in with her perfect hair and makeup, and her perfect smile, and she’d just… snapped. Was there really any reason to be like that right off the bat? Well, either way, it’s not like she could start being nice now. Fiona had made it very clear that her disdain was mutual, and that was just fine with her.

Dani spent the rest of the week actively avoiding Fiona. She’d come out, rehearse, and then hide in her dressing room until she was sure Fiona was gone.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little ridiculous?” Dodie asked. They were on their twenty minute break and they were spending it how they always spent their free time—eating snacks they’d taken from craft services, and playing video games.

“I’m protesting,” Dani said, using her blue shell to get ahead.

“Hey! And you’re not protesting, you’re throwing a fit because of your own preconceived notions. You don’t even know Fiona,” Dodie pointed out, not looking away from the screen.

“Whose side are you on here?” Dani asked, instead of acknowledging that maybe Dodie had a bit of a point.

“Dani, you’re my best friend. Which means I’m always on your side. It also means I can tell you when you’re being an idiot,” Dodie replied, pulling into first place and then giving Dani one of her ‘I’m right and you know it’ looks.

“A double betrayal. That hurts,” Dani said, dramatically draping herself over Dodie’s lap, and hugging her controller to her chest.

“Just think about it, okay? It couldn’t hurt to be a little nicer. We’re all gonna be in pretty close quarters for the next few months, and it would make it so much easier on me if you didn’t spend the entire time being a brat,” Dodie said, reaching down to push Dani’s curls out of her face.

“Hey, don’t touch the hair!” Dani replied, swatting Dodie’s hand away.

“Not until you promise to play nice,” Dodie singsonged, continuing to ruin the perfect, ruffled look Dani had spent all morning on.

“Fine, fine, I’ll play nice,” Dani conceded, and Dodie grinned smugly.

“Thought so.”

Sleeping on a tour bus was torture. Once she was asleep, Dani was dead to the world, but it was getting there that was the hard part. She just stayed up in her bunk, worrying about all the things that could go wrong. Eventually, she got tired of being alone with her thoughts and climbed down out of bed to go grab a water bottle. She was carefully manoeuvring herself into the main part of the bus when she noticed someone was already sitting out there.  

“Jade?” she asked, turning her attention towards the couch.

“Sorry to disappoint, but no,” Fiona answered, looking over at her, and Dani could tell she’d been crying. Immediately, she wanted to turn around and pretend she hadn’t seen her, but girl tears were kind of her kryptonite.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, walking over.

“What, so you can have more ammo to make fun of me with?” Fiona asked, crossing her arms, and looking down.

“I’m genuinely asking. I would never kick someone while they were down. Besides, my therapist is always going on about how unhealthy it is to bottle this kind of stuff up,” Dani replied, and Fiona sighed, putting her head in her hands.

“I miss home, and my family, and I’m motion sick on top of it all.”

“Well, I can’t help with the first thing, but I do know a good cure for motion sickness. Come on,” Dani said holding her hand out.

“Really?” Fiona asked, looking up skeptically.

“Me being nice is gonna expire eventually, better take advantage,” Dani reiterated, and, still looking apprehensive, Fiona took her hand.

“Hey, Bill, can we sit up here with you?” Dani asked, once they reached the front of the bus where the driver's seat was.

“Of course. It’s a good view,” Bill replied. Dani had spent more than a few nights sitting up at the front of the bus with Bill instead of sleeping. Listening to him talk about his home and how much he loved his wife and kids always took her mind off of whatever was keeping her up.

Dani sat down on the floor of the bus next to the driver's seat, and patted the space next to her.

“Just keep looking straight ahead, I promise it’ll help,” she told Fiona, who after hesitating, sat down.

“Thanks.”

“For what?” Dani asked, looking over at her.

“Being nice to me,” Fiona said, shrugging.

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it,” Dani replied, looking away. It was unreal, how even when the only light coming in was from harsh streetlights, Fiona was still gorgeous. She had her hair pulled up in a messy bun, instead of having it down the way she usually did, and Dani really wished she could stop herself from stealing glances at her.

“Why are you up, anyway?” Fiona asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Oh, you know, anxiety induced insomnia,” Dani replied shrugging.

“Oh… Sorry,” Fiona said in the way people always do when they’re not used to hearing people talk that openly about their mental health.

“It’s fine, I’m fine. Really,” Dani assured her, shrugging. It wasn’t anything new, and it wasn’t anything she couldn’t get through.

“She’s been up here the last three nights in a row. Maybe you can get her to talk,” Bill broke in, and Dani had nearly forgotten he was there.

“Wait, seriously?” Fiona asked, looking over at her.

“Hey, we’re not here to talk about me. Are you feeling better?” Dani asked, and Bill laughed.

“She’s really good at deflecting, don’t fall for it.”

“I won’t,” Fiona replied, laughing too.

“I feel like I’m being ganged up on here,” Dani said, crossing her arms, but she couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Well, I know we’re not exactly best friends, but how about a truce? Whenever something is really wrong with one of us, we’ll put that aside and talk about it,” Fiona offered, and Dani found herself completely taken aback by how kind and generous that was of her.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. We’ll call a truce,” she agreed after a while, and what surprised her even more was that she meant it.

Things were different between them after that night. Whenever Dani couldn’t sleep, she found herself staying up with Fiona. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they watched movies-Fiona was appalled when she’d heard Dani had never actually seen Home Alone, and this led to an entire Christmas movie marathon. Fiona was actually a really fun person to watch movies with, and one of very few people who didn’t mind Dani’s need to immediately discuss all of her feelings about whatever they’d just watched. So when Dani was wandering around one of their venues, and heard Fiona singing a song she didn’t recognize in her dressing room, she didn’t hesitate to walk over and listen for a little while.

“What song is that?” she asked, leaning in the doorway, after Fiona had stopped singing.

“Oh, it’s just something I’ve been working on,” Fiona shrugged, putting her guitar down.

“Why don’t you make more music like that? It’s beautiful, it’s about real problems, it’s not-”

“Bubblegum?” Fiona broke in cooly, and Dani flinched. Okay, she kind of deserved that one.

“I wasn’t gonna say that.”

“Yeah, you were. You’ve been condescending about the kind of music I make since the day I met you. But here’s the thing: I like the music I make. It makes people happy, it makes them want to dance. Maybe it’s not ‘changing the world’ or whatever, but it doesn’t have to.”

“I didn’t mean anything by that. I just think it sends a message to young girls that-” Dani started to explain, but Fiona cut her off.

“See, there you go again! How is me being myself sending a bad message?”

“I never said that! I would never shame someone for the way they choose to express themselves,” Dani argued, and Fiona rolled her eyes.

“Are you actually kidding me right now? All you’ve ever done is shame me for the way I choose to express myself—my music, the way I dress, the way I wear my hair. You seem to have gotten it into your head that I wake up every morning and go, ‘huh, how can I exist for men’s entertainment today,’ which is honestly laughable for so many reasons,” she replied, and a realization hit Dani like a bucket of ice water. She was being a complete hypocrite. Here she was, priding herself on spreading the message that there was no one right way to be a woman, and she’d been doing nothing but looking down on Fiona for just being herself. How backwards was that?

“I guess I just grew up being inundated with this idea of what a woman is supposed to be, and so the minute I could I rebelled against it, and started to resent everything that didn’t,” Dani explained. It maybe wasn’t the most rational thought process in this world, but she’d spent so much of her life being put down by exactly the kind of person Fiona was, she immediately jumped on the defensive without considering that maybe everyone wasn’t out to get her.

“I get that. But you know, infighting only makes the oppressor stronger,” Fiona pointed out, and Dani just stared at her, speechless.

“What, you think I don’t know anything because I make cheesy love songs?” she asked, picking her guitar back up, and strumming at it lazily.

“I never said your songs were cheesy,” Dani muttered, looking down.

“Just vapid, shallow, asinine, and meaningless,” Fiona listed off pointedly, and Dani flinched with each word.

“I’ve been a jerk, huh?” she asked. Just because Fiona made music that was different than hers didn’t mean that the kind of music Fiona made was bad. And besides, Fiona was one of the best live vocalists she’d ever heard. She could learn a lot from her if she let herself.

“Yeah, a little,” Fiona replied laughing. “But I forgive you.”

“You don’t have to, you know. I was being unfair, and judgey, and I get it if you don’t really want to.”

“I want to. Life is easier that way. Besides, who could stay mad at a face like that?” Fiona asked, smiling up at her, and Dani was actually going to melt into a puddle right then and there. This was bad. This was very bad. She had to get out of there now.

“Oh. Well. Thanks. I should—I’ve got—um… I’m gonna go now,” she rambled, inwardly cursing herself for being the least articulate person in the world.

“Okay, weirdo. I’ll see you later,” Fiona said laughing, and Dani spun around so fast she almost hit her head on the doorframe.

Dani sat at the piano in her dressing room, playing random chords, and humming to herself. It had been a surprise when they’d gotten to the venue and she’d nearly tripped on it, but she was glad it was here. She’d had this melody stuck in her head ever since their last show, but she didn’t know what to do with it. She was so engrossed in playing, she almost didn’t notice when Fiona sat down next to her.

“Hey,” Fiona said softly, startling her back into reality.

“Oh! Hey,” Dani said, turning to her. Fiona was wearing a dress with R2D2 on it, and smiling at Dani softly, and she really was so gorgeous it hurt.

“What’re you working on?” Fiona asked, completely oblivious to the mini crisis Dani was having.

“I don’t really know yet. This melody just popped into my head,” Dani explained, before playing it.

“That’s really pretty. I’ve always wanted to try songwriting,” Fiona said, tapping a few random keys on the keyboard.

“What about that song you were singing the other day?”

“Oh, that’s not… That doesn’t count. I was just messing around,” Fiona said, looking down sheepishly.

“All songs start out as messing around. I can help you write one. I mean, if you want,” Dani offered, before she could think better of it. What was she doing? Spending more time with Fiona was nothing but a recipe for disaster.

“Really?” Fiona asked, smiling at her excitedly.

“Really.”

“You’re the best, thanks Dani,” Fiona said, hugging her. It was a bit of an awkward angle, considering they were sitting on a piano bench, but Fiona smelled like vanilla and honey, and honestly, Dani could’ve stayed like that forever.

“I’m in trouble,” Dani announced, throwing herself down on the hotel bed dramatically.

“Trouble how? Do we need to set up an alibi?” Dodie asked, from where she was sitting on the floor next to her bed, playing her guitar.

“I may actually be like... really into Fiona,” Dani admitted, rolling over so she was staring at the ceiling.

“Oh, that kind of trouble,” Dodie said smirking, and then started to sing.

She could be the one, she could be the one

“Are you actually singing a Hannah Montana song to me right now? In this time of crisis,” Dani asked, glaring over at her best friend, but Dodie remained unfazed.

“You never should’ve told me about your Hannah obsession,” she teased, continuing to sing He Could Be the One and changing all the pronouns.

“I was twelve!”

“Okay, okay, sorry. If you like Fiona, why don’t you just tell her?” Dodie asked, setting her guitar down next to her.

“Because she’s straight? Because I spent a really long time being unnecessarily mean to her, so even if she did like girls, she’d never be into me now,” Dani listed off, and then groaned. This was awful. She was gonna spend the rest of tour looking like a lovesick puppy. She was pathetic, and breaking every rule she’d set up to protect herself.

“One, how do you know she’s straight? She’s never had a public relationship, and you’ve never asked. And two, you’ve apologized for that, and she’s forgiven you. I think you’re making up excuses not to put yourself out there,” Dodie said, and Dani really, really hated it when she was right.

“It wouldn’t be worth it though, right? I mean, we’re on tour for another month, and we just became friends. How would I face her every day?” Dani asked, sitting up, and Dodie crawled up on the bed to sit next to her.

“You’d take a deep breath, and be a professional about it. But you’ll never know unless you go for it.”

“Okay, what if you’re right? What if I ask her out, and she says yes? She’s never had a public relationship. What would that mean for me, dating someone that’s closeted? I’d be hiding a part of myself, and I decided a very long time ago that’s not something I’m comfortable doing. I’ve built a whole career on being out and proud, and people have responded to that. I love it when people come up to me, and tell me I gave them the courage to come out. What would I even say to them if I was in a closeted relationship?”

“Okay, now you’re just getting ahead of yourself,” Dodie said, and Dani glared at her.

“I’m being serious.”

“Dani, you are one of the strongest women I know. The worst thing that could happen is she says no, and if she does, we’ll write a really good song about it. And if she says yes, but wants to hide it, well… you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Either way, you’ll get through this,” Dodie said, wrapping an arm around her comfortingly.

“Since when are you the wise level-headed one?” Dani asked teasingly resting her head on Dodie’s shoulder, but she was more than grateful to have a friend like her.

“First time for everything I guess. Come on, let’s go find Sam’s room and see how fast we can get into the minibar,” Dodie suggested, squeezing her arm.

“Now that is a brilliant idea.” 

“So what’s your process?” Fiona asked a few days later. They were sitting at the piano onstage during one of their rare days off. It had taken some convincing, but the owner of the venue had let them in a day early so that they could use it. They could’ve just used Dani’s digital keyboard, but those were really only meant for one person. And, plus, Dani kind of liked the way they had to squeeze together on the piano bench.

“My process?” Dani repeated teasingly, and Fiona rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, you know what I mean. How do you start writing?”

“I don’t know, really. A melody comes to me, or something happens and I need to write about it, or I see an image I want to capture, and then I just… mess around on the piano for a few hours,” Dani explained, shrugging.

“Helpful. So, how’d you come up with Flowers in Your Hair ?” Fiona asked, hitting a random note on the piano.

“That’s the song you wanna know about? The one with the single most embarrassing origin story?” Dani asked, and Fiona bounced up and down excitedly.

“Now you have to tell me.”

“I wrote it to impress a girl,” Dani muttered, looking down. She’d met Violet when they both went to pick up the same It Was Romance album at a music store, and it was instant fireworks. She used to go back to that store an embarrassing amount of times a week to see if she could run into her, and eventually Violet got tired of waiting and asked her out first.

“Oh my God! That’s amazing. Did it work?” Fiona asked excitedly, and Dani laughed.

“For a little while,” she replied, shrugging. One day, without warning, Violet called her to tell her she reminded her too much of her ex, and she just couldn’t stay with someone like that.

“Oh. Sorry. We don’t have to talk about it if it’s sad,” Fiona said, placing a hand on her shoulder gently.

“It’s not. Well, it used to be, but that was a long time ago, I’m beyond over it now, and she’s married,” Dani said, waving it off.

“Whoa, really?”

“Yup.”

“I wish I could do that,” Fiona said wistfully.

“What, get brutally dumped?”

“No, I mean, I’d never have the courage to do what you do,” Fiona explained, and Dani braced herself to hear how brave it was of her to be out, and even when people meant well, it still felt kind of condescending.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“To write about loving women the way you do. It’s beautiful, I’ve never heard anyone capture that feeling so well.”

“...Oh,” Dani replied, completely taken aback. Was Fiona… coming out to her right now?

“Don’t look so shocked! I’ve been flirting with you for weeks,” Fiona said, bumping their shoulders together.

“You’ve been what?” Dani asked, turning to her. This was too much information at once, she was going to short-circuit.

“Come on, someone promised me they’d help me write a song,” Fiona said, turning back to the piano.

“Right, the song. So I was thinking it could start out like this,” Dani said, playing a few notes.

“Oh, that’s pretty. Play it again, I think I’ve got something,” Fiona said, and Dani nodded. She started to play again, and Fiona started to sing.

“Wow,” Dani said after she’d finished singing.

“It’s good?” Fiona asked hopefully.

“It’s more than good, it’s incredible,” Dani told her, and Fiona looked down, her entire face turning bright red.

They spent the rest of the day working on the song, and by the time they were finished with it, they were tired, and their voices were hoarse, but Dani had never been more proud to be a part of something.

“Thank you. For doing this for me,” Fiona said, smiling over at her.

“Of course. I had a lot of fun writing with you,” Dani replied, smiling back at her, and it dawned on her just how close they were sitting. She could see the roots in Fiona’s hair where the dye was fading, and the flecks of green and gold in her already stunning blue eyes.

“Look, Fiona, I-”

“Yes?” Fiona asked, and they were so close, Dani wanted nothing more but to close the gap between them, but she couldn’t possibly do that... Could she?

“Fiona! What are you still doing here? You were supposed to be in hair and makeup twenty minutes ago,” Diane called, and the two of them jumped apart.

“I’d better go. Thank you again for this,” Fiona said, standing up.

“Anytime,” Dani replied, and Fiona waved, before following Diane out of the room.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Dani muttered to herself as she watched them walk away.

It was their last show. Dani couldn’t believe it. All those months on the road, waking up in a different place every morning, and it was all coming to an end. She was sitting in her dressing room absentmindedly hitting notes on her keyboard when Fiona walked in.

“End of tour blues?” she asked, sitting on the couch next to her.

“You get those too?” Dani asked, surprised. She’d figured Fiona would be overjoyed—now that tour was over, she could go home and see her family. Dani had talked to them a few times while Fiona was skyping them, and she could tell they missed her as much as she missed them.

“I think everyone does. For months, you have this purpose. You get up every morning, and it’s like, okay, today I’ve been put on this planet to entertain people. And those people come up to you, and tell you how much your music means to them, and it all feels so tangible. You don’t get any of that in the recording studio,” Fiona explained, sitting down next to her.

“Wow, that’s… That’s exactly how I feel about it too,” Dani replied, in awe. Fiona just kept finding ways to surprise her.

“I want you to perform with me tonight,” Fiona blurted out, and Dani couldn’t believe it. Her, perform with Fiona? They’d had a ton of fun writing together, but she never in a million years thought Fiona would want to full out perform with her.

“What?”

“Our song. I want to perform it. Diane would never let me release it formally—something about alienating listeners. But I think it’s amazing, and I’m so proud of it, and I want everyone to hear it,” Fiona told her, and if Dani was a cartoon, there’d definitely be hearts floating around her head right now.  

“You’re amazing,” she blurted out without thinking, and Fiona blushed, and smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“So you’ll do it?”

“Yes, of course,” Dani told her, because there was no way she could say no to Fiona when she looked at her like that.

“You’re the best,” Fiona said, hugging her.

“That’s me,” Dani answered, hugging back.

Fiona pulled away, and smiled at her again, before standing up.

“This is gonna be our best show ever. I can’t wait,” she said, clapping her hands the way she always did when she was excited. It was strange the things you started to notice about a person once you’d been around long enough. Like how Fiona was almost always wearing glasses unless she was onstage, or her extensive collection of thigh highs with silly patterns on them, or how she loved pizza, but had been completely offended when Dani offered her a grilled cheese one day on the bus. She was weird and endearing, and she cried when fans brought her pictures of their dogs, and Dani fell harder for her every day.

Dani also couldn’t stop thinking about what Fiona had said, about having been flirting with her for weeks. She hadn’t brought it up again after that, and Dani was way too nervous to say anything. What would she say anyway? Hey, sorry for taking out my internalized misogyny on you, wanna go out? Something about that seemed so wrong.

“What are you so deep in thought about?” Dodie asked, walking in.

“I really gotta start closing my dressing room door,” Dani sighed, looking up.

“Come on, I know your overthinking face. Spill, what’s going on with you?”

“It’s Fiona—she kind of came out to me,” Dani admitted, looking down at her hands. Something about saying it out loud made it even more real, and she absolutely did not know how to handle this.

“Well, isn’t that great news? Now you can ask her out,” Dodie squealed, shaking her excitedly.

“Just cause she’s into girls doesn’t mean she’s into me,” Dani pointed out, and Dodie rolled her eyes.

“Dani, the only way you’d know if a girl was into you is if she held up a giant sign that said DANI I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, and you’d probably still ask me what it meant.”

“I guess I can be kind of clueless, huh?”

“Yes. Look, Fiona trusted you enough to tell you something that deep and personal about herself. I think that means you’re good enough friends now that even if she does say no, it’ll be okay,” Dodie reassured her, wrapping an arm around her comfortingly.

“And if it’s not?” Dani asked in a small voice.

“I’ll be here for you,” Dodie told her, and it was good to know that no matter what happened, she’d always have her best friend.

When the lights came up that night, it was unlike any other performance. Tonight was gonna be different, Dani could feel it. They played their set, and the audience was a little bored at first, most of them just wanting this to be over so Atomic Kittens could come on. Dani remembered that feeling, the anticipation of seeing your favorite band, and having to sit through artists you sometimes didn’t even recognize at first. But eventually, the crowd warmed up to them, cheering and singing the choruses back to them.

“What a good crowd!” Sam said excitedly, once they were backstage, but Dani barely heard her. Fiona was walking over, dressed in her outfit for the show—a denim dress over a crop top, and of course a pair of thigh highs. These ones had dinosaurs on them, and Dani really wished she’d stop getting more perfect every time she saw her. She leaned in close to Dani so she could hear her over the music.

“Are you ready?”

“Of course,” Dani replied, once she found her voice. She didn’t know how much longer she could handle being this close in proximity.

“I’m so nervous, but also more excited than I’ve ever been about a performance,” Fiona told her, and she was usually only this jittery if she’d had too much coffee.

“You’re gonna be incredible,” Dani told her, and Fiona gave her a smile that could make flowers grow.

“Thanks. I’ll see you out there?”

“You know it.” Fiona gave her a quick hug, and then headed for the stage.

Dani wandered about backstage having snacks and scrolling through twitter on her phone, and before she knew it, she heard her cue.

“Do you guys wanna hear something new?” Fiona was asking the crowd, and they were cheering so loud, Dani almost didn’t hear what she said next.

“I wrote this song with someone very special to me, so I think it’s only fair she come out and perform it with me.”

Dani steeled herself, and walked out onto the stage.

“Please welcome back Dani Howell, lead singer of the Violent Femmes,” Fiona announced, and Dani waved to the audience.

“Thank you. For everything,” Fiona said hugging her, and Dani hugged back, before going to take her seat at the piano. She started playing, and Fiona sat down on top of the piano before starting to sing.

Performing with Fiona was unlike anything Dani had ever done. They played off of each other so well, and their voices sounded so good together. Dani felt like she was floating—she always had fun performing, but this was something else entirely. When they finished the song, she could see Fiona tearing up a little.

“That song is about the first girl I fell in love with, and I’m so glad I got to share something so meaningful with all of you. I uh, hope that you’ll keep support-” the crowd burst into the loudest cheering Dani had ever heard, drowning out the rest of Fiona’s words. People were standing, and a chant of “We love you, Fiona” had started up. It was all so wonderful, it made Dani feel a little teary eyed herself. She stood up, walked center stage, and waved for Fiona to come over. Fiona walked over, and she took her hand so they could bow. Then she moved aside so Fiona could have her moment. She deserved it.

Dani was glad this had all gone so well, and honored to have been a part of it. She was about to walk offstage when Fiona turned to her. Fiona held out her hand, and Dani took it, finding herself center stage again.

“I couldn’t have done this without you,” Fiona said, and her mic was on, so Dani knew everyone could hear, but it felt like it was just them. She shrugged, getting ready to wave it off—of course Fiona would’ve been able to do this all on her own.

But before she could formulate a response, Fiona was kissing her. Her lipstick was sticky, and it tasted like strawberries, and her hands were holding Dani’s face so gently, she never wanted it to end. Dani put her arms around Fiona’s waist and pulled her closer, but all too soon she was pulling away. Fiona smiled at her, and looked over at the crowd. Right, she still had a show to put on. Dani nodded, and kissed her one last time, before waving to the crowd and leaving the stage.

Once the adrenaline of everything that had just happened wore off, Dani found herself completely in shock. Fiona had just kissed her. On stage. In front of everyone.

“Dude! What just happened?” Dodie asked when she got back to the dressing room.

“I kissed Fiona,” Dani replied, still in shock.

“Well, yeah—I’ve seen twenty different videos of that. But like, what does it mean?”

“I don’t know,” Dani replied. There could’ve been a thousand reasons why Fiona kissed her—they were on stage, they’d just sang a really intimate song, she could’ve just been caught up in the moment. Or maybe she just wanted to make the message of the song clear.

“Dani, come back to me. It’s gonna be okay. Just talk to her while she’s on her break,” Dodie suggested, and Dani nodded. It wouldn’t help anything to just sit around thinking up worse case scenarios. The only way to know what Fiona was thinking was to talk to her.

It felt like forever before Fiona came down to the dressing room during her break.

“Hey,” she said, hovering in the doorway.

“Hey,” Dani said back, and Dodie rolled her eyes, stood up, and pulled Fiona to the couch where Dani was sitting.

“You two are gonna talk about this now.”

“Uh, Dodie?” Dani asked after she hadn’t moved from standing in front of them.

“Oh! Right. I’ll be around if you need me,” she replied, closing the door behind her.

“So…” Dani started to say, but Fiona launched into a full ramble, cutting her off.

“I’m so sorry. It was all so much, and I like you so much, and I just got caught up in the moment. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, it’s more important to me that-”

“Fi, slow down,” Dani broke in, laughing.

“What’s funny?” Fiona asked, and she sounded so hurt and confused, Dani stopped laughing immediately.

“Sorry, sorry, I just. I can’t believe you think there’s any chance I’m not crazy about you,” she explained, and Fiona smiled in the way only she could, that lit up her entire face.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So… now what?” Fiona asked, looking far more nervous than she needed to be.

“Well, generally, I like to take a girl out before kissing her in front of a huge crowd of people,” Dani replied, and Fiona laughed.

“So, a date is in order then?” she asked, but before she could answer there was a knock at the door.

“Fiona, five minute warning!” Diane called.

“I’d better go. We’ll uh, continue this later?” Fiona asked, standing up.

“Of course,” Dani said, smiling up at her. Fiona smiled back, and they probably looked ridiculous, standing there staring at each other, but Dani was too hopelessly endeared to care. Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest.

“Fi. Go,” Dani said laughing, and Fiona turned bright red.

“Right. Going. See you soon,” she said waving, and leaving the room, and Dani lay back on the couch, completely overwhelmed. She couldn’t believe anything that had happened that night.

“So, I take it that went well?” Dodie asked, walking back into the room.

“I feel like I’m floating,” Dani sighed, grinning over at her.

“I haven’t seen you like this in a really long time,” Dodie said, perching on the arm of the couch, and Dani laughed.

“Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I felt like this either.”

“I’m happy for you,” Dodie told her, reaching down to ruffle her hair.

“Hey! Stop it,” Dani laughed, shoving her hand away. But she was happy too. It was quite possible that this was the happiest she'd ever been.

Six Months Later

“Are you sure about this?” Dani asked, standing behind her girlfriend in front of the mirror at her favorite hair salon.

“For the thousandth time, yes,” Fiona replied, laughing. “It’s time for a change.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to, to like, prove something. You’re not any less gay because you have long hair,” Dani told her, and Fiona rolled her eyes fondly.

“Well, thank you, but it’s not like that. I’ve spent so long being what I thought other people wanted me to be, and I feel like a lot of that’s been tied to the way I keep my hair. Do you know my hair looks the same on every single one of our album covers?”

“Well, yeah, but if that’s the way you like it-” Dani started to say, but Fiona cut her off.

“That’s the thing! I don’t know if that’s the way I like it. I was just scared if I changed it, no one was gonna want to listen to our music, or come see me at shows. And I already took a huge risk by coming out the way I did, and that’s only made my fanbase stronger. This is something I need to do for me,” Fiona told her, and Dani had never been more in love.  

“I love you. So much,” she said, wrapping her arms around her, and Fiona smiled at their reflection in the mirror.

“I love you too, weirdo. Can I get my haircut now?” Fiona asked, spinning around in her arms.

“If you two are done over there, I’m ready for you know,” Jessie, Dani’s usual hairdresser broke in, and Fiona nodded.

“Wish me luck,” Fiona called, following Jessie over to her station.

Dani sat in the waiting area playing games on her phone until Fiona was finished.

“So, what do you think?” Fiona asked, walking back over about an hour later. Dani looked up, and almost dropped her phone. Fiona’s hair was now in a mixed length pixie cut with one of the sides shaved, and she was smiling at Dani in the way only she could. Dani stood up, and leaned in close.

“I think we should go home immediately so I can show you exactly how amazing I think you look right now,” she said lowly, and Fiona blushed and smiled at her that way only she could.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m telling you, there’s a monster under there!” Aiden Insisted for about the tenth time that night. Their parents were at a Halloween party, meaning Dan was left to babysit, and Aiden had gotten out of bed at least three times, claiming there was a monster under there.

“And I’m telling you monsters aren’t real,” Dan said for the millionth time that night barely looking up from the horror game he was playing. Not only had his parents uprooted his entire life, choosing to move away almost two months into term, they’d left him on babysitting duty so he couldn’t even sit in his room in the dark listening to music and being mad at them. No, instead he was trying to look over Aiden’s head to kill the zombie that was coming towards him.

“Dan! Please, I’m scared,” Aiden insisted, his voice wobbling, and since he wasn’t completely heartless, Dan sighed and put the controller down.

“I’ll tell you what. The monster’s under your bed, right?” he asked, and Aiden nodded.

“You sleep in my room, and I’ll stay in your room and catch the monster,” Dan told him, and he could see the relief wash over his little brother’s face, followed by cold determination.

“We have to set a trap,” Aiden said, nodding seriously.

“We… What?”

“Monsters can’t be out when the lights on, we can use that,” Aiden continued, dragging Dan towards the kitchen.

And that was how Dan found himself laying in Aiden’s entirely too small bed, an elaborate trap rigged up around him.

“When he jumps up, hit the switch and the lights will turn on. He can’t be in the light really long, so just get him to agree to go away, and then hit the switch again,” Aiden explained, and Dan nodded, coming to the realization that his brother was way smarter than he’d been at ten years old.

“Okay, got it. Now come on, into bed, or Mum and Dad won’t let you go trick or treating,” Dan replied, putting the switch down.

“I can’t move, the monster’s glued me to the floor,” Aiden said, holding his arms up.

“Alright, hop on.” Dan turned around, squatting onto the floor and Aiden hopped up onto his back. He ran down the hall to his bedroom, and dropped Aiden down on the bed, who laughed delightedly.

“Okay, I’m serious now. Time for bed,” Dan told him, again.

“I’m already sleeping,” Aiden said, laying down and closing his eyes. This lasted for about a second before he sat back up again. “Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for doing this for me,” Aiden told him, and Dan would never admit this, but he’d pretend to trap a hundred monsters for that kid.

“Anytime. Good night,” he said, turning off the light.

“Good night.”

Dan had been laying in Aiden’s bed for about an hour now, and he couldn’t sleep at all. Obviously, there wasn’t a monster in there, that would be ridiculous. Still, something was making him feel uneasy. Maybe he just needed a drink. He was about to get up to get a glass of water when the bed started shaking.

“Boo! Wait, you’re not Aiden.”

“What the fuck!” Dan shouted, sitting up. There was a… Guy? Creature? Sitting at the end of the bed- everything about him was blue, from his scaly skin, to the eyes curiously peering at Dan, who was trying very, very hard not to faint.

“I’m dreaming. This is just a nightmare. Fucking Nightcrawler isn’t actually in my bed right now,” Dan muttered to himself, looking around frantically. Where the hell was that switch?

“Of course Nightcrawler isn’t here, the x-men aren’t real,” the creature said, looking confused.

“I’ve lost my fucking mind,” Dan said, finally finding the switch.

“No! Please don’t turn the light on,” the creature begged, and he looked so scared, Dan hesitated.

“Who are you, what do you want, and why is my brother so scared of you?” Dan asked, holding the switch up threateningly.

“I’m Phil- I don’t really know how to answer those last two questions, this is just my job,” the creature- Phil explained, holding his legs up to his chest.

“It’s… Your job? Like you do this for a living?” Dan asked, putting the switch down. Whatever this guy was, he seemed pretty harmless. Actually, it seemed like he didn’t want to be there at all.

“Yeah. We each get assigned a child and we’re supposed to scare them. I’m not very good at it though, Aiden is my third reassignment,” Phil explained.

“You get assigned children to… Like Monsters Inc?”

“Kind of? We don’t need screams. But we’re monsters- if we’re not doing monster things, we stop existing.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, my brother is completely terrified of you,”  Dan told him, shrugging. He had no idea why he was trying to be comforting, Phil just looked so dejected about the whole thing.

“Really?” Phil asked, looking up at him hopefully.

“Yeah, why do you think I’m here trying to trap you?”

“That’s great! Well, I’m sorry about your brother, but I really needed this one to work out. Maybe everyone will be a little nicer once they find out I've actually scared someone."

“They aren’t… Nice to you where you come from?”

“I mean, some of the others are okay. But no one wants to be friends with a monster that’s not scary,”  Phil explained, looking down sadly.

“Oh. Well… I’ll be your friend. I guess,” Dan offered, after a minute. He didn't know what it was about Phil that made him instantly want to fix whatever was making him sad.

“Really?” Phil asked excitedly. 

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen tonight. I’m Dan.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Dan, 17 years old, older brother, potential threat,” Phil recited.

“I’m sorry, what?” Dan asked, confused. He was about as threatening as a teletubby.

“We have to watch out for older siblings. You’re more likely to believe the child, and unlike parents, you can see us,” Phil explained, and Dan nodded, because sure, why not? Apparently there was a whole monster community keeping tabs on him in case he decided to wage war on them or something.

“Well, since we’re friends now, do you wanna see something cool? I’ve never had a friend before,” Phil continued, completely oblivious to the huge crisis Dan was having right now.

“Do I have to?”

“No, but I’m here until morning. So I could wake Aiden up, or we could-”

“Okay fine, let’s go. The last thing I need is Aiden still being up when my parents get home,” Dan said, standing up.

“Take my hand,” Phil instructed. Once they were standing next to each other, Dan noticed that they were about the same height, which either meant monsters were of way more average height than he thought, or he really was freakishly tall. He also noticed Phil had a tail, because you know, of course he did.

“Why?” Dan asked, but he obliged anyway. This was either a very, very vivid dream, or he’d completely lost his mind. Either way, nothing to do but go for it.

“So I can bring you into our world. Ready?” Phil asked, bending down to the floor, pulling, Dan down with him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Phil crawled down under the bed, and then took Dan’s hand again. The next thing he knew, Dan was falling.

“Fun, right?” Phil asked as they continued to plummet to God knows where. Dan, who was putting all of his energy into not screaming, stayed silent. Finally, after it felt like they’d been falling for ages, they landed on a mattress in what looked pretty much like a regular town.

“So, this is your world? I was picturing more Halloweentown,” Dan said, standing up, and looking around.

“You watch a lot of movies,” Phil observed, climbing down of the mattress. Dan shrugged, following suit.

“You’re the one catching all my references,” he pointed out. Phil took his hand again, and started walking.

“That’s where everyone plays Monster Ball,” he said, gesturing to what looked like a baseball field. “I’m actually banned from playing. Too many injuries.”

“Yours or others?” Dan asked, and Phil shrugged.

“Both,” he said after a minute, which made Dan laugh. He realized Phil was staring at him intently, and he felt his face start to heat up.

“What?”

“Nothing. I like your laugh. I don’t get to hear laughter a lot,” Phil admitted, looking down, and for someone reason that made Dan really said. He squeezed Phil’s hand in an attempt to be comforting, but that just alerted him to the fact they were holding hands again.

“Uh, Phil?”

“Hmm?” Phil asked distractedly.

“Why are we holding hands now?”

“Oh.. Yeah, I thought it’d be easier to stay together this way. Do you mind?”

“Uh, no, I guess not,” Dan said, and he really needed to get out more. He felt twelve years old again- holding hands with someone didn’t mean anything. It probably meant even less to monsters, and even if it didn’t, why would he want it to mean something?

“Are you okay? Your heart rate’s gone up,” Phil asked, looking over at him.

“You can hear my heartbeat. Of course you can.”

“It helps to know if someone’s scared. Not all kids scream.”

“Right. Of course. How long have you been doing this anyway?” Dan asked as they walked.

“Not long. I’m only a hundred and eighteen,” Phil told him, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Right. Only,” Dan replied, nodding slowly. This was shaping up to be the weirdest night of his life. He was in some sort of alternate dimension, with no way to get home, at the mercy of (an admittedly sweet and endearing), but still. A monster.

“Okay! This way,” Phil said, dragging him along.

“Where exactly are we going?” Dan wondered when they got to a ladder.

“This is where I live- well, it’s where I got banished to. Between the monster ball, and the whole not being scary thing, the others don’t really want to be around me,” Phil explained, starting to climb.

“Exactly how high up does this go?” Dan asked, after it felt like they’d been climbing forever.

“Just a few more steps,” Phil told him, and before long, they were coming up on what was basically just a room. There was a bed, and a huge window, and a huge pile of plushies in the corner.

“You just. Stay up here, by yourself?” Dan asked, looking around. This was depressing as fuck.

“Well, yeah. It’s not much, but this is what I wanted to show you,” Phil answered, walking towards the window. Dan followed him, and looked out at the most incredible view. There were ladders everywhere, stretching up into an almost velvet blue sky. There were fairy lights everywhere, connecting all kinds of different sized buildings.

“So this is where all the monsters live?” Dan asked, still looking out at the view in awe.

“Yup. Those ladders go up to every human child’s bedroom in the entire world,” Phil told him, looking out the window too.

“Wow. This place is insane. How come we haven’t seen anyone?”

“Everyone’s out scaring.”

“Oh. So, what do you wanna do?”

“I didn’t really have a plan beyond this. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to,” Phil admitted, looking over at him. Dan thought about his new school where he didn’t know anyone, and ate lunch alone in the library.

“Come home with me,” he said, before he could think better of it.

“What?”

“Well, you don’t have any friends, I don’t either. But I do have lots of video games.”

“Really, you want to spend more time with me? On purpose?” Phil asked, and he sounded so surprised, Dan had to laugh.

“Yeah. I mean, you have to promise to leave Aiden alone. But other than that, I don’t see why we can’t hangout.”

“Okay,” Phil agreed, and it took Dan a second to realize he was actually glowing.

“Sorry. It happens when I’m happy,” Phil explained sheepishly.

“You’re literally adorable. You’re a Disney character- no wonder you can’t scare anyone,” Dan answered laughing. Phil tried briefly to look offended, but ended up bursting into laughter too.

“Shut up.”

And with that, Dan let Phil lead him back up the ladder to Aiden’s bedroom. It was a little awkward at first, standing in his little brother’s bedroom with a monster he’d barely known for a few hours, but then Phil went to pick up one of Aiden’s toys from the window sill, tripped on a different toy and fell down. Dan laughed, and the tension dissipated.

“Come on, I’ll teach you how to play this game called Overcooked,” Dan told him leading him into the living room.

As it turned out, Phil was a really fast learner. And aside from some bickering while they figured out how everything worked, the two of them made a really good team. They played several more rounds, Dan making fun of Phil whenever he forgot how to do something, or messed something up.

“Oh no,” Phil said suddenly, putting his controller down.

“It’s fine, just throw that plate out, we’ve still got time,” Dan said, but Phil didn’t move.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“The sun. It’s rising,” Phil told him, looking worried. Smoke was already starting to radiate off of him, and this living room had a lot of windows.

“Oh! Well, let’s get you back then, before you… Melt?” Dan asked, standing up.

“Something like that, yeah.”

They managed to make it to the bedroom with minimal sun exposure, and Dan found himself feeling an unexpected sense of loss.

“Will you be back tomorrow night?” he asked, looking down. This night had been the most fun he’d had since moving to this awful town, and he kind of didn’t want it to end.

“Of course,” Phil told him, and then he was gone, leaving Dan feeling completely, and utterly alone.

Phil did come back the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Dan eventually convinced Aiden he’d gotten rid of the monster, and Aiden returned to sleeping in his own room. Dan took his video game system out of the living room and hooked it up in the bedroom, so that when the sun started to come up in the morning, he could just close the blinds and it wouldn’t affect Phil too much. They hung out, playing video games or watching movies or tv every night. Phil was obsessed with anything about American High School, especially Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As it turned out, there was no concept of high school in his universe, and he thought it was fascinating. Dan was also pretty sure he had a thing for Buffy, but he just let him have it.

Phil was a fascinating person to be around- Dan had to double his candy and snack supply, because he ate almost all of it every time he visited. He didn’t mind at all though. He started to look forward to when Phil would arrive, sitting on the floor next to his bed waiting for him. He also started to notice little things, like how tactile Phil was- he was always finding ways into Dan’s space, holding his hand while they walked, shoving him when he beat him at Mario Kart, resting his head on his shoulder while they watched movies. But once again, Dan didn’t mind at all.

“So, do monsters feel human emotions?” Dan asked one night. They were laying on his bed, after marathoning an anime Dan insisted Phil had to see if they were going to keep being friends.

“Like what?” Phil wondered, looking over at him.

“You know, like anger, or hunger, or…” Dan trailed off, looking up at the ceiling. “Nevermind. I don’t know why I asked.”

“We feel everything humans do. Not guilt, usually. That’d make it hard to be, well, us, but other than that, we feel everything.”

“Everything?” Dan asked, his voice suddenly small. Phil nodded, reaching up to push Dan’s hair out of his face.

“Everything,” he repeated, and for a while, they just lay there, staring at each other. There was so much Dan wanted to ask, wanted to say, but he didn’t even know where to start. They were so close, Dan could see that Phil’s eyes were slit, like a cat’s, and there were flecks of green and gold in them.

“I’m really glad I met you,” Phil told him seriously, and it felt like the world had slowed to a stop- nothing else existed except them, and this moment.

“I’m really glad I met you too,” Dan replied, and then, once he couldn’t take it anymore, he did maybe the most insane thing he’d ever done, and leaned in.

“Is this okay?” he whispered, once their faces were barely inches apart.

“Monsters also feel impatience, you know,” Phil whispered back.

“What?” Dan started to ask, but Phil kissed him, cutting him off. It was soft and perfect, and Phil’s hands felt cold on his face, and he wanted to keep doing this forever.

“You were taking too long,” Phil said softly, pulling away.

“Then why’d you stop so soon?” Dan asked, and Phil laughed.

“You’re glowing again,” Dan pointed out, smiling at him fondly.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, and then they were kissing again.

All too soon, the sun started to come up, and they had to say goodbye.

“You could always come with me, you know,” Phil told him, pulling on one of Dan’s hoodies. He’d taken to leaving with an item of Dan’s clothing whenever he had to go back home.

“Now I have to come back,” he’d say, but Dan knew he just liked to feel close when he was away.

“I can’t. I have to be here. For my brother, and my parents. Plus, I do still have to go to school,” Dan pointed out, sitting up.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“You’d better.”

And then, after a quick kiss goodbye, Phil was gone.

After that, everything was pretty much perfect. Dan was always exhausted during the day, but it was worth it for all the time he got to spend with Phil at night. Unfortunately, things couldn’t stay this way forever.

“Something bad is happening,” Phil said one night, pacing the length of Dan’s bedroom.

“You mean, you being here still fully clothed?” Dan asked, watching him.

“I’m serious. Look at my hands,” Phil said, stopping, and holding them up.

“They’re… Not blue. What’s going on?” Dan replied, growing worried.

“I didn’t want to tell you. I thought maybe it was a just a myth, and I didn’t want to stop seeing you. I don’t want to stop seeing you, I just…” Phil trailed off, looking down.

“What? What is it, you’re scaring me,” Dan asked frantically, standing up.

“That’s just it. I’m not. I’m not scaring anyone,” Phil explained dejectedly. Dan vaguely remembered Phil saying something about this the night they met- having to do monster things, or he’d cease to exist.

“There’s gotta be something we can do, another way… Let’s go,” Dan said, bending down in front of the bed.

“Dan? I don’t want to go back, I just want to stay here with you as long as I can,” Phil replied, but Dan shook his head vehemently.

“Well, I don’t want my boyfriend to suddenly stop existing. There’s gotta be someone who can help.”

“Boyfriend?” Phil asked softly, starting to glow.

“Not the time.”

“Right. Sorry. Well there’s only one person who could help,” Phil said, bending down next to him.

“Let’s go then.”

They made the descent down into Phil’s world, and Dan immediately jumped up off the mattress and started walking, dragging Phil along with him.

“We’re going the wrong way,” Phil pointed out after a minute.

“Right, sorry. You lead.”

Phil lead him to what was basically a castle in the center of all of the other buildings.

“This is where the Boss lives,” Phil explained, as they walked in. A few bored looking guards looked up at them as they passed, but didn’t stop them. They finally came to a throne room, where an actual dragon was sitting. Upon seeing them, a huge puff of red smoke appeared, and then there was a woman standing in front of them, still completely red. Dan was going to faint.

“I’m so sorry to bother you, Boss, but we need your help,” Phil said, and she laughed. Loudly.

“And why should I spare you for being completely incompetent and alerting a human to our existence?” she asked cooly, once she calmed down.

“Please, Ms. Boss… Person. Please don’t take Phil from me. He’s my best friend,” Dan pleaded, and she turned her green, cat-like eyes on him.

“How sweet. You’ve got a pet,” she said to Phil, eyeing Dan up and down with calculating disinterest.

“Is there anything we can do?” Phil asked desperately, and she waved a hand dismissively.

“Oh, calm down. You’re not going to cease to exist, that’s just something I tell everyone to keep this place running. If you truly want to be with this human, you can stay in the human world. You will eventually turn human, but it’s going to be a long and painful process. I don’t actually care what you do, but you can never return here. Now go.”

They nodded, and turned to go on their way. Once they were in the hallway, Dan pulled Phil to the side.

“Is this what you want?” he asked, searching his face urgently.

“I want to be with you,” Phil said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I know. But you can’t make this decision like that. Do you really want to go through this transformation, and never be able to return home? Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“I have a new home now. And besides, I never fit in here anyway,” Phil told him, and Dan nodded.

“Okay. Okay then, let’s go home,” he said starting to walk, when he felt a tug on his wrist. He turned to ask Phil what was wrong when he pulled Dan into him and kissed him deeply.

“Thank you. For everything,” he told him seriously, and if he was a monster, Dan probably would’ve started glowing.

He knew this was a bad idea. The minute he hit record Dan knew this was a bad idea. But it was their first Spooky Week, and that meant a video every night, even if he had to scare the shit out of himself without the added comfort of another person being there. He managed to get through the game, and then practically tripped over himself running to turn the lights back on. He looked around the room- all the furniture was where it was supposed to be, there was nothing under the desk or floating in the window… He was completely alone.

He’d wanted to be completely independent this time. He could spend a few days by himself, he didn’t need Phil around to be his personal security blanket. But the house was bigger by himself, quieter, and he was starting to feel a little disappointed every time he opened up his cereal to find the exact amount he’d left in there. He did a liveshow after editing the video, which made him feel a little better- the familiar comfort of talking to an audience, but he couldn’t stay on YouNow forever.

Dan continued his plan of turning on every single light in the house, and turned on the tv to fill the silence. One of the old Halloween franchise movies was on, because it was October, and everyone was playing scary movies. And if he wasn’t alone, it’d probably be fun to watch, and to make fun of all the special effects that hadn’t aged well. But as it was, there was a girl hiding in a closet, and the killer was closing in, and it suddenly felt like someone was behind him. Dan turned around quickly- no one was there, obviously, and scrambled to find where he’d put the remote.

Almost as if on cue, his phone rang.

“I’m fine,” he said in lieu of greeting, cradling the phone to his ear, and finally pulling the remote out of the couch.

“Well that was convincing. I just wanted to call you before I fell asleep,” Phil replied, and Dan could tell by his voice that that could happen any minute.

“You don’t have to check up on me. I’m an adult, I can be home alone,” Dan said, because his first defense was always petulance.

“I’m not checking up on you. I’m calling for entirely selfish reasons,” Phil replied, completely unphased.

“Oh… And those reasons are?” Dan wondered. Usually if Phil needed a favor he’d just text him, so he was curious to see what warranted a full phone call.

“I was telling my family a story, and I kept looking to my right so you could chime in. But you weren’t there. And then I realized how used to you being there I am. And that I don’t like it when you’re not there,” Phil told him, and his voice got progressively softer as it went on, and Dan missed him so, so much.

“I want to make fun of you, but I just finished recording a gaming video, and I was definitely doing the same thing,” Dan admitted after a second.

“Well, it’s good to know you miss me too,” Phil teased, and Dan could hear the smile in his voice.

“Don’t get too full of yourself, now. I’m eating all the cereal before you can come back and steal it,” Dan replied.

“Do you wanna Skype?”

“Ah, so that’s why you called. And here I thought you actually missed me,” Dan said, pretending to be offended.

“Shut up, that’s not what I meant. People do skype just to talk you know.”

“I know. Let me get my laptop.”

Five minutes later, Dan was settled in his bedroom and the Skype call was connecting.

“So how was Outlast?” Phil asked. He was sitting in his childhood bedroom, wearing his t-shirt with the ghosts on it and cookie monster pajama pants.

“It was fucking terrifying, Phil. Our electricity bill is gonna be insane, cause I’m not turning any lights off until you come back,” Dan told him, and he was partially kidding, but he was also fully planning on not leaving his room until morning.

“So I’m guessing you don’t want to have that horror movie marathon when I come back?”

“No, we’re definitely doing that. It’s Halloween, it’s our favorite time of the year,” Dan pointed out immediately. Sitting in the dark with popcorn and candy making fun of scary movies was not only one of their favorite things to do, it was a tradition.

“There are some things I’ll never understand about you,” Phil said, laughing fondly, and as well as they knew each other Dan kind of liked that that was still true.

“You love me.”

“Obviously. You want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?” Phil asked, his entirely transparent way of being worried without letting Dan know he was worrying.

“If you can stay up that long,” Dan said, and Phil laughed.

“Shut up.”

“Tell me how everyone at home is doing,” Dan asked, and Phil launched into stories about his mum’s cooking, and playing board games with everyone, and finally beating Martyn at a video game they used to play when they were younger. By the time he got to talking about getting lost with his dad while they were going for a walk, the house didn’t feel empty anymore at all.

“Come home soon, okay? I’m never playing a horror game by myself again, you know,” Dan yawned. He was starting to have trouble keeping his eyes open.

“You won’t have to,” Phil told him softly. “I’ll be back before you know it, and maybe next time, you can come with.”

“Really?” Dan asked, slightly more awake now.

“Well, yeah. Everyone’s been asking about you nonstop. And I wouldn’t have to miss you if you were here,” Phil pointed out, shifting his laptop so he could lay down.

“And I wouldn’t be hiding in my room from the Blair Witch if I was with you,” Dan added, which made Phil laugh.

“Exactly. So you’ll come stay with us next time?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll come.”

“Good,” Phil yawned, and Dan could tell he was gonna be out any minute.

“Don’t forget to take your glasses off,” Dan said, and it was weird how you could miss something as mundane as taking your boyfriend’s glasses off when he falls asleep with them on.

“Mm. Love you,” Phil mumbled, and then he was asleep.

“I need you to think. About what you’ll do if I don’t make it,” he says, looking up from his hospital bed. He’s been looking worse and worse, but Phil pretends not to notice. If he doesn’t notice it, then it’s not true, and he’s not going to lose the most important person in his life.

“I’m not going to think about that, because you’re going to make it,” Phil says stubbornly. They have plans. Running away just the two of them, a house in the countryside where no one can judge or hurt them. “We’re gonna get a dog, remember?”

“I don’t want you to wait for me. Being here everyday, watching me fade away. It’s not fair to you.”

“You can’t decide what’s fair to me. I’m not just gonna leave you here.” All Phil wanted to do was crawl into the hospital bed and hold him until the nurses had to physically drag him away. But that wasn’t possible. It was a miracle they’d made it this long without anyone finding out, and he wasn’t going to jeopardize it now, when it was the most important for them to stay together.

“You have to. For me, please don’t wait around.”

“I’d wait forever for you, you know that.”

Phil woke up confused and sad, the way he always did when he had these dreams. He was always in a hospital, at someone’s bedside, and they were always two seconds away from death. In some of his dreams, he was sitting in a waiting room, and he always felt anxious even though he didn’t know why. He gathered from the way all the doctors and nurses were dressed that it must have been the 1940s, and when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he was dressed the same way too.

“Hey! You’re gonna be late for work! Again,” PJ called, knocking on Phil’s door, and startling him fully awake. They’d been working at their university’s bookstore for the last two years, and with how often they were late, it was a miracle they hadn’t been fired.

“I’m up!” Phil called back, and then rushed to get ready for work.

“Sorry. I was having that dream again,” Phil told PJ as they walked up to the bookstore in the center of campus.

“The one about your dying husband in the 40s?” PJ asked blowing into his coffee.

“I don’t know if he’s my husband. I don’t know who he is, or who I am, really. I just know that the idea of being away from him hurts,” Phil explained, and PJ got a really pensive look on his face.

“You know, sometimes I dream that I’m one of the queen’s corgis,” he said after a minute, and Phil laughed and shook his head.

“Of course you do.”

Phil and PJ had to part ways since they worked in different departments. PJ got to stay downstairs in fiction, and Phil had to be upstairs with the textbooks, helping bored students find their rentals. Phil had tried to get switched into literally any other department but his boss wouldn’t let up.

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find Fundamentals of Law?” a voice asked. So it began. Phil looked up from the counter, and almost spit out his coffee. It was the guy from his dreams. He looked different, healthier, younger, but it was definitely him. The same wavy hair, the same deep brown eyes. Looking into those eyes felt almost as easy and familiar as breathing.

“Uh, I can ask someone else-” the guy started to say, and Phil finally managed to find his voice.

“I’m sorry, I just… I feel like I know you. Is that weird?” he explained, and the guy looked like he’d rather be anywhere but there.

“Yes… So, the book?” he asked again, and Phil nodded.

“Right, yeah, sorry- Follow me,” he said quickly, leading the guy towards the law section.

“I’m Phil, by the way.”

“I know,” the guy said, and Phil just nearly avoided walking into a bookshelf. He would’ve if the guy hadn’t tugged on his arm at the last minute.

“You do?”

“It’s on your name tag.”

“...Oh. Right.”

“I’m Dan,” he told him, and it felt good to put a name to the face Phil saw so often.

“Nice to meet you,” Phil replied, because I dream of you leaving me, and it hurts so bad I still feel it in the morning was probably a really creepy thing to say to a stranger.

“You’re kinda weird, you know that?” Dan asked, and Phil scanned the shelf for his textbook.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Phil replied shrugging, and Dan laughed.

“So, was that a line?” he asked after Phil pulled the book off the shelf.

“What?”

“You know, the whole ‘I feel like I know you’ thing,” Dan explained taking it.

“Oh! Oh, that- I wasn’t. I mean you’re- but I…” he rambled completely incoherently, and Dan laughed.

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Oh,” was all Phil could think to say. He could feel his entire face heating up.

“I’d better go, I’m already late. Will you ring this up for me?” Dan asked, and Phil nodded.

“Yeah, of course. This way.”

The whole time he was ringing Dan up, Phil was trying to think of a way to ask to see him again without sounding creepy. It’s not like he could just come out and explain the dream thing, Dan would think he was insane. Eventually he came up short, and he handed Dan his receipt, completely defeated.

Phil was too embarrassed about the whole interaction to even mention it to PJ. He went about his day as he always did, but that night, when he went to sleep, something was different.

The nurses are all giving him sad looks. Phil feels like some of them know more than they’re letting on, but mercifully no one comments. They’re nearing the end now, he can tell. But a promise is a promise, and he’s not gonna leave now. He walks into the room carrying a teddy bear he’d picked up from the gift shop on impulse. It’ll be nice for him to have something to hold.

“Phil?” Dan asks, looking at him confused, and it’s clear this is no longer the person he’s been dreaming about. “Why am I in the hospital? And why are you dressed like Captain America?”

Phil does not do anything without a plan. He carries itinerary folders for going to the airport, he gets to the movies as early as possible so he can get the perfect seat, and not even Dan is allowed to see his videos until he feels like he’s edited them enough to be seen by a different person.

But this? He hadn’t planned for this at all, hadn’t planned to be sitting in his bed, barely halfway through his morning coffee, watching a private moment that was supposed to be between him and the person he loves dissected by an alarmingly large number of people.

“What are we going to do? What the fuck are we going to do?” Dan asks from next to him, and he’s never not had an answer, a suggestion, something. But right now? He’s completely speechless.

“Right,” Dan says tightly, storming out of the room. Phil puts his coffee down, slams his laptop shut, and falls back onto the bed. This is all his fault isn’t it? If he hadn’t made that stupid video in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this mess at all right now. And all he wants to do is stay in bed feeling sorry for himself, but there’s someone else he has to put above himself right now. He takes stock of the things he can control in this situation- the video. He can take down the video, try and stop it from spreading… He opens up his laptop and gets to work. He’s pretty deep into taking down every copy of the video he can find when he realizes he hasn’t heard from Dan since he stormed out earlier. He pushes his laptop inside and climbs out of bed. He’s done all he can do for today.

“Dan? You okay?” he asks, stepping out into the hallway, and immediately  tripping over something.

“Ow,” Dan groans from where he’s lying down on the floor.

“Have you just been lying out here this whole time?” Phil asks, sitting down on the floor next to him.

“Yeah, pretty much. I was gonna go for a walk, but then- well, you know,” Dan replies, rolling over so he’s laying on his back.

“So you came outside and laid on the floor?”

“It’s a good place to think,” Dan says, and they fall silent.

“I’m sorry,” Phil blurts out after sitting there stewing in his own guilt becomes too much.

“For what?”

“This is all my fault. If I hadn’t made that video, then it never would’ve gotten out, and people wouldn’t be-”

“Hey,” Dan says softly, cutting him off, and sitting up. “None of this is your fault. That video is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, and we’re not gonna let a bunch of strangers ruin that. Okay?”

“Okay. I just wish there was something I could do, you know? I feel so useless,” Phil replies, leaning his head against the wall. Dan crawls to sit next to him, intertwining their hands and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“I know how you feel. I feel pretty useless too- everyone’s asking all these questions, and expecting us to answer… Shit. What are we gonna tell people?”

“I… I don’t know. I mean, what can we tell them? It’s pretty obvious isn’t it?” Phil asks, and the minute it’s out of his mouth, he knows it’s the wrong thing to say.

“No. No, you can’t actually be suggesting-”

“Dan,” Phil tries to say, but once Dan is worked up, he’s worked up.

“There is absolutely no way we’re gonna say, ‘congratulations you guys were right all along, we fuck!”

“Well, we would never say that-”

“Right, well I’m sure you’ll think of a channel appropriate euphemism,” Dan huffs, crossing his arms, and this is not at all how Phil wanted this day to go.

“We can’t just ignore this until it goes away, Dan. We have to address it somehow,” Phil tries to say, but it’s too late- Dan’s guard is firmly up.

“Well, let me know when you figure out how,” Dan mutters, storming off. Phil watches him go, and then bangs his head against the wall a few times. He doesn’t know what to do! He doesn’t know what the fuck to do, and that scares him more than anything. Well, almost anything, he thinks, looking at Dan’s closed bedroom door worriedly.

Phil spends the rest of the day trying to give Dan space. They’re both scared, and hurt, and he doesn’t want them taking it out on each other. He tries to get some work done, reads emails until he realizes he needs Dan’s input in order to answer almost all of them. He puts on the final fantasy soundtrack and starts cleaning the house, but eventually it starts to get late, and he realizes neither of them have eaten. He makes pancakes and carries a plate of them to Dan’s door.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now!” Dan calls petulantly, and he sighs. Still mad then.

“Then we won’t talk! But you need to eat- I made pancakes,” he calls back. There’s silence for a minute, and then the door opens.

“Just pancakes,” Dan says opening the door. So they sit on his bed eating pancakes, and Phil watches him out of the corner of his eye trying to assess his mood.

“My mum doesn’t even know,” Dan says quietly after they’ve finished their pancakes.

“I mean. Your mum probably knows,” Phil says without really thinking about it.

“That is so not funny right now,” Dan replies, glaring at him, and yeah, now definitely isn’t the time for that.

“Sorry. I really am sorry, you know. About all of this,” Phil tells him, and Dan visibly softens.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m just…”

“Yeah. Me too.”

And then Dan does something he hasn’t done in a really long time, and crawls into Phil’s lap.

“We’ll figure something out. We’re not gonna do anything we’re not ready to do,” Phil promises, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Okay,” Dan says into his neck.

Phil doesn’t do anything without a plan, but sitting here with everything coming crashing down around them? There was no way he ever could have planned for this.

“Hey,” Dan says softly, pulling Phil out of his thoughts before he can enter full blown panic mode.

“Hm?” he answers distractedly.

“This is it?” Dan asked, looking around the house in disbelief. Their real estate agent had told them it was a bit of a fixer upper, but that it had a ton of potential. And then he’d introduced them to their contractor, Hilary who’d completely wowed them with her design ideas, so they’d bought the house sight unseen, and Dan was already starting to regret everything.

“You’re not seeing the potential! It’s a blank canvas, we can do whatever we want with it,” Phil replied, gesturing around to the empty house. Dan looked down at the greying white carpet, unconvinced.

“It’s a shithole,” he pointed out.

“Well that’s why we have Hilary. Remember all those designs she showed us? Lots of natural light, hardwood floors, plants everywhere…” Phil trailed off, gesturing around the house.

“I remember. I just don’t see how we’re going to get any of that here,” Dan answered, walking further into the house. It was a huge house, but all of the decor and furniture were so dated, it felt dark and smaller than it was, and there was carpet everywhere.

“You’ll see soon enough. Now, are you going to stand there all day, or are you going help with demo?” Hilary asked from behind them. They turned to see Hilary standing in jeans and a flannel, holding three almost comically large hammers. She was wearing a tool belt, and had a pair of goggles in her other hand.

“We did say this part would be fun,” Phil pointed out taking a hammer. Dan sighed, taking one too.

“Let’s get to it then.”

They started in the kitchen pulling out draws, and knocking down cabinets. Hilary had explained that the kitchen would need a full gut, and that they were going to knock down the wall separating it from the living room, add an island, all new appliances, and hardwood floors that would carry through the rest of the house. None of the walls were low bearing, so they’d been able to knock them down, giving them on open concept main floor. It was kind of hard to picture now, standing in the middle of all this debris, but according to Hilary, in eight weeks, they’d have their dream home.

“And then maybe we can go back to the shelter, see if Max is still there,” Phil had said during their first meeting with Hilary. She’d gone to grab the spreadsheet with the cost of the house plus the renovation on it, but they were already pretty sure they were doing this. Max was a Corgi they’d been visiting every week at a shelter a few blocks from their flat. The owner told them Max was very fond of them, and always looked forward to their visits. Still, Dan hadn’t thought it was a good idea to take on house hunting and training a new pet at the same time. He practically had to drag Phil away every time they came to visit. Okay, he kind of had to drag himself away too.

Now here they were, four weeks later, standing in a house that was basically just a frame. Dan had to admit, once the walls were taken down, the house did feel a lot brighter. Still, that was the last time he let himself be talked into a renovation project. He said as much to Phil, but as always, his boyfriend was as unwaveringly positive as ever.

“Think about it this way- this is the last time we’ll ever have to go through this. A few weeks from now, we’ll be sitting in our beautiful new house, taking videos of our new dog, and you’ll wonder why you ever doubted in the first place,” Phil said, swinging his hammer at one of the cabinets, and dropping it straight through instead. “Oops.”

“Or I’ll be sitting in a hospital because you managed to impale yourself on something,” Dan replied, picking the hammer up, and handing it back to him.

“Will you bring Max to visit?” Phil asked, taking the hammer, and hoisting it over his shoulder.

“Of course. But first, let’s try not to injure ourselves before our house is finished?”

“Our house. This is our house,” Phil said, looking completely amazed, and Dan realized the reality of the situation hadn’t fully hit them yet. This was their house, their forever home, the thing they’d been planning for and looking forward to for years.

“This is our house,” Dan repeated with a surprised laugh. They’d done it, they’d actually bought a house, and they were gonna spend the rest of their lives there- with a dog, and maybe even kids one day. It was their house.

“Yes, and we’re all very happy for you. But either you get back to work, or you go home,” Hilary broke in, shattering the moment.

“Right, sorry,” they told her, and she rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“Come on, help us finish the demo on the kitchen and then you can go home and bask in your happiness,” she replied, and they nodded, getting back to work.

They spent the next three weeks helping with demo, picking out backsplash and cabinets for the kitchen, choosing furniture and shower tiles and wood for the flooring- they did all they could do to help the process, but eventually Hilary banned them from the house.

“I know what your vision is, and I’m going to deliver. But you can’t keep stopping by everyday,” she told them after they’d stopped by unannounced for the third time that week.

“I just had an idea about how the living room is being set up-” Phil started to say, but Hilary held a hand up.

“There is one week left in this renovation. I need you to trust me. Can you do that?” she asked, and Dan knew it was going to be nothing but a week of them sitting around and worrying, wondering what the house was going to look like.

“You’ve literally done all you can. You picked out every single detail. And we’ve already had to go in and double the amount of windows halfway through because you two decided there wasn’t enough natural light. Just please, for the love of God, let me do my job,” Hilary asked, clasping her hands together pleadingly, and they (reluctantly) agreed. 

A week later, it was finally time. After a very long discussion, they’d decided they would foster Max for a week to see if he took to the new house, and if he did, they would finalize the adoption. They stood in the front yard, Dan holding Max’s leash in one hand, and Phil’s hand in the other.

“This is it,” he said, looking up at the house. The house was made of stone, and they could see all the floor to ceiling windows in the living room from where they were standing.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked, looking over at him.

“I didn’t think we’d ever get here. This is it- the forever home. It’s finished,” Dan answered, looking back.

“It’s finished. Should I carry you over the threshold?”

“Absolutely not. You managed not to get injured during the renovation, we’re not risking it now,” Dan replied, and they both laughed.

“Okay okay. I’ll carry Max then,” Phil said, reaching down to scoop Max up, who then immediately started to lick his face. Dan got out his phone as fast as possible and took a picture. They’d have to frame that one, he thought looking at it. It came out pretty good. 

“Let’s go,” Phil said, nodding seriously, and they headed inside.

The house was perfect. It was everything they’d ever dreamed of- lots of natural light coming in through the windows, hardwood floors, a fireplace in the living room, a good array of houseplants scattered throughout the main floor, and the most beautiful kitchen Dan had ever seen.

“See? I told you the subway tile would work,” Phil said proudly, and Dan suddenly became aware that this was real, this was happening right now. They’d actually done it, they were standing in their forever home, and it was everything they’d dreamed of. He turned around and kissed Phil deeply, who laughed, surprised, before melting into it.

“So I take it you’re satisfied then?” Hilary asked, causing them to jump apart.

“We love it,” Phil told her sincerely once they recovered from the shock.

“Thank you so much for this,” Dan added, and Hilary smiled.

“Of course. It was lovely working with you even though you were a huge pain sometimes,” she told them, and they laughed.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Well I’m gonna get going, but you two enjoy your new home, okay?” Hilary told them, and they thanked her one last time before walking her to the door.

Later that night, they were settled in bed on their respective laptops, still in shock that this was actually their house, when Max jumped up onto the bed.

“We can’t let the dog sleep on the bed,” Dan said, but Phil had already put his laptop down so Max could crawl into his lap.

“But he missed us! It’s just for tonight,” Phil replied, and it definitely wasn’t just going to be for tonight, but if there was one thing Dan would never be good at, it was saying no to Phil.

“It’s encouraging a bad habit is what it is, isn’t it Max?” Dan cooed, leaning over to pet Max, who licked his face happily.

“So he can stay?” 

“Fine, he can stay. But this means it’s your turn to walk him.”

Phil loved weddings. And that might be a weird thing to say, but he much preferred working weddings to any of the other events that passed through the country club where he was bartending to put himself through university. He liked watching all the happy families dance and how excited the kids got when he gave them free Shirley Temples.

He also loved watching the first dance the newlyweds did- each couple one was different, and they each chose wildly different music, but you could always feel the love in the room. Tonight’s couple were dancing to a slow song being played by a live pianist, which was a nice change from all the John Legend and Adele he usually heard at these things.

“God, it’s so depressing isn’t it?” a voice said, breaking him of his train of thought. A bridesmaid had plopped down at the bar, wearing the same frilly lilac dress the rest of the wedding party was wearing.

“What is?” Phil asked, wiping down the bar in an attempt to look busy. He wasn’t really supposed to make conversation with guests. Usually, they came to the bar in groups, barely even looking at him as they ordered, so it wasn’t really a problem. But he also couldn’t ignore a customer while they were trying to talk to him, it was bad for tips.

“Weddings. All these happy couples around reminding you how lonely you are,” she sighed.

“I’m sure that’s not-” he started to say, but she waved him off.

“Don’t placate me. I’ll have a Cosmo. And make it a double- actually, just put as much vodka as you’re legally allowed to in it.”

“It can’t be all bad. There’s music and food, and you get to see your friends being happy,” he replied, mixing her a drink. He was still shocked every time he managed to make a drink without dropping and spilling it everywhere, but it was good to have physical proof that he was getting better at his job.

“I guess some of it’s okay. I don’t get to see my sister all that often anymore, and I’ve definitely never seen her this happy,” the bridesmaid said, looking out onto the dance floor where the brides were swaying to the music, their foreheads touching, and their arms around each other.

“See? So there’s more to weddings than just making single people feel bad.”

“Thanks. And thanks for the drink, this is amazing,” she said, taking a huge sip. He probably should’ve given her a straw.

Three cosmos later, the bridesmaid, whose name Phil had learned was Charlie, was sitting up on the bar, trying to unbutton his uniform shirt.

“You’re so sweet for keeping my company… Do you want to keep me company some more?” she asked,looking up at him in a way that would definitely get him in trouble if his boss walked in right now.

“Um,” Phil spluttered. He had no idea what to do here- as long as he’d been bartending, he’d never been hit on, and he was completely out of depth. Also, Charlie really could not be sitting up on the bar like that.

“Am I interrupting something?” a voice asked, and Phil looked to see the pianist from earlier, looking at them with an entirely too amused expression.

“No!” Phil said at the same time Charlie went, “Yes.”

Please help me, he mouthed over Charlie’s head. She’d fully thrown herself over the bar now, and Phil was the only thing holding her up.

“You smell good,” she giggled, looking up at him.

“Alright, um… Excuse me, miss? Would you mind detaching yourself from my boyfriend? He promised me he’d have a drink with me while we were on break,” the pianist said, which, thank God, seemed to snap Charlie out of it.

“You’re? Your... Oh. Oh, God, what am I doing? It’s senior prom all over again,” she whined into his neck.

“We’re just… Gonna help you down now, okay? Do you want us to help you find your sister?” Phil asked, removing her arms from around him, and helping her down.

“No, I’m not that drunk. You’re very sweet, and you two make a very cute couple, I’m just… Gonna go sit into the bathroom until the room stops spinning,” she replied, once she was down on the ground again.

“You want a bottle of water? On the house,” Phil offered, and Charlie nodded.

“Yes, please.” He handed her a bottle of water, and she stumbled off.

“Thank you so much, I owe you one,” Phil said once she was out of earshot.

“Well, you can pour me that drink and we can call it even,” the pianist answered, sitting down at the bar, and smiling at him, revealing actual, honest to God dimples. Oh no.

“Sure. You sounded really good, by the way. We don’t get a lot of live musicians,” Phil said, keeping his eyes on the bar because if he looked up for one minute, he was pretty sure he was gonna drop the glass.

“Thanks. This is good, what’s it called?” the pianist asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“A dark and stormy. It’s ginger beer and dark rum. Which I would hate, but I didn’t know how you’d take it if I offered you a margarita,” Phil explained, leaning on the bar.

“Those are way too sugary, this is good. Are you working the rest of the night?” the pianist asked, setting it down.

“Just until the end of the reception. And then I have to clean up back here,” Phil explained, and the pianist nodded.

“So would you be totally opposed to someone keeping you company until then?” he asked, leaning on the bar next to him.

“Well, not if that someone was you,” Phil said, causing the pianist to smile, and there were those perfect dimples again.

“Then I’ll have another one…?” the pianist asked, pausing in that way, people did when they realized they didn’t know your name.

“Phil.”

“Dan.”

They spent more time talking, falling into an almost unbelievably easy rhythm- Dan told him about how he picked up piano after seeing an episode of Arthur, and Phil told him that was the most adorable thing he’d ever heard. Somehow this lead to them talking about cartoons, which then led to anime and other shows and movies, and it turned out they had almost all the same favorites. Phil could’ve spent hours talking to Dan- he was easy to talk to, they made each other laugh, and Phil really, really liked making Dan laugh, but eventually Dan’s break was over.

“I’d better go, nothing more awkward than getting fired because you were too busy flirting with the bartender to do your job,” he said, standing up.

“Is that what you were doing?”

“Definitely. I’ll meet you back here after my shift to continue?”

“Definitely.”

Instead of watching all the couples dance, or the children laughing and running around, Phil spent the rest of his shift watching Dan. He liked seeing him like this, in his element, looking completely relaxed.

“Two glasses of champagne please,” a voice called, interrupting his thoughts. Phil turned to see one of the brides, leaning over the bar, looking tired, but also really, really happy.

“Oh! Right away,” he replied, pouring the drinks. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you! You know, I’ve been up since six o’clock this morning, and there was so much stress between my family, and her family… I should be exhausted right now. And I probably am on some level. But mostly I’m just so, beyond excited, that I get to keep loving Alex, and growing with her.I can’t wait,” she told him, grinning, and taking the glasses. And it was that right there- that feeling of excitement and hope for the future, that was why he loved working weddings so much.

“I’m happy for you,” Phil told her, and he really, really meant it. The bride grinned and walked off to go join her now wife, and Phil returned to cleaning up the bar.

“So I’m guessing you’re not gonna want to go for a drink,” Dan said, sitting back down at the bar again.

“Not really, no. But I could use a coffee,” Phil replied, as he finished cleaning everything up.

“Coffee sounds perfect,” Dan said, and they soon found themselves walking towards the nearest Starbucks.

“Okay, let’s take it from the top of the scene. Again,” Dan instructed the scared looking group of first years. Between his day job at ASDA and helping tutor some of Ms. Jay’s more… restrained drama students, he was finding every way to keep busy. If he wasn’t actively doing something it just set him on crisis mode- what was he doing? Was it all a big mistake? Had his dad been right all along? It was a serious mindfuck. And besides, he didn’t mind helping out Ms.Jay. It kept him doing what he loved, even if he was learning not to be wholly dependent on that.

“Dan, can I see you over here for a second?” Ms. Jay asked, which thank God. How hard was it to do “Your Fault?”

“Keep going, guys,” he told the group still struggling on stage before walking over to Ms. Jay.

“It’s a work in progress, but I know they can do it,” he started to say, but she waved him off.

“I’m not concerned about that. I wanted to give you this,” she replied, handing him a flyer. He read over it and saw that they were holding auditions for a production of Les Miserables on the West End.

“You should audition! You’d be amazing in any role in that show,” Ms. Jay said excitedly.

“I don’t know, Ms. Jay. The West End is, well… the West End. I’d probably have to sell my soul to even get an ensemble part,” Dan replied unsurely, looking down at the flyer.

“Daniel. Listen to me,” Ms.Jay said, suddenly very serious. “I don’t cast just anyone in my shows. Are you telling me I shouldn’t have been giving you lead roles?”

“No, of course not. I love performing here,” Dan said quickly. The last thing he wanted was Ms.Jay to start doubting him. He looked up to her more than anyone.

“If you can handle being a lead in several of my productions, you can handle a West End audition. The worst thing they can do is tell you no.”

“... Okay. Okay, I’ll audition,” Dan agreed. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t get cast, but he’d never know if he didn’t actually try. Ms.Jay clapped excitedly.

“You’re going to be astonishing. Now fix this horrid attempt at a four part harmony.”

“Already on it,” Dan said, heading back towards the stage. They had a long afternoon ahead of them.

After rehearsal, Dan headed to Phil’s flat. Going back home after leaving school had left his relationship with his parents strenuous at best, and most nights he just avoided going back there at all. When he was close enough he called Phil to let him inside.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Phil finally said after he’d poured them both mugs of hot chocolate.

“Am I spending too much time here? I can go home,” Dan said, already starting to walk towards the door.

“Dan, this is your home. I don’t mind that you spend all your time here. What’s ridiculous is that you still haven’t moved in,” Phil explained, taking his hand to stop him.

“I didn’t think that you wanted that,” Dan admitted softly.

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” Phil asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“I don’t know, you just… you never asked, and I didn’t want to assume- what are you doing?” Dan asked, watching as Phil got down on one knee.

“I love you and I love spending time with you. You’re my best friend and I’m asking you, please move in with me.”

“Okay okay. Just get off the floor,” Dan replied laughing. Phil jumped up and hugged him excitedly.

“It’ll be great, I promise.”

“Yeah, well, someone should be around to make sure you don’t impale yourself,” Dan replied, reaching over him to close the cupboard door he’d nearly hit his head on when he jumped up.

---

Auditions were terrifying. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous for an audition. He’d made it to the second round, but he was still up against really, really talented actors. It could go either way at this point, which was the hardest part- he was so close.

Having Phil, Louise, PJ, and Dodie all there somehow was both helping and making it worse. He was more than glad for the support, but if he didn’t get a part, he’d be letting them all down.

“How’re you feeling?” Phil whispered, looking over at him.

“Like this was a terrible idea?” he whispered back.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. No matter what happens, I’m already so, so proud of you,” Phil told him, taking his hand. Dan didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just squeezed his hand.

After what felt like an eternity, Dan’s name was called. He jumped up, and thanked everyone telling him to break a leg.

“Remember, it’s just us, sitting around the kitchen table, like always,” Phil said softly, and up until that moment Dan hadn’t even realized it was possible to love someone this much. He nodded and let himself be led into the audition room.

---

“Do these things always take this long?” Phil asked, getting up to start pacing back and forth.

“Phil, he’s been gone for two minutes,” Louise pointed out gently.

“I’m sorry, I’m just...”

“Nervous?” Louise supplied, reaching out to stop him from pacing anymore.

“Yeah,” Phil sighed, sitting down next to her. “He’s gonna be so crushed if he doesn’t get it.”

“Well then it’s a good thing he has you to make him feel better now, isn’t it?” Louise replied, nudging his shoulder with hers. 

“Besides, let’s not think about that now. He’s in there, killing this audition,” Dodie said, squeezing his arm comfortingly.

Eventually, they tired of waiting and decided it was time to do something to distract themselves while they waited. They were in the middle of an increasingly heated game of Hangman when Dan walked in.

“So?” Louise asked, her tone completely neutral. They’d been rehearsing their reactions for good or bad news, and they’d decided it was best not to sound too hopeful so Dan wouldn’t feel pressured to sugar coat it if he was upset or disappointed with the outcome.

“So… I got a part! Kind of- I’m in the ensemble for most shows, but I’m an understudy, so during matinees or if anything happens, I’ll be going on as Enjolras,” Dan told them excitedly.

“That sounds like a leading role to me!” Louise squealed excitedly, and they all enveloped him into a giant group hug.

“I love you guys, but… personal space please?” Dan asked, laughing.

“Sorry,” they laughed, pulling away.

“You can stay,” Dan said, pulling Phil back. Phil laughed and kissed him.

“I’m so proud of you,” he said, pulling away.  

“This calls for a celebration,” Dodie announced, interrupting their moment.

“Pizza? I’m starving,” Dan suggested, and everyone agreed. Later, after they were all stuffed, they sat around and talking about all the things there was cause for celebration for… Dan getting a role, Dodie recording her first EP, PJ being hired by a professional animation studio, and Phil’s internship turning into a full time job. 

They’d all taken such big steps, finishing university in one way or another, and it had been scary, not knowing what was going to happen next. But there was no one Phil would rather go through all of this with than the people sitting around him right now, and not for the first time, he was more than grateful that he let PJ talk him into auditioning for a musical completely on a whim. They’d been looking for something different to try, and somehow they’d stumbled on their very own little family.

“What’re you thinking about?” Dan asked, breaking his train of thought.

“How much I love you guys,” Phil answered, turning toward him.

“Nerd,” Dan said, nudging him with his shoulder, and Phil wondered if it was possible to burst with happiness.

---

One Year Later

“Okay, I’ve gotta be at the theatre soon, but I wanted to say hi to you guys before I left- it’s my first show taking over as Enjolras, so that’s exciting,” Dan told everyone watching. He had some time to kill, so he figured a liveshow couldn’t hurt. It was still surreal to him that people actually wanted to sit and listen to him talk, but if the amounts of comments coming in right now were any indication, there was no use doubting it.

“Shay wants to know if I’m coming out at the stage door tonight. Definitely! I try to come out after every show- I love meeting you guys, it makes everything feel more real, you know? Like you’re all individual people and not just a blob of noise every night.”

“Alex says they want to be an actor, but they don’t want to get their hopes up, any advice? Hm… I’m probably the least qualified person to give advice on anything, but I would say, just go for it. Don’t worry about what other people are saying you should or shouldn’t do, just keep auditioning, keep taking whatever opportunities pop up. Eventually you’ll get to the place you’re meant to be,” Dan answered, shrugging. It wasn’t anything earth shattering, but he was still so new to all of this, and it could be gone any moment. If he thought about what was going to happen after his contract on this show was up, it was instant crisis mode- he was about to change the subject when there was a loud crash in the other room.

“I’m okay!” Phil called, followed by another crash. “Everything’s fine!”

“Did you break anything?” Dan called back, looking away from his laptop. When he looked back, there was a barrage of messages asking who he was talking to.

“Oh, that was just my incredibly clumsy fiancee. He’s been trying to build a bookshelf for our dvd collection,” Dan explained, waving it off, but he was already being met with a string of “can we see him?” over and over again.

“Sure, let’s go inspect the damage,” Dan said, picking up his laptop and walking into the living room. Phil was sitting on the floor, a shelf and a huge pile of dvds, surrounding him.

“Hey,” he said smiling up at him sheepishly, his glasses slightly crooked, and Dan was so completely, hopelessly endeared.

“I told you we should’ve just hired someone,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Say hi to everyone.”

“Oh- hi guys! Sorry, I didn’t realize you were doing a live show,” Phil said, waving to the camera apologetically.

“That’s okay, I wasn’t gonna be on much longer anyway,” Dan said, turning to him.

They answered questions for a few more minutes, and then Dan announced that it was time for him to head to the theatre. He thanked everyone for all the “break a leg!”s and well wishes and ended the stream.

“So, about the bookshelf-” Dan started, but Phil clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t even say it. I said I’d build the bookshelf, I’m gonna build the bookshelf.”

“Whatever you say. Will I see you at the stagedoor tonight?”

“Always. Now go before you’re late again.”

---

Phil didn’t go to every one of Dan’s performances- he loved watching him, but he did actually have to work. But it was Dan’s first show taking over as a principal cast member, and he wouldn’t miss it for the world. The audience was always packed- school trips, family outings, and he could usually count on there being a standing ovation. He stopped at the train station and bought a bouquet before heading to the theatre.

The show went perfectly, as usual. No one forgot their lines or missed their cues- which you wouldn’t think would ever happen, but live theatre was live theatre, even the west end had its mishaps. During curtain call, Phil jumped up and cheered louder than anyone, and afterward he followed the crowd out to the stagedoor. He said hi to the other actors that came out and watched them sign playbills for excited fans.

“You didn’t have to bring flowers,” Dan said when he saw him, walking over and taking them.

“I know. But I like seeing the look on your face when I do.”

“Shut up,” Dan replied, burying his face in the bouquet. “I’m gonna go sign. Jake will let you in.”

Phil nodded and followed the security guard upstairs into Dan’s dressing room. Dan came back up a few minutes later, his left hand covered in Sharpie ink.

“I love doing that, but my hand is so cramped now,” he said, wiping his hands down.

“Well on the brightside, you just made so many people’s nights,” Phil pointed out as Dan sat down next to him.

“I know- how weird is that? Like, I never could’ve imagined I’d be the one people were lined up to see,” Dan replied, looking over at him.

“I knew you’d be,” Phil said softly, leaning in.

“You have to say that, you’re marrying me,” Dan teased, smiling and kissing him.

“I am, aren’t I?” Phil said pulling away slightly, unable to keep the grin from spreading across his face.

“You’d better be.” Phil laughed, kissing him again.

“Come on, let’s go home.”  

“That’s it. I’m not doing it,” Dan declared, shaking his head and standing up.

“Doing what?” Phil asked, looking up at him, confused.

“Taking this exam. I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” Dan told him, pacing the length of the living room. He could feel Phil’s worried expression following him, but he tried not to focus on it.

“It’s your last one, though, and then it’ll be over,” he said, and logically Dan knew he was trying to be helpful, but he didn’t feel reassured at all.

“No, it won’t be over. There’s this one, and then there are all of the ones next year. They never stop,” Dan argued, and Phil reached out to take his hand to keep him from pacing.

“Talk to me.”

“I hate this,” Dan sighed, flopping down on the couch.

“So you’ve said. What’s really going on?”

“I can’t stop thinking about next year, and how you’re gonna be gone and I’m gonna be here alone and it’s gonna suck more than ever,” he explained, shrugging. It wasn’t the only thing on his mind, but it seemed the safest place to start.

“Louise will still be here. And besides, you were doing just fine before we met,” Phil pointed out softly, and he shook his head.

“Hardly. And it’s not just that.”

“What else is it then? I can’t help if you don’t talk to me,” Phil said, giving him a worried look that just made him feel even worse.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Dan answered, curling in on himself. He hated this, hated that he was still feeling like this and that he was worrying the person he cared about more than anything.

“Don’t be. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t see it.”

“See what?”

“My life. After this. I always thought… It doesn’t matter. But now I’m here and life keeps going on and I’m supposed to keep going with it and I don’t know what to do,” Dan tried to explain, but Phil just looked even more worried.

“Maybe you should talk to Dr. Hallowell about this,” he said finally.

“Because I’m a basket case?”

“Of course not. I just feel like he’d be more help in this situation. I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not exactly a professional.”

“You’re right. I’ll email him in the morning,” Dan agreed. Talking to Dr. Hallowell could be exhausting, but in the long run it always helped.  

“In the meantime… Would a distraction help?” Phil asked, turning so he was facing him.

“Yes, definitely,” Dan replied, leaning in.

“Look at this video of a dog I found! He fell down into the snow,” Phil said, holding up his phone excitedly.

“This is not what I thought you meant by distraction,” Dan said, looking down at the video and laughing.

“Oh… What’d you think I meant?” Phil asked, confused, before realization flashed across his face. “Oh! Well, we could do that too. Not in here though, PJ is still very mad about last time.”

“I love you,” Dan blurted out without thinking.

“Wow,” Phil said, blinking at him in surprise.

“Too soon?” Dan started to ask, but Phil kissed him, cutting him off.

“No, definitely not. I love you too,” he replied, resting their foreheads together.

“Good,” Dan said laughing. “Now, that distraction you promised?”

---

“I was surprised to hear from you last night, is everything okay?” Dr. Hallowell asked the next day once they were settled in in his office.

“Yes. No… Kinda? It’s really just this one thing,” Dan rambled, looking down and tugging on his sleeve.

“And that thing is…?”

“I just… I didn’t think I’d make it this far, you know? And now everyday that I do, I feel lost, like I don’t know where to go next,” Dan told him, still avoiding eye contact.

“Dan. Are you okay? Sometimes antidepressants can have negative side effects,” Dr, Hallowell asked seriously.

“I’m fine, I promise. That’s the thing- I’m doing so well now in every other area of life, but whenever I think about anything school related, I still… Well, you know.”

“Well… University isn’t for everyone,” Dr. Hallowell replied carefully.

“So, you think I should drop out?” Dan asked, looking up for the first time since he got there. Everything would be so much easier if someone just sat him down and went this is what you’re supposed to do, this is what will make you happy.

“I think you should do what’s best for you. You know I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Dr. Hallowell said because life couldn’t be that easy.

“What if I do and then everything goes wrong? Oh my God, what if I end up homeless?” Dan asked, suddenly panicked. He hadn’t even thought of that. He knew this wasn’t what he wanted, but he didn’t have a backup plan. He needed a backup plan.

“You’re not gonna end up homeless,” Dr. Hallowell said, snapping him out of his internal downward spiral.

“How do you know?”

“Because you have people in your life that love you and would never let that happen.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true… What if this is the wrong decision though?”

“You can always reapply and come back. Nothing about this decision is permanent,” Dr. Hallowell reminded him gently, and he nodded. If the alternative- whatever that was, ended up going completely wrong, there was nothing that said he couldn’t come back.

“Okay. Okay, I think I’m gonna do it.”

“Do me a favor though? Don’t skip your exams,” Dr. Hallowell said, and there was something funny about him knowing him well enough to know that was a definite possibility. Dan had skipped more than a few exams in the past.

“I won’t,” he promised, and for the first time in a long time he meant it.

---

It was the night before graduation, and Dan, Phil, PJ, and Louise were sat in the living room in PJ and Phil’s flat arguing over which movie to watch.

“It’s a time honored tradition. We always watch High School Musical 2 the last day of school,” Louise was saying, but PJ was having none of it.

“I am not about to watch High School Musical 2. If we’re gonna watch an end of school movie it has to be Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” PJ argued.

“Just because it’s older doesn’t mean it’s better,” Louise said, which was definitely the wrong thing to say, because PJ looked like he’d just been short circuited.

“Are you seriously suggesting a Disney channel movie is in any way comparable to a John Hughes movie? John Hughes!”

“Should we stop this?” Dan asked, with his chin rested on Phil's shoulder and arms wrapped around his waist. Phil shrugged. He was kind of enjoying watching PJ and Louise bicker. It reminded him of him and his brother fighting over what game to play when they were kids.

“I mean, do we have to? It’s pretty funny,” he said, watching as PJ listed every movie John Hughes ever directed and everything good about them.

“Yeah, but you’ve never seen Louise in action. This could get bad,” Dan answered as Louise started listing High School Musical songs.

“You underestimate PJ’s stubbornness and love of 80s movies,” Phil said laughing.

“We’re standing right here, you know,” PJ and Louise said, turning to them.

“Uh oh. They’ve found a common enemy,” Dan stage whispered to him and Phil laughed.

“Will this force them into a compromise?”

“You two are gross,” PJ said, shaking his head.

“I think you’re sweet. But I do agree there should be minimum PDA during group hangs,” Louise added, giving them a look.

“What PDA?” Phil asked, feigning innocence. “I sit on all my friends laps. Right, Peej?”

“That was one time!”

“Should I be jealous?” Dan asked, sounding more amused than anything else.

“Not at all,” Phil replied kissing him.

“Ahem! What did I just say about PDA? Back to the important thing. Dan, tell PJ how we’ve watched High School Musical 2 together every summer since it came out,” Louise broke in.

“Guys, why don’t we just watch a movie we all like,” Dan suggested, prompting Louise and PJ to start in on how the other had terrible taste in movies.

“Well, what about Grease? Everyone likes Grease, right?” Phil asked when it became clear PJ and Louise were never going to agree on this.

“I could watch Grease,” PJ conceded at the same time Louise went, “I love Grease!”

“Perfect! I’ll go make the popcorn,” Phil said, standing up. By the time he came back with it they’d already started the movie and PJ and Louise were dramatically reciting Danny and Sandy’s lines to each other. Dan caught his eye and they shook their heads fondly at their friends being so ridiculous.

“Phil, come on, we need another voice for Summer Nights,” Louise said when she noticed him standing there, and he went back to his spot on the couch.

“I’m gonna miss this so much,” he said after they’d finished the song.

“It doesn’t have to end just because you guys are graduating, right? We can all still hangout,” Louise asked worriedly, and PJ nodded.

“We’re gonna spend so much time at your flat you’ll wish we just disappeared after graduation,” he promised, and she smiled, looking relieved.

“Good. Cause I love you guys.”

“Sap,” Dan teased and Louise threw a pillow at him.

“Okay okay, I love you too,” he said laughing and ducking out of the way, and Phil loved everyone in that room so much at that moment he could barely contain it. It was hard to tell where their paths were going to go from there, but he knew he wanted everyone in that room in his life forever.

“You okay?” Dan asked, squeezing his hand.

“Just happy,” Phil said nodding, and Dan smiled at him.

“Good. Me too.”