Oberlin Sexual Information Center

there was this awful post that became really popular on tumblr a while back that said something like “love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to” or something along those lines…and it was honestly very very concerning…that really isn’t good enough

SERIOUSLY

A racist woman is not a feminist; she doesn’t care about helping women, just the women who look like her and can buy the same things she can.A transphobic woman is not a feminist; she is overly concerned with policing the bodies and expressions of others.A woman against reproductive rights — to use bell hook’s own example, and an issue close to your heart — is not a feminist; she prioritizes her dogma or her disgust over the bodies of others. An ableist woman is not a feminist; she holds some Platonic ideal of what a physically or mentally “whole” person should be and tries to force the world to fit inside it.

Ten rape prevention tips: 1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks. 2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone. 3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her. 4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her. 5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her. 6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her. 7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room. 8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times. 9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you. 10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

Are You Being Gaslighted? TURN UP YOUR GASLIGHT RADAR. CHECK FOR THESE TWENTY TALLTALE SIGNS Gaslighting may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, give it extra attention. 1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself. 2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day. 3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work. 4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss. 5. You wonder frequently if you are “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter. 6. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier. 7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your partner in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great. 8. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family. 9. You find yourself withholding information from your friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses. 10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself. 11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists. 12. You have trouble making simple decisions. 13. You think twice before bringing up seemingly innocent topics of conversation. 14. Before your partner comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day. 15. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person—more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed. 16. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him. 17. You feel as though you can’t do anything right. 18. Your kids begin trying to protect you from your partner. 19. You find yourself furious with people you’ve always gotten along with before. 20. You feel hopeless and joyless.

Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:

We were grabbing a bite of lunch at a small cafe, in a mall, right across from a booth that sold jewelry and where ears could be pierced for a fee. A mother approaches with a little girl of six or seven years old. The little girl is clearly stating that she doesn’t want her ears pierced, that’s she’s afraid of how much it will hurt, that she doesn’t like earrings much in the first place. Her protests, her clear ‘no’ is simply not heard. The mother and two other women, who work the booth, begin chatting and trying to engage the little girl in picking out a pair of earrings. She has to wear a particular kind when the piercing is first done but she could pick out a fun pair for later. "I don’t want my ears pierced." "I don’t want any earrings." The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isn’t bad. She, the child, sees what’s coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, she’s crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. “I DON’T WANT MY EARS PIERCED.” Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were ‘… embarrassing me.’ We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced. Little children learn early and often that ‘no doesn’t mean no.’ Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria. Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own. No means no, yeah, right. Most often, for kids and others without power, ”no means force.”

Hey, I'm just curious about the differences between "bisexual" and "pansexual". My friend and I were discussing this earlier and she goes by either, but I preffer "bi", and either of us don't recognize the gender binary, but I feel very weird being reffered to as "pan" (even more so than "gay", for example). I googled it and all sourcers were reffering to bisexuals as "only attracted to only male and female". So I'm curious: what would you say?

A woman of color’s self-love is political and radical, and it is unsettling for the status quo because she is choosing bravely to dismantle the narratives of racist aesthetics against her. So when people bully a girl of color for being content and satisfied with her appearance - a reality that is subjected to racist, sexist slurs in cosmetic industries - and when they tell her to be “humble” which is normative code for “Nah, you’re not special, you’re not light and delicate in a Eurocentric way” then she has every right to chew their hearts and spit them out. A non-white girl’s self-love is revolutionary and anyone trying to water it down needs to back right off.