Tej~

Hi, this virus outbreak is really scaring me and there’s something I want to talk about.

Everything horrifying that’s been happening for the past few years is terrible, and we’re more or less powerless, but even if we can’t fix everything, we have to try our best so that we can live our last few years comfortable in the knowledge that we, as individuals, with whatever power we had, DID. As Master Yoda said, ‘do or do not, there is no try,’ so we will DO, no matter how ideal the outcome is.

I’m aware that to some people, this virus is a joke, because we believe that humanity is not worth saving, and we don’t value our lives enough to worry. But you need to worry. Why? Because your parents and grandparents are more prone to the virus than you are. Your friends and pets may be too. You may not even die immediately, you’re going to be isolated and quarantined until you do, or until there’s a cure. Right now, there’s a responsibility on all our heads to keep ourselves and the ones we love safe. There’s still some of us that believe coexistence with animals and the environment is possible, and it kills us more than novel viruses to know that your selfish, careless choices are still what you stand by, with your immature irresponsibility to accept what is the truth. Look deeper than skin level. Hating humans is easy for what they do, and we all secretly wish this monstrous species is wiped out, but right now, hate is not what’s going to save us from pain and suffering. Be aware of what you’re doing, eating, saying. Stop romanticising the easy, aesthetic life and look a little into the future. We need ourselves now more than anybody, anywhere has ever done before.

Having parents that fight

is so much more than yelling and violence.

It’s your mom being abused her entire married life,

and if she had issues before marriage,

it’s almost her last straw.

Then you come along.

Your dad feels like he can’t express himself,

but oh, he expresses. You’ve seen his expressions.

It’s tug of war in real life.

You learn to talk in quiet, hushed tones. The fear of speaking out of turn is real. The fear of being misunderstood is real. The fear of marriage is real.

No disciplining happens without hurt.

I begin to wonder if I’m so dense I require this stabbing pain to right my wrongs. I carry the pain almost everywhere I go. Sometimes I cry on the bus. Sometimes in the washroom at school. I cry to my counsellor, I cry to my teachers, some of whom have turned so hostile to me now, I wonder if my existence should just

End.

So yeah, I’m a “depressing, boring loser.” If you were carrying this boulder on your shoulders, alongside being lonely, isolated, insecure, pressurised, anxious and stressed among many things, you would be too.

“Seeing is believing” isn’t always true for pain. Sometimes a simple acknowledgement of my presence is all it takes to make me happy. I’m not asking for your pity. I’m asking you to be kinder to EVERYONE. Forget me, I’m damaged and done. Do it for the others like me, the others whose strength you might never get to see.

No, this isn’t emo. It isn’t damn gay or depressing.

It’s real.

And I’d like to thank everyone who cares about me for real.

Run wild, run free.

The sky’s beneath our feet.