♡♡♡

In your short time at the ton, you have met every Bridgerton. Eloise in particular is your favorite- her determination to carve her own path despite the vice grip societal standards have on her is nothing less than refreshing and inspiring. Violet, their mother, is the most likeable of all the ones you have met. Anthony is respectable, Colin is nice, and the children behave well enough for their age. That just leaves one left.

Benedict Bridgerton is the least tolerable and easiest to dislike out of his siblings and family. His cavelier disregard for anything of true substance —besides the art he covets so dearly— grates on you. His smirk prickles your skin whenever he flashes it at you (which is, of course, much too often) and his general manner of being make you desire nothing more than to leave whatever party or ball you are at and never return.

And he, no matter how hard you try, does not seem to get the message.

"Ah," He bows slightly as you enter, "The lady doth grace us with her presence."

You give a tiny curtsey —enough to appease Portia Featherington, whom you have arrived with— and a thin smile, which drops the second she is out of earshot.

"Mr. Bridgerton," You greet, purely out of formality and however might be eavesdropping, gossip is especially rife in this town, "How... nice of you to leave the comforts of your canvas to charm us ladies at this party. I'm sure there is someone else here in attendance who would wish to speak to you more."

Indeed, there are several ladies eyeing the pair of you. To Benedict, with very obvious heart eyes, and to you, barely contained sneers.

If only you could assure them you are of no threat to their dear Benedict. Not a threat to any gentleman well and truly looking for a wife, to speak plainly.

"But who would entertain you? It must be difficult, being here, so far away from your friends and family in..." He trails off, leaning in to you expectantly.

"Cheltenham," You respond, smile paper-thin.

"Cheltenham," He nods. "I hear they have the most magnificent gardens. We do have some impressive ones here in London, but we are not quite known for them."

"Oh, yes. You must be quite familiar with these gardens by now. I must suppose this is our third time having this exact conversation."

There. Right there, his smirk almost falters. As usual, your sharp-tongue and quick-wit catches him off-guard. It is the easiest way to disarm a one Benedict Bridgerton long enough to make a quick escape.

Except this party is rather boring (even though you have just arrived) and well. With almost no chance of possible suitors approaching you and your usual preference of lingering on the fringes of parties and analyzing what happens in them, there is little better to do than subject Benedict to whatever mood you are in.

"You'll forgive me," he affirms, "It is hard to find topics of conversation when one's partner is adamant on not continuing past formalities."

The usual flame begins to spark in your chest. "Oh? Then let us continue, if that's what you desire. I had believed you would want to save your best conversation for the ladies who are much more... diverting."

"My, my," He tilts his head, smirk widening. "Do you consider yourself plain?"

"I consider myself un-agreeable," You remark, words rolling so easily off your tongue. Something about arguing with Benedict specifically always makes your words easier to find, easier to say. "I think you will find that most, if not all, of the gentlemen here agree. Even Lady Whistledown writes of my abilities to repel any and all suitors."

"So I have heard," Nearly in sync, you both pluck glasses of wine off a passing tray, "I do worry, my dear Lady. You sound almost proud of this feat."

"I am. I have worked tirelessly for the title."

He takes a sip of his wine. "I recall several suitors calling upon you back when you first arrived, at the start of this season."

"Ah yes, well," You take a sip of your own, "Nothing makes a woman think of marriage like being fought over like a shiny new toy."

Benedict chuckles, looking down at his glass and then back at you. "I see now why you and my sister get along so well."

"I believe that was evident from the moment we met. Not just anyone deserves the right of befriending Eloise Bridgerton."

"Ah! There we go," He raises his glass as if toasting. "Something we both can agree on."

The conversation lulls into silence, neither of you bothering to start it up again. You merely stand, an appropriate distance apart, and watch. Benedict, likely watching his brother, who has taken to the dance floor, and you, watching a young lady who bears a rather striking resemblance to your one of your sisters.

A stab of homesickness plunges deep into your chest, so sharp and so quick you almost suck in an audible gasp. You haven’t seen your sisters in quite some time. Each of them married and in love and happy- something you worked so, so hard to achieve.

Even if it meant you yourself are likely to become a spinster.

Benedict notices your momentary grief. He follows your eyeline, and when he speaks next, it is surprisingly soft.

“Do you miss your sisters?”

You sip your wine, at the same time using the glass to cover the slight shine of tears that has risen in your eyes and to take a moment to gather your words.

“Do you miss Daphne?”

“Of course I do,” His voice is firm, almost vehement. “But I gather that the bond between sisters is different than sisters and brothers.”

The wine begins to settle in your stomach, rich and heavy.

“It is,” You say, nearly a whisper, “My sisters and I were all very close. I miss them a great deal.”

You allow your words time to hang in the air before continuing. “But they are all married now, and they are happy. Most of them have children of their own. They’ve all gotten fine lives for themselves.”

Benedict makes a noise in the back of his throat that has you turning to stare at him.

“You are the eldest, yes?” He asks, something you can’t identify in his eyes.

“I am.”

“And you have not yet married,” He continues, “I would think that the eldest would get married first, and her sisters would follow her lead.”

You stare down at your gloves. This topic of conversation has come up several times over the course of your stay —Especially because you’re staying with the Featherington’s, being old family friends of your father, and Portia does love a good piece of gossip— and it never gets easier.

“My mother died before any of us entered society. I was raised by our governess, and my sisters were raised by me. Our father has… little interest in the affairs of match-making and courtship and everything it is young ladies get up to.”

Benedict is silent while you speak, eyeing you curiously.

“And my mother had always spoken of how she wished for her daughters to marry for love. And with her gone, well,” You swallow harshly over the lump in your throat, “Somebody had to ensure that came true. How could I prepare my sisters for society and guide them to their matches if I was busy and married?”

He doesn’t respond for several long moments. When he does, there’s an edge to his voice that wasn’t there before.

“I had not considered you so selfless.” He admits, eyes flicking over your face. “I must say, I am quite surprised. So many layers to the ton’s most infamous suitor-fighter.”

And just like that, all the air seems to return to the room, and whatever momentary tension was there leaves, and you remember that you are speaking to Benedict Bridgerton.

You give him another fake smile. “We can’t all be so one-dimensional, Benedict.”

—

You’re not sure how you have found yourself a seat at the Bridgerton dinner table.

Of course, you are not surprised at all to have found yourself at dinner with the Bridgerton’s. Eloise is always insisting you come to dinner— the dowager Bridgerton has heard of her pleas so often that they’ve almost come to save you a seat- you are there at least once a week.

The surprise falls in the matter of who is sitting next to you.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” You say, voice just loud enough for him to hear, “Your wine glass is a bit close to mine, don’t you think?”

The smile he sends you —that you can barely see from the corner of your eye— is sharp and full of teeth.

“Nonsense. I’ve found that a little proximity is good for things every now and then.”

“Every now and then,” You repeat, voice firm, “Somehow I find myself seeing you more and more.”

“Oh, surely there are worse fates.”

“Hardly.”

“Tell me- are you this sharp-tongued with all whom you meet?”

“Only the ones that deserve it.”

He raises his wine glass to his lips. “And what have I done to deserve such cruel wit?”

“Oh, don’t play ignorant to your intentionally aggravating behaviors.”

Benedict rests a hand over his chest in mock pain. “You wound me. Truly.”

The sip of wine you take is a little too large to be considered a sip. “Somehow, I find that hard to believe.”

“Tell me,” He tosses back a generous gulp of wine, “Were you born this stubborn and sarcastic or did it come naturally over time?”

“Hmm,” You pretend to think, “I suppose I’d consider myself that of a fine cheddar. Only tasting sharper with time.”

Benedict laughs, a private thing, clearly already tipsy. “That doesn’t even answer my question.”

“Why do you even want to know?”

“I want to know what your sisters endured during their childhoods. My word. I can only imagine why you haven’t had any suitors since arriving here.”

Fear races up your spine at his words, a sudden a rather unwelcome reminder of why your father sent you to London.

“Yes, well,” You answer, your mouth suddenly dry and your hands sweating in your gloves, “They should know there is no accounting for someone’s personality.”

He’s silent for a few moments. It makes you nervous his silence, so you turn your head, just a little, to see what expression he’s wearing.

Only when you turn, he’s already staring. Not even the half-head turn that you’ve done. He’s staring. Right at you.

His brows are furrowed, little creases on the skin in between them, and his eyes are bright and searching.

“Are you alright?”

You have been in London for two months, one week, and three days.

Benedict Bridgerton is the first person to ask if you’re okay.

“Fine,” You say, smoothing out your features with force, “Wine does not always agree with me.”

He doesn’t believe you. But he doesn’t pry, either.

“Shall you be giving the wine a thorough lecture, then?”

“Wine does not have ears. A lecture would be wasted on it,” You pause, “However, if we can track down the winemaker…”

Your words have their desired effect. He laughs, this time a little louder than something just for the two of you to share, garnering a couple glances from Anthony and Eloise, so you sip your wine and pretend you did not just make Benedict laugh. A real laugh, not the fake one he does when you’re arguing.

You suppose there are worse ways spend an evening.

—

It is an almost pleasant day in London. Almost being that the temperatures are fair, but the weather overcast.

You find garden parties the most interesting of all the parties to be had by the high society families because it means you get to escape to the gardens. Of course, there are others milling about in them, but they offer much more privacy than a ballroom and have the added bonus of reminding you of your home in Cheltenham.

“What is it liked to be overlooked by society?” Eloise asks, ever lacking decorum. It is, honestly, refreshing. She does not beat around the bush or sugar-coat her words.

You think on her words before responding, taking the time instead to eye some rather nice roses. “Honestly? It is not as terrible as you might think. Everybody always says that spinsterhood is a fate worse than death, but if it’s anything like this, I can’t think it to be that painful.”

She nods, thinking over your words. “But didn’t you want to marry? You must be lonely.”

You elbow her side as you walk, arms entwined. “How could I ever be lonely with such incorrigible friends?”

You both laugh, raucous and cackling and nothing close to lady-like.

“Is there a pack of hyenas roving about the gardens?”

You hear the rush of footsteps swishing across the grass, then feel the brush of fabric on your arm.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” You sigh, cutting him a glare, “What are you doing here?”

He loops his arm through yours, the same way that Eloise has done to you.

“Mr. Bridgerton.” You warn, tone sharp

“Oh relax,” His smirk is in high form, today, “I am protecting you ladies from those hyenas. We haven’t found them yet, have we? It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”

“Eloise,” You pause, craning your neck about the garden, “Do you see a gentleman around here?”

Eloise snickers behind her glove. “I can’t say that I can see any.”

Benedict rolls his eyes. “Humor me, then.”

You continue walking. “I suppose we will. It’s good to engage in charity, dear Eloise. You must not think yourself above those less fortunate.”

He scoffs. “Since when do you consider yourself charitable?”

You flap your fan a few times. “I have a great many qualities. Do not fault me because you are so caught up in yourself to notice anything other than what you want.”

His fingers flex. “And what is it you think I want to see?”

You shrug plainly. “Me as I present myself. Unbecoming and, probably by the standards here, vile.”

“No.” He says, the word more of a sound, sort of ripped from his chest.

You look at him in alarm and he meets your gaze evenly. “You are a great many things- stubborn and irritating, but never vile.”

His words and the vehemence in which he said that stun you into silence. You’d never imagined Benedict, of all people, to take such an issue with that word. Vile. You’ve been called vile often over the course of your life, by mothers and suitors and other debutants and even on occasion your father. Its meaning has been mostly lost on you, the cruel nature in which it is said no longer barbed and painful. It is just a word, like every other word.

He’s staring at you, an almost pained expression on your face, so you figure you should say something.

“I see,” Eloise’s arm tightens on yours, “I suppose I should take your words to heart. I am glad to know that there is at least one gentleman who does not think me a vile woman.”

Benedict smiles, but there’s a flicker of something else in his eyes for a moment, something you don’t manage to place before it is gone.

“Ah! You called me a gentleman. Have I won you over?”

“For now, at least.”

—

You miss dancing.

Since you are the most un-agreeable lady in the Ton, you are seldom asked to dance, and since a partner is a requirement for the activity, you tend to spend most parties on the fringes, either talking with Eloise or merely observing.

Or arguing with Benedict. But you’ve found it a little harder to truly poke at him with any real malice or criticism since he defended your character so passionately that day in the gardens.

“You’re watching the dancers like they personally offended you.”

He always finds you at parties. Actually, he always finds you no matter where you are.

You gaze at him out of the corner of your eye. “I’m envious. Pay me no mind.”

He snorts. “Envious of the dancers? Whatever for?”

“I miss dancing. The only problem with scaring away all your suitors is that you also scare away all of your potential dance partners.”

You both observe them quietly for several moments, eyes tracking the flowing and sweeping movements.

“Do you,” he pauses, clears his throat when his voice cracks over the last syllable, “Like to dance?”

“Yes,” You admit, a tad embarrassed, “I always have. Most of society’s expectations for women are quite sedentary or still. But dancing is… its movement and passion. And sometimes, when your partner is agreeable and the music fair, it can almost feel like you’re not dancing at all. That there is no one else there, just the two of you.”

Your face heats, the realization that you’ve been talking so long about something you really do care about striking you. “Or so I’ve heard. I haven’t actually experienced that last bit.”

He inclines his head. “Where did you hear about it?”

“From my mother, as she regaled me on the day she met my father.”

You both stand, shoulder to not-shoulder, more like mid-upper arm, observing the spins and steps of the pairs of dancers.

“Would you dance with me?”

You snap your head to him. “Dance?”

“Yes,” He says, voice a little breathless. “I have yet to do my duty dance for the evening and it would be unfair to keep a lady from the dance floor.”

He extends a hand. “Especially if she longs for it.”

You stare down at his hand. “People will talk of you dancing with me. I would not want to bring reproach—“

“Dance with me,” He says again. “Please.”

Who are you to deny such an earnest request?

He marks a spot on your dance card- your first and only of the night.

As the next song comes a close, he leads you onto the the dance floor, and for the first time in awhile, you feel… conscious, of the eyes on you.

Everybody always watches for the who the Bridgerton’s dance with. Except now Anthony has Kate, and he is much less interesting than the second Bridgerton brother taking a partner to dance. Especially a partner with the reputation you have.

The song begins, and you glide your way through the steps.

“You didn’t have to dance with me. I’m sure we’ll—“ you pause, spinning, “—appear in Lady Whistledown’s review in the morning.”

He grasps your hand tightly. “Let them talk. I have never been the brother anyone is well and truly worried about.”

You begin to feel more and more alive and the song plays on. Movement— real, fluid, passionate movement thrums in your veins, the music jumping through the air.

But all good things must come to end.

Eventually, the music comes to a close, and you must curtsy, and allow Benedict to leave the dancefloor.

“You dance well,” He praises, eyes alight, “I see why you miss dancing. You glide like a swan.”

The smile that tugs at your lips is entirely involuntary. “You are too kind. I do not dance that well. I just have a passion for it.”

He raises a brow. “Oh come now, accept the compliment.”

You shake your head, chuckling a breathy laugh. “Then I must pay you one in return. Not once did you step on my toes or lose your way. Color me impressed.”

His face lights up, joy evident. “And the night grows better! A compliment from our dear spinster.”

“I have always proclaimed myself a fair judge, have I not?”

Benedict’s expression is alight with amusement. “You have. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been all that inclined to believe you.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. “Well, there’s no accounting for opinions, even if they are wrong.”

“I thought opinions above being right or wrong.”

“Only sometimes.”

Benedict looks all together too pleased with himself as he gazes at you, lips quirked up and cheeks still a little flushed from the dance.

He extends a hand.

“Care for another dance?”

You smile down at your gloves. “I couldn’t possibly. Dancing with me once could be forgiven, but twice? What would your mother think?”

“My mother happens to like you a great deal,” He says smoothly, “And I think I might enjoy dancing with somebody who actually dances.”

How could you refuse?

You place your hand in his.

“I’d be delighted.”

—

As has become a particular habit of yours recently, you’re lying away, staring at your ceiling and pondering Benedict’s actions.

Why did he ask you to dance? Why did he allow you the joy of two dances?

Why did he care?

Why can’t you stop thinking about it?

In your heart, and probably your mind, you know why. The warmth of his hands through the gloves and the dappling of the candlelight on his flushed cheeks is stuck fast in your mind for the exact same reason you’ve hated him since the moment you met:

You love him.

You didn’t love him when you met, but you know yourself. You know he is the type of man that you would love- the type that would break your heart because he is charming and kind, and he will never choose you. And why should he? You’re sharp and sarcastic and nowhere near the shining qualities and perfection of this season’s diamond- any of the season’s diamonds, really. You’re a spinster in the making with an attitude and standards.

It is a most unfortunate combination. For your upbringing to have made you so hard to love and have also instilled such a deep want for love and romance in your heart. You know you were not made for it, not for the kind your father sent you to London to get.

He wants you married to whoever will take you- only problem is, now no one will. Especially not Benedict.

But… could he?

You turn over in bed, smushing your face into the pillow.

No, you tell yourself, Don’t go down that road. Don’t even think about it.

You barely sleep a wink, that night.

—

The morning brings the post, and the post brings a letter from your father.

Not even Portia Featherington’s threats of grounding stop you from racing into a carriage to Bridgerton house.

You enter through the back entrance and upon seeing your disheveled appearance and tear stricken face, a servant rushes inside to fetch Eloise immediately.

The girl herself looks harried and concerned as she meets you in the back garden, a million questions etched in her face and streaming out of her mouth.

“My father,” You half-sob, “Has found me a husband. Baron Dunsmoor. He is— he’s horrible. He has had two previous wives, and then all died in childbirth. He is disgusting and revolting and treats women like, like cows.”

Eloise’s expression crumples. “What is, what can be done?”

You shake your head, pressing the back of your hand to your mouth. “It is too late. He’s ordered me to come home at once so the proposal can be made official.”

The younger Bridgerton girl grasps your shoulders. “What if you were to get a proposal? Here? Now?”

“Eloise!” You say, “Who are we going to find to marry me before tomorrow?”

Her eyes shine when she answers. “My brother. Benedict.”

The cruel, twisting stab to your gut that hearing his name, now, here, gives you is nothing short of agonizing.

If you were not crying before, you certainly are now.

“How could you say that?” You ask, breath hard and stuck in your throat, “He would— He will never marry me. That is, it’s cruel to even suggest that.”

“No, no I promise, he loves you, I am sure of it—“

“Eloise, please do not—“

“He has painted you, drawn you, I swear he must have illustrated your likeness more than—“

“Eloise!” You snap, patience thin and tears thick, “That is enough. Benedict will not marry me. I cannot—“

“Marry me.”

You snap your head up at the sound of a familar, rich voice, eyes meeting Benedict’s as he marches over to you eyebrows drawn tight and lips set.

He looks… distraught. Utterly wrecked.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” You gasp, “You—“

“Benedict. Please. You never call me Benedict.”

His words come out like a dying man’s wish, despite you being the one stuck in a hopeless situation.

“Benedict,” You start, “I cannot marry you.”

“Why not?” He snaps, words and expression immediately becoming sharp and confused, “You would rather live a life with that wretched man?”

“Of course not,” You retort, “But it’s not that simple—“

“Yes it is!” He cries, throwing his hands up and taking another step towards you, “Tell me, honestly, if you wrote to your father and told him I had proposed and you had accepted, would he not choose my proposal over the baron’s?”

“Yes, but—“

“But what?”

“But I cannot accept!” You shout, aware of Eloise standing only a few feet away and servants no dough crowding to watch from the door, “I can endure a loveless marriage to a loveless man. I could not endure a loveless marriage to a man that I love.”

Benedict sucks in a gasp, and you refuse to meet his gaze. How can you, after saying that?

Birds chirp overhead. There is the distance noise of carriages moving about in London. Somewhere distant, a dog barks.

“Do you truly think our marriage would be loveless?” He says, voice scraped raw and quiet, “How could you not know the depth of my affection for you?”

You look up, taking a half step forwards, searching his face for any hint of a lie, for deception.

You find open, painful, vulnerable honesty.

“What reason would I have to believe that I had a chance?” You ask, voice hushed, “All we do is argue. I have been cast out by society and you are a Bridgerton.”

He reaches forwards, grasps your hands in his. Your breath hitches.

Neither of you are wearing gloves.

“I am so in love with you it makes my chest hurt and my bones ache. Eloise was right. I have drawn you hundreds of times because there is just so much inside of me and it has nowhere to go,”

His lips quirk up a little, almost sad, “I loved it when we argued, because it meant you looked at me. It meant I held your attention. And you are remarkably smart and so, so much more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. I would sooner burn everything I’ve ever drawn than let you marry that man, than let you believe that you can never marry for love.”

He squeezes your hands once.

“Please, marry me.”

Your eyes are burning with a fresh wave of tears, but there’s something warm and alive unfurling and beating in your chest, something that glows with every word he says.

You laugh a strange noise, somewhere between a chuckle and a sob.

“Yes,” You gasp, your smile practically splitting your face in two, “Yes. I will marry you.”

Benedict’s smiling too, the both of you looking like fools, smiling and laughing in his garden.

Eventually, he turns to Eloise. “You’d better go tell mother she has another wedding to plan.”

Eloise scoffs. “Oh, please. She’s been working on this one for ages. I’m absolutely positive everybody knew this was only a matter of time except the two of you.”

He looks baffled, and you note in the back of your mind that he’s still holding your hands, “What? I wasn’t that obvious.”

“You danced with her. Twice. In a row.”

“So?”

Eloise rolls her eyes. “You don’t dance with anybody, especially more than once. You’ve been making love eyes at each other over verbal spars for ages. It’s been disgusting to watch.”

You snort. “Then look away.”

“Absolutely not. You insult my brother too well.”

You laugh again, then look back to Benedict.

“My father, and the Baron—“

“I will write to him today,” he soothes, “And have the letter sent with the fastest post carrier. You’re my wife now. I’m not going to let anyone else have you.”

Your cheeks heat. “I’m not your wife yet.”

He shrugs. “Only a matter of time, my love.”

Eloise retches in the background, and Portia will be an absolute nightmare to deal with when you get back, and part of you still wonders if Benedict is serious, but none of that seems to matter.

Not with how he’s looking at you now. Not with your hands in his.

You’re really looking forward to that first kiss.

✧˖°.

──────────────────────

The one saving grace that you had, was Taehyung. He knew just how frightened you were of this whole ordeal and he had assured you that everything would be alright. 

“Of course you would say that,” You had laughed, “You are a man.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” He said with a roll of his eyes, snatching a pastry from your plate and popping it in his mouth in spite of your offended gasp. 

“It has everything to do with it. You don’t have to attend a debutante ball, you don’t have to enter the marriage market until you decide to do so, and you don’t have to be paraded around like a prize waiting to be won.”

“That’s easy for you to say, until you’re the one being harassed by frantic mothers wanting you to propose to their daughters the second they introduce them. If anything, I am the prize waiting to be won.”

“Aren’t you old enough now to be considering your options? You’re what, three and twenty now? If you were a woman you would be approaching spinsterhood.” You teased.

“Spinsterhood?” He barked out a laugh, “I’ll have you know I am in my prime. I will choose a wife when I decide I am ready to do so.”

“Ah see, you have made my very point. You can marry when you choose to. I, however, will cause a scandal if I were to do the same.”

“You could marry when you choose to as well. Whomever you wish to choose.” He disagreed, his tone had become serious in contrast to the soft look in his eyes. “You do know I would support you, not all women marry their first season.”

Your heart fluttered, you willed it to relax.

“As kind as that is, we both know what is expected of my family. At the end of the day, my mother and my brother will choose whom they decide is the most suitable match. My say in the matter will be considered, but will fall low in priority I am afraid.”

Taehyung’s brows were pinched in confusion, his lips pressed together in thought. He was more troubled by your assessment than you had thought he would be. “You underestimate your brother. Jin adores you, he would never allow a proposal that is not befitting of you. In fact, I think he is more worried about your debut than you are. He is not ready for you to become a woman either.”

A sharp cough disrupted your conversation. 

“Must she really be here?” Taehyung asked you, his words directed at your maid who was seated across the room with a warning look on her face. The two of them struggled to get along since her attendance had become mandatory during your time together. 

“You know why she is here, Taehyung.” You sighed. 

“I have known you your whole life!”

“Which is inconsequential now that I have come of age. She is here to ensure nothing improper is to occur and the both of us have little say in the matter.”

Taehyung stared at you before slowly blinking once, twice, and then thrice before speaking once more. “I was present when you were born, in fact I was amongst one of the first to hold you and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you were hardly proper then. Not to mention it was definitely improper when you decided it was simply too hot of a summer when you were two and stripped down until you were as bare as the day you were born and had to be chased all over the estate by the entire staff and your mother before you were captured and clothed.”

“Taehyung!” You yelled, heat rushing to your face as your maid choked in surprise and slammed her book shut.

“All I am saying is impropriety should be her least worry.”

“Everything about what you just said was improper and, not to mention, utterly embarrassing!”

And he had the gall to look pleased with himself. He was the very picture of the cat that had caught the canary with that egregiously adorable smile of his while he sunk down in his chair across from you.

Your maid rose and cleared her throat as she approached. “I believe, luncheon hours are over Mr. Kim. I shall escort you to the door.”

Taehyung raised his brows, looking from you to her and back again. “Is your maid kicking me out like an unwelcome loiterer?”

“We, unfortunately, have a ball to prepare for. She is right in asking you to leave.” You rose to your feet and he followed suit. 

“You grow a year older and suddenly there are limits as to how many hours I can spend with you.” He muses, forlornly in spite of his mischievous grin.

“Of course, you could always retire your dislike of society's mothers for one night and come and see me. Maybe even sign my dance card and save me from any devious intentioned potential suitors.”

Taehyung smiled and pretended to think as he crossed his arms behind his back. “Well, a lady does debut only once after all. Perhaps, just this one time I can make an exception to my rule. However, I request the first spot on your dance card and nothing less.”

“Consider it done.” You laughed before shaking his hand to seal your deal. A startled gasp parted your lips, however, when he bent forward to brush his lips over the back of your hand. He seemed pleased with your reaction. But that was how Taehyung was, he loved to be mischievous and he delighted in eliciting reactions from those he shared his company with.

“I think that was a very proper thing to do.” He chuckled as he winked at your maid who frantically began to usher him out of the parlor as professionally yet urgently as she could. 

Your heart was thunderous inside the cradle of your ribcage. How you wished it would stop instead, it would make things so much easier. Taehyung was many things, but the one thing that he would never be, was yours. He was off limits, just as you were and this was something your brother had explicitly stated. Jin, while incredibly overprotective as the head of the household, truly did have your best intentions at heart. He knew the kind of man that Taehyung was, the kind of man that many of his friends were and he had put those boundaries in place to protect your tender heart. A crush was fine, it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. But affection? And heavens forbid, love, was out of the question. You would never be able to have your dear friend that way that you dreamed of.

And while this was something that you were prominently aware of, the confirmation of such a truth had shattered your heart completely.

~~~~~~~

You had worn your finest, and newest, gown courtesy of the modiste. It truly was the most beautiful gown you had ever seen, it was something befitting of a woman that you yourself felt you had not yet become. But oh, did it sell the illusion for you. It was a soft shade of powder blue, decorated with the most delicate lace that you were certain it could tear with too much force. The bust, sleeves, and hem were affixed with freshwater pearls and a matching circlet had been pinned in your hair. You would never admit it, but you imagined Aphrodite would have felt the way that you did.

“You’ll do wonderful, darling.” Your mother cooed, her gloved hands patting your own. “I remember my debutante ball like it was yesterday. There were so many eager gentlemen, of course, none of them compared to your father-”

“Please, don’t encourage her to entertain every wide eyed blubbering fool that asks for a dance.” Jin sighed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in stress.

“I am not encouraging any such thing! However, it would be beneficial for your sister to socialize with lords and ladies alike upon her entrance into society.”

“Both of you are aware that I am still here, yes?” You snapped, breaking up an argument before it could happen. 

“Of course we are,” Jin softened, “I just worry about you, I - we, want what’s best for you. However, I always thought we would have more time.”

That was his way of saying he didn’t want you to leave. At the end of the day, you were his baby sister. There was a ten year gap between the two of you, and during your mother’s long period of grief, Jin had assumed the role of parent. The bond the two of you shared went far deeper than that of a brother and a sister. You didn’t remember your father, and when you tried you often saw Jin’s face instead.

“You have nothing to worry about. Taehyung and I have spoken plenty on the matter, not all women marry their first season, let us have a good time tonight and worry another night.” You explained with a fond smile.

You, however, did not miss the look your brother gave you at the mention of his friend's name. “Taehyung, of course.”

There was that reminder again. Taehyung was not a viable option, that was an established rule. But the look that crossed over Jin’s face, there was more to his reasoning. There was something deeper there that you were not privy to. You took a mental note of that and put a pin in it for later, you had a ball to attend. The first goal of the night was to survive. 

The debutante ball changed locations every year allowing several prestigious families of society the honor of hosting. This itself was another competition all of its own. And this year, they had certainly gone all out. If there were a theme, it would be opulence. The entire estate was dripping in gold, jewels, and lush greenery with hundreds of white roses and chandeliers of wisteria hanging from the ceilings. The ballroom was crowded with young men and women and their chaperones alike, this made you stop. This was your first night in society, and the first thing you noticed was how brilliantly these ladies shined. The way that the light reflected off of them gave them the appearance of hundreds of diamonds shining in the night.

Jin, as perceptive as he was, took notice immediately. His hand lightly rested between your shoulder blades in a comforting touch as his mouth softened into a kind smile. “You look lovelier than ever, don’t doubt that.”

You relaxed beneath his touch and nodded as you returned his smile. His words were simple, but Jin always knew what to say. You would never doubt your older brother, within reason, of course.

“Dearest, why not mingle with the other young ladies?” Your mother suggested, directing your attention to a group of young women who were circled together, their gaze flickering from their group members to the party goers as they giggled between one another.

“And throw her to the piranhas so early into the night?” Your brother jabbed.

“Oh, would you rather take her place then? That does remind me it is about time that you find a suitable wife -”

“Dear sister, don’t you think it would be a good idea to mingle? Allow me!” Jin interrupted, linking his arm with yours and guiding you in the direction of the ladies. 

You smiled in amusement, “Are you truly that opposed to finding a wife, dear brother?”

“It is not so much the ladies that I am opposed to, but their overbearing mothers that truly frighten me.” 

“I am starting to believe I should fear them as well, Taehyung mentioned something similar during luncheon hour today. Are all mothers so fearsome?” You teased. 

“You haven’t the slightest idea,” He groaned before composing himself as the two of you approached the group of women. 

These women were not unfamiliar to you, but you harbored no admiration or friendship for them. You internally sighed as they perked up at the sight of your brother, their eyelashes and handheld fans fluttering frantically. You had a strong idea as to what the conversation would be like once you were left alone with them to fend for yourself. 

“Good evening ladies, I trust that you will take good care of my sister in my absence.” Jin said, his introduction brief so that he could make a quick escape and leave you to the proverbial wolves. 

“Mr. Kim, could I trouble you for-”

“Unfortunately I am as troubled as can be. Very, very, very troubled…” He called over his shoulder as he made his escape from the lady inquiring for a dance.

You shrunk into yourself in his absence, your fingers anxiously fiddling with the strap of your fan. While you bloomed in the presence of those you loved, these ladies made you plaster to the wall like another flower in the wallpaper. 

“That brother of yours is so elusive, how does he expect to ever find a viscountess?” The jilted lady asked you with a frustrated flutter of her fan. 

“My brother does not find a need for a viscountess at this time, I am afraid the Ton will have to wait a little longer before my mother relinquishes her title to another lady.” You replied.

“Well, I suppose necessity can be swayed with persuasion from the right lady.”

An uncontrollable, and unladylike, laugh shook your chest. “I am afraid that you will find very little can sway my brother once his mind is made up. It would take an even more hard headed lady to be able to handle my brother.”

“Such a shame, that is.” Another lady sighed, her fan raising up to obscure a mouth curving with laughter, “One of you ought to marry, for propriety's sake, and the Viscount seems the most likely choice as we all know.”

Your own amused smile melted away. “What exactly is it that you are insinuating?”

You didn’t have to see her smile to hear the venomous amusement in her words, “Your brother is important, he will continue your family name of course. And a marriage to a viscount will overshadow any failures of his siblings. I meant no harm, dear.”

Failures. She was talking about you, she was insinuating you wouldn’t be successful in the marriage market. Everything you had secretly thought to yourself…were they too aware of it?

“You are implying I will have no suitors, no marriage prospects.” You plainly said, your eyes burning with unshed anger fuelled tears.

“Well, I suppose there is still some time for you to…come into your own?” She replied, her eyes scanning you slowly, meticulously, from head to toe. 

She found you at the worst undesirable, and at best perhaps plain, you could see it in the way she looked at you. In the way that the other ladies looked at you, they were in agreement that you were not a threat. To them, you weren’t even a part of the race, you simply couldn’t qualify. Moments before, you had felt pretty, if not in your features than at least in the gown and jewels you were dressed in. But now, you couldn’t help but feel that you dulled what you had worn. Perhaps, you even looked amusing to everyone else, squeezing into a gown that you were unbefitting of.

You wished you could crawl out of your own skin and leave it all behind.

“There you are dearest,” A voice called from behind you. It was Taehyung, a charming smile adorning his beautiful features. In any other condition you would be happy to see him, but now . all you could think about was how ridiculous you would look beside him. How had he managed his own embarrassment for this long?

His smile faltered as he came closer, he could see the visible distress in your features and the shine of unshed tears in your eyes. The look that crossed his face was brief as he collected himself, but in that sudden moment you felt a chill run down your spine. You had never seen such a look in his eyes before. It could only be purely described as murderous.

“You will have to excuse us ladies,” He addressed the other women who had completely redirected their attention to him excitedly once he approached. They eyed him like vultures, waiting for the perfect moment to swoop in and steal whatever scrap of him they could take. “I was promised a first dance.”

Without saying another word to them he faced you and held out his hand, “May I have your first dance?”

You felt conflicted. You could not ignore the envious glares of the women surrounding you or the ugly feeling that had taken root in your mind and aches in your heart. But Taehyung was your oldest friend, and as horrible as you felt in that moment you found that you never had it in you to truly deny him. 

You gave him a weak smile and slid your gloved hand into his, “Of course.”

Taehyung wordlessly guided you to the dance floor, the two of you quickly blending into the other dancers. You urged your heart to control itself at the feeling of his hands touching you, the warmth of his skin seeping into you. You had danced before, he wasn’t touching you anywhere that was improper but you could not for the life of you anchor your soaring heart in your chest. Even in your worst state, your heart wanted him. 

“In all of the years that I have known you, you have never been one to back down from a challenge. So, I will ask you this one time, what have those women done to you that have turned the cunning wolf I know into such a startled lamb?”

For that very reason, you could not tell him. He would never understand. The way that you were with him was your true self, an unfettered being that was not bound by the status quo of society. But you could not afford to let that part of you rule you in any other circumstance. While Taehyung was amused by your sharpness, wit, and humor, that was something that was not accepted well by others - it was unbecoming of a lady. And while he saw that side of you, he had never seen the other side that appeared when interacting with society. But that part was still very much you, the part that urged you to be quiet, to blend in, to bend to others. The part of you that always knew you were no match against the other young ladies.

“You as well as my brother have said it before, they are quite vicious and that is all that I shall say on the matter.”

“How am I to help you if you will not say more? You are above their station, they have no right to demean you.” He replied, his voice the sternest you had ever heard it before.

“That is where you are wrong again, I have no station - that belongs to my brother. While he and you may have ways to defend yourself whether that be station or by pistol, I am left with a flutter of my fan and whatever thinly disguised insults I may fire back.”

“Then I will be your weapon, your protector if you would allow me. All I need know is what I am defending you from.”

“You are fighting an invisible foe, I am afraid. Now please, will you dance with me and end this interrogation. This is supposed to be a happy night.”

If there was anything you and Taehyung shared in common, it was your stubbornness. You could see it in his eyes, in the hard line of his lips, and the draw of his brows. And as they smoothed and relaxed you were surprised by his acquiescence, but you knew him well. He would put this matter to rest for now, but this wasn’t over.

~~~~~~~

Taehyung had kept his promise of being your first dance. But that quickly turned into your second, third, and fourth before you had to practically beg him to allow your feet a moment’s rest. 

After the second dance you had tried to excuse yourself for propriety's sake but your companion wasn’t having it. Two dances together was enough to have the Ton murmuring, but three and four? That would border on scandal. That would inspire gossip of courting and proposals. You were trying to save his reputation but he would have none of it. As your oldest friend he cared little for what the rest of society would think, what their rules were. He just wanted to bring back that smile to your lips.

“One more dance.” He grinned, his chest rising and falling just as rapidly as yours - you felt breathless.

“You said that the second, third, and fourth time! I will keel over from overexertion if I do not leave this floor at this very moment.”

“When I break my own rules, I make sure to do it to the fullest extent.” He laughed.

“Please, entertain yourself for some time, I need to be rid of you.” You waved your hand at him in a shoo-ing motion. 

“There’s my dearest girl.” He hummed, his gaze smoothly gliding over every inch of your face like he was committing every feature to memory. You felt as if you well and truly could faint now at any moment. If only he would give your heart a break.

Taehyung’s eyes widened for a moment, his gaze lifting from your face and fixing over your shoulder. Once you followed his gaze you realized what he was focusing on. Your brother was making haste through the crowd and his glare was pinned on the man who stood beside you. 

“Forgive me, but I must make a quick escape.” He chuckled before giving your hand a gentle squeeze and slipping away. 

“Taehyung!”

“He loves you, he tolerates me, I wish you luck!” And then he was gone. 

You were allowed three breaths to collect yourself before your brother arrived, and he looked furious. 

“Brother -”

“Where has he gone?” He asked, cutting you off completely, “I need to have a word with him at once.”

“And what must you say that I cannot be present for?”

“It is not your presence that is the problem, it is his.” He replied, his jaw taut with frustration. 

“I am confused, is he not our oldest friend? What slight has he committed other than being the only gentleman to entertain me for the night?”

“What he has done could very well be your ruin, he will humiliate you. He has made a spectacle tonight and continues to ignore propriety. After that show, when no proposal comes to follow, you will be the laughing stock of the Ton.”

The ache in your chest returned tenfold. You knew that Jin hadn’t meant to hurt you, but intentions be damned it hurt worse than what those ladies had dared to insinuate. You knew that Taehyung did not return your feelings, and apparently Jin knew that as well. And worst of all it only confirmed what you knew to be true - your marriage prospects were in the gutter. You were an embarrassment to your family. 

You couldn’t stop the sniffle, or the quiver of your lip and that did not escape Jin’s notice. The anger quickly faded from his face. “I did not intend to hurt you, it is not you that I am angry with or disappointed in, you must know that.”

You shook your head, your cheeks warm with embarrassment at how quick you were to come to tears in front of all of society. You took a step back from your brother, “I require a moment alone, please.”

The anger had melted to confusion, and the confusion had formed into distress on his face. Jin adored you, he never wanted to hurt you and now he could see that while it had not been his intention, he had done the very thing he never wished to do.

“Sister-”

“Please excuse me,” You said, your voice tight with barely restrained emotion before you turned and rushed through the crowds. 

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, the lights were too bright, it was too warm, and there were far too many people. Your skin felt very sensitive and each brush against another gown or jacket had your body responding with the desire to peel at your very own flesh. 

This was another embarrassment to your family, this phantom illness that you were unable to shake. It was humiliating how debilitating it was, it was something even your own mother could not comprehend. This feeling of utter claustrophobia inside your own body, like even your own skin was too tight. In moments such as this, your body took over your conscious mind and made decisions for you. All that you knew was that you needed to get away from these god forsaken crowds so that you could just be able to breathe if only for a moment. 

When you came too once more, it was to the feeling of cool air grazing the exposed skin your gown did not cover. The breeze was a welcome, distracting stimulus. Outside, it was finally quiet. A natural quiet accompanied by the gentle chirp of crickets and the rustle of leaves in the wind. The chatter of the party was muted in comparison. 

Now, able to collect your thoughts, you realized just how much of a mess the night had turned out to be. Not only had you been ridiculed by your fellow ladies, but Taehyung had managed to make your standing worse while trying to help you, and you had disgraced your brother. You hadn’t wanted this to begin with, this wasn’t entirely your fault. However, you could not ignore the nagging pull of guilt in your gut.

Despite what everyone else has claimed, you felt the furthest thing from a woman. You still felt much like a child.

Amidst your musings, a roll of laughter caught your attention. You came to a stop in the gardens and despite knowing how improper it was, you stayed hidden and peered around the corner as quietly as you could. You knew that laughter. 

It was Taehyung. 

He stood with a group of other men, all of them deeply engaged in conversation with one another to the point that you were unworried over being discovered in such a compromising position.

“I can’t believe you of all people have decided to settle down, the worst rake of us all!” One man laughed, his cheeks flushed from spirits. 

“Oh come off it, it comes for all of us eventually. I find myself quite satisfied with settling down, I have a lovely bride with a decent dowry. What more could I ask for?”

“Your freedom, perhaps?” That inspired another round of raucous laughter. 

You felt your stomach turn in disgust. Is this what these men thought of the women of society? As shackles that were inevitable but bearable so long as she has a pleasing face and figure and a large sum of money? Was that all you were, another piece on the board to be sacrificed for the hubris of man? This wasn’t what your mother had told you, your father and her had shared a love that came straight from fairytales. 

“And what of you, Taehyung? It’s about time isn’t it - you can only avoid it for so long?” The engaged man probed.

“I’m afraid the frantic mothers of the Ton will be waiting for a long time before I even consider laying down such a sacrifice.” Taehyung laughed. 

This you were not surprised by, he had reflected this very sentiment this morning in your drawing room. However, it did not soften the blow.

“Are you quite sure? You looked rather taken with Seokjin’s beloved sister, four dances - how scandalous!” They laughed as your skin burned in embarrassment. They were mocking you, mocking the standards every woman in that room upheld. You were suddenly finding them rather vile.

You waited with baited breath for Taehyung to come to your defense as he had promised before, to be your protector when you could not. 

His head tilted back as he pretended to be in thought before his eyes rolled dramatically, “I would never marry her or for that matter court her. Have you truly seen her? She is not the type of woman one finds themself wanting.”

The round of laughter and agreements that followed fell on your own deaf ears. In that moment you truly understood the meaning of heartbreak, there was no better way to explain the encompassing pain that was radiating from your already fragile heart. You had always known that it was a childish dream to believe that he would want you in the same way that you desired him. But to hear him admit it, to hear him laugh at the thought of it, to hear him mock your very appearance was the nail in the coffin. 

You were nothing more than a cruel joke, and with what he had said the damage was already done. Not only did Taehyung not want you, but he had also ensured that no one else would ever look at you with a modicum of desire. You were ruined.

Your hand fisted the fabric of your dress, clawing at where your heart would be. It did nothing to soothe your distress but your body was out of your own control at this point. All you could do was slump against the wall in complete distress. A night that was supposed to be joyful and celebrate your entering society, had turned into something from your worst nightmares. And you were the laughing stock of the Ton. You couldn’t bear to stick around and observe the aftermath, the hushed whispers, the barely contained laughs. You need to go, you need to disappear.

You hastily wiped away your tears, your makeup staining your once white gloves in the process but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You did your best to remain hidden, as you usually did, and stuck to the shadows and walls as you made your way back to the front of the estate. Just as you felt your impending freedom, a hand wrapped itself around your arm and jerked you to a stop.

“There you are!” Jin called, his voice relaxing with relief. “What in the world made you think it was a good idea to run off by yourself alone?”

A pitiful sniffle was your response and that was enough to make your brother frantic.

“You’re crying? Why are you crying, what happened to you?”

Your shoulders shook and your fists balled up in an effort to keep yourself composed. It was childish to keep crying the way that you were, you were supposed to be a lady. But you just couldn’t do it anymore, you couldn’t keep pretending. 

You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Jin, your forehead pressing into his shoulder. “I want to go, please.”

He stilled for a moment before he relaxed and held you in a comforting embrace, his hand gently smoothing the back of your hair. “I’ll call for a carriage and we’ll get you home, if anyone asks I will take responsibility for your absence.” 

“I don’t want to go home, I want to go to Whitepoint - I want to stay with our aunt.”

Jin was confused, you could see it plain as day on his face. “What has brought this on? You must tell me what has happened otherwise I cannot help you.”

“I can’t stay here any longer, I can’t handle all of these prying eyes waiting for me to fail or embarrass our family at any moment. I need to go.”

His face softened, “You could never embarrass me.”

“You and I both know that is untrue. I would love nothing more than to stay with you and mother, but I need this. I need more time, please, let me do this.” You begged.

There was a sadness in his eyes, one that told you that he had already accepted your terms but did not wish to see you go. Jin would do anything for you, no matter the request, even if it hurt him.

“How long will you be gone for?” He asks, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide the emotion that was bleeding into his words.

“I do not know yet, only time will tell.”

He nodded, solemnly, before leading you back to the front of the estate, his arm hooked into the crook of your elbow. He was silent as he waited with you and he did not speak again until your carriage arrived. He was looking at you with a sense of forlorning, like he knew that this would not be a visit contained to one season. He knew.

“What is that look for?” You asked.

“It is nothing, I was just realizing that we have never been apart since the day that you were born. I am now realizing how lonely it will be without you.”

“I am leaving first thing tomorrow, we still have breakfast.” You teased with a weak smile, you were still not fully recovered from the heartache deep in your chest.

“I just always thought I would have more time.” He mused.

Little did you know, he had been right to mourn your departure. The first time you had left your brother’s side was longer than you had anticipated and before you had realized it, years had melted away. 

~~~~~~~ 5 Years Later

“A letter has arrived for you, my lady.” Your maid called for you as she unsealed the envelope with a letter opener, “It is from your mother.” 

The pianoforte made a ghastly sound beneath your fingertips as you startled at the mention of your mother. The five years you had spent in isolation from the Ton had included your beloved brother as well as your mother. Your aunt had done her best to enforce the privacy that you had requested and this had included correspondence, all letters had been addressed to or intercepted by her and her alone at your request.

You cleared your throat and collected yourself, regaining the composure you had trained yourself into in the past years.

“You may take that to my aunt, Lilah, I have not corresponded with my mother in quite some time as you are aware.”

“My mistress has requested that I deliver this to you and you alone, my lady.” Lilah replied, placing the unsealed envelope on the top of the pianoforte, “I will give you your privacy, when you are ready to draft your response I will return.”

You stared after the maid’s retreating form. In any other house, her words and disposition would have been mistaken for disrespect. However, Lilah had been a faithful servant to your family since you were born, she being only eight years your senior. She truly had the best of intentions when it came to you, and she knew when to talk to you like the petulant child that you were being despite your age.

Your fingers trembled as you slid the stationary free from the envelope and began to read.

Dearest, 

It has been quite some time since you have been home. Your brother and myself have missed you deeply during this time that we have spent apart. Your dear aunt has told me of the woman that you are growing into, and I am deeply saddened that I have missed these defining years of your youth. Your brother and I have spoken often of your return, and as we approach your fifth season away from home we have come to a decision on the matter. While Seokjin was in firm agreement with your decision to leave home, I have made my stance on the matter very clear. While I hold little authority as dowager viscountess, I still hold much authority as you and your brother’s mother. It is upon my request with the approval of your brother, that you are to return home this season. 

While you may not think this to be so, I do understand the heavy burden that comes with being a woman in society. However, as your mother, I can no longer stand by and allow you to hide from your responsibilities in the country. I have listened to your brother long enough and I have given your aunt plenty of time to prepare you for your return to society. You are quickly approaching spinsterhood and it is now time to find you a suitable match. Your aunt has let me know your stance on this as well, and I regret to inform you that we are no longer in a position where we can wait. In spite of your aversion to marriage, I will be securing you a match by the end of the season whether you return home or not. However, if you decide to stay with your aunt in Whitepoint, you will have no input in the suitor that I choose for you. With this knowledge, I find that it will be in your best interest to return home at once.

Do not think me heartless, dearest. It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision. Your brother and I have missed you and we both are doing this to ensure that you will be taken care of. And, selfishly, I knew that this would be the only way I would see you return home to me once more. I know that you will be angry and I know that you will be hurt, however, do know that we have tried to give you the most time that we could possibly afford. You have had five years now to explore your passions and grow, that is more than most women have ever been able to have. Your brother and I eagerly await your return.

With all my love,

Mother

The stationary crunched beneath your tight grasp as you finished reading. Foolishly, you had hoped that they would give up on you. That they would see that you had no desire to ever return to that god forsaken snake pit that would sooner devour you than see you be free. 

In your time away from home, your anger had grown hot. You had lost much of the youthful joy and zest for life that you had once possessed. Little did your mother know, you were every bit of the frustrated and frigid spinster that she feared you would become. That one horrible night had left you with quite the impression of men in society. You would sooner cut off your own ring finger than settle down with a man who viewed you as a set of shackles. You had no desire for marriage or even romantic companionship anymore. What faith you had once had, had shriveled and faded away.

In your eyes, this letter had been your own death sentence. There was no escaping this, not with your brother in agreement with your mother. And while you knew that you always had a home with your dearest aunt, she knew better than to act against a viscount and his mother. You were caught in a trap that you desperately wished to gnaw your way out of.

You had countless worries regarding your return home, and chief among them was seeing him again, Taehyung. The childish crush you had once harbored for him had died long ago. Where there had once been warmth in your heart for him, there now stood a frigid and bitter winter. You had no desire to ever see him again and in your time away from home you had made it clear that you wished to never hear of him again. 

Shortly after you had left, he had sent a letter to your aunt’s estate. You had been curious when the first letter arrived, but you were so heartbroken that you refused to read a single one of his letters. And with the amount of letters that arrived, you had forged an intense stubborn nature. You had initially been startled by the volume and speed with which they arrived, but now in your fifth year you had little interest in them any longer. You were certain Taehyung was unaware of your presence that night he had ruined you, and you were certain he was unaware as to why you refused to answer him. And that man being as stubborn as you were just would not quit.

That was of little consequence to you, in your eyes, any connection you had once had to him was dead. But still, you were intensely disturbed by the idea of having to see him again. If you had it your way you would live a long life and die before that was even in the realm of possibility. 

But now, you were left with little say in the matter, not with your mother calling, no, demanding you return home.

You rose from the bench with a growl of frustration, the crumpled letter falling pathetically to the ground. You quickly marched to the entrance of the parlor and sought out your maid. 

“Lilah!” You called.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Draft a response to my mother, let her know that I will be returning in a week’s time.” You instructed.

“A week’s time? You will miss the debut ball.”

“I am well aware, luckily I am no longer a debutante therefore my presence is no longer required. There will be other balls that I shall not escape.”

“Your mother will be displeased, it does not matter if you are not a debutante, this signifies the beginning of the season and a good impression is a lasting impression.”

“This is the impression that I desire. My mother knows of my aversion to marriage but wishes that I play along with the desires of the Ton. My absence will assure them once more that I have little care for the marriage market. If I am to return against my will then I will play this game my own way.”

“And by your own way, you mean self sabotage?”

“I am glad you have caught on, Lilah. My mother seems to believe that she can secure a match for me whether I am willing or not. However, I think she will find it difficult to secure a match for someone who lacks suitors.”

“And however do you think you will manage to escape the season without a suitor?” She asked, finally matching your pace and fixing you with a disapproving look you were not at all unfamiliar with.

That flare of anger fanned in your chest again, “It was not a problem my first season, I do not expect it to become one now. But, on the off chance it were, I believe that my persisting scandal will be a sufficient deterrent.”

“And if all else fails?” She probed. 

“Well, then we rely on my dazzling personality.” You replied sarcastically. Your “dazzling” personality was as prickly as a cactus. As your final defense, it would work well against any curious suitors.

“May I speak plainly, my lady?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think that, perhaps, you are taking this a touch too far? You act as if you are to be hanged.”

“The bonds of marriage are not that different from the constriction of a noose,” You joked in poor taste, “I have seen too many good women become nothing more than a man’s wife. That itself is a tragedy on its own. The Ton knew before I did that I was not suited for marriage, and now that is something that we can agree on. My mother will soon realize that too.”

“It seems you have forgotten where you and your brother have gotten your stubborn nature from. Your mother is a force to be reckoned with, one that you have had the fortune of avoiding for your entire life. I think that you will find this ordeal will not be as easy as you thought it would be.”

“Has anyone ever told you how comforting you are, Lilah?” 

“As often as you have heard about your dazzling personality, my lady.”

~~~~~~~

Your last week in Whitepoint passed faster than you had wished it too. The sleepy coastal town had been a source of comfort for you during your time there. The smell of the sea still clung to your clothes and soothed your frazzled nerves as you endured the carriage ride home. The skin around your nails was irritated and raw from your constant picking, an unfortunate outlet for the intense affliction you had. Still, the minor cosmetic issue was better than the past episodes you had endured: spells of shortness of breath and near fainting. 

A hiss of pain escaped your lips as Lilah swatted your hand with her fan, “Forgive me, my lady, but it would be best to kick that habit now before your mother becomes privy to it.”

You rubbed the sore spot on your hand before sliding your gloves back on, “And I suppose you intend to beat the habit out of me?”

“If I must, and if you insist on disfiguring yourself.” She replied with a sly smile. “There is nothing to fear, your brother and your mother are waiting for you.”

“And if I know my mother, I wouldn’t be surprised if she dragged some poor unsuspecting lord along with her.” You scoffed.

“Do you really think your brother would allow that?”

“Well, he has seemingly joined my mother’s scheming. At this point, I am uncertain as to what his intentions are as well. So much can change in the matter of a year, that and much more can be said for five years.” You sighed, relaxing into the velvet seat. “I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if he is using my marriage status as a diversion from his own.”

“Could he not simply have your best interests at heart?” Lilah suggested.

“While Seokjin is the head of our household, he still is my brother. He would sooner turn me over to our mother than face her wrath.” You replied with a pointed look.

That overwhelming, inexplicable feeling was rising in your chest again as the peaks of familiar townhouses came into view. You weren’t much farther from home, from here on out it would be a short ride. 

You leaned your head back and attempted to collect yourself. You were no longer a little girl who once hid behind her mother’s skirts. And you were no longer the young lady that you had been before that fateful night. You were a woman, composed, intelligent, and resourceful. You were going to make it out of this no matter what.

The familiar scent of wisteria pulled you from your reverie, the carriage halting to a stop. It was now or never. 

The door swung open and the footman helped you exit. Your gloved hands brushed down the satin of your skirt in a refined manner as you made your way back inside your childhood home. Nothing had changed, while the time you had spent away seemed like ages ago, it had not been enough time for anything to truly change. Even the staff was the same, your mother’s faithful butler guiding you to the drawing room with a gentle smile and a compliment as to how much you had grown.

You had barely even entered the room before your mother’s presence was made known. She laid her needlework to the side and rushed to you in a rather unladylike manner before wrapping you in a tight and warm embrace.

“Dearest!” She cried, guiding your head to rest in the nook of her shoulder as she pressed her lips to your forehead. “How I’ve missed you, there, there, let me have a look at you.”

Her hands pressed against your shoulders, guiding you back as she took you in from head to toe. “Look at you, oh how you have grown into yourself.”

You suppressed a flinch, those familiar words echoing in the back of your mind. Promises and laughter over how you still had time to grow into your features. Always the ugly duckling and never the swan. 

“Thank you, mother. I’ve missed you.” You managed to smile. You had missed her, in spite of everything there was little she could do that would make you resent her. Of course, forcing you into a marriage was a step in the wrong direction for your relationship. However, so far there were no suitors hiding around the corner.

“Your brother and I are so happy you have you home again.” She hummed before taking hold of your gloved hands in her own. “We have planned lunch and a promenade by the river to welcome you home!”

“A promenade?” You echoed, your nerves firing back to life, “It has been a long journey home, perhaps we could save that for tomorrow instead?”

“Oh, nonsense! You were cooped up in that carriage all day. It will do you some good to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. The same could be said for that brother of yours, always hidden in that study of his. I swear, if I didn’t force him to leave he would spend the rest of his life drowning in papers there.”

That didn’t sound like the Seokjin that you knew. Of course you remembered how consumed he would become in his work, but he had always managed to find time for you and your mother. He never missed a meal and he never sent you to bed without a proper goodnight. Perhaps some things had truly changed in your absence. 

“Perhaps I should go and save him then,” You suggested, stepping out of her embrace, “I suppose his study is right where I left it?” You teased. 

Your mother laughed, shooing you away with satin gloved hands, “You tease too much! Go and fetch your brother, I’ll see to our transportation. And dearest, it is so good to have you home.”

You delayed for a moment, frozen by the archway in the parlor. It was good to see happiness on your mother once more. Even when you had lived at home, those moments were fleeting. It was nice to know that your return was the reason, outside of the circumstances that lead you back home. 

“It is good to be home,” You lied with a smile.

You made haste to your brother’s study, your skirts clutched in your fists as you ran down the hallway like you were a child once more. While you had changed so much, you could not deny the giddy joy that thrummed in your bones from the sight of those familiar hallways. You knew every nook and cranny, every good hiding spot, and every creaky floorboard. You came to a halt in front of a set of familiar doors and rapped your fist against the wood.

A voice, louder and angrier than you expected, called back, “I remember telling you I wish to not be disturbed!”

Your temper flared and your body moved without your command, shoving those doors open and marching into a dimly lit study, “After all this time, that is how you wish to greet your dearest sister?!”

The furious look on your brother’s face melted away, quickly being replaced by one of surprise. He stared at you for a moment, dumbfounded, before he rose so fast he knocked his chair back and circled his desk. 

You wheezed as he wrapped you in a tight embrace, his chin resting on the top of your head as he held you close like he was afraid you would disappear again. 

“Well now, that’s more like it.” You said softly, patting his shoulders before stepping away.

“Look at you, you’ve gone and grown up without me.” He whispered in awe.

“I wouldn’t say that, you look ages older than I remember.” You grinned.

“Excuse you! I am trying to be sentimental and you are making a mockery of my kindness, you petulant brat!”

“It’s good to see you too, Seokjin.” You smiled. 

“I want to know everything, what you have done since I have last seen you, what you have studied, all of it.”

“Well have no fear dear brother, we will have plenty to discuss over lunch and during our promenade.” You replied.

“Promenade?” He repeated, a look of dread washing over his once happy features. 

“It is inescapable, I am afraid. Mother’s orders. I tried my best to get us out of it, but she is having none of it. I believe this is part of her scheme to find a suitor, a scheme I am sure you are well aware of.”

His dread deepended, “It was not my idea,”

“Of course not, but I am sure it was a welcome distraction from your own duties was it not?”

“...Let’s not fight your first day back. I believe you mentioned a promenade?” He replied, evading answering your question as he offered you his arm, guiding you back towards the foyer where your mother waited.

~~~~~~~

You released another tired sigh as you walked alongside your mother, Seokjin behind the two of you, suddenly interested in the scenery as he avoided your conversation all together. 

Your mother had taken this opportunity to update you on all of the Tons gossip that you had missed during your time at Whitepoint. You were already beginning to miss the crisp seaside air.

“...and they married awfully fast, you know. Soon after they announced her pregnancy and then the infant was born premature but I assure you, that was the largest infant I have ever seen, premature or not!” Your mother’s voice whispered in your ear, delighted by the insinuation she was making.

“How scandalous,” You dryly remarked.

“Indeed!” She laughed.

A pleasant silence fell between you, although it did not last long. “Darling, I know that you have only just arrived, but I find it would be beneficial for us to discuss the delicate issue at hand.”

“You mean my marriage, or rather, the lack of such.”

“Well, yes, precisely,” She stuttered at your forwardness, “As I have mentioned in our correspondence, I am doing this out of love for you. Moving forward, it would be best if the three of us are all on the same page in regards to potential suitors.”

“Seokjin has left us, mother.”

She immediately came to a stop, whipping her head back and forth in a rather uncouth and unladylike manner as she searched for her missing son.

“How I hate it when he does that!” She exclaimed, spotting him a great distance away conversing with several other gentlemen of which you were familiar with. They had long been a part of your brother’s inner circle, something that you had only ever been an observer of.

Your mother’s eyes focused on the men beside your brother as she took hold of your forearm, leaning close to speak to you. “There are several viable options before you, darling.”

You cringed at the thought of courting one of your brother’s friends. You had experience with yearning for the attention of one of them before and you had been burned greatly as a result. It would not do you any good to cause any discord amongst his companions as you had already accomplished. Even now, he was not among them.

“Lord Kim would be a good choice,” Your mother mused and your heart stopped. It took you a moment to realize she was not talking about Taehyung, but Namjoon. “He comes from a good lineage and is rather brilliant from what I have heard, he could be a decent match for your own wit. However, he is notorious for avoiding settling down. He has not had even a single scandal that could allude to any possible relationship. He is so very much like your brother in that regard.”

“Forgive me mother, but if you could refrain from comparing potential suitors to my own brother I would be grateful.” 

“Oh dear me, you are right!” She winced, realizing her own folly. 

There was nothing wrong with Namjoon. In fact he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, and respectful in the few moments the two of you had crossed paths. He would not be a bad option, the issue was with you. You could not trust any of them - men. They spoke words slathered with honey to ladies, but the moment they congregated the most filthsome, lecherous, words left their mouths. You would not surrender yourself to a marriage wherein your own gender would be the basis for such foul thoughts. It was not Namjoon’s fault, but the men of society as a whole.

“Lord Jeon is the youngest among them, you are both the same age now that I think of it. The poor thing is rather timid though, no one has ever seen him ask a lady to dance. It may take too much time and effort to capture his interest. Not that you aren’t capable, darling!” 

Jungkook, you knew him as well. Even now, those large brown doe eyes looked around in such curiosity like he was seeing the world for the first time. Your brother adored him, like he was his own little brother. If you had been seriously considering your mother’s demands, in another life, you likely would have chosen him. He was sweet, kind, and he adored your mother and brother. But deep down in your soul, you knew you couldn’t even trust him. You had resigned yourself to this fate, you would not marry, not even a sweet boy such as he.

“Ah, and there is Lord Park, I am sure you are familiar. He was close friends with Taehyung after all.”

Of course you remembered him. He was there that night too, he had not said anything but you remembered how he had laughed at your expense. That smile on his lips was enough to send rage flooding through your veins as the sight of his face once more.

“Such a sweet cherubic face, he has had many ladies vying for his attention since you’ve been gone. He does, however, have quite the reputation of a rake. I do find, in my personal experience, that reformed rakes can make the best husbands.”

You made a disgusted choke in response to your mother’s statement. You dread to think about what she had been insinuating about your father in his youth. 

“Mother, that is hardly appropriate-”

“And of course there is Lord Jung! He is such a charming young man, and what a sweet smile! There would be no winning in that marriage, one smile and he would get absolutely everything he wants! He has not a single scandal to his name, the biggest mystery about him is how he hasn’t been snatched up yet, especially with such a prestigious family!”

You had no quarrel with Hoseok either. That was mainly attributed to how little you knew of him. Your brother only had the nicest things to say about him, then again, you had never heard him utter a negative word against any of his inner circle. Besides Taehyung, of course. You were sure Hoseok would find a wonderful wife one day, one who suited him perfectly. However, that would not be you. 

“And lastly, Lord Min. The Ton knows so little of him, he tends to keep to himself. He has an air of mystery surrounding him, especially considering he is the only Min left to carry the title, how tragic! Now, if you want my opinion I do think he may be older than I would like for you. It may be in your best interest to find someone closer in age to you, that should ensure a longer marriage.”

Perhaps you would toy with the idea of allowing your mother to think you held any interest in Yoongi - if she insisted you marry, it would be quite comical to target someone she was explicitly telling you that fell low on her list of prospective suitors. 

While you held no intention of marrying, you supposed you and Yoongi were the best match personality wise. You had heard from your brother that, much like yourself, Yoongi never intended to marry either. A marriage of convenience would not be too horrible, you could consider that your final plan should all else fail. If everything went sideways, this would be a mutually beneficial plot.

“It appears you have put much thought into your pursuits, mother.”

“Of course, darling. I have had five years to plan, did you really think I would let all of that time go to waste? I can assure you, come the end of the season we will have secured you the perfect match.” 

“Splendid,” You replied with a pained grin. 

“Lady Kim!” A familiar voice called causing both yourself and your mother to turn, unsure of which of you were being addressed.

“Oh, Lady Jeon!” Your mother called in equal excitement.

Your mother had been friends with Lady Jeon for quite some time, but it appeared that they had grown even closer than you remembered since you had left for Whitepoint. How curious. 

Scheming. 

“How good it is to see you,” Lady Jeon smiled at your mother before she took notice of you, 

“And my, look how you have grown into such a beautiful woman! It is so good to have you back my dear.” Lady Jeon said with a gentle squeeze of your hand. 

You smiled in spite of the burn her compliment left, “It is good to be home.”

“And how has your son been fairing, Lady Jeon?” Your mother asked, incredibly conspicuously as her eyes darted between yourself and the aforementioned lady. 

“Oh! My Jungkookie-”

You waited for a moment, watching as the two of them became enraptured in their conversation before you made your escape. When they were good and well distracted, you edged away from them before fully turning your back and escorting yourself on your own promenade - far away from scheming mothers and potential suitors. 

Foolishly, deep down you had hoped that your mother would forgo her efforts to see you married once you returned home. If anything, you had hoped her desire to see her daughter return to her family estate would overpower those wishes. You were once more reminded that hope was for fools.

The biggest issue that had presented itself was what your next steps would be. You were certain that a ball was unavoidable, your presence would have to be made especially now that you were under the watchful gaze of your mother. Your skin crawled at the thought, your last ball had ended so dreadfully. You could only hope that the scandal that surrounded yourself, and your family by extension, would be enough to ward off any more interaction with any members of the Ton. But it seemed that Lady Jeon was not frightened by any potential scandal, she would be one you would have to watch out for.

A soft call of your name had you halt in your steps. You knew that voice, you would never be able to forget that voice. The way it sounded when it laughed, or teased you, or soothed you. And the way it had taken your heart and torn it to shreds the moment you had given it away.

He repeated it again. You could hear his steps coming closer to you, you could sense his body drawing nearer. 

“My dearest?” He asked, his words heavy with emotion that surprised you although you did not let it show. 

It would be improper to ignore him in front of all of these people. It would make you look cold, callous, and plain rude. In any other circumstance you would not care, but with your mother so close by you had little choice in how you composed yourself. You would have to face him.

You took in a sharp breath before finally turning and facing him. 

He was just as handsome as he had been the last time you had seen him, that would never change. However, he did look different. More mature and, surprisingly, solemn. There were deep, tired circles beneath his eyes and a barely concealed tremble in his lips. There was a certain cruel joy that churned in your gut at the sight, a true expression of schadenfreude.

“Mr. Kim, it’s nice to see you.” Your tone said anything but. You watched as his mouth twisted at the title - you had never called him that. 

There was an unnatural stretch of silence before he spoke. “You have been gone for some time now.”

He too was aware of the public’s presence. And even after all of this time had passed you knew what he was truly saying: you vanished without saying goodbye.

“I have,” You agreed, “The time was quite necessary, everyone should take a break from the Ton now and again.” Your words were plain, completely lacking the banter the two of you had once shared. You were speaking to him as you would any other lord you had met for the first time. You could see the frustration burning inside of him. 

“I wrote to you,” He finally said, slightly breaking his decorum as he lowered his voice to a hushed whisper, “Several letters for five years and not once did I receive a reply.”

You hummed in response, snapping your fan shut. “I am aware, I thought I was doing you a favor by not responding, you know. I wouldn’t want you to waste precious time and ink on someone such as myself. Someone that a man such as yourself would not ever find wanting.”

A look of confusion fell over his face, his gaze flicking from left to right before going still as realization dawned. The color drained from his face, his tense jaw falling slack. You internally preened at the sight.

“I bid you a good day, Mr. Kim,” You nodded, properly - politely, before turning your back on him and resuming your promenade.

Leaving him like that, mouth open and pale in the face, had left you with a certain sense of satisfaction. However, it was not enough. You were greedy in this manner. You wanted to see him suffer, you wanted to see him beg for forgiveness. You wanted him to be entirely at your mercy. It would not be enough until he was on his knees and even then you would never consider the possibility of forgiving him for his transgressions.

You had only made it a few steps away before a firm hand was wrapped around your bicep and you were being tugged off of the path and into the cover of the trees. You let out a sharp yelp as you lost your footing. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who had taken hold of you. 

“Are you mad?!” You gasped, smacking Taehyung’s hand off of you, “Have you not done enough damage? Do you seek to embarrass myself and my family further by creating another scandal that we cannot afford?”

“No one has seen, I need to speak with you.” 

“And you are certain of this? Just as certain as you were that night when I stumbled upon your lecherous foolish companions?”

“You were not meant to hear that!” He yelled, the sudden volume of his voice causing you to flinch back. In your long friendship not once had he ever raised his voice at you. This was new, there was a desperate look in his eyes that made your stomach twist in unease. 

“But I did,” You said, your voice far calmer than his as your fists balled up at your sides, “If you were truly that embarrassed of me, then you could have ended our friendship a long time ago. What you did was unbelievably cruel. I thought that while that place was teeming with wolves, I had one companion who would be at my side to fend them off. But, in truth, you despise me just as much as they did. You saw me as an annoying pest you had to put up with, one that was so undesirable it had to be made known to the entirety of the Ton.”

“Do you truly believe that is what I think of you? After all of the moments we shared?” He asked, his dark brows drawing together in blatant confusion that stirred your embers of anger once more.

“Of course I do! I heard the very words come from your mouth! What more do I need to hear?”

“You don’t understand, I was doing that to pro-”

“What is the meaning of this?” A new voice emerged, cutting off whatever Taehyung was trying to say. It was Seokjin, and the look on his face was one that made your back stiffen and your heart thud. 

“It is nothing, brother. Let’s return to our mother.” You answered, moving to come to his side. 

“This is not nothing, what is he doing here with you, unchaperoned?!” He hissed, “I should kill him!”

“Enough! You are overreacting, it was a simple conversation between old friends, nothing more!” You raised your voice as you moved to stand in front of him and block his path. 

“He aims to dishonor you,” Jin replied, his gaze still trained on the man behind you, “As he has before, you are to stay far away from him, do you understand me?”

You bristled at the instruction. It was as if he did not trust you rather than Taehyung. And while you knew, logically, that was the furthest thing from the truth, you did not appreciate the insinuation that you would fall victim to your old friend’s charms as so many other ladies had before you. In that moment, you were also reminded of your brother’s status as Viscount, especially with the commanding aura he had grown in your absence.

“Trust me brother, that will not be a problem.” You nodded in agreement despite the annoyance you felt. “Again, I bid you a good day, Mr. Kim.”

Taehyung had fallen uncharacteristically silent. There was an angry and bitter look on his face as his jaw clenched and his hands flexed into fists. He lowered his gaze to the ground, refusing to meet your brother’s stern and watchful eyes. 

Something had happened here, something you had not been privy to. You had not been blind to this five years ago, the strained manner in which your brother spoke of one of his oldest friends the night everything had fallen apart. He had been trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy at the time, but his true feelings had successfully bled through. 

You struggled to match your brother’s pace as he hastily guided you back onto the path and in view of the other families on their promenade. Your curiosity was unquenchable. 

“What happened between the two of you, Jin?” You asked, trying to meet his gaze which he was steadily avoiding. “I know something has happened, once you would have trusted Taehyung like he was a part of our family and now you hold contempt for him.”

“Nothing has happened.” He replied, his voice flat and unconvincing. 

“Do you take me for a fool? I am not the child that I once was, I know that something has changed and I deserve to know what it is!”

“It is none of your concern!” He snapped, his fury now redirected to you. 

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of you. The both of you were unflinching, awaiting the other to submit. 

“I don’t know who you have become in my absence, Seokjin. But the man that stands before me is not my brother.” You could see the anger visibility melt from his face and be replaced with regret. “While you may be the viscount, you are still my brother. It will do you well to remember to never raise your voice at me. Remember, I have no issue with my spinsterhood and if I so wished I could return to Whitepoint this very instant. If you wish to avoid another scandal, as you seem to be so worried about, it would do you well to treat me with the respect that I have always held for you.”

His response was one you had not been expecting. 

His gaze softened and a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. “You have grown so much.”

You smothered your own grin that was attempting to rise. “I should hope so.”

“Forgive me, sister, I have forgotten myself. It has not been easy with you gone and I am afraid I have grown fearful of what will happen to you now that you have returned to my care. I merely wish to protect you, whether that be from the prying eyes of the Ton or the hands of any potential suitors our mother may throw at you.”

This was the problem with Seokjin. You could never stay mad at him for long. He was the closest thing you had to a father and despite everything else, deep down you merely wished to please him. You wanted him to be proud of you.

“I understand, however, you must know that I am capable of taking care of myself. I am not quite so delicate as you seem to believe I am. I need you to trust me in the same manner that I trust you. Can I rely on you to do that?” 

“Of course, no matter what may come, you will always have my trust.” He promised with a sincere smile that you remembered well. 

Whatever may come your way, you were confident that your brother would always be at your side. Seokjin silently held out his arm, a peace offering between the two of you. With a grin you hooked your arm through his and allowed him to escort you back to your mother. 

However, you could not ignore the feeling of someone watching you. 

For a moment you allowed yourself to glance back over your shoulder. He was still there, he had been watching the entirety of your interaction with your brother, and still he was watching you. You couldn’t ignore the sudden twist in your gut, the sense that something was horribly wrong, that this would be one of your final moments of peace before the storm arrived. 

The look in his eyes was enough to send a chill throughout your body. They were dark, needy, and calculating. Whatever it was that Taehyung wanted, it was not over. Speaking with you had not been enough, you knew that there was still more to come. And even as you turned your head and focused your gaze ahead of you, you could still feel him there. 

He was watching you. 

~~~~~~~

While you were aware that this would be unavoidable, preparing for a ball was enough of an inconvenience that it has your stomach in knots and a sheen of perspiration across your forehead. You simply could not forget just how horribly your last ball had ended, and the reaction you were having was beyond frustrating. 

You were not that young girl anymore, you need not care what the Ton thinks - their opinions do not matter to you. However, they matter greatly to your mother as well as your brother. You were under tremendous stress, you would have to present yourself properly for their sake while simultaneously avoiding any situations that could result in the attention of the opposite sex. It would be a delicate balance between your propriety and your desire to maintain your spinsterhood.

“Honestly milady, we will never be ready on time if this persists.” Lilah exclaimed, rapidly fanning your face and neck with a hand fan. “You are sweating through all of your rouge!”

“Forgive me Lilah but the rouge is the least of my worries at the moment.” You replied, your hand resting on your chest to feel the shaky expand of your lungs as you attempted to calm your breathing.

Lilah paused her frantic fanning for a moment, pressing her hands against your exposed shoulders and forcing you to sit down at your vanity.  Your posture slowly began to relax as her fingers soothed over your hair, delicately organizing it into the style she had chosen for the night. Lilah, like the older sister you had never had, often knew just how to soothe you when you needed it. Years of companionship had allowed for this. 

“While I may not agree with your methods nor your reasoning, I understand why you wish to maintain your freedom,” Lilah’s voice had grown soft, “You are the strongest, most hard headed lady that I have the privilege of knowing. It takes much more than a simple ball to have you cowering in a corner. Now, stiffen that steel spine of yours and take pride in yourself, you are the Viscount’s sister after all.” 

Leave it to Lilah to put you in your place. 

You gave her an amused smile, fixing your posture as you spoke, “How foolish of me to have forgotten my place.”

“Foolish indeed,” She mumbled under her breath with a shake of her head. Her faux frustration was easy to see through as she actively fought against the grin that attempted to spread across her lips. 

“Darling, are you just about ready to depart?” Your mother called as she rushed into your room. 

“As ready as I shall ever be,” You mumbled as you rose from your vanity. 

You stood before your floor length mirror, inspecting yourself before you departed. It had taken you a long while to become comfortable in front of a mirror again after that dreadful night. And even now despite your ability to peer into the looking glass, you could only maintain eye contact with yourself for intervals at a time. You could settle with looking at the gown.

It was lovely, as all creations of the modist were. The gown was made of sapphire blue silk with black chiffon draped over the top. Black and deep blue gemstones had been sewn into the bodice and the sleeves of the gown as well as the black gloves that concealed your hands and arms. The gown shone like the midnight sky by firelight. It was a drastic change compared to your debutante gown that held the charm of a young girl freshly introduced to society. This gown was mature, the color reflective of the mourning of the girl you once were.

“Very well then,” You exclaimed, stiffening your spine and lowering your shoulders, “let us face the wolves.”

~~~~~~~

Unlike that night, Jin was your faithful guard dog. His presence was so intimidating to potential suitors that it left you completely grateful and your mother utterly distressed.

“Dearest,” Your mother begged, “Won’t you give your sister and I some time to each other?”

A mischievous grin spread over your brother’s face, “We’ve only just been reunited and you wish to separate me from my dear family, mother?”

A stern look settled on her features, “Very well, then I am sure you will have no qualms with acquainting yourself with the ladies of the Ton as your sister and I plan to this evening?”

A look passed between you and your brother. You were surprised by the lack of irritation that you were once familiar with. In the time that had passed, Seokjin had grown better at concealing his true emotions. However, you knew him too well. There was a look in his eyes that told you that he had his own scheme at play. 

He let out an exaggerated sigh, one that had you and your mother’s eyebrows raising, “Very well then, I suppose I shall make myself scarce and allow you ladies to mingle.”

“That’s the spirit, dear.” Your mother smiled, the smile of a cat that caught the canary.

The two of you melted into the crowd, Seokjin disappearing from your sight with one last comforting smile and a nod of his head. 

What was he playing at?

Everything was a blur around you, bodies ghosted by with no distinct features. You were too absorbed by your own thoughts, the steady prattle of your mother nothing more than a low hum in your ears that bled into the soft cry of the instruments of the orchestra that filled the ball room. 

He had been too calm, the calmest you had ever seen. Did he intend to truly help you? To not pawn you off to the man with the highest status and deepest pockets? Seokjin would never outright defy the will of your mother, but the love he had for you was enough to soothe the steady buzz of your nerves. 

You grasped your gloves hands together tightly, ceasing the nervous picking at your concealed nails. You needed to get it together, for your own sake.

“Dearest, is that not Taehyung headed our way? And rather quickly too.”

Your mother’s voice shattered your concentration, your head jerking up and snapping from side to side before you caught sight of him. Lo and behold, it was indeed him. How clever of him to approach you in a place where you would not be permitted to run from him. Oh, how you loathed him. 

He looked more put together than the last time you had seen him, his clothes pristine and his hair styled. But those sleepless circles were still present beneath his eyes. The smile on his lips was still charming, but strained. His shoulders were heavy and strung tight with tension that he could not hide, not from you who could read him so well. 

Your mother, who had not been oblivious to the scandal he had caused the last time you had been to a ball, tensed beside you, her fingers tightening their hold around your arm. 

“Taehyung,” She greeted, her smile visibly strained, “How good it is to see you again.”

You pressed your lips together in frustration, your expression anything but welcoming. As if tonight wasn’t hard enough, he had blatantly ignored your brother’s and your own warnings to stay far away from you. This was another complication you did not need. 

“Indeed, it is good to see you as well Viscountess,” He nodded, his dark eyes piercing into you.

“And to what do we owe the pleasure?” Your mother asked, maintaining the pretense of a pleasant conversation.

“Well, I was hoping to ask your daughter for a dance,”

No, not again.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, Miss. Kim has promised me her first dance of the night.” A low voice called from behind the three of you.

You turned your head, startled by the close proximity of a person you had not sensed before. Tall stature, deep dimples. Kim Namjoon.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, Taehyung’s expression flickered between surprise and something darker, something like envy. Your mother’s face lit up in what could only be described as pure and unadulterated joy.

You remained silent, allowing Namjoon’s lie to unfold between the four of you. You were intrigued to see where this would go, especially if it would get you away from the man you had sworn off for the rest of your life.

Taehyung smiled once more, another strained one, “Perhaps her second dance then.”

Namjoon whistled, a playful gleam in his eyes as he spoke with Taehyung, “I don’t know about that, from what I have heard Miss Kim’s dance card is quite full this evening.”

What.

You couldn’t look now, it would give away whatever ruse Namjoon was playing.

“Miss Kim, would you give me the honor of leading you in your first dance back home?” Namjoon asked, holding out his hand for you to take with a charming smile.

You attempted to ignore the soft squeal your mother barely managed to muffle as you placed your gloved hand in his, “I would be delighted to, Lord Kim.”

His smile deepened and so did those deadly dimples of his. You may have sworn off men, but you were not blind. Kim Namjoon was as dangerous to your heart as he was attractive. You could feel the warmth of his skin seeping through your glove, attempting to invade your frigid flesh. Did he know how dangerous he was to a spinster such as yourself? The rascal surely did.

You followed Namjoon, your arm tucked into the crook of his elbow as you approached the dance floor which was already bustling with bright faced young girls whose dresses spun dramatically across the floor in a blur of colors.

Once you were certain you had escaped Taehyung’s watchful gaze, you dared to peek at the dance card around your wrist and sure enough, every slot had been filled with names that were incredibly familiar to you. 

Jin.

“I hope you will be able to forgive myself and the others, your brother can be incredibly persuasive when he wants to be.” Namjoon sheepishly said, moving in front of you to initiate your dance. 

“Persuasiveness is one thing, I never thought he would dare to pre-pen down unwilling partners on my dance card,” You said, your voice cool and your gaze steely.

Namjoon was not intimidated, meeting your harsh gaze head on. You jolted in shock at the feeling of his palm resting in between your shoulder blades, his other hand grasping yours gently. You willed the tingling sensation between his palm and your back to dissipate, now was not the time to be swayed by baser instincts. You had a mission to attend to.

“Unwilling, Miss. Kim? How misinformed you are,” He laughed, breaking apart from you for just a moment to expertly guide you in a spin, “While it may have been your brother’s idea, we are all willing participants in his scheme.”

“And why should I believe that, Lord Kim? One does not agree to something which does not benefit them as well.” 

He was quiet for a moment, his warm eyes scanning your features as he thought, “While the rest of us may not have had the opportunity to know you as well as others, you are our dearest friends sister and that means something to all of us. When asked to protect you, there was no hesitation on any of our parts. And, it is never a problem to share a dance with a beautiful lady.”

You could feel heat rush to warm your face at his remark. While you did not believe him for a moment, there was something refreshing about hearing someone call you beautiful rather than remarking about how much you had finally grown into yourself. With his statement, there was no insinuation that you never were beautiful. 

Kim Namjoon, what a rascal. 

But there was something else about what he said that had caught your attention, “Whatever do you mean about protecting me?”

A look of shock crossed his once confident features. He had made a folly, said something that he was not supposed to say. However, he was saved as the music ceased and the dance came to an end. You, however, were not ready to back down. 

“Excuse me, Namjoon, but I believe I was promised a dance as well.” Another voice interjected. 

And there stood Min Yoongi, a playful smirk just barely tugging at the corner of his mouth. Oh, he was trouble indeed.

“Of course, don’t let me keep you waiting Yoongi.” Namjoon said before retreating, a grateful expression on his face as he was given the opportunity to avoid your line of questioning. 

“Miss. Kim, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance after such a long time,” Yoongi said with a slight bow of his head, “While my name is on your dance card, I am hoping you will still allow me to ask for a dance?”

How was he so capable of saying the right things to pluck at your heartstrings? Rascals, all of them.

“But of course,” You agreed before beginning your next dance. “I was hoping you could enlighten me, Lord Min.”

“Hm, perhaps I could,” He replied, pretending to mull it over. 

“Your friend mentioned something about all of you offering your protection over me, could you do me the service of explaining just what exactly that entails?”

Yoongi’s dark eyes snapped straight to your own, the irises shaking ever so slightly as he thought over what he would say before his lips finally parted and he spoke, “I believe that you have every right to know what is going on. My loyalties, however, do lie with your brother.”

Ah, he was bound to secrecy then. Well, he wouldn’t break any oath if you simply figured it out on your own. 

“This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with Kim Taehyung, would it?” You asked.

“Perceptive,” He hummed, “Yes, it does.”

“Well you and your friends and my brother need not worry, I plan to stay far away from Taehyung. I have no interest in any suitors this season, if I had it my way I would not even be here in the first place.”

“While I can appreciate our shared perspectives, I will tell you that it is not you, your brother and I are worried about. It’s Taehyung.” 

“Taehyung is as harmless as a fly, his greatest weapon is his words.”

Yoongi’s brows drew together in frustration, a look of concern evident in his gaze. “I am afraid that you are gravely mistaken. In all of the time we have spent with Taehyung, we have never known him to be harmless. Coincidentally, his behavior has worsened since you left all of those years ago. There is cause for our concern not only for your reputation, but your safety as well.”

You were immediately taken aback by his words. Not only your reputation, but your safety as well? In all the time that you had known Taehyung, he would never have done anything to harm you. If anything, he would have put himself in harm's way before he ever let anything happen to you. But Yoongi was right. Something about him was different, something had changed since you’ve been gone. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he had been replaced by a sinister counterpart.

“If I am truly in so much danger, don’t you think that I deserve to know what is going on?” You asked, searching his gaze for a sliver of an answer. 

“Of course I do,” He replied, his voice lower and softer than before, “But the last thing we want is for you to be frightened. Please, allow us to carry this burden for you.”

The music ceased but there was no sign of relief on Yoongi’s face as you came to a stop. Before your next partner could whisk you away he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, his fingers trailing against yours slowly before they separated. You felt strangely cold with the absence of his touch. 

“Be on guard, Miss. Kim.” He advised with a nod before he left. 

There was a sickening sour sensation in your gut, one that had you feeling seasick. What could Taehyung have done that was so bad that it turned all of his friends against him? That look Yoongi had given you, it wasn’t commanding, it had been pleading. Begging you not to open Pandora’s box and live in ignorance and bliss.

“Good evening Miss. Kim,” A chipper voice announced themself. 

Jung Hoseok, how like him. 

“Hello sir,” You greeted with a sly grin as his forehead wrinkled in annoyance. 

“Sir? How long have we known each other? I think we are well past formalities.” He pouted before taking hold of your hand with a charming smile.

Jung Hoseok had one of those smiles that used every muscle in his face, his skin radiated when he smiled. You could feel it seeping beneath your skin, warming you to your very core. Your mother’s words echoed back to you, there would be no winning in a marriage with him - just one smile and you would give in to his every desire. 

“If we are as close as you say we are, then would you be willing to indulge me for a moment?”

“But of course,” He laughed, “I do have to warn you though, our mutual friend has made me aware of your snooping. I am afraid any line of questioning involving a certain someone is off the table for the duration of our dance.”

A glance over Hoseok’s shoulder revealed Namjoon who cheekily waved at you with a knowing smile. You huffed in annoyance, Namjoon’s meddling was almost just as bad as your brother’s. 

“And I suppose if I were to ask, you would tell me to leave the worrying to you and your friends?” 

“Yoongi is right, you are a perceptive one.” He hummed in agreement. “However, I will not fall for your ploy. I am afraid I will have to ask you to refrain from asking anymore questions regarding our mutual headache.”

So, he had upset Hoseok as well. In all of the time you had known Hoseok, he had always been a cheerful man. Quick to be empathetic, understanding, and far too kind for your own liking. You couldn’t remember an occasion where he had been angry, although you had heard from your brother how chillin it was when he was. You had laughed at the time, believing Hoseok to be incapable of any emotion adjacent to anger. Now, you could see it. His smile wavered, his gaze hardened. 

What happened between all of them?

Hoseok’s calming smile returned in full swing as he took notice of your unsettled appearance, “Let’s not waste time talking about unsavory things, let’s have some fun instead.”

Hoseok was true to his word, for the remainder of your dance together he refused to mention Taehyung and instead focused on making you dizzy as he spun you around in ridiculous circles that had your feet tripping over each other and breathless laughter tumbling from your lips. You almost felt guilty from just how much fun you were having when you were supposed to be investigating. But it was hard to focus in his presence, and you were certain your brother had been relying on that. 

You found similar results with Park Jimin, your next dance partner after Hoseok. If you weren’t already monopolizing the Tons attention, you surely were now. You were not blind to the stares that penetrated you. Your sudden emergence after a five year absence followed by the attention of four of the Tons most wanted bachelors was sure to stir gossip for weeks. And Jimin was bathing in it. 

“How do you stand all of the attention, Mr. Park?” You asked, fighting back a teasing smile that tried to escape. 

“I could ask you the same question, Miss. Kim. Believe me, they are watching you just as much as me, if not more than me.” He hummed, his watchful gaze scanning over the crowd. 

Jimin was exceptionally good at reading a crowd, he had always been a people person. He was socially competent in a way you could never even hope to be. However, he could prove to be useful to you. 

“You know me, Mr. Park, I have never been one for the limelight. If I had it my way I would still be in Whitepoint, far away from the prying eyes of the Ton.”

“And yet here you are, and we are all the more grateful to have you back.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Park.”

“On the contrary, it’s gotten me everywhere, Miss. Kim.” He laughed. 

“And will flattery give me the information that I am so desperately searching for?” You asked.

Jimin went silent, licking his plush lips in a sign of stress. He looked conflicted, conflicted was good you could work with that. 

“From what I have gathered from your friends, something has transpired since I left all of those years ago. Something that was so terrible all of you have taken a vow to shield me from it to the extent that even I have no idea as to what has occured. What I do know is that a certain someone has been dismissed from your circle and even you, his best friend, have chosen to side against him. Now, why exactly is that?”

“Best friend?” He laughed, “If anyone was his best friend, it was you. And then you were gone and he changed.”

“You know why I left Jimin, you were there that night. I remember how you laughed at my expense with him. It hurt less because I didn’t really know you, but it still hurt nonetheless. You owe it to me, at the very least tell me what I need to know.” 

His gaze softened, a look of regret coming over his angelic features. You could feel the embers of your anger begin to cool. 

“You heard?” He whispered, angling his head so that he could meet your gaze. Those damn brown eyes were softening your heart. You suddenly remembered why he was such a successful rake. His seduction was softer, kinder, and in some cases worse than the typical rake.

You cleared your throat, “Yes, I heard everything. You are not who I am most angry with, don’t take that upon yourself.”

“It wasn’t right,” He interrupted you, pulling you closer as he lowered his voice so that no one would hear the two of you, “I hope you know that I never thought that about you. That environment, it isn’t one you have your own opinion in. After that night, I pulled back from them, Taehyung included. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but I hope that you know that I deeply regret it. I don’t expect your forgiveness but I hope that I can earn it.”

The annoying fluttering sensation in your stomach wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard you tried to force it. He was too close, being too sweet to you, and saying all of the right things. The worst thing was, you knew that he was telling the truth. These weren’t just sweet words intended to soothe your anger and repair your perception of him. He meant it.

“You know how you can earn it.” You said. 

He released a deep sigh and his shoulders relaxed, “A promise is a promise, I am many things but I am not a liar, Miss. Kim. However, there is someone else here who is more loyal to you than your dear brother. I think you’ll be able to figure out who.” 

You grunted in annoyance. These damn men and their foolish sense of pride and honor. Who would be more loyal to you than your brother? Who would be willing to betray their word for you? You couldn’t imagine anyone who would be capable of doing so. Not for you. 

“They are much closer than you think,” Jimin winked as your dance came to an end, his fingers trailing over the edge of your dance card. And, like the rascal that he was, he raised your hand to his face and brushed his lips over your glove in a barely there kiss. Your heart pounded in response. He truly was a sight, your mother’s claims of his cherubic appearance weren’t that far off either with how the light was catching the honey blonde of his hair, creating a halo just behind his head. He truly was angelic. 

“I hope I have earned some of your trust back, Miss. Kim.”

And then he was gone. 

For the first time all night you had a moment of reprieve. It seemed that the endless stream of your brother’s inner circle had finally concluded. You took the opportunity to escape from the dance floor. This was sure to be the talk of the Ton for weeks to come, you couldn’t fathom the attention it was going to bring you. What were Jin’s intentions? You had thought he was on your side, but if anything he was feeding into your mother’s desires. 

Was there no one here that you could trust?

It was swelling up inside of you again, that inescapable feeling, that crushing weight on your chest that made it feel impossible to breathe. Why did this always happen at the worst time imaginable? There was no escape here, not with all of the bodies pressing in on you with their penetrating stares. 

You were losing control. 

“Excuse me, Miss. Kim?” A soft voice called. 

You came to a stop, your gloved hands fisting the satin of your skirt in an attempt to ground yourself. You needed to shove it down, you had to pretend it didn’t exist. Just for a little while longer. You turned and forced a smile on your lips. 

Jeon Jungkook was standing there with an unsure look on his face. While you had seen him the week prior, you had not been able to get a good look at him until now. His hair was longer than you remembered, but he still had a youthful face, and big brown eyes that expressed a soul that was living for the first time. He was not as confident in himself as the other members of Jin’s inner circle, you could see it on his face. 

He cleared his throat, his eyes darting around the room rather than focusing on your face. “While I know that my name is in the last spot on your dance card already, I would still like to ask you if you wish to share a dance with me.”

This was unheard of. 

You knew for a fact that Jungkook did not engage with anyone but the inner circle at these events. Your mother had labeled him a shy young man, that was incredibly true, you could see that even now. Even though he had made a promise to your brother, why would he go to these lengths for you? He was putting himself into the sights of every family there, this would begin an inescapable hunt by all of the scheming mother’s and daughters of the Ton. By doing this, he would be signaling to everyone that he was interested in entering the marriage market.

“Are you doing this because you want to, or because my brother has demanded you do so?” 

A small smile played on his lips, his gaze still directed to the dancing couples as if they were the most interesting thing in the room. “Can it not be both?” 

“Are you certain? I would hate to put you into a position that you cannot go back from.” 

Jungkook sighed, a subtle flush appearing on his cheeks. “Miss. Kim, it took quite a bit of time for me to gain the courage to ask you, and this repeated line of questioning is beginning to make me think I’m more of a bother than a help.”

You couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled in your chest. It took him a lot of courage to ask you? If anything, the roles should be reversed in this situation. 

“It is nothing against you, Jungkook. If anything, I am the one looking out for your reputation.” You assured him. 

“I don’t care much for my reputation,” He admitted, finally raising his head and meeting your gaze, “I just wish to share a dance with you and you alone.” 

You were worried for your heart, after all of the attention you had received tonight it had been working harder than need be. You were certain at this rate it would beat straight out of your chest. Jungkook was too kind, too sweet, and held too much boyish charm. How were you going to survive? 

“Very well, it is your reputation, after all.” You agreed, reaching your hand out and slipping it through the bend of his elbow. Jungkook smiled nervously as he averted his gaze from you, his shy nature coming back in full force. 

Jungkook was, to your surprise, a good dancer partner. While you had never seen him dance with anyone before, it appeared Lady Jeon had not allowed him to skip any dance lessons in his youth. He was so sure in himself when he was dancing with you, it was the first time you had seen him exude such confidence. Although the flustered blush was still present in his cheeks, it was less so than it had been before. 

Now was your time to strike.

“It appears your worries were for nothing, you are a very gifted dancer.” 

Your compliment nearly caused him to miss a step, the flustered look returning once more. He was quick to recover. “It was not my abilities I was worried about, rather, whether you would reject me or not.” 

“Hm, you saw me with your friends did you not? Why would I accept them and deny you?” 

“Well, they are much more accomplished than I am, more social, more well versed in the ways of the Ton.” He explained. 

“Well, then I suppose you and I are more alike than you think.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” 

“Compared to your friends I am quite the recluse, I did disappear for quite some time after all. I have little to no accomplishments, and I desire to be far away from the Ton and its constricting standards.”

“You should not talk about yourself that way,” He gently scolded you. 

“All I meant to say is that we make a good pair.” You explained. 

That quieted him, a look of surprise coming over those big brown eyes. And there was something else there, something that you were beginning to grow suspicious of. Something that was entirely unexpected and utterly surprising. 

“You…you should not say things like that to me.” He stuttered with a harsh swallow. 

“And why not?” 

“Because it will give me too much hope.” He confessed. 

Hope? What could he mean by that? While you had your suspicions you believed that they were too far removed from reality to be true. And if they were true, then you had no time or desire to pursue it. You had much more important plans to address. 

However, Jimin’s words were ringing in your mind, “...there is someone else here who is more loyal to you than your dear brother.”

“Jungkook, can I trust you?” You asked. 

“Of course!” He exclaimed albeit a little too quickly. He too was aware of his eagerness and looked away in embarrassment. 

“I have spent this entire night interrogating your friends, yet I feel no closer to the answers I am looking for. So, I find myself having to ask you outright, what happened after I left? What did Taehyung do?” 

Much like his friends, Jungkook shook off the lightheartedness of your previous conversation. It was odd to see the way anger warped his kind face. It was unsettling. What was even more unsettling was the traces of panic that were present in his eyes.

“What he did was beyond unforgivable.” He said through gritted teeth. “He shouldn’t even be here.” 

“Then tell me, I need to know especially if it is pertaining to me. I am tired of being told it is not my burden to bear, if it is truly that horrible then I must know!” 

“I agree,” He said, to your surprise. “You should know everything, otherwise your curiosity is going to put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it cannot be said here, there are too many eyes and ears.”

  “Then when, where?” 

“Tonight, meet me in the courtyard once the staff have retired for the night.” He instructed.

“How scandalous, Mr. Jeon, asking a lady such as myself to partake in a late night rendezvous.” You laughed. 

“That - you know that is not what I am intending,” He stuttered, that sweet blush rising on his cheeks once more. You just could not help yourself, he was as skittish as a rabbit and it brought you so much delight to see how simple it was to fluster him. 

“Relax, Jungkook, I am fully aware of your intentions and rather appreciative, might I add. You are the first person who has indicated they are on my side in this matter. I will owe you greatly for this. And have no fear, there will be no mention of our meeting to anyone else, your reputation is safe with me.”

Jungkook swallowed, the hand that was settled at your back pressed more firmly as he collected himself. “I seem to remember telling you that my reputation means little to me, Miss. Kim. While I am not anticipating our meeting will be found out, if word were to spread that the two of us were found in such a compromising position then I would happily admit that my affections were at fault. I would not regret a rumor that ties the two of us together.”

You were startled and stumped to say the least. This was the second time he had hinted at that something he was feeling. His reputation was of little concern to him, the suggestion of the two of you being together was enough to inspire hope, and the possibility of you being found out did not bring about a sense of dread for him. In fact, he seemed enthused by the idea of there being a scandal implicating the two of you engaging in behavior that was, for lack of a better term, entirely improper. 

But you simply could not fathom how that would be true. You knew that the Ton believed you to be the most undesirable spinster there was, even prior to your spinsterhood. If that was not enough, then the words of your childhood crush turned enemy were certainly enough to prove your point. But the way Jungkook spoke about you, to you, it would seem that he was infatuated with you. 

But that was impossible. 

You cleared your throat, separating from the young man with a curtsy as the music ceased. “I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Jeon, but I do believe that we will not have to worry about such a thing. Thank you, for this lovely dance, I look forward to meeting with you again.”

There was this look on his face, one of withdrawn sadness, one that could only be described as longing. And he felt that longing, deep in the marrow of his bones. It ached and begged for the gentle touch of your fingers once more, the soft gaze of your eyes, and the sweet turn of that teasing smile that haunted him. You haunted him, day in and out, and sleepless night after night.

“Until we meet again,” He agreed with a gentle bow.

You watched him retreat for as long as you could before he melted away amongst the other party guests. Guests whom you had not been watching, but whom had been watching you. You felt their ever present gaze before, but now you could see it too. You had gone and made yourself a spectacle again, the very thing you had been hoping to avoid. 

You were certain that your mother was thrilled to bits and you could not wait to give your brother a piece of your mind. What a disaster to your carefully constructed plans, alas, you had not foreseen that your brother’s friends would be the “suitors” you would have to offend and avoid. But it was fine, they are not actually pursuing you - it is a ruse.

The ache in your feet was becoming unbearable, you had not moved this much in such a long time and those painfully tight shoes were of no help. You needed a break, you needed just one moment to yourself. 

You found yourself in what appeared to be a library, a corner of the manor that had been left uninhabited by the party goers. It was perfect for you. You settled down on one of the plush lounges, toeing your satin shoes off and rubbing at the aching heels and soles of your feet. In that moment you thought of Whitepoint again, your safe haven. You had gone many days without shoes there, walking the soft sandy beaches barefoot. If you closed your eyes you could ever so faintly smell the sweat brine of the ocean catching on the breeze.

“Must I chase you all night, or can we finally have that conversation that you have been avoiding?”

The illusion was shattered in an instant. He had found you again and you were once more in a precarious position. The two of you were alone, without a chaperone, and easily discovered should one of the party goers stumble into the library.

Damn it all.