Falling down the stairs

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

that’s her. the Task Manager

reblog to cast level 5 spell: everyone who reads this gets a full night sleep

reblog to cast level 5 spell: everyone who reads this gets a full night sleep

they sentenced me to another 2 hours of looking at my phone in bed

everybody's got that one homie posting straight from the valley of the shadow of death

(bratislava)

cc: @neil-gaiman :)

scientists have discovered an organism which they believe to have the lowest brain power of anything else previously discovered, and they're calling it the customer

NO MORE HD we need to make movies blurrier. 

like i’m picturing him being really careful and looking at it and carrying it exactly like this while walking or riding through the woods and across rivers and up mountains and through valleys and he doesn’t drop it even once except at the very end where he tidily drops it into the volcano. frodo sam and the crew and even gollum wholly undisturbed. sauron can’t find him bc of the meditative aura surrounding him which is generated by his immense focus on not dropping it

World's most tense egg and spoon race