Whispers in The Dark

Trying to work on some sketches but I absolutely SUCK ASS as shading and determining where the freaking light source comes from, lol. I'm self taught with only one drawing class back in college and that was like a million years ago, so I've forgotten a lot. XD I hate when my desire to create outdoes my actual talent and skill. I have three courses to finish my AA in criminal justice - math, english (that I tested out of back at my old college) and an elective, so I'm thinking of dropping by the local community college and asking them about finishing it with them, and then taking drawing for my elective. Of course the sticking point is finding childcare to go to the classes, so I might just search online for free resources lol My husband has let slip that he has things planned for the day before my birthday and a week later, since he has to work on the actual day. I'm now going crazy trying to figure out what lol. I am almost done with my final Month of Murphy entry! I just need to write the ending! Huzzah!

Well, now that I actually have a plot for my Month of Murphy entry, I just have to write it lol. I'll figure that one out, probably a lot easier than figuring out the damn plot in the first place. However a new complication has entered the chat and I have pink eye in both eyes. This means no wearing contacts for the duration of the antibiotic drops, but I thankfully still have my old glasses. They're just really old as far as the Rx goes, but they still work. My birthday is also in little over a week and I don't know how to feel about that. I will officially be one year younger than Anthony Head was when he started playing Giles lol My husband has to work on my actual birthday so we're doing stuff the day before. He asked me what I wanted to do and I honestly have no idea lol. Most of my IRL friends are too busy to hang out with me and only once did my husband manage to get a couple of them together for a birthday dinner for me. I wrote down the Cangel and Spuffy fic ideas so I'll probably have those done at some point, too. I'm just happy that it seems like my creativity has started to claw its way back from the abyss. :)

Well HOLY SHIT guess who finally had some fucking inspiration strike lol I finally got some ideas for my final Month of Murphy entry, thank fuck lol. I also have a wee little Cangel one shot bouncing around in my brain and some gratuitous Spuffy smut as well. Night time is really just a much better time for me when it comes to being creative, apparently. I think not forcing myself to try and brainstorm is what did it. I was just doing other shit lol.

I want to write. I have no ideas. Me: I really would love to create. My brain: no. Me: ... why? Can't I just... have an idea pop into my head and write? My brain: NO! No write! Only think of writing. Me: but... why? My brain: NO WRITE ONLY THINK Fuck executive dysfunction, seriously. It's been like three weeks and my brain is the Sahara freaking desert for ideas. Anything that does come to mind just sucks ass. I wish I could reboot my brain or shake it like one of those magic 8 balls and have it start working properly again. I have been chasing easy dopamine HARD lately, too, I've noticed, most likely in response to stressful events in my own life, but still, it would be nice if my brain could give me something to write to take my mind off said stress, yeah? I haven't even felt a desire to finish some sketches I'd started in June. Going to have more coffee and maybe put on some background show and color my coloring book of shadows planner, see if that might help get my mind more into creative mode or something. It's been storming off and on all day and visibility was so bad on the way to the gym I had to bail and go back home. Boo. Same for yesterday and it looks like tomorrow, too. LAME. I wish I knew how to get my creativity back. I miss it. I have a ton of Spuffy and Cangel ideas, but no drive and I have zero Harry/Murphy ideas and no ability to think of any ideas as of yet. I need to find my guitar tuner because it's MIA and I always feel happy when I play, even if I can't actually play any songs, just running through the chords I know makes me feel happy and focused. Here's to hoping a sudden burst of inspiration will hit me at some point lol.