It's Not Me It's You

for every 2 minutes of brain usage i need 20 minutes of distraction and possibly a nap

my advice to the kids is that they should fight people on the playground while they can still get away with it without legal consequences

howl’s moving castle is fucking hilarious like this complete stranger shows up at his house and goes “bitch you really live like this? this is the nastiest house i’ve ever seen, i’m gonna be your cleaning lady from now on because you clearly need one” and howl’s just like “sounds fair, do you want some breakfast?” no questions asked

if someone showed up at my house and told me they're my new cleaning lady, I'd not only make them breakfast, I'd cry tears of joy

It was

they had this amazing filter, called ‘I’m the one paying you’

the other filter was “lead and arsenic-based makeup”

Haters will see you and be like. Dinkleberg -_-

'conservative voices are being silenced' not well enough if i can still fucking hear yall

*sitting alone on my bed* *thinks “hm. i can’t keep living like this.”* *keeps living like this*

slimes when they get attacked: oh i have to become 2 of me. ohh i have to become 4 ov me. ohhhh i have to become 8 of me

Realizing that you are a higher functioning adult when you are not around your parents is such an eldest daughter mood

Older sisters have both a god and victim complex

my best feature is that I'm blindingly intelligent for about 30 seconds a day

I do not get to choose which seconds. they are not consecutive