constantly confused

Bitch just pulled a bazooka out of her titties like it was nothing.

she from chicago

What?

me immediately after hanging out with someone: was i Weird and Cringe. do i need to be imprisoned

#'this is present in the text' is often a good first step #but those second and third ones (naming it; describing its function) are vital (via @elucubrare)

Please, call me Frankenstein. Frankenstein was my father, but stealing his name and overriding his presence in the dominant cultural consciousness has been really, really satisfying

i can’t stop thinking about the time my roommate and i asked our insanely ripped neighbor brian who wore flip flops year round and sunglasses on the back of his head for help with carrying a solid wood dresser up to our apartment. he wanted to get his son who was home from college to come help too so he takes out his phone and goes, “siri, call christian christianson” and turns speaker phone on while we stand there sort of stunned by the name and after a few rings cc answers, “what the hell do you want” and brian just hangs up without responding and is all, “kids, am i right” then carries the dresser up four flights of stairs pretty much by himself. we offered him a six pack of rainier as thanks which he immediately opened in our kitchen and downed 2/6 beers in 10 mins while telling us about his 1989 dodge ram 1500 he was trying to get his son to restore with him to no avail. really nice guy. we never saw his son before he went back to school but any time i ask my roommate for help with lifting stuff or reaching something he says, “siri, call christian christianson” and we reminisce about brian and his truck.

Saw some transphobic crackers in Walmart today

Oop lol I didn't realize how targeted that sounded but I'm referring to Harry Potter themed goldfish crackers

reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time is so funny bc Anne is primarily a sweet, eager, earnest, dramatic, imaginative child who’s taking the world with open arms and loving life, and also she’s trying to explode Gilbert Blythe with her mind

love it when people link wikipedia pages instead of explaining the point. The url alone conveys so much disdain and contempt. Here is the information you desire, i found it with ease.

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.