sad boi vibes

a collection of conductor memes that;

- i don’t know why i was compelled to make

I won’t type out the whole story because I don’t need to expose this woman and her son’s hard moments anymore than just being in public already does.

But there was an autistic boy on my flight, maybe 5 or 6, just a few rows in front of me. Nonverbal according to mom, but he had “no” down, which is a good start. And he had a meltdown when he was supposed to be getting buckled in.

both myself and a mother with two small children walked to the front of the plane to talk to her, separately. I talked to her son a bit, he did respond to me once but mostly didn’t, but I knew he heard me. I told him and his mom that I was autistic as well and understood what a hard time he must be having. I don’t know if it helped but I wanted to share that with her. I gave him my fidget cube, said it was my Christmas gift to him, that he could keep it. He liked it. It helped him calm down.

it took maybe 20, 30 minutes but he calmed down and reluctantly sat in his seat.

Even still, the flight attendants said they would have to get off the plane. the mother protested but they wouldn’t listen.

I stood right up out of my seat, stepped into the aisle, and said loudly and firmly “You are NOT kicking them off this plane.” and to my surprise, the mother behind me piped up “he’s calmed down! let them stay!”

The attendants tried to quiet us, saying they were just following protocol. I said “he just calmed down, you’re gonna make her go through all that AGAIN??”

someone near me said “they have to get home SOME how!”

and an older woman piped up “let them stay!”

A flight attendant tried to argue with me again, so I said loud and clear, but not with anger: “So this is how American Airlines treats the parents of disabled children?”

Nothing makes businesses listen better than the threat of bad PR

(and you bet your ass I would have been contacting reporters about this if they had kicked her off!!)

In the end the flight crew aquiesced and let the woman and her now quiet son remain on the plane.

I’d heard people whispering around me. Saying Are they really gonna make her leave? They shouldn’t do that.

No one around me thought this woman shpuld have to leave. But if I hadn’t stood up, if the other mother hadn’t stood up, those people probably would have only ever whispered.

When you speak up, when you’re the one to be the first to act a fool, other people will follow. Mom doesn’t want to fight with the crew? Alright. Fine. I’ll do it then.

When you say yes, I’ll act like a complete asshole for the sake of this other person, I’m not ashamed to cause conflict, people who are afraid to do so themselves follow.

I don’t want to say that oh, I saved the day for this poor woman and poor little boy. I don’t. Because I’m not a hero, I’m an ordinary person who feels responsible to stand up for others. From my perspective, I only did what I should.

But the truth is that if I and other people hadn’t said anything, this woman and her son would probably be in the airport begging for a replacement flight. Instead they got home safe and on time.

The truth is that one random 20-something and a preoccupied mother with a baby made enough of a fuss to change what was happening.

The bystander effect is real. Don’t be the bystander. Be the person who makes other people speak up as well.

And on our way out both me and the other mother complimented the little boy on how great he did through the rest of the flight, and offered words of encouragement to his mother. She thanked both of us, a lot. And while I’m glad that she appreciated what I’d done and said, I still see this as my job. She could have been rude to me and told me to mind my own damn business and I would still do it again. From my brief talk with her, the other mother felt the same.

I will always stand up for disabled people and, when applicable, their families.

Anyone can stand up to discrimination. Anyone can speak out against ableism. Anyone can advocate for the equitable and ethical treatment of disabled people.

Your voice has power. Don’t stay quiet. Don’t be a bystander. Be the person who moves others to speak up as well.

Did it make me feel better (and probably the mom as well) that other people were willing to back me up when I stood up? Yes of course. Honestly I half expected to be thrown off the plane with her. But at the end of the day I witnessed blatant, public ableism against a small child …. and I wasn’t on their connecting flight to stand up for them if it happened again.

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