Shake the dust

If I was a wanted criminal in the dark ages, they’d be like “are you William the Wanted?” And I’d be like “nahh I’m Laurence the Lawful” and they’d be like “ohhh okay”

Wizard who got tired of fighting and casts fucked up unethical spells like “super brain hemorrhage” to end them faster

One time I did “Summon Water” inside a guys lungs and the GM allowed it because he had been playing for years and never seen anyone do that

Me “I can raise the temperature of a space by 5 degrees (Fahrenheit) per success” DM “Okay.” Me “And that’s 6 successes, so 30 degrees…” DM “Okay…” Me “And ‘inside the human body’ is a space, right?” DM “…I don’t like where this is going.” Me “So I’m going to raise the temperature inside his body 30 degrees.” DM “Yeah, so he’s dead now. He was fine, and then went through all the stages of heat stroke in half a second before his body went ‘No thank you’ and just shut off to stop it from being so hot. Good job.”

there is no force of nature that says “come here” like the ocean

saying “hm. must be the curse” every time something bad happens and refusing to elaborate is my new hobby

how am i supposed to cast a concentration spell under these conditions.

in a parasocial relationship with the sea

If you are beginning your semester of school this upcoming week or sometime soon; I am wishing that you transition smoothly into your academic environment. I hope that you develop comfortable relationships with your professors and instructors. I pray any financial burdens that have arisen be resolved timely and easily.

my permanent eyebags and perpetual air of confusion make me irresistible to women

so metropolitan museum of art has a register of books they’ve published that are out of print and that you can download for free! they’re mostly books on art, archeology, architecture, fashion and history and i just think that’s super useful and interesting so i wanted to share! you can find all of the books available here!

Ooooooooh

FUCK YEAH

(flight intercom) this is the pilot speaking. yeah we expect todays flight to be normal. um if you look out your window you shouldnt see the skull

is it normal to be fucking balling extremely hard for no damn reason fuck you