i'm not an organism. i'm your friend.

wha if instead of jimmy falon his name was jimmy talon and he was a great and terrible bird

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

Two dudes in my group chat have been playing league & slowly but surely have shifted from saying "wanna play league of legends" to "wanna play some geego legends". At this point their average post is just @ing the other and going "geegogagand?" and I feel insane

its too cold for you to pull out

"Centipedes don't fuck" is one of my favorite animal facts. There are plenty of sexually reproducing animals that don't fuck per se (like a lot of fish) but centipedes don't even meet. Males just leave sperm packets lying on the fucking ground and females pick them up and take them home. They don't even hang out

michelle's soft estrogenized lemonade

bread aisle smell has me acting rambunctious

princess that says "do it or I'm killing myself" after every order

sorry i dont find #joy in #homemaking or the #hearth or any shit like that i find joy in being paid and spending 126$ at a restaurant and thee liquor store

paul atreides get your country ass over here my momma says you been in the desert riding a worm as big as a damn bus

i have tested positive for tzatziki

PLEASE READ! jerma, i am your biological son and i just found your channel..