neuroqueerwhore

i dont feel seen in my lack of label or clear definition of my neurodivergence or queerness, especially my neurodivergence

i dont feel seen in my adhd being a large part of the foundation of who i am and my life experience and therefore affecting every piece of me and my life in some way

i dont feel seen in enjoying my adhd

i dont feel seen in my not even being sure i want to say i have adhd anymore, not being sure how well the label fits or is useful or is maybe even accurate

i dont feel neurodivergent enough to qualify or relate but too neurodivergent to qualify or relate in adhd specific groups

i dont feel seen in my eccentricity, spirituality, sensitivity or intense need to explore and move

i dont feel valid in my inability to handle ridged work or regular amounts of work i dont feel good enough

i dont feel disabled enough to claim the term or feel comfortable even writing this, but i dont have the cap;ability to do the thing ur supposed to do and work or do school full time and be okay

i dont feel my need for deeper vulnerability and exploration of myself met

i feel confused

i miss hallucinating

i cant wait to explore down all these infinite winding paths

wind

or maybe rain

occasionally a river

or a laughing, cheering, crying scream

or an animated painting

im not built for this world and this world isnt built for me and my brain

and thats okay

i think thats all okay

it feels like a bit of tension in my solar plexus

like a bunch of sheets blocking paths maybe

like a big empty room that i cant dance around in

brown? green? orange?

red and yellow and gray i think

no idk about colors

maybe tightness in my upper arms

clenched jaw

just

restricted

alright

Gender - I am just soup. I am everything and nothing. I do not have a gender, I am gender. But also gender is fake and yucky. But also the salty mist that falls over your body when waves crash against algae covered rocks? That's gender. So is hyperpop. But it doesnt exist. It's not there. No label is accurate. Because it isnt there. It's an idea, but in practice? Who knows. Gender is a hypothesis. Nonbinary is vague so good enough. I would greatly enjoy fresh waffles at this given time.

Neurodivergency - so like i have adhd, but probably not in the way that u think of adhd. Like ofc I have the executive dysfunction and the creativity and the focus issues and the procrastination and the impulsiveness/spontaneity yk all that but my adhd also effects every single aspect of who i am and what my life is like (that is not a bad thing, adhd is not bad there are convinient and pleasant and magical parts and there are inconvinient and unpleasant and traumatizing parts in this world) and i would be a completely different person if it werent for the adhd i am a VERY eccentric and eclectic person i also think its why i hallucinated as a little kid? Uhhh idk but like if i tell someone i have adhd they are not gonna expect what is coming like wtf am i supposed to say bc nothing else actually explains any of this? I am just hhhhhsoup

Sexual and romantic shit - so u see, ✨eclectic hyperfeminine ppl✨ and like i wanna be more than friends with u but i dont want romance but i want romantic things just not the romance itself only friendship like i wanna feed u strawberries and fuck you under a moonlit sky and cook a beautiful seafood dish for u and go hiking in an old forest together and find an abandoned cabin and live our little cottagecore fantasy and run away to the circus with u and we have a partnered aerial act and to lay in ur lap and listen to u play ukelele in a meadow by the train station as it begins to drizzle and for u to hold a knife to my throat and threaten to cut me open if i dont behave but like yk platonically