Being small Nobody quite recovers from being a child: the asymmetry of power between parents and children always leaves a trace
image one:
Because children rely entirely upon adults for survival, they usually cannot allow themselves to see that important adults are distorted or defensive. They simply assume that adults are correct. This is a primitive emotional safeguard. The emotional logic here is this: if my caregiver is wrong, I am unsafe; but if I am wrong about myself, I can be fixed, forgiven and even loved. In this context, the child pursues the only workable option: turning the adult's projection inward.
image two:
This inner badness is not just a marker of pathology; it is, in a way, a creative solution that allows the child to carry on. For the child, casting oneself as the source of the adult's reactions is safer than seeing the adult as unreliable or frightening. If I'm the problem, then I can adapt. But if the adult is the problem, I have no power and am in a fraught situation. In this context, the child chooses the reality in which agency, however painful it may be, remains a possibility. Young-Bruehl observes that children instinctively protect their caregivers from recognition of harm, instead carrying the blame to sustain the story, however illusory it is, of love and safety.
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