I Am The Eldritch Blaster

we should turn all theme parks into giant pools of poison acid that kills anyone who gets too close

the phrase "but i didn't mean to!" in the context of causing harm is kind of redundant to me, because almost nobody means to cause harm. most of us just want to do the right thing. and i don't mean that in a wishy-washy "oh, we're all good deep down" way, i mean that even people who regularly do the most heinous shit imaginable will have a way of justifying it to themselves. the world is not populated by hollywood sadists and psychopaths.

we should turn all theme parks into giant pools of poison acid that kills anyone who gets too close

some sw fans argue that luke skywalker caring so deeply about his father is unrealistic after everything darth vader did. this is because some of you don’t have friends. person who defends their dad from judgement over trying to smother them as a baby + a slew of homicides because he “went through a lot when he was younger” and is “A Pretty Good Guy Once You Get To Know Him” is actually an extremely common type of person to encounter irl

remember when websites were written on purpose, and not generated by autocomplete in the instant you run the web search? anyway, unrelated, this webpage purporting to relay expert knowledge on which plants are safe for my snake's tank just told me I would know if he was biting them and getting irritated because he would start pawing at his mouth.

if i had a time machine i would be sampling the flavors of various extinct fruits and plants and animals. could you imagine

i would be recording extinct soft bodied organisms who don't fossilize well

my promising gardening career was cut short when i was mauled by a rampaging basil plant

you can use this handy mnemonic to remember the planets of the solar system

mercury penus gearth cars wupiter caturn shuranus weptune iluto wluto mluto bluto aluto rluto bluto pluto

Lets dissect uncle to find his wish gland

Where do you think the comma goes

lets dissect uncle to find his wish, gland. 😼

from what i've seen those hockey players don't seem like rivals at all. and if they are i wouldn't say they're serious enough rivals to call it "heated". i think they're something else

EVERYONE STOP TELLING ME HOW OLD YOU WERE IN 2008 I DONT WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT

SOME OF YOU SHOULD BE AT THE OPRHANGE

preschool. I meant preschool.

if the defendant could refrain from saying "this is like the dark souls of court cases" the court would really just. fucking appreciate it.