AJ's Mind Palace

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

Organically sourced AITA reddit thread.

Reblogging this on ALL my blogs because holy shit is it useful

Hotel Transylvania

I'm sobbing oh my god

Wait why does Dracula refer Joanne as *his* daughter?

if your child marries someone, that partner becomes your daughter-in-law or son-in-law. 

This is like an archeological dig site but the philosophers are still alive and talking

wow I love to sit crosslegged without moving for several hours straight!

okay time to straighten my legs man I'm so excited

I f eel like a suit of armour that was attacked by a welder

Brutus committed to the bit 100%.

Brutus, buddy, this is absolutely hilarious, but I think I understand now why Dante put you in the lowest pit of hell.