It’s important to include kink in sex education to protect children from predators. This is both so kids know how to avoid bad situations and also so parents can recognize when a situation is bad.
For children under 10, this looks like “Don’t do things that people online tell you to do without checking with an adult you trust to make sure it isn’t a predator, even if it just seems silly,” and “Be wary of adults who want to touch you or watch you do weird things for no reason, even if it’s something that seems harmless like letting them touch your feet or squishing up things. Any touch you don’t want is a bad touch.” This fits in well with other basics about bodily autonomy.
For preteens and younger teens, you can be more direct (they’ll understand that sex is a thing beyond just creating babies, whether they’ve been properly educated or not). Something like “Some predators might have requests that don’t seem explicitly sexual at first. If they seem to be getting something sexual out of it, or if it just seems too weird or if it makes you uncomfortable at all, don’t do it, or ask a trusted adult and alert any site mods, if it’s online.”
For older teens and adults, more of the above, plus showing examples of common “challenges” that are actually kinkbait. (i.e. writing stuff on your feet and taking pictures of it, stepping in slime or gross/painful things, questions about theoretically squishing or eating people, tying up yourself or others, “gallon of milk” type challenges that often cause vomiting.) At this point, the object is not just to prevent individual victimization, but to allow them to identify situations where children are being preyed upon.
In addition, knowing what kinks are means that people who have them are less likely to think it’s okay to trick others into doing them. If you emphasize that kinks are sex, people will realize that forcing them on others is not just a prank with a dirty secret, but actually sexual assault. Younger people with kinks (they often do start in childhood; sometimes they’re not explicitly sexual until around puberty) will learn not to put themselves in dangerous situations over things they don’t understand yet, and also that there isn’t anything wrong with them. In all cases, it should be emphasized that the kink is not the problem, but the predatory behavior and coercion of others into sexual acts. If the kink is portrayed as the problem, people won’t make the distinction between doing it with a willing partner and tricking people into it, and the cycle will continue.
Lack of education is why predators can get away with things like this. There probably aren’t very many of these predators out there, but the nature of the internet and meme culture means that just one can easily get a lot of victims through things that seem like ordinary challenges or surveys. IRL, once again people often don’t realize that something could be predatory if it doesn’t involve breast or genital contact. Education is what’s needed; driving kinks underground and acting like consensual kink is predatory just makes these situations more likely.
Everyone in the notes accusing golbatgender of being a pedophile for being pro ship and saying kinks develop early are proving the damn point.
This is really well intentioned and I have no problems with the general idea of it, but as a teacher for nearly 10 years now who has worked with kids of all ages and currently works with 10 year olds, the age timing in this is off, and I want to address that for anyone who may be thinking of siblings, cousins, maybe even their own kids one day. To start, as someone who works every day with 9 and 10 year olds, the first part of “under 10” should be moved up to “in primary/elementary school” (i.e. under 12). There is a big difference between a child knowing that adults have sex outside of just having kids, and understanding it. Until a child has hit puberty and started to experience their own sexual awakening they will not understand, even if they know. And while yes, it’s ordinary for young children to explore their own bodies, they are not doing it out of anything sexual yet, it is just sensational. Also please remember that children can and do talk to their friends, who may not have yet made this transition yet. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the conversation, but it does mean that you need to take responsibility in your conversation to explain to your child that not everyone will understand this yet, and it is not a topic for public spaces. This is not a type of policing, it is a recognition that children in the same age group are still at different points in development. Which brings me to my next point. That children at the same age can still be at different developmental stages. You can have a 10 year old who is naturally sensual and ready to understand what is being talked about. You may also have a 15 year old who is not. Hell, you could have an 18 year old who is not, but in some ways it becomes even more important at that point to make sure they understand, as they become an easier target. The bottom line is, if you are the kind of person who is willing to have a conversation like this, then you also need to be the kind of person who is paying close attention to your child’s development. Talking about things a child is not ready for just because you assume they are old enough can create problems that can have a long lasting or permanent impact. These tough conversations should be happening with kids, especially in the age of the internet. But as someone who has dedicated their life to working with children I know what happens when it is done poorly, even when it’s with the best of intentions. Before you sit any kid down, make sure you have worked out what level they are at, so that you can have a healthy, important conversation.
