Me

i’m going to invent the anti-alexa. she’ll be programmed to ignore everything i ask, play smashmouth at 4 am for no reason, and spy on jeff bezos. 

WAIT

thank you

25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

Why is this the way I have to find out

Won’t that only solve 75% of your problems?

Finally Tumblr can do math

So, what you’re saying, is that if I buy infinite books, I will solve all of my problems, because the sum as n approaches infinity starting at 1 of (½)^n equals 1, which would be 100% of my problems.

Please stop explaining math to me im gay

that’s why radioactive material is such a bitch! it only ever deteriorates relative to its mass so it will never completely vanish

This post is pushing me to the limit

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,