npd & aspd confessional

howdy! my name is reign, and i’m a radically inclusive/critically inclusive queer fucker with a whole host of mental shit going on, but especially npd and aspd! npd and aspd can be really tough- it feels like in order to be accepted for having them, you can’t talk about the dark things that come with them. and that really sucks!

so, because i felt i didn’t have a safe place to air my darker npd and aspd-related symptoms and struggles, i created one! this is a no-judgement space for ppl with npd and/or aspd to anonymously share the dark thoughts, urges, and actions you’ve had/done. npd and aspd can be ugly- but here, you are not ugly. nothing is off the table- except bigotry and exclusion. any asks which contain racism, ableism against ANYONE, queerphobia, queer exclusionism of any kind, or any other kinds of bigotry, will be deleted without a second thought.

additionally, i will be making combo flags for aspd and npd! i do not have bpd so i don’t feel its my place to make any combo flags for bpd (or any other pd’s for that matter), so that’s why i won’t take any requests for those, but i will take requests for npd and aspd ones!

disclaimer- i know these disorders can caused fucked up thoughts and urges and yes, actions. just because i don’t judge people for their disorder, doesn’t mean i’m incapable of holding them and myself accountable for the actions they may take. everybody, no matter what disorders they have, has the capacity to fuck up and make up for it. i’m not here to tell you what you did was okay, but i’m here to say this is a safe space to talk about it without being treated like you’re irredeemable. 

this blog was inspired by other blogs like @npdsafe @cluster-b-culture-is @cluster-c-culture-is @npdbubblygum @psychonarc @carnivoroustomatoes and @decolonize-the-left so if i could get a boost, that would be appreciated /nf

DNI-

racists, islamophobes, anti-semites, anti-theists, sexists, queerphobes, basically bigots of any kind

ableists- demonize any personality disorders or paraphilic disorders, demonize mobility and accessibility aids, participate in “cringe culture” unironically, demonize autistic people, against usage of functioning labels completely with no nuance, anti-nontraumagenic systems, anti-thoughtform systems, stuff like that!

TERFs, TIRFs, radfems, gender-criticals, transmeds, anti-mogai, anti-xenogender, anti-neopronouns

queer exclusionist of any kind: anti-pan, anti-aspec, anti-SAM, anti-lesboys/turigirls, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, anti-nonbinary

against words like transmisandry, transandrophobia, and treiphobia

conservative, right-winger, centrist, anti-BLM/ACAB/landback/decolonization, pro-ALM/Blue lives matter

I have a hard articulating what I wanna say, and I can't seem to find the right words to explain to people how content that includes pedophilia, incest, and the like is not good for people who have those kinds of paraphilias or similar ones.

Whenever I try to explain I feel like I come off as rude and ableist and I'm not sure how to explain it in a way that doesn't come off as that

hi hi!! this blog is not super active anymore (not mad, just informational), but this is something im super into talking about with like-minded people so here goes!!

i completely agree with you, i'll just say that right off the bat. as someone with more than one of the "big 3" paraphilias, and several more that aren't controversial but are still kinda shameful to me, it's definitely a big issue with those communities because there's kind of a split- some people say that because they themselves are paraphiles who make/like that content, and some use it as a scapegoat to avoid accountability so they just say "well it helps ppl with paraphilias therefore if you disagree you're ableist".

the thing is, it actually CAN potentially be helpful for people with severe paraphilic DISORDERS (read: not just paraphilias, because paraphilias are different than paraphilic disorders). because many people with that severe of a disorder surrounding the paraphilia who are desperately anti-contact, have a very unhealthy mindset about their paraphilia, which is NOT their fault. it's a reality that having a bad mental disorder can lead to doing some bad shit for good reasons. so when people see that group of people and automatically assume they're trying to normalize actual pedophilia and incest and zoophilia and shit, their reaction tends to be "you're trying to normalize abuse" when that is often not the intent. for example, i used to have a friend with zoophilic disorder and pedophilic disorder who used to draw zoophilic and pedophilic content to cope, and he genuinely wasn't doing it because he thought any of it was okay, but because that was how his 15 year-old brain processed the severity of his traumatic disorder. i am not ever justifying doing that (he hasn't been doing that for awhile and was very ashamed of when he did), but that doesn't mean that there isn't a difference between someone who draws and condones that shit for the fun of it and because "ship and let ship", and someone who draws that shit because they've developed maladaptive coping mechanisms.

so i think the focus of criticism should be on someone's actions, not the reasoning behind them, at least in this case. because creating that kind of content is immoral, and sharing it is even more so, but having a paraphilia is not. someone can be struggling and cope with it in a bad way. that doesn't mean you invalidate their struggle, it means you point out that the best of intentions don't cancel out the harm of an action. it doesn't mean you talk down to them like "dont you know you're just hurting yourself you just don't see it you're just too mentally ill to understand it, you need therapy", it means you say that their mental health is important, but not an excuse to do something that harms other people.

and honestly, anything you say probably won't change the mind of someone who's hurting that much- it sadly often takes hitting rock bottom to grasp the reality of your actions, and i say this as someone who's been at rock bottom and below many times and had to reckon with what i may have done to hurt someone else. the point is always the same: sharing pedophilic and zoophilic art is wrong. it will never be okay for any reason, especially personal gain or entertainment. if a paraphilic person is doing that, don't fall into the trap of thinking that they are being controlled by their disorder and need to be babied. they are still capable of making their own decisions. it is not reflective of paraphilias, paraphilic disorders, or people who have them, if a few people with those things have a shitty way of coping with them.

so tldr: criticize their actions, but do your best to remain respectful of their mental health and what they're struggling with. but this is for people who are doing it to cope. it's also entirely possible for a big 3 paraphile to be making that kind of art because they actually AREN'T anti-contact and think it's fine to normalize, in which case they're just a shitty person (but again, not because of the paraphilia/paraphilic disorder itself, but because they think it would be okay to normalize/act on).

I am trying to give some sort of hints to my therapist that I might have NPD, but I can't say it in these exact words to them, since they might try to convince my caretakers to look all over my stuff again, because they think that I am just a little kid, even though I am an adult(My therapist it's trying to stop doing this).

I know that you aren't a professional therapist, but since you were diagnosed with the disorder, can you give me some tips on how to handle this?

Thank you.

hi there! to be honest, I was very unsure about seeking a diagnosis because as you know, there is a lot of bias against it, even among professionals. the unfortunate reality is that official diagnoses can be a very sharply double-edged sword. it can bring you accommodations, but a lot of other bad things. if you do want to seek an official diagnosis for NPD, try to think about what the benefits could be- would it help you to be in recovery for it if you have an official diagnosis? would it bring you any accommodations?

on the flip side, could it lead to abuse from your therapist, your caretakers, even your allies? i am not in your situation so only you can weigh those options. but how i did it was that i tested the waters with my therapist first. i told her that I had a friend who was recently diagnosed with NPD and that I wanted to be supportive. when i saw that my therapist was supportive (which i already largely knew because she was my OCD therapist and knew all about my extremely stigmatized intrusive thoughts and compulsions), i was more comfortable bringing it up and discussing it with her.

so try to bring it up on neutral ground- don't hint that you're bringing it up because you think you might have it, but say that you are interested to learn more about it or something along those lines. i'm not sure what your relationship with your therapist or caretakers is like overall, but if you gauge that your therapist isn't safe or their reaction is ambiguous and it's hard to be sure, then I know it sucks, but I wouldn't bring it up, because your safety with your therapist and caretakers is the most important thing.

I actually Do want to collect "oppression points." I like being part of marginalized groups because it makes me feel special and being the victim in situations makes brain go brr. I dont go so far as faking things to feel oppressed, but I do take pleasure in being plural/disabled/queer/trans/cluster B/autistic/a trauma survivor/etc (which I am) partly because I like feeling special.

(Disclaimer this is not to say that discrimination and hatred based on these things does not affect me negatively. I do experience and struggle with ableism and queerphobia and other things.)

i can't believe my eyes because i genuinely thought no one else felt this way and im so relieved to know im not the only one. this is tough with my severe impulsivity too because sometimes i impulsively come out in situations where i KNOW i'm not safe just because i impulsively want attention and sympathy.