The Nameless Philosopher

reblog if you love ao3 exactly how it is and you don’t want it to “update” or change in any way♡

OMG. They don't even have angel as a pet name. THERE IS NO FUCKING ANGELS IN THAT UNIVERSE SO THEY CAN'T HAVE ANGEL AS A PET NAME.

new chapter email in your inbox. oh! exciting! it’s an ao3 fic you’ve been following for years and years. that you’ve loved and commented on and you even found friends in the comment section. it’s the final chapter of an extremely long and plotty and funny and romantic fic. you open it. the tags have changed. suddenly it’s tagged major character death. that’s what watching the good omens finale felt like

6000 years. they'd been friends for 6000 years and spent the whole time pretending they weren't. they loved each other more than anything else in the universe and they only got a couple of years to live without heaven and hell breathing down their necks after saving the world. they didn't get any time at all to live together with everything out in the open. nightingales might have sang in berkeley square again but they weren't there to hear them. they never got to be an us. after all that.

and another thing… idk about you guys but my crowley and aziraphale are a demon and an angel, enemies to friends to situationship to almost-lovers, a 6,000 year slowburn. and they were fully shaped by the fact that they are supernatural beings, and by all their shared experiences, good and bad. that crowley and aziraphale have now semi-canonically been snapped out of existence, they have *never* even existed in this universe, they were basically book of lifed, the very punishment that was a threat in s2. and no weird ooc human au can ever be them because what they’ve been through and what they’ve learned is so much of who they are

mad again. crowley's whole point is that humanity doesn't deserve to suffer for the crimes committed by heaven and hell, so his solution is to create a new universe without angels or demons. sacrificing themselves for humanity, sure, I get it. but what about all the humans who were wiped out with the book of life? god gave them the option of returning all those humans, and instead his solution is to start all over a la the great flood, something crowley was staunchly opposed to. so not only is there no happy ending for crowley and aziraphale, but there's no happy ending for recently corporeal jesus, or mrs sandwich, mr arnold, nina and maggie, adam and the them, newt and anathema. it's job's kids all over again. they didn't want the new children the angels offered them, job and sitis wanted their children back. it's the same choice they gave adam. he wanted things to go back to normal with heaven and hell behaving themselves so he could play with his friends. how could crowley and aziraphale be happy sacrificing their existence knowing it condemns all of the humanity they know and love?

Bruh when I say they mischaracterised the main characters, I say they MISCHARACTERISED THE MAIN CHARACTERS

i think avoiding everything is going to save me for real this time

"it's so cute because Aziraphale and Crowley would find each other and be together in every universe🥺" well it would've been nice if they could've been together in their original universe though!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry but it’s so painfully fucking heteronormative that we got a shot of WEDDING RINGS but not one hug, not one kiss or drop of physical affection that it made my eyes bleed. Bury your gays, but make sure they lose their memories and their pasts first and most definitely don’t show ANY onscreen romance! And the idea that another kiss would just be akin to another F15 is some fucking bullshit. Unbelievable. We should not have to BEG for queer romance and happiness and I resent being made to feel like I should feel grateful for this travesty of a finale

So basically they buried the main character gays and introduced the side character gays who have no connection with audience whatsoever and no backstory and gave them a happy ending. Main gays die. Side gays get a happy ending so that the audience can shut up.