En Esdekay

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

If I'm elected as your president in 2028 I promise to bring back the Western Interior Seaway.

Pretty babies come swim in w ater with big fish water is fine with big fish in come taste interior seaway with big fish

I'll never forget hiking in Arizona in the high desert with my grandpa and getting to the top of this massive, rocky hill where we sat down and had a bit of water and I realized that the rock I was sitting on was actually a mound of fossilized coral, causing me to immediately look around and think, "Oh... Oh, this place used to be A LOT SCARIER."

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

thanks for ruining my post jackass

(￣^￣ﾒ)＼✿ "Fine, I'ma keep ya damn flower.“  

Internal reflection.

Saw a raccoon

SCROLL BACK UP IT'S FUCKING MARBLE

Time to enter the ＧＡＭＥＲ ＺＯＮＥ

Camera, printer, sewing machine, now a fucking anaesthetic adminstrator…was there anything the Game Boy didn’t have an accessory for?

gameboy sprinted so smart phones could lag and be ugly

Reblogging for "I have usernames older than you".

Me as soon as the zoom call ends

gaining the ability to shapeshift and going "oh thank god" and I hold my nose closed like I'm trying to pop my ears but instead all my bones and finger/toe nails & teeth go flying out. "ahh, that's much better"

I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it