The Lonely Gay

Okay what’s your point? It’s an imperfect system of matching and HOFAS confirmed the cauldron is corrupt. Why are people still acting as though two characters sharing a mating bond means they are endgame?

Especially when the author has written other pairings that aren’t mates and questioned the Elucien mating bond multiple times?

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Just because two characters are mates does not mean they are compatible. Can anyone even give me a scene where Elain and Lucien aren’t awkward/uncomfortable around each other? Where both characters want to spend time together and are able to carry a conversation without it being weird? Where it doesn’t feel forced?

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Why is it that on page Elain has more chemistry with Azriel than her mate? Why does she gravitate towards him and not Lucien? Why is she more comfortable around him?

It doesn’t matter if Elain ends up with her mate. What matters is that she ends up with the person that makes her feel seen and loved.

And if we are not talking hypotheticals, Azriel is the obvious choice.

Who figured out Elain was a seer?

Azriel.

Who took Elain out to the gardens and spent time with her?

Azriel.

Who did Elain buy thoughtful gifts for? Who bought her the necklace that she wanted to put on right away?

Azriel.

Who put his life on the line to save Elain when she was captured?

Azriel.

Who has Elain shown interest in? Who does she have unresolved romantic/sexual tension with? Who did she almost kiss??

AZRIEL.

Elriel is the ship with the most buildup/chemistry. And could they also be mates? Maybe.

But they wouldn’t be good together because they are mates, they would be good together because they have shown that they care for each other. They mutually understand each other and have a solid foundation for a relationship.

But if someone is like "no I'm ok with whatever u want uwu" and what that really means is "I am capable and willing of like 3 things and I don't want to tell you what they are, you have to guess", I can assure you I am so much closer to slapping you than either of us would like. You're not being accommodating, you're refusing to cooperate. If you actually honest to god think it's more reasonable of you to expect other people to read your mind, than using words to communicate what you'd actually want, I hope you have some sort of a sudden epiphany about how batshit that is.

Like I don't care how heroic you think you're being with going "I'm happy with anything uwu" and then making it a fucking guessing game puzzle mystery to figure out why you're sad (while you keep insisting that you're ok and fine and nobody has to care about you boo hoo and you actively fight every single step of the investigation), you are being a fucking nuisance.

🇨🇳

- ask me things you want to know about me

- why you follow me

- what’s on your mind/what you’re thinking about

- a compliment

- make me choose between two things

- ask for advice

- tell me a secret

- things you associate me with

Like any person would, you assume it’s cake because what else would it fucking be?

but you got tim minear in his little chefs hat, going “now i won’t say this is a cake or not. if you choose to see it as a cake, i’m all here for it. i will say that, yes, i did intend to make a cake, but is it a cake? that’s up for interpretation”.

and you got oliver stark, with his pr trained smile on, next to you going “i don’t bake, so i can’t tell you if this cake or not, but i can totally understand why you’d think it’s cake. and if it is cake? i’m all here for it, as long as it’s a good cake”.

and then you got ryan guzman across from you going “cake? idk. how about this granola bar i got from by pocket?”

and then when you ask to eat the cake, tim comes over with a hammer smashes the shit out of it and then leaves behind a messy ass kitchen, and oliver has disappeared into the mountains and ryan is still across from you taking about fucking granola. and the fucking peanut gallery is behind you telling you there never was any cake in the first place, and that the “real cake” is the bowl with left over frosting soaking in dish water in the sink.

They ran out of chairs so they make Buck sit on top of Eddie, whose already tied to the chair and then tie Buck up as well. What's even more humiliating is Buck tied face to face with Eddie. His legs are tied around Eddie's waist, wrists bound behind his own back.

"Buck stop squirming."

"Im trying not to put all my weight on top of you."

"You're not heavy at all, just stop-" a noise dies in Eddie's throat when Buck still won't listen to him and the blonde is still squirming. Eddie hisses to Buck, low enough that only Buck could listen. "You're making me hard," he glares at Buck.

Buck's face turns red when he feels Eddie chubbing up. He stills instantly. "S-sorry."

Eddie groans and lays his head back. "Y-you’re fine," he grits out. "Just...stay still."

"Im surprised that chair is holding both of you up," Chim says. "How long til someone finds us?"

Hen glances outside. The three men have raided and left. She then glances back at Eddie and Buck’s amusing predicament. Then, a thought. "Wait, Buck. Eddie's radio. You think you can nudge it?"

Eddie makes another noise.

"Diaz, have your crisis later when we're not all tied up!"

"Christ, fine, just...hnng-hurry."

So Buck wiggles and leans forward, Eddie also using his cheek to hold the radio in place and Buck using his chin to finally press and hold the call button down.

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

"My name is [low guttural sound] but I don't want to hear you butcher it. So you may call me She Who Arises With The Cold Mountain Sun."

"...Is that what your name really means? All that in just one word?"

"Yes. If you stress the wrong syllable it comes out as 'She Who Coldly Wakes Up The Mountain Sun', or 'The Cold Woman Who Wakes The Mountain Sun', and you will not call me that."

"Oh, huh. Could we just call you Mountain Sun, for short?"

When an English teacher, or reader, taught or picked up 1984, it wasn’t with the intention they were going to love the protagonist. They picked it up with the intention of reading a whole story and trying to grasp the theme or catharsis from the story. If the protagonist was a *shitty* person it played into the the themes or the story, because it wasn’t about morally judging the book or *liking* or feeling attachment to the protagonist. Sometimes and often times, books were just about gaining another perspective. 

No one read Lolita expecting to endear, or like, or be inspired by Humbert. You are supposed to be upset by his behavior, you don’t read Lolita with the intention of being inspired. You read it to learn more about what the fuck is going on inside someone’s head when they behave like that. How children get sucked into abusive situations. Or read “The Great Gatsby” not because they want to fall in love with Gatsby or Nick, but to better understand and analyze the experience of the 1920s or destitution of the American Dream. 

A lot of internet and fandom culture has changed that though. When we say something like “I love the Great Gatsby” it comes with the idea or association that means you must *love* or relate to one of the characters. And maybe you do, but the first assumption is not longer about the quality of the work or themes, or cathartic impact-it’s about character admiration. And with that character admiration, in tumblr stan culture, or kin culture, or exalting characters with fanart/romance/so on you don’t just ‘admire’ or find that character ‘compelling’ it now translates to ‘you LOVE that character’ or you ‘DIRECTLY relate to that character.’ 

You can’t say “I love how Humbert is written, it’s so fascinating and dark”, without it directly translating you somehow relate to a child abuser or condone his actions. Taking in media has become an act of worship and connection. We no longer watch meant to just see the story as a whole, we watch expecting to connect to a character and if we offer them our “worship” as it’s become, as opposed to just attention or interest study as it traditionally was, it means we are condoning the character or saying we directly empathize with all their actions. 

I think that’s why there is often now so much fuss over *toxic* characters or not. Or whether that classical novel is showing good or bad things anymore. We’re treating the characters as people we should love or want to draw or write about. Sometimes a story is just about getting the the theme or catharsis or learning another perspective. We don’t NEED to like the character. Or we don’t HAVE to like a character to be impressed by how they’re written or intrigued by their behavior. 

You can be – you should be – furious with people who voted for Trump, for wilfully trying to sabotage those rights and make them conditional, a privilege for the "deserving", a privilege they can deny the "wrong" kind of people.

And when the MAGA crowd are hit by the consequences of their actions, and denied basic human rights because it turns out their Great Leader doesn't actually include his followers among the privileged, it's tempting to say that they deserve to be denied those rights, because that's what they wanted to do to others.

But if you do that, you don't truly believe that those rights should be universal; you just have a different idea than the MAGA crowd about who should be included among the privileged.