Feed Your Head

My ‘go with the flow’ mindset has emerged from my desire to move past my incessant perfectionism and need for optimization.

of you, but maybe that is

the problem with only

talking to fragile flowers -

our hands pour concrete

into elongated silences -

I miss things that only

happened in my mind,

am I lost enough to find

everything? you almost

felt like

Something about love?

Something about how one day everything will be alright?

I don’t know

Sorry

It’s hot out

I’m drunk

.

My parents are getting older

You can see it in their faces

I’m getting older

You can see it in my face

My books have stains on them

My library card has been blacklisted

My spine has been melted down into a lavender scented candle

.

My girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck me

Doesn’t want to kiss me

I mean she’s attracted to me

She loves me

I mean, we just moved in together

I’m doing everything I can to make her happy

Maybe I’m not doing enough

Maybe it’s her

Maybe I’m crazy

Maybe I’ll never be able to do enough

.

I’ve worked the same job at fancy sushi restaurant in some stupid historic district for four years now

It gets a little harder everyday

Talking to blank faces

Trying to smile

Lately I’ve been drinking on the job

Smoking weed before the job

Eating ibuprofen after the job

Walking home thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me’

.

My birthday is in two weeks

I’ll be turning 28

I remember all the things I thought I was capable of when I was younger

How dreamy everything was

How tragic everything was

Now the streets are all the same

I know all the homeless people around here by name

My shoes are falling apart trying my hardest to make 50,000 a year

.

Sometimes I wonder if any of us will ever find the happiness we were told was hiding out there when we were young

Sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I want to leave everything behind and just drive until my car breaks down

Sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I pretend everything’s not as bad as it seems

—

M. Scott Peck