Happy Pride (all year long!)

Jean’s text to Renee: oh my god, he’s so beautiful.

Renee: I know.

Jean: I think I love him.

That boy wants his family to love him. WE hate his family, he does not. That poor boy is holding out for his mother's love, his father's return, and his siblings' forgiveness. He doesn't want to leave what little he has of Noah left behind. He doesn't want to lose his entire fucking family.

But then suddenly you have this very sweet stranger in your corner, who is telling you how everything is going to be OK, how sweet and so nice of a boy you seem. How time heals all wounds but of course this is going to have to sit for a while— but it will get better. He makes you wholesome comfort food; talks to you like he’s known you your entire life; never once says anything ill or mean-spirited to or about you.

One second you think it’s just your coach that you have beside you, who - all things despite, as you’ve pushed the poor man’s buttons at least 12 times in canon - has never given up on you, never treated you with less respect or shown you less kindness just because you had mood swings from hell and a sometimes bad attitude… and you’re SO grateful for him and his support in hindsight as well as in the present…

But now that care and consideration has flat out doubled in the form of this second man. He is just as kind, just as open-minded to you. And yes the world still feels like it’s ending because your brother is dead, your family is viciously angry, so on and so forth- but for the first time ever you feel like you have not just one but (if you dare to dream that far ahead) TWO father figures, whereas your biological one has long since up and left you with very little more than a by your leave. Imagine the surreality.

scoring a goal feels good. drinking water after a drill feels good. an orgasm feels good

looking at the sky, when the amount of space above you is enormous, feels good

when pain stops, it feels good

doing something for others doesn’t intrinsically feel good. doing something for kevin does, though

kevin is nice to look at when he’s happy with something you’ve done for him. he smiles, and he glows, and his eyes sparkle, and he stares at you, and you feel warm all over. he might even crush you in his arms, and while it’s hard not to fight it on instinct, staying still is worth it

making kevin happy becomes challenging with time because what does the thing clashes with what the family wants from riko. with what he’s supposed to be. with what he inevitably is

moments of kevin’s happiness become few and far between, and they seem to only occur when he briefly forgets himself. unfortunately, there’s no way for riko to survive and make him happy at the same time

Tamlin… was so done with Rhysand’s shit. He literally massaged his temple 😭 while Rhys and Lucien fought. HAAH

Anyway, real talk now… Rhysand was so hyper-focused on Tamlin. He repeatedly kept putting him down and saying his name and kept eye contact to him. (Though I imagine Tamlin is nooot looking at Rhys) The “hatred” is very clearly one way and it makes Rhys look very desperate for Tamlin’s attention. ALSO he was mid shit talking to Lucien:

“I was slaughtering on the battlefield before you were born.”

THEN switched back to talking about Tamlin?!

“who do you think taught your beloved Tamlin the finer aspects of swords and females?”

However, in this one Jean takes Nathaniel’s number, ‘3’, a lucky number symbolising stability and abundance. And he lives.