Snow✨

The common assumption is that Feyre and Tamlin weren’t good for each other from the start, which is only partly true. The first book had just a spark of potential since more were lined up in the series exploring their relationship. Feylin falling apart was not inevitable. They definitely had strong bones to build upon.

Their relationship starts out almost whimsical, a necessary reprieve from their lives for both Tamlin and Feyre. The two come together under the worst of circumstances and grow to understand each other.

Feyre is a mortal who sees Tamlin with fresh eyes, without the stain of his reputation. And Tamlin gets to see a side of her in return, one even her family didn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge. He experiences her as a person instead of her burdens or responsibilities.

Feyre finds a kindness that she was never offered with a beast. Tamlin learns that a huntress can have a heart after all.

Their relationship was built on shared values and beliefs like compassion for other lives, intolerance towards injustices, the youngest sibling forced to take on mantles they didn’t choose for themselves. They accepted each other despite their flaws and cruel choices. They fought for each other. They endured so much for each other.

Despite all this, the romantic notes were quite lacking and physical attraction was thrown in too soon to compensate for it. This undermined the bond the two had which is often considered the proof that their relationship wasn’t real or ideal. Whereas there clearly was a beautiful connection between them, one that neither had in their lives until they found each other. Even Lucien’s friendship doesn’t compare to this as Tamlin is still his saviour which forged an unwavering trust and loyalty.

To have developed such deep bond with someone for the first time in her life, Feyre is quick to move on. She states that she fell in love with the first person who offered her kindness and presents herself as a misguided being preyed upon by someone. But in truth, none of Tamlin’s love or kindness was fake.

Feyre wasn’t safe with Tamlin, I agree. It isn’t her choice of leaving that bothers me as much as her responses. The kind of resentment Feyre harbours towards Tamlin usually comes from prolonged trauma which completely replaces every good memory in the mind. Or if the relationship was built under false pretences and the victim is forced to accept their reality. Neither is the case here.

At best, all of this—leaving UtM, the almost wedding, leaving Spring for good—happens in less than a year. And given the list of trials Feyre lived through until then, what happened in Spring was only a blip. Trauma is unpredictable and so is the response. None of Feyre’s reactions are impossible given her circumstances, but they are so inconsistent that it feels forced.

Victims tend to have some sort of attachment with their abusers and fond memories even when they understand the gravity of their situation. Feyre had core moments that made her fall in love with her time in Spring—trapping Tamlin in the forest, swimming in the stardust lake, dancing for him and with him, her bond with Alis, the teasing with Lucien who was her first ever friend. All of it is instead treated as an illusion that Feyre wakes up from when her initial feelings were clear. She was finally, truly free and experienced genuine happiness with them but she remembers none of it again. She readily demonises everyone and hates them without hesitation. Not once does she reminisce her past, or mourn the life she left behind.

Feyre forces herself to relive the traumatic moments over and over again until the image of Tamlin as her villain is cemented in her mind. While she feels no need to do the same around Rhysand when she knows he can’t be trusted. Granted she doesn’t remember the SA itself, she however remembers the head mounted on a spike, her mind being violated, her arm being broken, being tricked and coerced, being stripped naked and paraded, being forced upon twice, and yet, she has no reaction towards him.

There are two other key moments which stand out. Feyre tried to escape Tamlin’s mansion after agreeing to go with him, but she doesn’t attempt anything similar in Night during the initial stays in Moonstone Palace. Of course, later she is homeless and alone in a strange world, but she has always been an advocate for freedom and she should have at least resisted the idea of living in a secret city no one knows about (basically a high class prison), which she doesn’t. Though this could very well be exhaustion from living in survival for long, it is also an attempt to drive the idea that Feyre feels safer with her supposed tormentor than the partner she chose.

The other is her hatred for Spring when she returns from Hybern. She despises everything, she can’t stand the mansion, the gardens, the people. But she had none of this anger or loathing for CoN, which mirrors UtM, when she plays Rhysand’s whore again.

Besides Feyre has a lot of issues on her end which is completely ignored. She is very controlling and she loses a part of it when she is expected to play her role in Spring. For someone as reckless as her, she couldn’t speak the way she wanted. She couldn’t act the way she wanted. And she definitely couldn’t lord her importance over Tamlin to have her way, like she is used to with her family in the past.

Despite being so perceptive, she doesn’t grasp the idea that she can’t and won’t be everyone’s priority. Feyre wants to be doted on. As a result of childhood neglect, she convinces herself that she is above it. The narrative wouldn’t let Feyre acknowledge this either since she is a feminist hero and she can’t have girly needs like love. She can’t be like other women.

But it is obvious with how her relationship with Tamlin cracks. During her first stay in Spring, Feyre had the undivided attention of Tamlin and Lucien alike. She wasn’t exposed to the court matters as most of his subjects were cloaked.

After UtM, Feyre sees Tamlin, the High Lord of Spring. She resents everything about him when he tends to his court—rehabilitating his subjects through the social events, entertaining priestesses in his court, even a basic tax collection.

Tamlin’s attention is now shared between Feyre and his duty. When she feared his devotion for her was slipping away, she began resenting him. She turned Tamlin into the scapegoat for every pain she was ever dealt. This is contrasted with Rhysand who is overly zealous about her (and literally doesn’t do anything court related ever). Feyre doesn’t have to want attention with him, she just gets it in abundance.

The more we look into these contrasts, it feels like Feyre forced herself into falling out of love rather than it being a direct consequence of Tamlin’s actions. Ignoring the bond and its influence, the switch from one man to another so lightly, to me, it doesn’t even feel like she fell out of love. Instead, what she had for Tamlin was trust. She had learnt to rely on someone for the first time in her life and she felt abandoned again.

And most of her feelings after leaving him is guilt that revolved around pursuing a new romance too soon. The first instance I remember clearly is right before she goes into the Weaver’s cottage. That happens weeks within of leaving Spring permanently. That’s how long it took to move on from a man she died for only months ago to flirting with the man who sexually abused. (I am a liar, I remember the others too. Rubbing the tattooed hand on herself comment, teasing Rhysand after stealing from Summer. Yeah, they are despicable and I hate the pair.)

Feyre essentially cheated on Tamlin emotionally long before she ended the relationship or decided to do so. This is not a judgement given the complicated situation but combining it with everything else, her guilt is again just a forced narrative so she can retain the saintly status.

The note she sent to Tamlin is a character armour as none of her actions so far imply Feyre believes her old relationship deserves a proper closure. It comes off like an afterthought that Feyre is only acting out of societal customs. But you can also tell it is the author trying so hard for the readers to not blame Feyre for enjoying the sexual act in CoN. Even without the note, Lucien could’ve come looking for her in Night and it wouldn’t affect the plot differently. The only purpose of the note is to protect Feyre from scrutiny and eliminate any grace for Tamlin.

Instead of disrespecting the sacrifices the two made for each other and ridiculing their struggles for a dramatic yet effortless partner swap, I’d have preferred if they had come to realise they weren’t right for each other, that the three months broke something in them, that Amarantha succeeded in tearing them apart, and moving on amicably.

But now, as a result, her relationship with Rhysand comes off as coping—to some extent, denial even—instead of genuine. The biggest flaw in this narrative is again not Feyre’s choice but the lack of emotional substance in her.

Her intense monologues and outbursts at times are often mistaken for emotional depth. But since moving to Night, Feyre becomes a mouthpiece for Rhysand’s state of mind and a device to endlessly justify him rather than processing her own feelings about him or her new life. There is no organic growth in their relationship as she is quick to agree with what’s fed to her without questioning anything.

While it’s a common notion that Rhysand manipulated Feyre, it is true only to a degree. In order to turn someone as stubborn as her, Rhysand will have to hit every one of her vulnerabilities and make her doubt every belief she ever had. But he doesn’t have to try so hard. At best, he gives her a slight explanation and Feyre takes it as gospel.

The only time she truly hesitates is when she learns of Velaris. It’s because she is supposed to. Because she is a strong female lead who can’t be gullible and believe her tormentor. Although phrased as such, she doesn’t really question it out of curiosity or because of her morals. She doesn’t pause to wonder if these ideals are something she agrees with, if it goes against her values. If the latter were the case, she’d question if the Illyrians, a race she knows nothing about, are really all brutes. She’d question if the people of Hewn City, again a bunch she’s never met, are all evil especially if Rhysand and Morrigan turned out alright.

Feyre always had a skewed sense of morality but it takes a much clearer form after she moves to Night. Her disdain towards her sisters and opinion about the townspeople represent her narcissism and shallowness. She also has a superiority complex, in my opinion, which actually drives her to oppose Tamlin during the tithe and offer charity to the water sprites.

Her kindness and compassion is very selective and circumstantial, and this is easily directed towards the people of Velaris. Not to mention the community that affected her the most was the artisans’. Because Feyre saw herself in them, saw them as vulnerable and the ones deserving of protection. And this belief is extended to the rest of the city.

I digress. Rhysand strokes this side of her. He feeds her ego by making her believe she has power through a sex show. In Illyria, he goads her into believing she is a match to the Generals (who knows how old they are) who have been trained to war all their lives.