men, if you absolutely MUST hit on strangers, here is how to be a gentleman instead of a creep:
never ask for her number. give her yours.
donât try to get her to say sheâll call you. just say âiâd like itâ or âi hope you will.â
NO TOUCHING. a handshake on parting if youâre really getting along, maybe. donât linger.
brief, friendly eye contact to show youâre being forthright: good. staring into her soul like you think youâre a harlequin romance hero: fucking terrifying. you look like youâre working out a wine pairing for her liver.
give her compliments that are about her as a person, not her anatomy, and keep it g-rated. imagine there are kindergarteners watching. âyou have a wonderful smileâ = good. âdaaaamn, looking fineâ = bad. ânice titsâ = *buzzer noise* *trap door opens* *machine noises and screams*
if she declines your number, you can set it down on a nearby surface if you think the refusal is pro forma, but donât ever try to push it into her hand.
you may attempt to converse with her before offering your number. donât be a phony, just make small talk.
donât pretend youâre not hitting on her.
PERSONAL BUBBLE PERSONAL BUBBLE
if she doesnât engage with your small talk, or gives off uncertain body language, or you canât read her, back off. bring it to a polite close and go away, whether you leave your number or not.
if she does engage, be aware that she may simply be enjoying the social interaction without being sexually or romantically interested in you, and be okay with that. donât pretend youâre okay with it. be okay with it.
you might make a friend instead of getting a date. do you realize how cool that is? it is very cool. friends are important. even hot friends who donât want to date you are better than not making friends. accept this. embrace it. join the human race. rejoice.
even if everything goes pefectly, and sheâs super duper into you, do NOT try to take her somewhere more private. itâs not that she doesnât know her own mind, itâs that you donât know her well enough to be sure everythingâs copacetic.
and finally, donât assume youâre always safe and women canât hurt you. being an asshole is not a gendered trait. give yourself an out as well.
donât do any of this if youâre in a position with leverage over her, whether youâre her coworker (you donât have to be her superior to have leverage!), her dadâs golfing buddy, in a job that gives you more social clout (say, itâs a base town, youâre military and sheâs a townie), or just her ride home. do not hit on women you have power over.
no, not even in that situation youâre thinking of. no exceptions.
no, not even if youâre head over heels in love and think sheâs the One. get to know her as a person, and you might grow closer over time. but if you hit on her from a position of leverage, you are no gentleman.
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