eating artificial blue raspberry flavored candy that is so fucking blue that it turns your mouth the same unnatural blue is one of life’s simple pleasures

Recently discovered, fully by accident, that the trick to feeling like you have more time in the day is to actually do shit with the time that's there, which seems fake and wrong and it's frankly infuriating that it works >:|

i love when they draw a carrot on top of the carrot cake just to remind you this aint no ordinary fuckin cake youre dealing with

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

what was yesterday, cat?

I’m not missing it this year.

Happy Birthday buddy!

He’s speaking…

pls share your limitless wisdom

This fucking guy.

the hundred years war 

godddd i just wanna be held

yes master

I know it’s probably a hard liquor or something (please do not drink & wield an axe!!!), but my brain is INSISTING she’s drinking 100% Pure Grate AA Light Amber Canadian Maple Syrup.

It is definitely a syrup bottle (it has the tiny handle), so she may in fact be drinking maple syrup. 😊

@mihrsuri