it is what it is

kind of crazy that Cardinal Lawrence started the movie having a crisis of faith and depressed about not feeling God’s presence but the moment he decided to try to get over it and try to be Pope anyway God showed up and blasted the roof off the place directly over his head specifically to tell him to sit back down. Dad who hasn’t been home in months and then shows up at your little league game to boo

how to become good at everything no practice no effort no motivation no passion no talent fast free

I can’t overshare because that would be very humiliating but everyone else should overshare because I like to know everything

u used to be able to put a dvd in your computer. and then u could watch it

sometimes water tastes so good and you drink it in such a ferociously passionate way that you frighten yourself

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

i love that the phrase is “in love” like love is a place. like somewhere you could live.

get off of her (mount everest)!!!

Darcy’s introduction in Pride and Prejudice is really ‘what if you had just had the worst month of your life because your ex-bestie tried to lover boy scam your baby sister out of her share of your dad’s life insurance and your friend dragged you to a shitty party in a dive bar in the neighbourhood where he’d just signed a short term lease, and you decided to let your bad mood show because you were never going to see any of the assholes in this stupid shitty bar EVER again. And your friend ended up making out with a girl he’d just met there while you were stuck talking to her sister who was less cute and then her mother appeared and started trying to matchmake and started saying how if she was twenty years younger she’d clime you like a redwood and ooooh is that a black Amex, guess the next round is on you hahhahahahaha, while her other sister (how many fucking sisters does she have?!) flashed an obviously fake ID at the bar and ordered six vodka-diet red bulls and no one in her family except the less-cute sister even tried to stop her. And you went home and consoled yourself that you would never see any of these people again but then you met them over and over again because they live next door and your friend and the cute sister keep meeting up to make out but not actually date and then. You fall in love with the less-cute sister because it turns out she’s really witty and charismatic but she already knows and remembers and resents the fact that on a day when you were in a shitty mood you called her mid out loud in a dive bar.’

Mr. Bennet: Sure, I haven't taken care of my daughters' financial security, but have I at least taken care of their education? No. But have I taken care of their emotional needs? Also no. But have I been a good protector and supervisor? I'm afraid not. However, have I been a good example for my children of being a kind and respectful spouse, parent, and all around human being? No again. But through it all, have I nailed being funny? Yes. And isn't that the most important role of a father after all?