gourmet fuckin fruit gels, bro

just helped an old old man log into his outlook account and we succeeded and he said “young lady, go in peace. we have accomplished this mission.” what an electrifying way of speaking…

putting carbonated water in my super soaker and spraying it at dogs (they absorb the bubbling nature of the liquid and begin to ascend into the sky) (thousands watch in awe) (no one does anything) (the sight is, in essence, divine)

We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

clicking 'stay signed in'-buttons used to mean that u would stay signed in

if i couldn't have any of the obvious first choice superpowers i would want my power to be the power of i can go anywhere and its not a problem. the way this power would work is that as long as im peaceful and respectful i can go anywhere and nobody will see it as weird or see me as a target for hostility. i can walk into a cool house to politely peep the decor or walk into a tall office building to politely peep the decor or walk around a city at night alone to politely peep the decor or walk into a strange facility to politely peep the decor or walk onto a plane and ride the plane to its destination and then walk around there to politely peep the decor and its fine as long as im chill. no need to make me faster or anything i can just walk at a normal pace. its good for the soul.

Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”

Im craving... $000,000

Check your Venmo :)🤭

STOPPP YOU DIDNT

No death cab for ugly? Ugly has to walk?

life gets so much better when u accept urself for the weird little bitch that u are