sunshine and dandelions

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

im never serious but I always mean it

in film school they’ll tell you that actors stand close to each other in old movies because the aspect ratio is different and they have less room. however, this is not true. they stand close to each other because they’re all playing closeted gay men who want to kiss

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

People don’t even say w00t anymore.

The beatles and phone

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

i like videogames

you are a bad person

i like toys and playing. and sweets

you piss me off so much every day

in the beginning, the trump assassination attempts were spaced by twenty four weeks. then twelve, then six, then every two weeks. the last one, at the white house, was a week. in four days we could be seeing a trump assassination attempt every eight hours until they are coming every four minutes. we should witness a double event within seven days,

fucked up in the club asking the dj to play flight of the bumblebee