Feeling dumpster

I never wanted to count to ten

Fall to our deaths

A love that was never meant to exist

I hate you and loathe all that you are

You treat my heart like it's nothing at all

Self destruction path

Hatred burns my veins

A long forgotten feeling

It exists and shatters my head

How much i wanted all of you

Now I despise all of it

And yet you ruin my mind

You ruin all of my state

I want more without anything

You ruin all that I am

You fuck with my senses til i numb from the pain

And yet i can't get your name off my head

I want you and loathe you all at the same time

Tangle my heart with these endless lies

I wanted an ending different from all this

Yet life surely isn't in our favour

Eventually things will become easier

I think someday you'll stop fucking me so hard

But for now it's a drug Im addicted to

Self destruction feels so good with you

That I hate it all, i want to murder my heart

I looked your way so desperately

You endlessly told me you forever were yearning

But your heart is colder than you let me believe

I already know how cruel you can be

And yet i let myself fall in your trap

I let myself fall for you one more time

Painful and dreadful

Yet I cant get enough

Its not enough

With you it was never right

But i still wanted things to be fine

With you this path was never gonna be

But i still wanted to believe it would have been

Am i foolish to desire a different outcome?

I already know whats gonna happen

Its time to move forward

But ill forever keep a part of myself in delusion

Despite everything

You made me feel alive for a brief momment

My heart has stopped beating

But i will always wish for something different

Its time to stop playing our roles

Weve said all the lines we had to

Despite everything

Ill forever care about you

Despite all the pain and hatred i feel for you

The love I felt was real.

All of it was real

Everyday met with insanity that never ends

Trapped in a cage i never made myself

The world tries to shape me into something I never was meant to be

I want to break apart everything I know

Say screw this world and my life

I was never meant to be here and fight for myself

Held at gunpoint with the impossibility of death

I drag my feet everyday in a life i never wished for

Gotta go on, gotta keep on moving

Gotta keep fighting

Grateful for the gift of life !

Come on keep smiling you'll push through

Dead masses scream and chant

Suffocate underneath the mess that's my head

So I say

Destroy, destroy there's not enough willpower, break through, meaningless barriers, break your bones, rot in the blood. Nonsense that never ends, it's better to let it all end

Yea fuck this shit, nothing makes sense !

All is meant to be destroyed

All is mean to go to hell

I don't need this meaningless life

Never held any meaning in existing

So Shatter the glass

Let the shards sink in your skin

Let the blood and pain be proof that you are alive. Rise up from the pile of corpses, let the rotten flesh stick at your feet.

Rise from the death, live again, try again, die again

Repeat the cycle until I go insane

Repeat the cycle until I grab the gun once again

Drop dead, go fuck yourself

Everyone's an eyesore, everyone should fucking die

I'll murder it all, fuck it all

I'll live and keep fucking up

I'll live and keep wishing I'd die

Pointless relationships that end with death.

Hands full of blood, i can hardly feel the beat inside my chest.

Dead beat, it won't flow, brains gone fucked all means nothing,

nothing is my all,

i'm outta options,

so i run to my death,

isolating in a world that was never once my home

I go back to dying everyday

Watching my self decay

State of mind outta reach

I'm going insane and there's nothing left

It's all lost in the rage of pushing others away

Don't peek inside me cuz it will mean death

I ain't got nothing left but the knife dripping

It's all gone blank my heart is numb

Care so much til I suffocate in my scum

Want to stay? You should really fucking go

I'll definitely kill you and it will all be my fault

Mismatch, dissonant tunes, distance that never closes

I shouldn't exist in a world so cold

Words that mean nothing and everything

Carelessly saying things that kill me everyday

The kindness stained in selfishness

It all hurts fucking much

There's nothing to go forward with

I got nothing left to fight for

Nobody can turn off the fire inside my heart

No one can save anyone right?

Then tell me why am I still here?

Ripping every limb for everyone

I ain't no saint but I tolerate

Every knife plunged in my chest

I am forever lost in the blurriness of what's right and wrong

I wish there was a way to get out

Unbeating heart, it's all gone to shit

My head keeps spinning, i've got no pills

Cold metal up to my template

Swallow that bullet that will set me free

Temporary problems shouldn't need permanent solutions

They say to not have blood on their hands

But what's the point if the pain in your chest never fades?

Scars that won't heal, blood that won't stop flooding

It all hurts so much I am burning in hell and agony

Take the gun up to my head

Let the last sound be the click before my death

I ain't sorry to anyone

Cuz i was alone from the very start

Shapeless figures

motionless people.

This world is full of performances that never end. Jump to a mask and the next, the play never ends

Keep dancing until your entire being is set on fire

Oblivious to the pain, everyone keeps going.

Keep playing pretend

The show must go on until our deaths

Such is the worlds demise

An endless performance full of superficial lessons

None can be taken as an absolute

Everyone with their role set til the end

They all play part in this madness

Why can't anyone see the worlds empty act?

Next step, next step, they all keep going motioneless

Aimlessly achieving their deaths, one by one

Never stop, never stop

"We were all born for this purpose !"

This world has gone mad

Amidst this never ending chaos I shout

Make it stop, make it stop

I cannot unsee the emptiness, the fire and the masks that switch around

Fulfilling their role to perfection, nobody stops to question

They keep going until their last breaths

Why was I born in such an empty world?

What purpose is there to exist by never being yourself?

Followers, followers, they all keep repeating their steps

Their roles filled, their eyes won't stop staring

Sitting alone, i am alone, alone in the truth of not unseeing

They are all dead, empty puppets that dance with no breath

I want to shatter this reality

Holding myself miserably there's nothing to do

I am cursed to exist amongst puppets

Human machines that just nod

I refuse to be dragged down in this show

The price to pay is too much to bear

The utter solitude that eats my soul alive

Nobody will ever see 

My beating human heart

Nobody will ever come find me in this place

I am alone, i am alone

It never stops, it will never stop

Holding myself, the tears burn every bit of my skin

So i carry the weight of my existence, i carry my cross of honesty in a world that prefers convenience ... As i remain anihilated from the world. What a burden, what a misery. I don't know if who I came to be is truly a miracle or a curse of my unwanted existence. I truly yruly loathe this world. I loathe how I am forced to exist against my will.

A heart that only knew pain and destruction can only give back what it knows

Love is an instinct that lives inside every human heart but can easily be destroyed when violence exists constantly in your life

But the heart always desires, so it tries to give love but its awkward. It mixes it all up with the agression and chaos it knew

And its depressing

To see how much destruction and pain can really destroy someone's core

Its a cycle that rarely ever ends

It pains me greatly, that in the end love truly isn't enough to save a drowning heart

The heart that yearns for love gets accustom to the horrible array of what pain brings

It doesn't know how to give back kindly

So even if it wants to give back kindly it just cant

Its a depressing fate

One that starts by an existence that wasn't even your choice

Its hard to get out of your pre conceived thoughts, of what you've learned in your life full of pain. That becomes familiar since its all you've ever had. You hold onto that knife filled with blood that with tine is not only yours but also gets stained with those of others

Its truly truly depressing

How cruel and horrible this world is

I hate that I am part of such a horrid world

It just pains me

That in the end nothing can be done

Nothing can undo years and years of trauma and pain

Nothing

Unless you decide to let go

The rage, the resentment, the fear, the insecurities, all of those negative feelings ... They dont keep you safe

Only for a nomment

Until you find yourself alone with your knife full of blood again

Endlessly wondering what even went wrong

I will never let that defeat me, because thats just the sort of person I am.