Avid Cheerful Interest

Which like yeah okay that’s what that sounds like lol. But there’s also the added difficulty of the inherent risk and anxiety of new music + the album cover was Not Good for my brain. But it’s not like I CONSIDERED IT every single day there were probably days I could have done it I just didn’t think to do so. However like. I definitely have considered it many times in the past 3 years and been continually unable to. That is true.

2023: living with my beast and happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life but also barely hanging on by a thread the entire time

2024: living alone again but Multiple Incidents Occured

2025: anxious as fuck the whole year due to the Multiple Incidents

But I only started saying anything about it recently because. Well even though these two things have always been true (They are having kids one day) (Not Without Me They’re Not) and we’ve talked about it a lot, it still did not FEEL real until very recently. For two reasons.

One is having kids with my disability the way it is will be simply insane. I could never ever in a million years do that alone. I think it is the way that I am because of my disability that will make me a good parent, and I obviously will not be contributing nothing, but when it comes to living in society I’m a logistical obstacle, not a logistical aid. So. Without more people involved it is just difficult to imagine pulling off.

And two is that I have just never wanted or pictured doing this with only one other person. I have always wanted to do it in a group!!!!!! I was very jealous and inspired by the lionesses on animal planet as a kid lol, which was unfortunately my only reference for the idea. I mean I have always pictured myself ending up with a group of people in the first place, and when it comes to raising kids I think the more stable and loving adults dedicated to them in their lives the better. Two people never felt real to me because that’s just not what I’ve ever wanted or pictured.